Hunting Witches

by Jeffery X Martin

  “You look like a sheriff to me, kid,” he said to his reflection. He flipped off the bathroom light, grabbed the keys to his cruiser off a hook by the door and headed out into the night.

  Elders Keep seemed abandoned. Not many lights on in the windows, no signs glaring except the one at The Meal Worm. He thought about Shelly, working at the Nine Forward, the only other place open in town. He hoped she was having a good night at work.

  Deputy Moon was waiting outside when Graham pulled up outside the station. He waved, and the other officer ran down the steps and got into the cruiser.

  “Sorry to call you so late, Sheriff,” he said.

  Graham shrugged. “Perks of the job,” he muttered, as he turned the car around and headed to Vanishing Pointe. “What’s the address?”

  “262 Kimberley Way,” Deputy Moon said.

  Graham shook his head. “Stupid sub-divisions, with their stupid extra ‘e’ at the end of their names and their stupid street names. Who wants to live on a ‘Way?’ What’s wrong with a simple road?”

  “We’re not exactly victims of urban sprawl around here, Sheriff,” the deputy said.

  “I like my apartment, Kevin,” Graham said. “Everyone should live in apartments.”

  “Apartments are small and cramped,” Kevin said. “I like my house. I can paint the walls whenever I want and not worry about breaking a lease agreement.”

  “When’s the last time you painted, Deputy?” Graham asked.

  “Never,” Kevin said. “But if I took a mind to it, I could buy some hot pink paint from The Store tomorrow morning and slap-dash it on the walls however I wanted.”

  “Yeah, you could,” Graham said. “But why?”

  “I like pink,” Kevin said. “Oh, turn here. This is it.”

  “I’ve never had a single call out here, Kevin,” Graham said. “Not one.”

  “Nobody lived out here,” Kevin said. “These folks have the whole neighborhood to themselves. That’s why I called you in on it. Somebody had to do some traveling to bust out this window. It’s not some property dispute with the guy next door. Nobody lives next door. Take the next left.”

  They were on Kimberley Way, and the house was the only one with lights on. Graham pulled into the driveway. He left the cherries on, and red and blue light rotated through the Pendleton’s living room. Mark and Nika had gotten dressed, and per his request, they let the sheriff in through the back door.

  Graham took off his hat and nodded towards the couple. “I’m Sheriff Strahan. I understand y’all are new to town. Sorry I didn’t get to meet you earlier, and I hate that we end up making your acquaintance like this.”

  “You got here fast,” Mark said. “We appreciate it.”

  “We tried not to step on anything or touch anything,” Nika said.

  “Well, that’s greatly appreciated. My deputy is outside right now, looking around, so don’t worry if you see someone poking around.”

  Nika huddled next to Mark, and he wrapped his arm around her and pulled her close.

  “So, what happened?” Graham asked.

  Mark said, “We were watching TV in the living room, having, um…”

  “…a late dinner,” Nika said.

  Graham cocked an eyebrow.

  “ Right,” Mark said. “Dinner. Then we heard a noise, and I got up and there was a hole in the window, glass everywhere, and there’s a brick on the floor.”

  “Did you hear or see anything else? Like a vehicle of any kind?”

  Both Mark and Nika shook their heads. “I was almost asleep,” Nika said. “I didn’t hear anything but the shattering.”

  “Have you touched the brick?” Graham asked.

  “No, sir,” Mark said. “We went down the hall to the bedroom to put some clothes on, then came right back in here to the kitchen to wait for you.”

  “Good deal,” Graham said. He unhooked his radio and depressed the button. “Deputy, anything outside?”

  “Negative, Sheriff,” Deputy Moon replied. “No footprints, no tire marks, nothing.”

  “Understood,” he radioed back. “How long until the white suits get here?”

  “Any minute, Sheriff,” Moon answered.

  “Ten-four. Out.”

  Nika was puzzled. “Who are the ‘white suits?’” she asked.

  “Forensics. Hair and fiber guys. I’m not really expecting to find any hairs or fibers except yours, but you never know. But until they come in and vacuum the carpet to collect the glass as evidence, I can’t get to that brick. And that’s what I’m after.”

  “Can I make you some coffee, Sheriff?” Nika asked. “I don’t see Mark and I doing a lot of sleeping tonight.”

  Graham smiled. “That would be greatly appreciated, ma’am.”

  “Call me Nika,” she said, and Graham nodded in acknowledgement.

  “How long have y’all lived here? Not long, I gather.”

  “Two whole weeks, Sheriff,” Mark said. “Tell me, is this normal Elders Keep behavior? Bricks through windows?”

  Graham shook his head. “It’s not our traditional method of greeting newcomers to the area, no. It’s usually pretty quiet around here.”

  “Is The Store open twenty-four hours?” Mark asked. “I’ve got to get some plastic or something to cover up that hole. I’ve got some we used as a drop cloth when we were painting, but I don’t think its heavy duty enough.”

  Graham got on his radio. “Hey, Kevin, do you still have that roll of plastic at your house?”

  “Sure do,” the deputy replied.

  “Do me a favor,” Graham said. “When Forensics gets here, run and get that for me, would you? No sense giving these people more hassle than need be.”

  “Ten-four, Sheriff,” the deputy said. “I can do that, no problem.”

  “That was good of you, Sheriff,” Mark said.

  Graham shrugged. “Can’t have you getting the wrong idea about our little town. So let me ask you a couple questions. How many people have you actually met around here? Anyone strange?”

  “Sheriff, everybody has been strange,” Mark said.

  “There’s a few in every crowd, Mr. Pendleton,” Graham said. “Have you possible made someone angry since you’ve been here? Accidentally or otherwise?”

  Mark laughed and shook his head. “Yeah, it’s possible,” he said.

  “We went out with some friends tonight,” Nika said.

  “No,” Mark said. “Not friends. Friends don’t order all the cheap wine in the place then jump up on the table and whip out their schlongs.”

  “He didn’t whip it out,” Nika said.

  “He was going to!” Mark interjected. “He was going to pull out his penis and shove it into the tapenade.”

  “Whoa, now!” Graham said. “Who did this?”

  “I was getting to be friends with a girl named Sarah,” Nika said, “and she suggested we go on a double date with her and her husband.”

  “Oooh, Doctor Mike!” Mark said, waving his hands. “He’s a dentist. This will be so much fun! Well, he’s a fucking loon is what he is.”

  “You’re saying Doctor Mike tried to have sexual intercourse with the appetizers in public?” Graham had a difficult time erasing the image from his mind once it appeared.

  “Well, I’m not sure he would have really done it,” Nika said, “but there was a threat of penetration, yes.”

  “I couldn’t have someone behave like that in front of my wife,” Mark said, “so we left before he could bludgeon us with his weiner.”

  “That’s a weird date,” Graham said. “Especially a first date.”

  “So he’s probably mad at us,” Mark said.

  “And Sarah’s been over for coffee, so she knows where we live,” Nika said. “Speaking of coffee…” She strode to the counter and got three mugs down from the counter.

  “You take it black, Sheriff?” she asked.

  “I do,” Mark said, grinning.

  “Ease down, Paleface,” Nika scolded. “We have comp
any.”

  Graham smiled. “Black is fine, Miss Nika.”

  Nika poured three cups of coffee and brought them over. It was strong, and light years beyond the office coffee Graham was used to drinking.

  “All right, then. Doctor Mike and Sarah seem to be prime suspects. Anyone else you can think of? Anybody you work with who could be a problem?”

  Mark shrugged. “No, work’s going great. Besides, I doubt anyone would drive all the way from Bell Plains to break a window.”

  “You never know. If the want-to is bad enough, you’ll do whatever you see fit,” Graham said.

  “I don’t think anyone else even knows where we live,” Nika said. “The cabbie. That’s about it.”

  “It could be just a random thing. Some kids thinking the house is abandoned, out for some cheap thrills.”

  “With our car sitting in the driveway?” Mark asked. “Doesn’t seem likely.”

  “Well, right now, that brick is the key,” Graham said. “We’ll see if we can’t get a print off it. Run it through the system. See what we find.”

  “White coats are here, Sheriff,” Deputy Moon radioed.

  Graham set his coffee down on the counter. “I’m going to meet them out front, then while they’re doing their work, Deputy Moon and I will get your official statements. Paperwork. All that good stuff.”

  Graham left through the back door, and Nika and Mark looked at each other, wondering what would happen next.

  “You don’t really think Mike threw a brick through our window, do you?” Nika asked.

  “I think he would have lobbed a couple of jizzwads in your wine glass if he could have,” Mark said. “That’s just one step away from vandalism.”

  Graham came back in with Deputy Moon following closely behind.

  “The white suits are going to vacuum your carpet,” Graham said. “They’ll need a hair sample from each of you, just to compare against. Is that a problem?”

  Mark and Nika both shook their heads.

  “Excuse us,” came a voice from behind Graham. Two men in police jackets came in with two briefcases and a small vacuum cleaner. Graham nodded at one of them, and pointed towards the living room.

  “Other side of the, uh, sheet tent, in there,” Graham said to the white suits, who marched into the living room.

  “How come they weren’t wearing white suits?” Nika asked.

  “Oh, that’s just what we call them,” Deputy Moon said. “Sometimes, if there’s a biological hazard, they will wear the white suits.”

  “That’s kind of disappointing,” said Nika. “I wanted to see that.”

  The whine of the vacuum cleaner started, then died down about five minutes later. “Hey, Sheriff? You may want to take a look at this.”

  Graham excused himself and walked into the living room. The white suit handed him a large plastic bag. “Here’s your brick. You may want to read it.”

  Graham cocked an eyebrow, stared through the plastic at the brick and sighed. Goddamn it, he thought. This is the last damned thing we need.

  Written on the brick in black letters were three numbers: “13 26 27.”

  “What is it?” Mark asked.

  Graham lifted the bag and showed him. “Exhibit A,” he said.

  “What’s written on it?” Nika asked. “Are those numbers?”

  Graham nodded.

  “What does it mean?” Nika asked.

  “It’s a Bible reference,” Graham sighed.

  “How do you know?”

  “Don’t you folks watch television?” Graham asked. “When you get numbers, it’s always a Scripture reference. Just have to figure out which one.”

  ***

  After the white suits left, Graham and Kevin stayed for a while to help Mark Pendleton put some thick plastic over the hole in his window. Pendleton proved to be an affable type with a good sense of humor. Strahan liked him right away.

  “How long have you been sheriff around these parts?” Pendleton asked.

  “Round about a year,” Graham said. “Kevin, pull that corner tighter.”

  “Yes, sir,” Kevin said.

  “How busy are you, normally?” Mark asked.

  “I have hobbies,” Graham said. “Some days, no one needs us at all. But we’re here on the days when they do.”

  “What about the numbers on the brick?” Mark asked.

  “I can’t really comment on those until I do some more investigating,” Graham said.

  “You play things sort of close to the vest, Sheriff. Why do I get the feeling there’s some weirder shit going on in Elders Keep than you’re willing to let on?”

  Graham smiled. “Oh, son. You have no idea. But it’s really nothing to worry about.”

  “Thanks, Sheriff. My window is reassured by your words.”

  ***

  It was not a night where Graham wanted to go straight home. Nightlife in Elders Keep was pretty limited. He also had a reputation to uphold. A man in his position couldn’t be seen in a Bell Plains titty bar at two in the morning. Luckily, he didn’t have to do that.

  There was only one hotel in town: The Highlander Resort. It was also the location of the only bar in the Keep that wasn’t a dive. The Nine Back was a respectable joint, and it didn’t hurt that the bartender had a crush on him.

  Hell, who was he kidding? He had a thing for her, too. He probably would have moved things on to a higher level with her if he hadn’t become sheriff, if he hadn’t been carved up by one of his oldest friends, if they had been anywhere but here. The last thing a sweet girl like Shelly needed was to get sucked into his personal madness. It was hard enough dating a cop; he couldn’t imagine what it would be like dating the… what did Nance say… crux between good and evil for the entire town? Couldn’t he just have had Mommy issues?

  The Nine Back had two entrances. He didn’t feel like going through the lobby, so he went directly into the bar through the parking lot entrance. As he thought, Shelly was cleaning things up behind the bar. Even at two in the morning, with terrible lighting, that girl was beautiful.

  “Got any fresh coffee?” he asked.

  She turned at the sound of his voice and smiled when she saw his face. Oh, that smile. It got him every time.

  “I might be obliged to make some,” she said. “Anything for the Keep’s finest.”

  Shelly was the only woman who could make Graham blush. She had strong server’s calves, an ass only recently discovered by gravity and the kind of breasts you hear about in Bob Seger songs. Her dirty blonde hair came down a little past her shoulders. Even behind her glasses, her green eyes always seemed to be smiling.

  He sat at the bar while she filled the basket with coffee. She turned as it brewed. “Evenin’, Sheriff,” she said.

  “Good evening, Citizen,” he replied, and she leaned over the bar to kiss him.

  “Rough night?” she asked.

  “A little vandalism, a little apocalyptic language,” he said. “No big deal.”

  She touched his face below his right eye. “You look tired,” she said.

  Graham shrugged. “A little, maybe,” he said. “I was hoping to get that coffee to go.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Shelly asked. “To go where?”

  “Your place, preferably,” he said. “My place looks like a tornado hit it.”

  “So does mine,” she said.

  “Yeah, but I don’t care if your place looks a mess.”

  “Whatever,” she said.

  “Besides, your idea of ‘messy’ and mine differ greatly.”

  “All right, fine,” Shelly relented. “But next time you get a wild hair up your ass to escort a lady home, we’re going to your place. So prepare for it.”

  She fished a foam cup and lid out from under the bar and poured some scalding hot coffee into it. “Give me five minutes,” she said. He nodded, blew the steam off of his coffee and enjoyed the view as she finished cleaning up.

  ***

  Shelly owned a doublewide on the west side of town,
only a couple miles away from the bar. She had gotten a good package deal for the land and the house, and it was one of the few things she had ever owned outright. Some people may have thought it silly to be so house-proud about a trailer, but it was hers, and what other people thought had never meant much to Shelly.

  Graham pulled into the driveway a couple minutes after she arrived home. It wasn’t a matter of trying to be discreet. Secrets were hard to keep in a small town, and even the old men who hung around the counter at The Meal Worm gave Graham a hard time for not proposing yet. He wanted to. But every time he considered popping the question, he remembered his last conversation with Will Brackins, and seeing his wife, Sarah, in her favorite chair for the final time.

  Not happening. Not to Shelly.

  Once inside, there wasn’t a lot of conversation. There was a great rushing and removal of clothing. Graham had to be careful taking off his gun belt, but within seconds, they were naked and stumbling towards Shelly’s bedroom. For a moment, the events of the evening played through his mind and he was disturbed. But Shelly laid him down, cradling his head between her breasts, and then everything was all right.

  ***

  The alarm on Graham’s phone went off at seven.

  “You should take days off,” Shelly murmured.

  “Doesn’t matter if I take them,” he grumbled. “I never get ‘em. Somebody always calls.”

  “Go on and get in the shower, hon,” she said. “I’ll start some breakfast.”

  He put his feet on the floor and sat for a second, waiting for the head-fog to lift. When it did, he followed his morning wood to the bathroom, where he pissed for what seemed like five minutes. He put the seat down, flushed, and started the shower.

  Someday, he would remember to bring some his own toiletries to Shelly’s place. That seemed like a sign of commitment. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. But the real reason was because everyone around him could tell when he had spent the night with Shelly. He smelled like lavender, cocoa butter and lilac shaving cream. All that, and she used different laundry detergent and flowery fabric softener, and he spent the whole day smelling like her.