by Shouji Gatou
Incidentally, Task Force ABC was a local idol unit produced by AmaBri. It was made of Adachi Eiko-san, Bando Biino-san, and Chujo Shiina-san—three mortal part-time workers. You could say they were like rivals to Elementario, but I was the only one who seemed to notice the threat they posed. Salama, Kobory, and Sylphie would all just watch their PVs and say things like, “Wow, so cute!” Didn’t they realize that they could steal our theater?! I mean, they really are cute, okay? I just wish someone would acknowledge that they’re our rivals! That’s all. Excuse me. Anyway, back to the question to Wanipii-senpai.
When Moffle-senpai asked him about idol groups, Wanipii-senpai immediately took on the air of the expert, let his shoulders relax with a sigh, and said, “Well... they’re not bad, pii.”
“Hmm?” said Moffle.
“But that by itself won’t get them out of the ‘local idols’ realm,” Wanipii-sensei pointed out. “They lack passion, pii. It feels like a local club’s side project, you know?”
“Hmm... I suppose that’s true,” Moffle admitted. “But don’t people like that these days, fumo?”
“It’s not that simple, pii,” Wanipii sighed. “Back in the day, you know? A girl born with good looks could go to an audition and say ‘My friends forced me into this; I didn’t want to come,’ pii. But things are different now, pii. There’s been improvements in diet and plastic surgery... well, I’ll assume they don’t have surgery, but all the girls are a lot prettier now, pii. The industry’s gotten more refined, pii. It’s become harder to break out of the pack, pii. So if you’re the kind of girl who’s ‘pretty enough, but you might have two or three like her in class,’ the best way to get people rooting for you is to be seen working extra hard, pii.”
“Oh-ho... I can see that, fumo.”
“In other words, they need passion, pii. They need to work hard and care deeply about the people who support them if they want to pick up fans, pii. Task Force ABC lacks that, pii.”
“Hmm...” Moffle mused.
“That’s not to say they don’t each have things going for them, pii. Eiko-chan is sexy, which is rare to see combined with a rich girl background these days, pii. Biino-chan’s positivity is great, pii. And... Shiina-chan’s singing voice is amazing, pii. ...But they need more than that to compete, pii. They don’t realize what they bring to the table, pii. They seem skeptical about their fans, too,” Wanipii critiqued, “which suggests that they don’t think highly of themselves. Of course, it’s really difficult for adolescent girls to strike a good balance between confidence and arrogance, but a slight lean towards arrogance is preferable, pii. In other words, unless those girls really get serious, they’re never gonna break out any further, pii.
“...Of course, breaking out brings its own challenges,” he continued. “It’s a harsh world out there, pii. The Internet’s not like it used to be, either; people can send you cruel comments directly, pii. They may have to do a lot of work they don’t really want to do... So staying as a loose local unit like they are now, then dispersing some time next year or so... might really be the best choice for them. They’ll make some lovely memories, and in 20 years or so, they can show pictures from this time to their children, and say, ‘That’s mommy right there!’ It’s not a bad thought, is it, pii? It’s a safe compromise that doesn’t hurt anybody.”
I’d never seen Wanipii-senpai speak so lucidly about anything. Plus, everything he was saying sounded really smart. I’d actually gained some respect for him.
“Of course, that’s just my own analysis,” he finished. “Others might feel differently.”
“Hmm... but it’s a very fine analysis,” Ashe-san said.
“I’m impressed too, fumo,” Moffle-senpai agreed.
“Ehehe... really, pii?”
“Well, let’s set this talk of idols aside, and go back to the earlier subject, fumo.”
“P-Pii?!” I had to agree that their treatment was cruel. Why not give him a few more moments in the sun?
Moffle-senpai just ignored Wanipii-senpai’s shocked stare, and cleared his throat. “Well, if we let you talk any more, you’ll go on forever, fumo. Besides, it’s similar to work talk,” he said dismissively. “Enough!”
“So cruel, pii...” Wanipii-senpai slumped over.
“What was the earlier subject, again? Girls who start dating after attending women’s colleges?” Ashe said, dragging up the topic everyone had more or less forgotten.
“Not that, fumo. ...Well, that was interesting in its own right,” Moffle admitted. “But we were talking about Seiya, fumo.”
“Ahh. Kanie-san, right,” Ashe-san agreed. “Speaking of which, Moffle-san, you seem very concerned with Kanie-san. Do you love him now?”
“Why would you say that, fumo?” Moffle asked in shock. “Who are you, Kobory?”
“I don’t mean it that way,” Ashe-san protested.
He struck the implication right down. I knew I couldn’t tell Kobory about this; it would shatter her. That thought reminded me of the fact that Ashe-san’s voice and Kobory’s sounded very similar. (Not that it matters. Please forget I said it.)
“It’s just, Moffle-san, you seem to praise Kanie-san a lot more than you used to,” Ashe-san pointed out.
“Do I, fumo? I didn’t even realize.”
“Oh, I know what this is,” she said brightly. “It’s a ‘He reminds me of myself when I was younger’ thing. You know, typical elder narcissism!”
“Hey! Don’t be ridiculous! I’m not that shameless!”
“Oh?” Ashe-san asked innocently.
“I mean it! It’s not like that, fumo! I went to an all-boys school, and I was very popular there! I’m much, much better with people than that fool!”
“I don’t see how that’s relevant.”
“You don’t, do you?” Moffle muttered. “Anyway, we were talking about Seiya’s relationships with women, fumo.”
“Oh, that part...” Ashe-san said listlessly.
“Come on, Ashe. You knew what I meant, fumo! You knew it and teased me anyway, fumo!”
“Yes,” she agreed, “you are correct.”
“You’re a terrifying woman, fumo!”
“Setting all that aside... We’re talking about Kanie-san’s relationships with women, right?”
“What’s with that businesslike tone?” he asked suspiciously.
“Well, we’ve just gotten derailed so many times,” Ashe-san pointed out. “Let’s get back to the main point.”
“Moffu...” Moffle-senpai cleared his throat again. “So, Muse. Are you Team Latifah or Team Isuzu, fumo?”
“What?” The abruptness of the question caused my mind to go blank. “Um... um... I don’t know what you...”
“Oh, come on!” Ashe-san said, striking the table with her mug. Wanipii-senpai and I both started to tremble at the gesture. “What other woman could Kanie-san possibly end up with besides Latifah-sama or Isuzu-chan?”
“Er... ah... of course... right?” I agreed cautiously, but at the same time, I wondered, Is that... true?
“So Mu-chan, what’s your perspective?! That’s what we’re asking you! Get it?”
“Ah, right...” I realized Ashe-san had given up on mugs of beer, and had moved to Japanese sake. She seemed to be moving awfully quickly, today. And where did ‘Mu-chan’ come from? I hadn’t been called that since kindergarten!
“So, which is it?” she demanded to know.
“Er... well...” I wasn’t sure what to say.
“Which?”
I was really at a loss. Isuzu-san was a beautiful woman. She had a great body, and she was from Maple Land nobility, and she had graduated from officer’s school early to join the royal guard. She was a true “super elite.” She could have any famous, moneyed noble she wanted (although she didn’t seem to want one...).
As for Latifah-sama, there wasn’t much to say. She was the princess of Maple Land, and first in line for the throne. She was also exceedingly gorgeous, and charming, at that. If you looked up th
e word “doll” in a dictionary, you’d almost certainly see a picture of her. She was frail and delicate, and so naive that I sometimes worried about her, yet she was kind and generous, as well.
It was impossible to compare the two. “They’re both amazing women...” I said, and then fell silent. That was right. It really would take someone in Latifah-sama or Isuzu-san’s league to catch Kanie-san’s eye. When I’d seen Kanie-san and Isuzu-san yelling at each other about work up close... When I’d seen Kanie-san and Latifah-sama enjoying their tea in the rooftop garden from afar... I always thought, I’m so stupid. This is pathetic.
He may be arrogant, but Kanie-san was always earnest in his thinking about the future of the park, and I really was attracted to him. I had been since the first moment we met. I just thought... he’s very handsome. It wasn’t like I was head-over-heels or anything; really, I think of it as being more like a crush. But I’m just so unimpressive.
When I was little, I wanted to be a ballerina, and I took classes for it. I wasn’t the most athletic person, but I felt like my sheer effort kept me in the running. The classes I took were for serious learners, and it was during summer vacation in my third year of middle school that my teacher broke it to me, “I don’t think you have what it takes.” Still, I liked dancing, and I never gave up.
I’m a Spirit of Water. My family are lords of a lake in the mortal realm (I don’t want to make any trouble for them, so I’ll just say they’re lords of a “Lake K” in a certain prefecture), and my parents wanted me to help with the family business. But I really wanted to pursue dancing, so I decided to give it a go in the mortal realm.
Before I came to AmaBri, I worked the night shift at a family restaurant while serving as a background dancer at a provincial amusement park. I basically lucked into being a featured dancer at AmaBri. An ordinary, provincial spirit like me... Kanie-san would never give someone like me the time of day. I don’t even have any romantic experience! I went to an all-girls school! It’s just like Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san said! I’m superficial! I fantasize! Is that wrong? Is that wrong?! Yes, it’s definitely wrong.
Well... I had reached the age when I should be able to recognize these problems in myself. And I’m not actually as superficial as she said... But anyway, you know? For someone like me, pursuing Kanie-san would be like someone who only ever played a game on “Casual” or “Very Easy” going right to “Nightmare” or “Hell Mode.” I’d die in the first thirty seconds. So I’d decided I would just admire him from afar. I’d be happy just keeping my distance, occasionally sighing and whispering, “so wonderful”... That was all I needed.
And yet... It was a cruel thing for Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san to ask me.
“I think... they’re both... wonderful people...” I said hesitantly. That took everything I had. This wasn’t good. The world around me was growing fuzzy. The rim of the plate of snacks in front of me was starting to blur. The tip of my nose felt hot, and I was forced to sniffle.
“M-Moffu... Ah, er...” Moffle said, hesitantly. “You know, Muse? We just wanted to hear the opinion of someone in his general age group! Right, Ashe?!”
“Huh? ...Ah, yes! Th-That’s right, of course!” she agreed hastily. “There’s no ulterior motive. None at all! We were just curious... that’s all.”
“Right. Ah... I really am fine...” I told them.
As I wiped at my nose, Moffle-senpai pulled his wallet out from somewhere and thrust a thousand yen bill at Wanipii-senpai. “Wanipii. Could you buy me some cigarettes, fumo?”
“Where did that come from?!” Wanipii asked indignantly. “Are you trying to get rid of me, pii?!”
“W-Well...” Moffle-senpai stuttered.
Meanwhile, Ashe-san spoke up. “Frankly, yes.”
“P-Pii?!” Wanipii squeaked in outrage.
“Go buy them,” she ordered him bluntly. “Leave the shop and head right. You’ll find a convenience store. Read a whole manga magazine or a tankoban before you come back. Now, go on.”
“Pii!!” Tears streaming from his eyes, Wanipii-senpai left. His willingness to play along suggested a certain generosity of spirit.
As Wanipii-senpai left the tatami room, Moffle-senpai bowed his head to me. “Er, I’m sorry, fumo. I didn’t realize you were that serious about him, fumo.”
“Wh-What do you mean?” I played dumb, even knowing it was foolish.
“Seiya, fumo. I’d assumed you just had a crush, fumo.”
“Same here. We took our teasing too far. I’m sorry,” Ashe-san apologized.
Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san both bowed deeply to me, and I started to feel like I was the one who had done something wrong. ...Although I was also a little bit annoyed at how easily they had figured out my feelings based on that one little display.
“Well... don’t get the wrong idea,” I said, wiping at the corners of my eyes. “It’s just that I’m very close to Isuzu-san, and I felt a little sorry for her when I heard you talking about her like that.” It was a big lie, but one that I worked very hard to tell.
“I-Is that so, fumo?”
“Yes. You all just keep gossiping about it for fun...” I said accusingly. “I feel bad for her. Latifah-sama, too. I wish you’d show them a little more consideration.”
“Moffu... I see. I’m sorry, fumo.” Moffle-senpai deflated, his shoulders sagging. It didn’t look like an act; Moffle-senpai always got mushy when Latifah was brought up.
Ashe-san, though... “I see, Muse. You’re right,” she said, entirely neutrally.
What’s going on with her? I wondered suspiciously. Her reaction isn’t as simple as Moffle-senpai’s...
“We can stop talking about it. Instead...”
“Instead?”
“Let’s hear some insider talk about Elementario,” she suggested. “How are things really going with you guys? Any funny stories?!”
“Huh?” I was caught off-guard.
“It annoys me how close you guys are!” Ashe-san said brightly. “Like you’re some middle school club! Isn’t there anything sordid going on? Forget Kanie-kun! Any sordid, petty complaints you have... like about who has the most fans?!”
“Um?” I blinked, unsure of what to say.
“Come on, talk!” she demanded. “Is there anyone you hate? How about Salama? I heard you wouldn’t let her stay with you after her place burned down!”
“Th-That was just—” I tried to defend myself.
“Do you not get along? That’s what I want to know! Tell ‘big sister’ all about it! I want all the dirt!”
“A-Ashe...” Moffle-senpai hesitantly patted her shoulder.
Ashe-san’s eyes were glazed over. She upended her cup of sake, and then let out a powerful sigh. “So? Tell me.”
“I don’t think there’s anything to tell...” I trailed off hesitantly. “We really do get along, more or less...”
“Liar, liar, liar!” Ashe-san insisted. “When I was your age, it was really hard! People called me a prodigy, and a genius. Everyone was jealous of me. I never got a break! Even if I worked hard! It was awful!” She let out a long, agonized breath. She was clearly very drunk.
“Ashe,” Moffle said urgently. “Leave it—”
“Shut up, sewer rat!” she scoffed.
“What?!” Moffle-senpai was shocked by her words.
I was reminded that Ashe-san was the former minister of finance of the magical realm of Schubert. She was a true elite herself, and had probably been through hardships I couldn’t even imagine.
“I had to fight my way up the ladder,” she railed. “It was a dog-eat-dog world. I got sick of it. That’s... that’s why I quit. And here in AmaBri. Oh, AmaBri... hehehe... AmaBri? Yes, it’s great here. But still... Mu-chan.”
“Ah?” I asked, while thinking, Mu-chan again, huh?
“When I look at you guys, I get so jealous,” Ashe-san sulked. “Because you get along so well, you know? I would be lucky to have had friends like that at your age...”
“Y-Yes,” I tr
ied agreeing. “I understand.”
“No you don’t, stupid.”
Me, stupid?! Sorry, but that’s a shock!
“So... treasure them, okay?” Ashe-san ordered me sternly. “Salama-chan and Kobory-chan and Sylphie-chan. Because they’re all good girls.”
“Okay,” I said.
“They’re good girls! You hear me?!”
“Y-Yes...”
“No, I really don’t think you do!” Ashe-san continued drunkenly. “Because you’re always spending all my money on nothing, no concern for the park’s financial situation, always, always, always...”
“Ah! Okay, I think that’s enough, fumo!” Moffle-senpai declared loudly.
“Huh? Already?”
“Already, fumo. Let’s head home! I’ll pay!” Moffle-senpai nudged Ashe-san’s shoulder.
Ashe-san crumpled; she looked half-conscious. “Fine, sorry... That isn’t how I meant it...”
“So can we bill this to the park, fumo?” Moffle suggested slyly.
“No.” That was one thing she remained firm on, at least.
“Then let’s go, fumo. Come on, on your feet.”
“Mmgh...” she groaned.
“Darn it... Ashe,” Moffle grumbled, “I thought you were stronger than that.”
“Mm. I’m tired today.”
“Well, you finished your work, and you’re probably sleep-deprived...” he mused.
“You’re so understanding.”
“And I should have paid more attention, fumo.”
“Then, Moffle-san...” Ashe-san sighed, “you’ll get me home?”
“Ah? Ah... sure, fumo. Come on, now. Stand up.”
“Darn it...” she complained.
“Excuse me, fumo! The check, please!”
The part-time worker came and brought us the check. Wanipii-senpai still wasn’t back from buying cigarettes.
Apparently, it was rare to see Ashe-san get this drunk; she’d talked a big game at first, then immediately became gloomy and depressive. “Sorry, Muse...” she told me sadly.
“No, it’s fine,” I reassured her. “It’s really fine.”
“I’m just really tired. Forgive me?”
“Um, it’s really fine...”