Burden

by Lila Felix

I sat on the couch and motioned for her to join me.

  “We really should be going. We should get started as soon as possible. Are you ready? Do you have everything packed,” she asked matter of factly.

  “We? Should be going? Where?”

  “She’s ready and packed,” Hawke emerged at the top of the stairs with two duffel bags in tow.

  “Hawke?” I meant to sound angry. I meant for my words to come from my mouth and knock him on his ass—but instead it came out like an orphan asking if she was being moved to the next new mommy.

  “Yes, Mate. You need to train with her, hone your skills. And you need to get to know your mother. I won’t let you make the wrong decision just because you want to stay here with me. I won’t let you think of yourself as a burden anymore.”

  “I will not go!” I shouted at him. Just as my voice blasted out, the front door opened and in came Rev, Aspen, Tarrow and Flint. “What is this?” I asked of their presence.

  “We have a meeting,” Hawke shrugged but refused to meet my gaze.

  “You can’t make me leave. I won’t go. I belong to you.”

  Hawke moved his head back and forth, pretending to crack his neck. Our hearts were frantic, beating in no rhythm at all, just hammering around in our chests.

  “I made a promise. I will do what’s best for you, even if it kills me.”

  “Then you’ll have to make me leave by force.”

  “Don’t make me do this, Echo. Please don’t make me.”

  I lunged at him, hugging him, hoping the pressure of my love would make him stop this nonsense. After a few seconds, he pushed me away, looking at the floor. “You have to go. You have to do this.” He was whispering to me now.

  “It will break our bond. I won’t live without you. Don’t you know you are my life?”

  Tears ran down his face, “And you are mine. Which is why...”

  I questioned him with my face. And then I felt it through him, through our bond. I felt a power I’d never experienced. It caused my skin to flush and goosebumps to prickle my arms.

  “Echo, I command you to go with your mother until your training is complete and she is satisfied with your progress. Don’t call me. Don’t come back until then. Don’t try to contact me. Leave now.”

  My mate’s voice pulsed through me and I stepped away from him as my bear screamed for her mate. I turned, completely out of control of my own body, grabbed my bags and followed my mother, who was already in the doorway, holding the door open for me. I felt like a puppet in a vice, being guided, but robotically, towards his intended destination. I went onto the porch, and was followed by this horrible woman and Hawke, and saw a car, the steam from its muffler let me know it was started and ready to go. I got into the car like an idiot and in the rearview mirror I could see that the Betas weren’t there for a meeting at all.

  They all had hands on my mate, holding him down, restraining him as he fought his bear for its other half—me.

  My mother didn’t speak until we breached the gates of the other clan’s lands, hours later. And as the gates closed behind us, I was released from Hawke’s command. I’d cried for so long that I’d run out of tears. I could feel his power let go of my muscles, freeing my body, and floating away. I turned around in my seat and looked back. My desire was there, the need to get back to my mate but as my hand clamped down on the door handle it cramped under the weight of his previous command.

  He should’ve commanded my heart not to break. He should’ve commanded me not to miss him. He could’ve done that, at least.

  “He called me yesterday. He knew you would object. I didn’t agree with his tactics but I hope you can get past it and learn from me. I would love nothing more than to teach my daughter our legacy of healing.”

  “I will try. I just can’t understand how he would risk breaking our bond.”

  “He is living by a set of bear standards. Your bear will most likely forget him. She will mourn him for a while and then her thoughts of him will grow less and less frequent until she won’t even remember his name.” She smiled as she looked to the clouds, speaking heinous words.

  “Why are you smiling? How can you smile?”

  I was beginning to hate this ghost who’d blown into my life and ruined it. I didn’t care what she thought she had to teach me. The only reason I would listen to a damned thing she said was to get back to my mate. I’d wished all my life to belong, to have a mother and a father who loved me. But at that moment, I hated that I’d ever wished for it.

  “Because, Echo, what your mate forgets, though I tried to remind him, is that you are not all bear—not all shifter. We humans do not forget the ones we are in love with as you are in love with Hawke. A few months doesn’t make us forget them or throw away what we once had. And I researched it a bit, even bear mates who are separated can re-bond once reunited. I wasn’t completely callous in this, though it may seem so to you.”

  I let out a great breath at her revelation. It wasn’t the end of Hawke and me, or our bond. He just didn’t know it. With just one explanation, she gave me the tiniest of comfort. But she still pissed me off.

  “And him?”

  “You know the tale of a male dying if the female does?”

  “Yes.”

  “The same goes with the bond. You will always be his mate. If you chose not to, your bond would break and you would be able to find another mate. But on his end, the bond is permanent and cannot be moved. You will always be his mate. Nothing can change that.”

  She continued to drive until she parked on the side of a trail. My body ached from being under his demands. And my soul ached from being away from him for who knew how long.

  “We walk from here. I prefer to stay away from the rest of the pack. Simon did as well.”

  “Simon?” I questioned, grabbing the bags from the trunk.

  She stopped in her tracks and gave me a soft, sad smile. “Simon was your father. He died after being attacked while searching for you. I couldn’t get to him fast enough.”

  “Oh.” I supposed that was what I was here for. I didn’t even know my father’s name. I didn’t know what he looked like or how he talked. I didn’t know if he gave a crap that I’d been taken or why he couldn’t find me. We trekked what seemed like miles in my stupid knee high boots. I could feel the trickles of sweat run down my legs, the further we walked. Finally, we came upon a cabin, more like a cottage that looked as if it had been plucked directly from a fairy tale. It was made of random stacked rocks and had a thatch roof. I wondered if the seven dwarves were going to burst from holes in the ground and welcome me to their home.

  “This is home.” She cooed, praising the tiny abode with her voice.

  “It’s cute.” And it was cute, in an ‘I’m meeting Hansel and Gretel’ kind of way.

  We went inside, and she watched me as I set my bags down on the first chair. She clapped her hands and retrieved an enormous forest green book from the shelf.

  “Let’s get started, Echo. We don’t want to keep you from your mate any longer than we have to.”

  I felt the throb in my chest as soon as Echo reached the other clan’s lands. My entire torso was wrapped in a chain, and it tightened, constricting my breaths as it churned. But when she was at her destination, it released me. And my bear, my poor exhausted bear—I’d put us both through the ringer and he’d subsequently gone into hiding, shunning me for what I’d done.

  I slept outside in the swamp that night, in my bear form. I thought it would help me, shifting to a form opposite of hers, but instead it just brought my bear’s raw heartbreak to the surface. But anything was better than sleeping in the bed that smelled like her. Rev had finally left me alone after he knew I’d gotten control of myself and quelled the sin of driving as fast as I could to the LaFourche Clan lands and taking her back. After I called her mom and told her of my plan, I’d put a call into the Alpha of the clan. He seemed genuine when he confessed knowing nothing about the mix up with my clan paying for his clans’
bills. But he also seemed nervous about being on the phone with me and in a hurry to end the call.

  Rev had also come up with a theory about the missing money and who’d been stealing it. But until my mate was off of LaFourche lands, I wouldn’t pursue it.

  Aspen, River, Rev and I had also gone to the clan of grizzlies on an airplane and disbanded them. Those who were guilty were banned from joining any other clan and ever stepping foot on any of my lands, and the rest scattered to other neighboring grizzly clans. Horace was dying in the hospital while his lands and his clan were stripped from him. That was punishment enough.

  The grizzly’s lands were given to Schuylar from the wolf clan as a thank you for watching over my mate all those years and for tipping me off to her existence. It wasn’t gift enough, but I had nothing else to give that seemed worthy enough.

  After a week, my job alone wasn’t enough to keep me busy. I set forth doing all the things on the clan land which had been neglected for so long. The Betas and I repaired every roof and home. We spent one entire weekend gutting Clarissa’s house. She got to keep very few things and with the help of an organizer and her psychiatrist, she was getting better. The week after we cleaned her house out, the Betas and I replaced all of her flooring and repainted the entire place. We also had to replace her appliances and kitchen counter. But it gave me something to keep my mind busy and Adam and his kids were ecstatic to live as a whole family unit again.

  The clan knew about what had happened with Echo. It’d been witnessed by a crowd as she left, their Alpha being restrained after commanding the Coeur to leave. But they seemed to understand and held no animosity towards me. As we worked, females and males alike would clap me on the back or give me looks of compassion. I could feel the changes in her heartbeat periodically and I wondered what she was excited about or what was causing it to do that. Her heart fluttered uncontrollably when she was scared, so I knew the difference in what I was feeling. Rev had set up a system for the children to be taken to school and a month after Echo had left, I received a very pleased call from the Principal, informing me of our now perfect attendance record. Apparently we’d also saved the parish money by not making them come all the way out to our lands.

  I’d completely let myself go, physically. I had a full beard now, even fuller than before I found Echo. I didn’t eat much, and I only shifted if I just couldn’t endure the clamoring at my skin any longer. It wasn’t any fun or relaxing at all to tromp through the swamps without her. I saw her in the reflection of the murky water. Every footprint I saw was hers. I couldn’t get anywhere near the cabin without breaking into a rage—at myself. When I did sleep, I did so on the couch or simply folded over the top of my desk.

  If I thought life before a mate was excruciating—I’d been a fool.

  Life without Echo was misery.

  I was a slow dying disaster.

  Martha was now holding weekly clan dinners at her home on Sundays. She wasn’t trying to take Echo’s place, she was holding up the tradition in her stead.

  And I worked tirelessly through the nights on our home. I repaired all the things that were falling apart, though Echo had either never noticed them, or had the grace enough not to mention them. I walked into the laundry room one night and chuckled, remembering that while Echo was in our home, I hadn’t stepped foot in the laundry room. As much as she’d protested staying home and doing housework, she was flawless at it. And then I noticed a big absence in the room. All of those damned pelts my mother insisted on keeping were gone. There had been at least eight or nine huge containers full of them and they were all missing from their regular spots. But who would take useless pelts? I shrugged it off and moved the washer and dryer out so I could paint. I wanted everything to be perfect when she came back—if she ever came back.

  A knock on the door interrupted me, and when I opened the door, Martha came into view.

  “Alpha, I thought you would want to know that she called me.”

  “Come in, Martha.”

  She looked around behind her, “It wouldn’t look right, Alpha. I just wanted to tell you that she’s okay and she’s progressing well. She told me not to tell you that she called me, but even though I’ve never had a mate, I couldn’t imagine not knowing anything.”

  “I appreciate you, Martha, more than you know. One day soon you’ll find your mate. I just know it.”

  She walked off the porch and went back to her home. If she was right, she was progressing well. And the truth of the matter was, I hadn’t felt the break, the split in the skin like I expected to feel as our bond tore open. I thought that after a few weeks, I would feel us as we were torn apart. But I never did. And now with the phone call to Martha, I had a pinch of hope.

  I felt something off and heard some strange noises outside, but brushed them off. Going back into the laundry room and resuming painting, the noise heightened, and though it was bear, it was more than one and some of the growls did not belong to my own kind. There was an intruder on my lands. As I approached the back door, I saw three grizzlies and two black bears. It was Rev and Aspen fighting three bears. I shifted immediately, joining the fight. They’d made a sore mistake if they were coming here for my mate. I had been lenient the first time, but this time I would be sending no one away breathing. My bear recognized the threat and he moved into protection mode. There were no guilty feelings or second thoughts with my bear. He worked on pure instinct. The biggest grizzly barreled towards me. He hadn’t been as active in the fight with Rev and Aspen. I’d bet ninety to nothing he was supposed to snatch my mate as the other two distracted the security. But I’d been severely underrated. As I shredded into the grizzly’s neck, sidestepping his attack, I thanked the Creator for my thoughts of getting her far away from where they could get to her—even if it wasn’t for that purpose. He turned around and pinned me with a revengeful glare. They were a bigger species than us, but we were faster, more lethal. For a split second, he was distracted by the cry of one of his clan mates and I took the opportunity to slice his abdomen open but as he tumbled in a heap to the ground, he sliced me back, right across my left side—I swore it felt like he ripped a hole in my lung. As I went down, I looked to see if I could help my clan mates. But, Rev had finished off the other grizzly and the third was being chased into the trees by Aspen.

  I felt warm, thick liquid rise into my throat. Its iron taste gagged me and I spat into the grass next to me—blood. Suddenly, my inhaling and exhaling sounded more like a gurgling than breathing and a blackness began to vine into the outer lines of my vision. The last sensation I remember was the back of my head hitting the ground and Rev calling my name.

  The first two weeks with my mom, I’d been less than gracious, to say the least. I knew eventually I would get back to Hawke. I knew it.

  But that didn’t mean I was going to take it easy on the only person keeping me from my mate.

  I dreamed of him. My bear dreamed of him. I usually cried after hers. There was no comparison between my emotions and hers. Hers weren’t multi-faceted. They were pure, unadulterated, and raw. She didn’t hide from them or try to suppress them. He nuzzled her and healed her with his presence through the night. But in the morning, we were left alone with the feeling of being carved out.

  I smelled him all around me, like his scent was branded into my pores.

  I longed to be near him.

  Martha updated me about Hawke on an almost daily basis. And honestly, it seemed like he was getting along better without me there, but I squelched the feeling, knowing he loved me.

  Finally, I stopped taking out my despair on my mother, and buckled down to learn.

  “So it’s been you this whole time. I wasn’t even healing them?”

  I was trying desperately to understand all of the semantics of healing. I learned quickly that it was the Creator from whom I had to draw my gift. I couldn’t believe it. I imagined she was going to teach me some mumbo jumbo about embracing the spirit and some crap. But it turns out she’d bee
n with me the whole time. When I’d healed people before, I was simply drawing on her energy since I had none while I was with the grizzlies and since I didn’t know how to conjure my own energy—or His spirit.

  She tried to make me feel as at home as she could. She cooked my favorite meals and tried to speed my education along at a brutal pace. I learned to like my mother as a person. I wasn’t sure I’d ever really begin to see her as a mother figure.

  In the meantime, she was my teacher and my friend.

  And that hussy who’d taken me from Hawke.

  There were some bureaucracies about me visiting my mother’s lands since I was the only half tribe member, half shifter they’d ever encountered, but one day I hoped to visit them and learn more firsthand information about where I came from. In the meantime, Ordena was teaching me as much as she could, as quickly as she could.

  She showed me pictures of my father. He was very tall. That’s where I got my height. She even had pictures of him in bear form. He had the same brown tinted tipped ears as I did—that Hawke told me I did.

  She was an excellent cook, and she’d taught me some native recipes. I could make fry bread like a pro. It was a heartwarming experience to learn that you weren’t just found in the woods. I had a family, a heritage and a lineage.

  I had a family, other than Hawke.

  I belonged somewhere.

  “How many times do I have to tell you?” She was sassy, like me.

  “Ugh, ok, let’s try again.”

  This healing thing was like pulling teeth, ironically.

  She steeled herself in her wicker chair, “Ok, I’m not giving you any of my energy.”

  I tried, I really did. I tried to feel the energy rise within me, calling it forth, much as I allowed my bear to take a forward position in my psyche. But nothing came.

  It was frustrating to say the least.

  I groaned and she clapped her hands in her lap, rolling her eyes.

  I learned all about my father. They’d met when my father, Simon, was only seventeen, and my mother was nineteen. My grandmother had been completely against the relationship, claiming that bears were habitual loners and stubborn. But after two years of proving himself to my grandmother, she allowed the mating rights to occur. They’d been the first couple in the history of the LaFourche clan that were human and shifter. She showed me only two pages of baby pictures she retained from the short time she had me. The look in their eyes and the brightness of their smiles told me that I was, in fact, not a baby who was thrown to the wolves or abandoned. I was stolen by Horace. I was stolen for his benefit. But how had my healing ability become known? And if they needed a healer, why not just ask?