"Later…" she whispered as she watched him put his hat on and go outside. "If I don't get pregnant, it won't be for lack of trying…" she giggled.
John stood on the porch for a few minutes and realized that Penelope had indeed put the sunshine back in his day and he wouldn't let worryin' over George Stanley ruin that!
Chapter Fifteen
The morning dawned slowly as thunder clouds marred the peace in Melville. It was Sunday, everyone was going to church. Sadie wished she could go, but she hadn't felt well when she got up this morning. She couldn't put her finger on why, but something wasn't quite right.
After peering out her window onto the main street of town, she knew rain was on the way.
She made some oatmeal, she added some honey that Smitty had brought her. Stirring it, she sat down in the rocker to eat. She felt great yesterday, but today she wasn't as sure. There was a nagging twinge in her back. Like most of her aches and pains she tried to ignore it, as she sipped her coffee.
Because of the cloudy weather she wanted to sleep. But only lazy people went back to bed, even on Sunday, she decided.
She glanced out the window. There wasn't a soul on the streets. Sunday could be the loneliest day of the week, she thought to herself. Only a dog barking down the street disturbed the peace of the day. Still the clouds darkened and the sun refused to shine.
She rubbed her belly, trying to tame the child within.
She didn't want to think about the child. She didn't want to see the child. She wanted it all to go away. It only reminded her of the sin involved. No matter how long she lived, she would have to try to forget the days when she was with Elmer.
She wondered about him. Was he happy? Had he found a life at last. She admitted there had been no future for either of them in Cross Timbers, but she did long to go back. She didn't know why, but it pulled her.
The twinge got stronger as she stood listening to the hymn playing at the church. Rock of Ages, she thought. She loved that song. She hummed as she cleaned her dishes.
Suddenly she gasped and looked down. There on the floor was her water, it had broken.
"Oh no…" Sadie cried. "The doc's in church…"
She changed clothes, and slipped back into bed. She closed her eyes, hoping the pain would go away soon.
The doc had said that when her water broke, she would deliver the baby. Panic hit her. She was petrified. The twinge had blown into a pain she couldn't ignore. She sighed heavily.
"Dear God…what am I going to do?"
No one would hear her if she hollered. Until church was over she had no help. She closed her eyes and shut out the tears that streamed down her face.
She'd never felt more alone, than now. She'd never experience a fear like this. She didn't know what to expect. She didn't know what to do.
Trying to relax, she laid back and willed herself to sleep, but the pains came every few minutes and sleep was impossible. Apprehension swept through her. Panic constricted in her throat, so that yelling was impossible.
She shook herself, trying to gain control of her anxiety. The doc had said she would have pain for hours or even days. She cried aloud, she couldn't endure this for days.
Her stomach churned with a anticipation, frustration, and dread.
"I'm not ready for this." She cried aloud.
"God help me. I don't know what to do." She prayed.
Confusion tormented her.
She heard more singing. "Oh God, can they stop…"
The wind blew at the door, and rattled it. She jumped.
She hadn't set the coffee off the stove and it was boiling. She rushed to get up and a pain hit her so hard, she nearly fell to the floor.
Grabbing the bedside, she groped her way to the stove. She set the pot away.
Before another pain hit her, she rushed back to the bed and covered herself.
"Please let church be over…" she cried.
It seemed like hours before she saw a couple of people headed home from the church. Now she would have to get someone's attention. She couldn't do this alone.
She went to the door, cracked it and saw Smitty walking down the boardwalk. "Smitty…" she called.
Smitty turned and saw her and obviously saw the distress on her face and yelled. "It's your time?"
She nodded.
He suddenly rushed back toward the church and before long, Vivian and Smitty came to her aid.
Vivian's eyes searched the shack for only a second, but it was long enough for Sadie to notice. The baby gifts overflowed on one side of the room, the other side was bare of everything but the bed and the rocking chair. And lantern lit the room. There was no lace, no pretty things except for the baby. The baby would have everything, Sadie, had nothing. The coffee pot on the stove looked as though it came from a campfire. The dishes were put away, and the floor was as clean as it could get, but there was no finery for Sadie.
Sadie ignored the pity she saw in the doc's eyes and whispered a prayer of thanks.
Vivian nodded, "You're water broke?" She saw the puddle on the floor.
"Yes ma'am." She nodded. "Sorry, I ain't felt like cleanin' it up."
"You don't need to worry about that. How far apart are your pains?" Vivian asked, taking her gloves off and her hat. She stuck the hatpin in her hat and laid it on top the wooden crib.
"Okay, Smitty, boil me some water. Then you can go home, this will take a while. No use you staying here." Vivian instructed.
"But what if you need me, doc?" Smitty protested.
"I don't think I will. If I do, I'll get word to you. Let Rusty and Ruby know too. But no one need come right now. Birthing is a long process."
He nodded. "You're the doctor."
She nodded.
"Now, I'm going to need to examine you and the baby. It will be painful as you're in labor, but it is necessary…do you understand, Sadie?" Vivian prepared her instruments and washed her hands.
"Y-yes…" Sadie felt immediate relief that the doc had taken control. She had confidence in her. However, she had already experienced much pain and she had been warned that she'd go through the gates of hell to birth the baby. It wasn't a reassuring fact, but it was fact, Sadie noted.
The thunder began to roar, lightning lit up the shack. And it rained. The sound of the rain on the tin roof was lulling in some ways. Sadie did her best to concentrate on the sounds and not what Vivian was doing.
Okay, let me scrub up and then we will begin. Smitty, I need you to get out of here, it isn't a time a woman wants men hanging around." Vivian smiled at him.
"Yes ma'am."
But Sadie wasn't prepared for the examination. It was indeed painful and uncomfortable. No sooner has she gone inside to check the baby, and a huge pain hit Sadie. She nearly screamed.
Vivian saw the contorts of pain on Sadie's face and nodded. "I know this is uncomfortable. But I have to do this. I need to know if the baby is in the right position for the birth. So do whatever you have to do when the pains hits. If it means you have to scream, then go ahead. Okay?"
Sadie sent her a sympathetic glance. "I'll try to hold it."
"No, you are having a baby. It is like going through the gates of hell. If you need to scream go ahead, it will help get rid of some of the anxiety." Vivian encouraged. "However, if you can concentrate on anything else, do so. It helps."
Sadie nodded. The rain…keep thinking of the rain.
The same dog barked in the distance and Sadie heard it. It had to be a hound as it actually howled.
The rain continued to beat against the roof, and a leak in the roof dripped into the pan that Sadie had set there early this morning. She heard it drop and her mind escaped for a minute to the sound.
Vivian finished her examination and moved away toward the window. Sadie watched her and wondered why she hadn't said anything.
"The baby…isn't in the right position…." She finally murmured. She moved back toward Sadie, wanting to comfort her.
Just as she said that, a p
ain hit and Sadie grabbed her arms and pinched hard.
Vivian grimaced but nodded. "It's alright. I will be still until the pain passes. Just let me know when it eases."
She nodded, as her face mirrored the intense discomfort.
When she let go of her arm, Vivian continued her examination.
She frowned when she brought her hand away. Her hand was bloody.
"Oh my God, am I dying?" Sadie asked, seeing the blood.
"No darling, you are not dying, but the baby is not in the right position. I'm going to have to try to turn it. It will be very painful, can you bear it?" Vivian asked, as she washed up once more.
"I ain't got a choice, do I?"
"Not really…" Vivian sympathized.
Putting her instruments in the boiling water, then turned back to Sadie.
"Sadie…listen to me. You will live through this…the baby might not." Vivian asked again.
Sadie's eyes slowly met hers. "I'll try. I ain't got much choice, do I?"
"No darling, you don't." Vivian's glance met hers.
Sadie relaxed between the pains and then she grabbed the doc's arm again, pulling her attention back to her. "Have you thought about what I asked of you, about the baby?"
Vivian's face drained. "I've given it a lot of thought. But right now, I don't want you to worry over that. Wait until the baby is born. Then we will decide what to do."
"Okay…but it won't change things." Sadie assured her.
"Sometimes when you see your child, for the first time you could change your mind. I want to give you the time to find out."
"And if I don't change my mind?" Sadie persisted.
"Then you and I will talk about it. I promise." Vivian assured her, trying to smile.
"I won't change my mind. I've thought this through. The baby has a better chance with you than it ever would with me. It is the very least I can do. It's my responsibility to find a proper home. It might be the only good thing I do for the child."
"Sadie…" she began to argue but a pain hit and Vivian gasped as Sadie grabbed her arm again and squeezed.
"Your pains are still far apart, I'm afraid you have a long while yet, before it will be born."
"Dear God, how long must I suffer?" Sadie cried.
"I know it hurts. But there is not much I can do for the pain. Giving pain medicine while birthing can be dangerous. I don't like to use it on my mothers. As it can sometimes have a bad effect on the baby."
"I'm sorry, I can't bear this better…" Sadie cried when the pain subsided.
"No woman can bear it easily. God made it that way, way back when Eve first sinned." Vivian grinned.
"Damn her hide." Sadie almost laughed.
Vivian smiled.
"Do you think me a bad person for wanting to give my child away?" Sadie asked.
Vivian came up to her, and took her hands in hers. "No, I don't. But some might. In fact, most might. It isn't something you can ever talk about to anyone…there is no telling what people might do."
"You mean, they might kill me, for it?"
"I don't know…but it wouldn’t' be wise to tell anyone what you are thinking about doing." Vivian said.
"If I kept the child, I'm afraid there would be a growing bitterness. The baby shouldn't have to suffer for my short-comings. I'm really thinking of the child, more than myself. The baby would always be a reminder of what I done. I can't live with that. I repented to God. I asked for forgiveness, Vivian. I want you to know that. I know I sinned. But we all sin, Vivian. This was just my sin. And Elmer's. Elmer has a chance to have a life now. I'm not sure I ever will. When it was just me and him, it was different. Now, I'm bringing someone else into the world with a mark on them. Don't tell the child…if you take it, don't ever tell the story. Please. It would only hurt them."
Vivian studied Sadie. She took a cloth and dotted Sadie's head with a wet cloth. Sadie closed her eyes. "It ain't just for me…it's for the baby!"
Now Vivian stared into her eyes.
"Sadie…I don't think you looked at this in your future. Can you live with giving the child away?"
"'Course I can. I'll know the child is with a wonderful person who can love it and be fair to it. I'll know they will have a better life, than with me. Look at me, Vivian. Look how poor I am. I live in a shack. I have nothing to offer another human being. I can barely take care of myself, much less a child. With you, they would have a chance to make something of themselves. They'd have a future. You are a doctor, you can make a living for it. You can afford a child. I can't."
Another pain hit her and she nearly doubled over in the bed.
Vivian held her hand, even though she squeezed it hard.
"You are a stronger woman, than anyone knows, Sadie." Vivian encouraged. "But let's wait until the baby is here, first."
The pain was so hard Sadie cried out.
Afterwards, she apologized. "I'm sorry…"
"Don't be. I know what it feels like. I went through it, too." Vivian assured her. "Now, I need to turn the baby. It might hurry the birth…"
"Okay…" Sadie wiped her eyes and turned on her back.
"I want you to try to relax, and let me know when a pain hits, I can stop." Vivian promised. "Try to keep you mind off what is happening. Try not to worry. Dream a little Sadie. Everyone deserves the chance to dream."
Sadie nodded, her tears streaming down her cheeks.
Jim came to the door and knocked. Vivian patted Sadie and answered the door. "I'll be right back…"
"How's Sadie?" He asked, concern lacing his question.
"The baby isn't in the right position. I'm going to have to try to turn it. It is trying to come out shoulder first. For a first baby, this is very dangerous." Vivian stared at him for along moment.
"Can I see her a minute…" Jim pleaded.
"Alright, but please, not long…"
"Of course."
Jim came inside and saw that Sadie was as white as the sheet she lay on. The pain on her face scared him. But Jim plastered a smile on his face.
"Hey Sadie…how are you….sweetie?" He asked, his voice soft and full of emotion.
Sadie grabbed his hand. "Jim…you and Smitty and the girls…you've been so good to me. I can't repay you for everything. But…I got to tell you. I love you all…" She cried.
Her tears had Jim swallowing hard. "Sadie, we love you too." He encouraged.
"God bless you…" she murmured before another pain made her grab herself and grip the mattress.
"Jim…I think you better let me take over…" Vivian encouraged.
Jim turned to go, but Vivian followed him. As she closed the door behind her, she stared up at Jim.
"Is she gonna be alright?" Jim asked his concern apparent.
"I don't know…Jim. It depends on if I can turn the baby. If I can't, she may not…" Vivian's voice cracked.
He held her a moment. "I know you are doing your best."
She nodded. "I've got to get back to her…"
"Of course. Should I send Ruby over?" He asked.
"No, Sadie doesn't want a bunch of people here. She knows she might not make it. If she doesn't, she doesn't want anyone seeing her."
"You've talked to her about it?" Jim's face screwed up with anguish.
"I had to, Jim. And I have to respect her decisions about this. You understand. She wants a closed casket…if…" Vivian's voice faded away as a tear escaped down her cheek.
"A closed casket…but…of course, if that's what she wants…" He nodded.
"You might prepare everyone for the worst." Vivian advised.
"Are you alright?"
"No, but this is my job. It is never easy when things don't go right. Just pray." Vivian insisted and went back inside.
Sadie glanced up at her, her face aged with the pain she was going through.
"Are you ready…?" Vivian asked.
"I trust you…I always have." Sadie said plainly, staring into her eyes.
"Sadie…I've prepared Jim and
them for the worst, if you know what I mean. You are not gonna die, but they don't know that, do they?" Vivian frowned into her face.
"Then…you will take the baby?" Sadie asked lowly.
"If need be…yes!" Vivian cried, another tear escaping down her cheek. "But let's leave it open until afterwards."
"Thank you…I can relax a little now…" Sadie smiled sadly.
The procedure of turning the baby was complicated and Vivian worked for an hour trying to get the baby in the right direction. But because of its size, it would not completely turn and she managed only to have a breach birth. Vivian was satisfied with that. Breach births were hard on the mother, but she would make it as quickly as she could for her and deliver the baby alive.
Sadie suffered so as the doc turned the baby. She cursed under her breath, she repented to God, she prayed and in the end, Vivian delivered the baby. But the baby was turning blue and the cord was fastened at its neck. Vivian worked meticulously to save the child.
When at last there was a cry, she smiled and turned to look at Sadie.
Sadie lay on the bed, her eyes trained to the ceiling.
"Do you want to hold her?" Vivian asked.
Sadie shook her head. "No…I don't want to even look at her. If I did, it might change my mind, and I already know what is best for the baby. What is best is that you take it, and raise it. Love it, and be good to her. And she will have a perfect life. I just know it." Sadie sighed heavily.
"B-but…just once…?"
"No!"
Vivian cradled the baby in her arms. "She's beautiful Sadie."
"Is she?"
"Yes, perfect. I will need to examine her now." She said.
For long moments Vivian wrapped the baby in a warm blanket, then laid her on the edge of the bed, spread out, to examine her. She had finally turned a beautiful pink, and cried endlessly.
"Will you nurse her Sadie?"
"I can't."
"Alright. I'll get Smitty to bring some milk…" Her voice choked.
Sadie nodded.
"Sadie…are you sure?" Vivian asked again.
"I'm sure doc. Now, close the curtains, lock my door and have the undertaker build a casket for me. I'll rest here for a couple of days and then I'll sneak out in the middle of the night and go back to Cross Timbers, where I belong." Sadie instructed.
Bad Day for a Killing (Book Three of the Western Serial Killer Series) Page 14