Amagi Brilliant Park: Volume 7

by Shouji Gatou

  “We’re still friends?”

  “Of course!” I insisted. “It really is fine!” I was most surprised to hear her call herself my friend at all; I was honored.

  “Moffu. Anyway, see you, Muse,” Moffle-senpai said, helping the slouching Ashe-san up. “I’ll take Ashe home. You wait for Wanipii, all right?”

  “Huh?!” I said.

  “I sent him a message earlier, but he hasn’t replied, fumo. At least tell him we all went home.”

  “But...”

  “Thanks, fumo. See you,” Moffle-senpai told me, and then left the room with Ashe-san. She was shaky on her feet and leaning on him. They walked off with a quiet exchange of, “I’m so embarrassed... don’t tell anyone,” and “Okay, fumo,” and “Was it like this with Takami-chan?” and “How much have you heard, fumo?”

  What is with that sexual tension? I thought. With the way Ashe-san was acting, I wondered if things were going to go places between them later. In fact, he would probably just take her home, put her to bed, and that would be the end of it. But watching them go, I felt like I was seeing something very adult.

  At the same time, my own head was spinning; I was exhausted. The thought of walking seemed like too much effort, and my stomach felt like it was full of lead—something about that Savage room made people drink too much. I’d been through the emotional wringer, too. Honestly, I was probably about as dizzy as Ashe-san was.

  “Muse-chan?” I looked back and saw Wanipii-senpai standing there.

  “Sorry, pii,” he apologized. “They told me to read one manga magazine, but there were a whole lot of new ones on sale today, so I ended up reading three, pii.” It was impressive, in a way.

  “Oh, Wanipii-senpai. The truth is...” I explained that Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san had gone home.

  Wanipii-senpai seemed to understand, and just said, “Oh, okay, pii. But Muse-chan,” he added, “you’re looking pretty bad, too.”

  “Oh, well...” I trailed off.

  “I’ll get you to a taxi at Amagi Station; no ulterior motives,” Wanipii promised. “Can you get back on your own after that? I promise I’ll see you off!”

  “Th-Thanks...” I mumbled. Wanipii-senpai was a good person. I felt bad for being so guarded around him.

  I was squatting next to a power pole when Wanipii helped me stand up, swaying and uncertain on my legs. With his help, I just barely managed not to fall.

  “You okay, Muse-chan?” he asked.

  “Yes. I’m sorry...” Just then, I heard a voice from nearby. A familiar voice.

  “Nya, nya!” was the first sound I heard. I looked up and saw Nyathan-san standing at the corner nearby. He must have been on his way home after drinking in the neighborhood.

  Colonel Nyathan. He worked in one of AmaBri’s five areas, Etceteland. He was a communist cat from the UPSR, where he apparently held the rank of Colonel.

  Colonel Nyathan shivered and trembled. “W-Wanipii...” Colonel Nyathan said.

  “Pii?”

  “You... you were the one person I believed in,” he cried. “I’m so disillusioned, nya.”

  “Nyathan. What are you talking about, pii?”

  “You... you capitalist!!” Colonel Nyathan screamed. “To get an Elementario girl drunk, and take her back home with you! I’m disappointed, nya! I’m so disappointed, nya!”

  “Wait, pii!” Wanipii protested. “It’s a misunderstanding, pii!”

  “No! You’re just like Moffle!” Colonel Nyathan howled. “Die! Suffer and die!”

  “Wait!”

  “I never want to see you again, nya!” Colonel Nyathan ran off, crying. I was feeling very unsteady on my feet, so I just slumped limply in place, not saying anything.

  ●

  Apparently, this was the exact same way that the rumors between Moffle-senpai and Takami-chan got started. Nyathan-san was the source. I’d enjoyed the rumors then, but I couldn’t now.

  But... I wonder why? They all seemed okay with the pairing of me and Wanipii-senpai. I didn’t know how to feel about that. Did other people think that Wanipii-senpai and I could really be dating?! It was a real shock! I virulently denied it. I thoroughly denied it. I denied it so hard I probably made Wanipii-senpai feel bad (sorry).

  I had a few chances since then to see Wanipii-senpai in the cafeteria or the underground corridors. I’d say “Sorry” and he’d smile self-effacingly to make me feel better and say, “it’s okay, pii.”

  At times like that, I found myself thinking, “Huh? Maybe he really is a pretty good person...” No! Forget about that. But I was thinking a little bit. If even an amazing woman like Ashe-san could be that way... Then maybe even an awful person like me...

  No. Never mind that. I’m not quite that stupid. Isuzu-san or Latifah-sama? Like I’d know the answer to that!

  [The End]

  Sylphie Channel! Exciting Reviews

  Hi, everyone! It’s me, the Spirit of Wind, Sylphie! Thanks for always supporting me and Elementario! Where do you like to shop on your days off and stuff? I go to Sugamo!

  But lately, I’m so busy with work, I can’t go shopping at all! That’s why Internet shopping is super cool! I love dodonbashi.com! And of course I’m a regular patron of Nyamazon!

  Now I’m gonna introduce a magic item I just bought on the ’net! I bought it with my own money, so no holding back! Mr. Maker, hold on to your butt! Today I’m gonna introduce Fumokilla Chemicals’ “Palpon Next Super Jet!”

  Look! It looks like insecticide or hairspray, right? Check out that funky psychedelic logo! If you hit something with this spray, it has the same effect as eating those magical flowers, the palpons! You know palpon flowers, right? They look like little sunflowers, but they have sunglasses, and they wriggle their bodies all around and do a funky dance! If you eat them, you feel awesome! It makes you the most excitedest! I hear they mainly grow in the Tiradaho region of Maple Land! Tiramii-senpai, the Fairy of Flowers, has done a lot of selective breeding with palpons, I hear!

  The Palpon NEXT Super Jet is a magical item that gives you the same effect in handy-dandy spray form! Awesome! The ingredients say “Pyrethroids (futarusurin, resmethrin), kerosine” but who cares! I bet it’s great for killing bugs, too! With mosquito season coming up, it’s a bargain!

  Okay, I guess I’d better use it, huh? Women gotta be brave! I’ll try it as many times as I need! Point it right at my face, and bloosh!

  It hurts! It hurts! It stings! It stings like tonic shampoo! It’s seeping into my organs!

  So, let’s see what it does! ...Any effect?! I’ll measure the time in my favorite hourglass! Let’s dance around and wait excitedly for three, six, and nine minutes!

  ..................

  ............

  ......No change at all! I’m not excited! I’m the same Sylphie I was! Too bad!

  I bet this Palpon NEXT Super Jet is a big old case of false advertising! Because I’m totally like usual, see? I’m as excited as ever, see? Too bad!

  But that’s not much of a review, so let’s test it on other people! It’s the only way to be fair! By the way, I’m writing this review from the greenroom as always! And just at the perfect time, a person who’s always a big sourpuss has arrived—it’s Salama-san, the Spirit of Fire!

  “Salama, Salama!” I cried out excitedly.

  “Yeah?” she said.

  “Bloooosh!”

  “Geh?!” she cringed.

  I did it! I sprayed Salama! I sprayed it on hard! Wowie! I got a perfect result! Salama-san was really high-strung as she got mad, and then she cried, and then she started dancing!

  I felt bad and said, “Sorry!”

  She just said, “Don’t worry! Don’t worry! Wow! Get up-pah!” And I got so happy I started dancing with her! It was so fun! We’re good friends! We held hands and spun and spun until Muse and Kobory entered the greenroom, too!

  “Wh-What are you doing?” Muse asked.

  “A-Are you guys all right?!” Kobory put in.

  And now
I knew it worked, so I sprayed them both with the Palpon NEXT Super Jet too! I said, “Bwahaha, you can’t escape,” and I sprayed them! It’s a ‘super jet’ after all! For purposes of review, I’d say it’s effective, even from three meters away! Perfect!

  Muse and Kobory got all excited, too! We all held hands and danced around and around! Then we did a Cossack dance, and a Bali chaka, and a Masai war dance! We’re such good friends! It was so fun!

  But I think we made too much noise! Moffle-senpai, who had come to discuss the show on the main stage, got so mad at us! “Wh-What are you doing, fumo?!” he said. But don’t worry, I sprayed Moffle-senpai, too! I was all blooooosh!

  “Guh!” he cried out. I sprayed him in the face! Sprayface! “Wow! I feel great, fumo! Dadada!” Moffle-senpai also joined in with a very complicated dance!

  Wow! Wow! Now Moffle-senpai joined in, and all five of us did a Mayim Mayim! Mayim mayim mayim mayim mayim mayim b’sason! You know?

  Then Macaron-senpai and Tiramii-senpai showed up!

  “What’s all this noise, ron?!”

  “Is that palpon flower...?!”

  They both trembled, but don’t worry! I showed no mercy! Bloooooosh!

  “Roooon!”

  “Miiiii!”

  Macaron-senpai didn’t seem to like it, but I think Tiramii-senpai really liked it?! They both got super excited right away!

  “I’m gonna dance too, ron!”

  “Watch my moves, mii!”

  We now had seven of AmaBri’s top stars doing the mayim mayim just great! It was a total waste to do it backstage! So here’s what I said: “Let’s all go onstage!”

  “I’m in, fumo!”

  “I’m in, ron!”

  “I’m in, mii!”

  We all dashed down the corridor! On the way I sprayed everyone I met! Wrenchy-kun, Ironbeard-kun, Biino-chan, Shiina-chan! Sprayface!! They all twisted and turned and they looked really happy!

  “Let’s goooo,” I shouted out in joy!

  “Yeeeah!” everyone else cheered.

  We kept charging forward, dancing the Tokyo Ondo! But as we got to the stairs to the underground passage, our manager, Kanie-kun, stopped us!

  “Hey, you guys! What’s wrong with you?” he demanded suspiciously. “Have you been drinking?!”

  “We haven’t been drinking! We’re just excited!” someone said.

  “This is a serious problem! You can’t go out in front of the guests!” he yelled. “Listen to me! Turn around right now and—” Bloooooosh! I sprayfaced Kanie-kun, too! I figured it had to be fun!

  “Blugh! Ugh... ngh...” Kanie-kun staggered and pitched over. “Ugh... uh... ngh...” Ah. Did he endure it somehow?!

  Everyone gulped, not just me! If Kanie-kun said no, we knew that meant no, no matter how excited we were! Plus I didn’t want him to be mad at me!

  “Ngh...” he groaned.

  “Kanie-kun?” I asked.

  “Ugh... heh.”

  “You okay?”

  “Please! You call that dancing?” he scoffed. “Let me show you how it’s done! Poooow!” Kanie-kun started moonwalking! And he was really, really good at it! “Poooow! Poooow!” For some reason, he was mainly doing Michael Jackson dance moves, but it was amazing! “Poooow! Poooow!”

  We all applauded! We did the Thriller dance together! We were so in sync! We were all zombies! Wow! We headed for onstage, walking like zombies, when we found Isuzu-san waiting at the top of the steps! She was standing right there with her musket pointed at us. It was so cool!

  “You won’t get by me,” Isuzu-chan declared!

  “Poooow!” Kanie-kun said.

  “Poooow, fumo!” Moffle agreed.

  “Seiya-kun... Lord Moffle... you’re in on this, too?” Isuzu-chan sighed. “How regrettable. Who’s responsible for this? Was it you, Sylphie?”

  I raised my hand real fast! “Yep! Is it bad?”

  “Yes, it is,” she said sternly. “You must disperse at once.”

  “Grr... if it’s a fight you want, you got it!” I told her. As a reviewer, I had to see this through to the end! So I readied the Palpon NEXT Super Jet!

  “I like your spirit,” she said admiringly. “Bring it on.”

  “I’d love to!” I said happily. “Okay... let’s go!”

  The battle began! Isuzu-chan was just amazing! So strong! She dodged my sprayface! And again! And again! So cool! The final boss is always the toughest! Isuzu-chan fired! Sylphie dodged! I tried really hard, but I lost! Isuzu-chan finally hit the Palpon NEXT Super Jet and destroyed it!

  “Understand?” she said flatly. “I cannot permit you to go onstage. Now, disperse.”

  “Fiiiiine...” I sulked. We all lost our excitement and dispersed! Defeat! It had been so fun, too. Too bad.

  But I’m so glad I got to see Isuzu-chan lend Kanie-kun her shoulder as he stumbled away! It was so nice to see! They’re a great couple! Woo, woo!

  And that’s the end of my review!

  ●

  [Addendum]

  Sorry! I need to report some side effects about the Palpon NEXT Super Jet I reviewed the other day! After you get excited, you get super depressed!

  Apparently Kanie-kun spent the rest of the day staring at a tree outside his office going, “Ah, that tree has such nice branches...” Like he wanted to hang himself off one of them!

  And apparently Isuzu-chan had to watch over him for the next few days or things would have gotten dangerous!

  Sorry!

  Moffle-senpai was really down for a while, and so were the Elementario folks. So were the rest of the cast. I’m really sorry! Sorry! I won’t use the Palpon NEXT Super Jet any more!

  It’s weird though, huh?! It worked so well on everyone else, but it didn’t work on me! That’s the one thing I don’t understand!

  Afterword

  Last issue was a pretty heavy story, so this one is about... the four girls who played a big part in the anime but haven’t had much screentime in the books. Also, it was annoying me, so I changed their attraction from Aquario to Elementario! It’s fine! This series flies by the seat of its pants! Now, some notes about each episode.

  That Time the Spirit of Fire Got Back From Work and Found Her Apartment in Flames

  I’m sure you’ve all been a rubbernecker to a house burning down (maybe it was even your own house). I have, too.

  One night in mid-winter, a residence in my neighborhood completely burned down. I just watched, feeling like, a writer has to see these things! (Apologies to the people who suffered damages, of course.) But while they fought the fire, a whole lot of water from the torrent got away from them and hit us rubberneckers! Many of them tried to run, but I just stayed where I was, steeling myself for divine retribution.

  I was soaked in an instant. The weight of that water... It was freezing. The scene of a fire is cold. It was very educational.

  I’m Not All Rotten, Okay?

  This is all about how Kobory is an unsung hero.

  I don’t know if people really ever did lighting controls with the PC-98, but that’s based on a story a car-loving friend of mine once told. He was a street racer type, and he loved tuning up his beloved old car. It was a model with a first-generation electrical system, and the factory settings included a limiter, so he had to change the programming in order to improve its specs. But you could only access the car’s system with a machine that ran DOS/V, which is very rare nowadays, so there were probably only a few people left in Japan who could mess with the car’s programming (as I write this, I still don’t know if he ever actually changed it!).

  I guess that as time passes, the number of people who can work with these old machines grow fewer and fewer. It almost seems to go without saying that hackers in fiction will be young gamer types, but I often think it would be great if one was a sixty year old man. Too bad I don’t have any chances to put one of those in my stories. Maybe someone else is doing it somewhere.

  An Unusual Combination

  “The Passion of the Mus
e” is what this basically comes down to.

  The people who control the purse strings at jobs are always respected by everyone. I’ve always been self-employed (like a green grocer), so it doesn’t fully resonate with me, of course.

  Speaking of finances, my supervisor Morii-kun often takes me out drinking to a place called “Ofuro” (it’s your typical dining pub). Morii-kun always takes the check and hands it over to the accountant at his company. When he does, the finances person always says loud enough for everyone else to hear: “Morii-kun, did you go to Ofuro (the bathhouse) with Gatou-san again?! You sure like that, huh?!”

  The people around me must get the wrong idea. It’s embarrassing. And Fantasia Bunko doesn’t cover expenses like those, just so you know. And I’ve never been to a bathhouse like that, though I go to saunas and communal baths a lot. I mean it.

  Sylphie Channel! Exciting Reviews

  Erm. Yes. Sorry for the weirdly hyper story.

  Sylphie is still a total mystery even to me, and I’m not sure I could write her sober, so I got falling-down drunk before I wrote that. She’s probably the kind of person who has dancing sunflowers grooving in her head at all times. Such optimism! It’s a mindset that a pessimistic old-timer like me can’t even get into. We could all learn a little from her. Just a little.

  I knew what to make it about immediately after watching a famous toy review program on a certain video site cover some bug spray that just happened to show up at their job. It was so ridiculous, but it was really funny, so maybe they’ll keep doing reviews of weird items like that.

  Next volume, I want to do a long-form story, but I don’t know how it’ll turn out! Anyway, thanks to everyone who was involved, and sorry for all the trouble!

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  Copyright

  Amagi Brilliant Park: Volume 7

  by Shouji Gatou