Burden

by Lila Felix

  “After you,” Hawke waved me further into the kitchen. I grabbed some of everything and the rest of the boys piled their plates high.

  They told stories around our breakfast, mostly tales of a young Hawke getting into tons of trouble. I briefly thought to myself ‘these are not the mature males I’ve seen run a clan.’ But I’d been wrong about so many things that I flicked the thought away.

  They sat back, fully sated, “I will clean up. You guys get to your meeting.”

  They all thanked me and left the room but Hawke did not.

  He looked at me, and I sensed his disapproval.

  I sunk back in the chair, “I did something wrong already.”

  I knew it. I knew I wasn’t cut out for this.

  “Not you. That damned clan you were raised in. Black bear clans are led by an Alpha pair, a male and his mate. You are included in all meetings. That’s why they call you the heart. You are the heart of this clan. Males make rash, harsh, swift decisions, sometimes without thinking about the effects of those decisions. But the female takes the heart of the clan into consideration, the feelings, and the effect the decision will have on the morale of the clan as a whole when she makes a choice. I need you in there with me.”

  “You—you need me?”

  “Do you doubt me?”

  “Never. I don’t know why, but no, I’d never doubt you.”

  “Excellent. Now let’s go conduct a boring meeting and we will handle these dishes later. And by the way, you are a great chef. You’re gonna spoil me.”

  Great. I can cook. That’s gonna make a great Alpha female. Just perfect.

  Little did she know that my need for her went leaps and bounds beyond stupid meetings. But for the time being, it would have to do. We walked into the office hand in hand. I offered her a seat beside me, behind the desk. Someone had put a chair next to mine, I glanced to River and he nodded. My Betas never failed me.

  “We have several issues to discuss. Number one, I need to make a formal announcement about Echo being my mate.”

  “She’s not even marked. Doubt will cloud their minds until they see the mark,” of course Chloe would put in her two cents first.

  “That will be handled before the announcement. Number two, River and Flint along with Echo and I are going to make some changes in regards to finances and security. Some things have to change around here.”

  “Like the young being arrested at Justin’s bar.”

  “What Chloe?”

  “You heard me, Alpha, Barrett and Dylan were brought back to the clan lands on Saturday night for trying to sneak into the back door of the bar. The police warned us to keep our cubs under wraps. And they took the moment to remind us about truancy.”

  “Perfect. River, handle those two, please.”

  The Betas grumbled amongst themselves.

  “Alpha, the least the female could do is listen,” Chloe chastised from her seat.

  I turned to see Echo looking out the window, squinting at something.

  “Echo, we need your input here.”

  “Forgive me. What day of the week is it? I’ve lost track.”

  “It’s Monday, Echo. Are you even listening?”

  She snapped her head in my direction, “Yes, of course, Alpha. Chloe was mentioning something about truancy at the same time I noticed two adolescent cubs with matches in their hands heading towards the trees—on a school day.”

  We all stood to see that, in fact, there were two cubs just breaking through the tree line when they should be in school.

  “I’ll get them, Alpha.” Chloe barked, snapping to order.

  I smiled at Echo. There were six of us sitting in a meeting and she, in five minutes acting as Alpha, had pinpointed a flaw in our system and made a dent in one of our main problems. We saw the forest and she saw the individual trees. That was why we needed her Coeur, her heart. She saw what I couldn’t.

  Chloe came in minutes later with the two cubs, both males in tow.

  “Evan, Elliot, why aren’t you in school,” River asked them.

  They both shrugged.

  “Where are your father and mother?”

  “Working,” Elliot grunted back at the beta.

  “And your job is to be in school. What happened?”

  “We missed the bus. It comes too early.”

  My turn, “What time does it come?”

  “Five in the morning, Alpha. We miss it a lot, that’s why we don’t go. By the time we walk all the way back from the bus stop, Mom and Dad are already gone.”

  “So why not come to another clan member and ask them to take you?”

  They both looked to the floor, “We hate school.”

  I blew out a frustrated puff of air and not so gently ran my hands through my hair.

  “Look, why don’t we postpone this meeting until Saturday morning. It looks like I have two cubs to take to school. And I need to speak to Principal Landry anyway.”

  “Yes, Alpha,” they answered and filed out.

  River dropped the cubs on the living room couch on his way out, and I went to retrieve my keys and wallet from my bedroom.

  When I came back, both cubs were completely entranced in what Echo was saying to them in hushed whispers. I’d never seen young ones so involved in a conversation which had nothing to do with candy or toys. She spoke to them with a cloud of seriousness but her tone was loving and motherly.

  “Do you think you can do better next time?”

  “Yes, Coeur. We promise.”

  “Good boys. I will fulfill my part of the deal when I see those grades and that attendance record.”

  They nodded and ran from the house. “They’re going to get their backpacks. They will be back shortly. We struck a deal.”

  “What kind of deal?”

  “The secret kind. You will see in a few weeks.”

  “I’m going to take them to school. Aren’t you coming?”

  She looked towards the kitchen, “Actually, It thought I’d stay here and clean up. Besides, there are only three seatbelts in your truck. You wouldn’t want to give a bad impression to this principal right off the bat.”

  I sighed, “You’re a natural. I didn’t even think that far ahead.”

  She blushed and buried her face in my chest, “No, I’m just an outsider. Sometimes a stranger can see the real story before anyone else. It’s no big deal.”

  “It is to me.”

  I kissed her forehead on my way out. Next would be the cheek, inch by inch, closer and closer, I would get to her mouth eventually. I had to—it called to me.

  Halfway to the school, I couldn’t stand it anymore, I had to pry the information from the cubs. “What did the Coeur say to you?”

  “She said,” Evan started, “that if we want to grow up to be smart and strong like the Alpha, then we had to go to school. She said that we’d never make good strong males without school.”

  “And,” Elliot’s turn, “she said if we didn’t miss one day of school for six weeks straight and tried our best then she’d teach us how to make fire without matches.”

  “Really?”

  They nodded enthusiastically.

  Fire—all it took was the promise of fire and she’d convinced two strays to straighten up. She was brilliant.

  We parked outside of the school and I signed them in. The secretary waved me into the Principal’s office while she escorted the boys to their classes.

  “Mrs. Landry,” I greeted her.

  “Mr. Turnclaw. Just who I wanted to see.”

  “I caught Elliot and Evan this morning. I don’t think they’ll be missing any more school.”

  “And the rest?”

  “The rest?” She raised her eyebrows. It made me feel like a failure as an Alpha.

  “Do you have a list, Mrs. Landry? I will make their attendance priority, I promise.”

  She handed me a list of twelve children, Elliot and Evan at the top as the youngest.

  “I will get this handled.”

/>   “Please do. Your father was lack in that department, paying fines all the time.”

  “I know. I apologize. I don’t intend—I will not be following that example.”

  “See that you don’t.” She shooed me from her office.

  On my half hour drive home I let my new reality really sink into me. I had a female waiting at home for me. Not just any female, my mate, my world and my sun. But I didn’t know the small details about her that I craved. Hell, I didn’t even know how old she was. In any case, she belonged to me and I had a lifetime to learn about her details.

  Chloe was right. I had to speak to Echo about the mate mark. They would look for it. And if they didn’t see it, they would lose respect for me, doubt my ability to claim my mate properly.

  I just hoped she didn’t run for the swamps when she found out. She was so naïve of even the simplest of black bear customs. I wondered if she even knew the story of where we came from.

  Pulling into the driveway of my house, I sensed her there and—another male. It was Tarrow, but even so, I didn’t like it one bit and my bear was ready to tear his head off. Opening the door, I looked around, but didn’t find them. Following my sense of smell, I bounded straight for the office and found them there, on either side of the desk, but both hunched over it, their heads way too close.

  “What’s going on in here?”

  “Hawke, I’m sorry. I was just going to look through your window to see if I could spot any more cubs and Tarrow came back in to get some records. I noticed your financial documents and had some questions. I hope it’s okay that I saw them.”

  I stalked over to my side of the desk and sat in the chair beside her and without permission dragged her onto my lap. I placed my hands just underneath her shirt, my bear needing to feel her skin, confirm she hadn’t been touched by anyone else. She put her fist to her mouth to stifle a giggle.

  “You may look at anything in this home, anytime. You are the Coeur.”

  She patted my hands, like she was consoling a child.

  “I handled all of the finances for Horace. I saw some things that looked off on your books.”

  “Ask away,” I was now cool and collected but I stared Tarrow down anyway until he got my drift and took the seat furthest from my female.

  “Why don’t the clan members put into a main account for clan expenses?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well,” I watched her as she began to speak seriously and couldn’t take my eyes off of her mouth and the way she fidgeted under the table as she tried to make her point. “Horace forced his clan to give him or the Alpha, twenty percent of their paychecks in order to cover clan expenses such as security and upkeep. Of course, he only used about two percent for those means, the rest went into his pocket. Then he’d give them a stipend on paper, but he never really gave it to them. But if your clan members paid, say, five percent in, everything would be covered. You’re covering that stuff with your own personal money, yeah?”

  I nodded in agreement.

  “That’s wrong, Alpha or no Alpha, you shouldn’t bear the weight of everything. And school—“

  “Go on.”

  “I’m sorry, I hope I’m not stepping on toes here.”

  “What did I tell you?”

  “That my opinion is valuable.”

  “Exactly, speak.”

  “Well, there’s that huge van sitting out there behind the house, not being used. I saw it when I was washing dishes. Why not fix it up and transport all of the children at once to school and back home, ensuring their safety and attendance? That way, you know that every child who belongs in school leaves the clan lands on time and is accounted for. And they wouldn’t have to get up so early to catch the bus.”

  After she finished speaking, she huffed out a sigh, obviously still tired.

  “It’s a fantastic idea, Alpha. We’d have to hire a mechanic but it would work. I know Flint has groaned about his cubs having to rise so early in the morning. Especially on days after clan runs.”

  I nodded, but it could be taken care of at another time. There were more important things to handle at that moment, specifically my mate who was losing steam by the second. Her sleepiness was even causing me to be tired.

  “Ok, that’s enough clan business. Tarrow, please excuse us. I think my mate needs a nap.”

  He chuckled and left the house, thinking I had some underlying meaning for the word nap. I wished I did.

  “I’m not that tired. Besides, I have so many questions.”

  “I know. How about we go sit on the couch and you can ask questions and I’ll answer until you fall asleep.”

  “Only if you let me make you lunch.”

  “Deal.”

  She approached the couches and I held back, waiting to see how she’d proceed. She finally planted herself stiffly in the corner of the full sized sofa.

  “Are we getting shy now,” I goaded her. It was worth it for the blush that bloomed in her cheeks.

  “If I let myself think about it, I over analyze everything. I don’t know how to do this.”

  “How to do what?”

  She spread her arms wide, “This. Alpha Female, mate, you, me, I mean, up until a couple of days ago I swear, I thought I was the only bear like me in the world.”

  I sat next to her, but not too close—not nearly close enough for the impatient animal inside me.

  “They didn’t teach you the histories of the bears?”

  “No.”

  “Well, maybe we should start there. Would you like to hear about the creation of the black bear?”

  “Like a child,” she pouted. It was the cutest damned thing I’d ever seen.

  “Like a woman who was denied proper education and training. Ready?”

  “Yes, tell me where in the heck we came from.”

  “First, there’s no way you’re comfortable like that. Lay back, give me your feet.”

  I did as he suggested. He rolled something around in his head, as if deciding where to begin.

  “The Creator made the Earth, and the light was separated from the dark. Then He made the animals. He filled the oceans first and then made the reptiles. Then He made the mammals. When He made the bear, the Creator couldn’t decide which color to make it. He took a great deal of time deciding, enough time to really begin to love the bear’s disposition and decided that one kind wasn’t enough. So, He created the Panda, the Grizzly, the Polar bear, the Kodiak, you get the point. But there was one bear missing. He’d made one more to color at His will, but suddenly it was gone. The Creator looked and looked for the bear until the night took over the day. Then, just as He’d given up looking, He found it. The other bears were fast asleep but the last bear was wide awake. He was so overjoyed at finding the lost bear that his heart skipped a beat and so did the bear’s—he was just as lost without his Creator as the Creator was without him. Since the last bear was so active in the night while the others slumbered, He colored him black to match the night sky. That’s how the black bear came to be.”

  I barely heard the last part, his hands were kneading my feet, and though I had slept the night before, I was restless. There were so many things I’d intended to ask him, but my eyelids wouldn’t let me be. I fell into a deep sleep.

  The collar—it was around my neck again, stinging, burning—my neck was on fire. Horace’s booming voice blasted in my ears. Claws, there were claws grasping my legs, dragging me back to the cabin, the gates closed with Hawke on the other side.

  "Echo, you’re safe.”

  I gasped awake from the nightmare and climbed all the way to the edge of the couch, getting my bearings.

  She clawed inside of me, needing the freedom of shift to fully recover from such a traumatic memory. Then hands, warm, calloused and loving cupped my face and she heeded his touch with a whimper, letting him comfort her and me. But I still needed to run. She’d been cooped up long enough.

  “It’s okay, Echo. Look at me.”

  I matched th
e eyes with the voice of Hawke and allowed the pools of black to pour over me, taking rest in them “mate.”

  It was my bear who spoke through my mouth, demanding that I recognize his presence.

  “Yes,” he beamed at me, now wrapping his arms around my waist, “I’m yours—and you’re mine—mate—always safe with me.”

  A problem left unresolved was answered when my bear took over again, closing the distance between us and clinging to him. I nuzzled his neck, letting the scent of him, grass, rain and earth infiltrate me, willing it to bind with my blood and flow through me. “I’ve never had nightmares before.”

  “You never slept much before.”

  I shook my head. He was right, I hadn’t slept long enough to have dreams before and usually I was so exhausted, it was more like passing out than drifting into sleep.

  “We can run tonight—without the clan. We can’t run with them until you’re marked.”

  “Marked?”

  “We can talk about that later,” he said, smoothing one of his hands over my hair.

  We were pressed so closely together, my mind told me to pull away, but the rest of me swatted those thoughts away. I could feel our hearts both once fluttering, now slowing down together. I pulled back with a second gasp and pressed a hand to his chest where his heart lay. He covered my hand with his own and then placed his other hand over my heart. I reciprocated in laying my other hand on top of his, closed my eyes and just listened, reveling in the dual beat.

  “Why,” I asked, eyes still closed.

  “You fell asleep before I finished the story.”

  “Sorry, Alpha.”

  “Open your eyes, Echo,” his breaths were short and shallow.

  I did and found something inconceivable in his stare, “In private, please do not call me Alpha. I am yours, Alpha or not. Call me Hawke, call me anything but Alpha.”

  “Ok. Can you tell me about this,” I asked, rubbing a circle on his chest.

  But a firm knock on the door interrupted our moment.

  He chuckled, “It’s always gonna be like this. An Alpha has knocks on the door at all times of day and night, phone calls, emergencies—I’m sorry. I wish I was just a regular clan member who could devote every minute to taking care of you.”