She so trusted him, his confidence grew each time he touched her.
"Are there any other questions you want to ask me?" John encouraged, his lips nibbling the curve of her neck.
"I'm not sure talking is what I want to do, John…" her voice lowered as she molded herself against him.
He pulled gently away, to stare into her warm eyes.
"Oh John, you make me so happy. I want to please you in every way. But…I suppose we should talk about things since we will soon be married. I'm worried I won't please you. And…I never asked, but do you want to stay here in Hard Tack? Do you like it here?"
His lips nipped at her ear. His breath feathering against her. He felt the goose bumps on her neck, as he spoke words of love to her. "I love it here. I love you my darling. I've prospered, I've found you here. I am a happy and content man." John smiled, pulling her close as they sat down together. His lips reclaimed hers as his tongue traced her lips, and then explored deep into her mouth.
He felt her shiver, he felt her body come alive against him. He felt himself grow ready for her. He backed away again. Controlling himself was harder than he first imagined. Penelope responded with abandon.
"Oh, I'm so happy. I feel I might explode. It seemed too much to expect all this from you. You've made me so happy John." She cried and encouraged another kiss. Her lips whispered against his skin as she made a quick trail to his lips once more. "I can hardly contain my feelings for you. We must marry quickly."
"Oh my love, I agree." He let the kiss linger, his hands exploring her luscious body as she allowed his every touch.
John's hands wandered a bit, and Penelope didn't seem to mind. She sighed when his hand ran over her dress at her breast. He felt her nipple grow under his thumb and he smiled. She was so ripe for the picking, he thought with glee.
After a long moment of heated glances, hot kisses and enjoying the feel of each other, they raised up with an unbelievable effort to fix the meal she had prepared for them.
Penelope was a fine cook and every meal delighted John.
"What about the house?" she asked.
"What do you mean?" He bit into the chicken, then licked his lips and stared at her.
"Stop that, you tempt me too much." She giggled. "Do you like it?"
She saw the spark in his eyes. "The house that is…"
"I have such plans for it. It has plenty of room to expand with our family which will grow quickly." He smiled. "I can do a lot of the work myself. Although there might be times when I need help. After all I'm not a carpenter."
Content to wallow in his arms, she moaned when his kisses became more ardent.
Sometime later, he laid his head in her lap.
"The gossips think you are marrying me for my father's land and money."
"What gossips?"
"Hildegard and Janise mostly."
"They are jealous of you, my dear."
"They have a right to be, now!"
He raised up to kiss her lightly on the nose.
"Why haven't you ever married John? You are such a wonderful man. Why hasn't someone grabbed you before me?" She smiled at him, her glance slid over him and she licked her lips, as her hands slid through his hair.
John didn't want to think of the past and squashed that notion. "Never found the right lady, I guess. Until now…"
"The things you say. Make me warm…" she fanned herself.
"Good." He raised up to kiss her lips once more. But he quickly realized that they could go too far on this wonderful day, and he would not spoil her honeymoon. When passion nearly over-came them he pulled away and looked into her eyes once more. It pleased him that Penelope didn't hide her lust for him. He never expected it. Truth be known he was barely controlling his baser needs each time he was with her. "We must be careful not to have the honeymoon before the wedding."
She blushed. "I wouldn't mind…" she sighed into his arms. "It's been on my mind all day…" she murmured.
"Neither would I. And I think of it often myself. But…let's not spoil our perfect life together. I plan to make our first night memorable for both of us."
"Oh John…you tease me so. But the look in your eyes tells me you feel the same as I."
"You make me nearly mad with wanting you, you know?" He smiled.
"You are so romantic, John. I find myself dreaming about our first night over and over. I plan to have a few surprises for you, too."
"Good. I like surprises. Then you will be more than ready for it, when it comes." He assured her.
"Have you ever had a woman?" she asked boldly.
John cleared his throat. Her expression was one of trust and caring. He had to be honest. "That is not a question to ask a man of my age."
"I'm glad you have had them…" she laughed in response. "I could almost tell you had. You aren't shy about our courtship or talking about our wedding night."
"But why? Most women would be upset."
"Because I haven't had a man, and I don't know the first thing about it, except these feelings I get when I'm around you. My knees want to buckle. My heart pounds so loudly I've afraid all can hear it. I'm totally breathless much of the time. My feelings, they are so strong, so powerful, I cannot hide them from you. But If you hadn't you wouldn't know what to do either. And what a mess that might be."
John thought about that. "Perhaps you are right. I assure you I will go slow, and take my time in pleasuring you. I adore you. I lust for you all the time, of course. It is all I can do to control our eagerness."
She giggled. "You have a way of making our love sound so delightfully sinful."
"We better eat, or we will ruin it all."
"I wouldn't talk of it at all, but we are alone, and my heart demands it. I want no secrets between us John. I want to be your wife in every way. And I aim to please you as much as you please me…"
He smiled.
John wondered if every woman was as eager as his Penelope, or if love itself made it so. He didn't know that much about women, but what he did know, he savored. He would make Penelope scream his name in delight on their wedding night. He would spend a lifetime pleasing her in every way he knew how. He loved her with all his heart and soul.
He'd never dreamed he'd find a woman he was so compatible with and so honest. He felt he could share almost anything with her. Except maybe the past. And he aimed to guard his mouth of that.
The memory of Sadie was quickly fading from his mind.
Despite what some might say about their quick courtship, he was madly in love with Penelope. At first the money had been tempting, but later being with Penelope became so enjoyable that he forgot all about it. He was in love. He watched her blossom under his nose. First it was her long and lovely hair that she unknotted, then the way she dressed changed to. She was so feminine. The low cut of her newer dresses took his breath away. He longed to lay his head against her and sup the sweetness from her.
Not only did he love her, he respected her.
He reflected on how little time he'd been here and how his fortune had grown and his love.
At last his life was coming full circle. He was truly a man now and he had a life. A life he could be proud of. It was something he had feared he'd never have in his lifetime. And he prayed he could keep this life. All he really had to do was keep his mouth shut about the past. He could and would do that for Penelope.
~*~
Sadie's pregnancy began to take a turn though. She was spotting and she returned to see the doctor. Although the doctor was concerned about it, she instructed her to stay off her feet as much as she could, to lessen her salt intake and rest more.
Sadie had never rested so much in her life. She was used to getting up and doing things for herself in Cross Timbers, she missed home. Melville wasn't the same, no matter how nice the people were.
"I ain't one for layin' around, doc…" She said as though the advice was ill given.
"I can understand and appreciate that, but sometimes you have to break your o
wn rules for the sake of your baby." Vivian explained. "We want the birth to be easy now, don't we?"
At first Sadie stayed in bed, but the boredom that brought had her wanting to get out of her cabin and see people. It wasn't natural to lay in bed all the time. Besides, she would get bed sores.
She managed to get up and cook her meals and do a little sewing. She spent a lot of hours just rocking. It soothed her. Yet it gave her entirely too much time to think, too.
She missed Elmer the closer she got to delivering her baby. She wished he was here. She wished she could share this time with him. But then, Elmer had a new life somewhere and he probably didn't want to share it with her. It hurt to think she had no one of her own any longer and she came to realize that most of her life revolved around Elmer. It wasn't natural and she began to see that more clearly as time passed. Comparing her relationship with Jim and Ruby and Smitty and Mary Sue, she could see how unhealthy it had been.
She was proud that Elmer left, she told herself. Even though she missed him more every day, she was glad he found a life of his own. He deserved it.
Many things between her and Elmer hadn't been natural. But she doubted she would have changed it even if she'd known he'd run away someday. She loved him with all her heart and she wished him well. Maybe he would be the only one in her family to make good. That thought consoled her some.
Thinking like this brought her a new revelation. If he never returned, she'd have to raise the baby herself. That disturbed her. She knew little about being a parent. Looking at Elmer's life she suddenly realized she hadn't done such a great job with him. Oh she'd taught him to read and write, she'd taught him table manners and how to be clean. But there was so much more.
What was she going to do? How could she manage. So far the deep love between mother and child had not developed. She thought it might as time went on, but that wasn't the case. Most of the time she contemplated her life raising a child alone. Perhaps it was too soon. Perhaps when she saw the child, she'd be happy again. After all, it was part of Elmer.
However, the very fact that she couldn't tell anyone who the father was, depressed her greatly. It didn't seem natural.
Jim and Smitty had spread the word around town that Sadie's husband ran off when he found out she was pregnant. They told her it would make it easier for her to live here without a husband. Sadie accepted their lie with open arms.
Still, she hadn't thought about after the baby was born. The very fact that she was alone scared her witless. What if she did something wrong? What if the baby didn't like her and screamed and hollered all the time. What would she do? Doubting her ability, Sadie worried, but what worried her most was the fact that she wasn't excited about having the baby. According to the doc, she should be so happy right now. Maybe because she knew the baby would be born from sin, scared her. She worried constantly that she would go to hell for this.
Could she get rid of the baby? Could she jump from a hayloft, like Claire had? No…how could she explain that to her new friends. She couldn't add murder to all her other sins. For killing her baby was a sin too. There was nothing she could do to settle her mind. She was helpless.
Things were much different here in Melville. There were so many people. Even though most seemed very friendly, she felt so alone here. So out of place. And yet these people gave her a chance at a new life. A new life?
All would depend on what kind of mother she became, she decided.
She had no business raising a child. And yet, it would be something to love, wouldn't it?
Thoughts of living and raising a child overwhelmed her. Still, it was part of Elmer and she loved Elmer more than anyone else in the world. She missed him. But she also feared that he hadn't loved her quite as much. How could he and leave her alone so long.
One minute she cursed his name, for leaving her and making her face life alone with a child. But on second thought, Elmer knew nothing of the child. What would he think if he knew? Perhaps he would never return to her, and perhaps if he knew he would flee the sin they had created. She couldn't blame him for that.
That was the biggest problem, the baby was a constant reminder of their sin.
Elmer had a new life, somewhere, but she…she was here with his child. And he'd never even know of it. The deep sadness within her welled up and she wept for days. What was she going to do? It pained her that Elmer would never know of his baby. Still, he deserved a chance to make a better life.
There were days she thought she was going insane.
"My brother's baby! My God what have I done?" She wailed one morning when it was raining so hard she couldn't go outside. The sound of the rain lulled her for a while, until her mind raced with fear about her future and the future of her baby.
She couldn't tell the child, she couldn't tell anyone. In fact, today was the first day she had thought about that. Shame washed over her. She began to cry again. The pity of it all was that no one would understand her sadness.
Having a baby was a joyful event, the doc had told her.
But Sadie had no joy, and the closer it got to her time, the less joy she had. The panic that struck her now was real. She didn't know how to be a mother to a little baby. And the feelings that she should have had…were not there. How could that be? She felt the baby move around her belly and her hand went to her belly, to settle the child down. It was a very active baby.
Getting on her knees she prayed to God for forgiveness. She wept long and hard and only hoped her sin would be forgiven. She prayed everyday for some kind of guidance. She needed help, these people here expected so much of her.
She contemplated going to talk to a preacher. The tremendous guilt was weighing on her. The fact that there was no one to confide in, no one to ask questions of, made her sick with worry.
She was still on her knees when Jim came by.
When she didn't answer the door, he opened it and saw her there by the bed, praying.
"Sadie, are you alright?" he asked, concern lacing his voice as he came toward her.
Sadie turned to see him standing there.
"Oh…yes, come on in, Jim." She replied pulling on the bed to help her get up.
Jim raced to help her, for she was very round with child now.
"You've got to be careful, getting on your knees like that as far along as you are. I am worried about you Sadie." Jim explained as she moved to look at him.
"I'm doing just fine, Jim. Don't you go worryin' and frettin' over me." Sadie put on a smile that she was sure didn't belong to her.
"What were you doing?" He asked curiously as he helped to steady her on her feet.
"I was praying to the Lord, Jim. Don't you pray?" Sadie asked twisting her head in question.
Jim seemed to think about that question before answering. His gaze narrowed on her questioning glance. "Sometimes, yes."
"Good. You are a good, God-fearin' man. That makes me very happy." She said going to the stove and lifting the coffee pot. She glanced at him, as he obviously noted the tremor of her voice. "Want some?"
She welcomed his company, for when she had company, she didn't fret about the baby and her troubles.
He nodded. "Sure, thanks."
"Jim…I want to talk to you about something." Sadie said pouring him a cup of coffee and handing it to him. She couldn't stop her hands from shaking a bit. She felt suddenly exposed as the fringe of her lashes held back her tears.
She was about to sit on the bed, but he motioned for her to take the rocker and he sat on the edge of the bed, sipping his coffee.
"Okay, what's on your mind? You can talk to me about anything. You should know that by now. We are friends Sadie."
"It's the baby. The baby is on my mind." Sadie said with an unreadable expression on her face. Forcing back the tears, it hurt to look into his eyes. "I'm worried about how good a mother I'm gonna be. I never had a baby before, and I'm not a young woman any longer. If I had a husband I wouldn't be so afraid….but."
"Now don't you fret Sa
die. The girls are getting together to give you a shower for the baby." Jim smiled slowly.
"A shower. What is a shower?"
"It's like a party…for women, for the baby. Gifts for the baby." He said plainly. "A celebration of your baby, Sadie."
"Oh…well…that's right nice. But…" She couldn't believe this community was so willing to help her. It was more than she could bear. A tear did slip and fall.
"Sadie, you don't have to worry about a thing. Everyone in town seems happy that you are here and understands about the baby and your no account husband, that has no name. The girls, Ruby, Vivian and Mary Sue want to throw you a party for the baby. So you will have something for it, when it comes. It will give you a chance to meet some of the ladies in town and let them get to know you a bit. I wish I could ease your mind about everything Sadie. But the girls really want to do this for you. A crib, some clothes, a few blankets. Things you will need. So you just sit back and don't worry so much about it, okay? I know you don't have much, but we can all help you. Maybe it would help if you talked to the doc about your feelings. Not being a woman, I have no idea what worries you might have. Maybe she could help you."
"It's too much to expect. I cannot be accepting such…" Sadie cried out, her voice cracking as she spoke, another tear slipping down her cheek unnoticed. "I didn't come here to burden others with my problems."
"There's nothing you can do to stop it. The ladies want to do this for you, all of them. Don't fret about it, parties like this is what most of the women look forward to. When I told them some of the things you had been doing in Cross Timbers and for how long, there wasn't a dry eye in the place. Not one lady declined to help you. So you let them do this for you. Don't you remember how good you felt, helping others?"
"Y-yes…of course, but…"
"It's no different Sadie. It's simply your turn to receive…" He smiled warmly at her.
"I don't deserve this. I don't deserve such good people caring about me."
"Of course you do. We all love you Sadie. And now, you must learn to receive as well as you gave…"
Bad Day for a Killing (Book Three of the Western Serial Killer Series) Page 9