by Sarah Adams
“What's up?” Tamara asked.
“Nothing,” Amber shook her head.
“That looks like a big nothing,” her BFF laughed.
“I don't want to talk about it,” Amber said.
“Fine, but if you want to spill it later you know where to find me,” Tamara said.
“Let's just get to class,” Amber sighed.
Drama was usually one of her favorite classes, but today she couldn't concentrate on the monologue she was supposed to be memorizing.
“I'm supposed to be moving on and not thinking about Joshua Nelson,” Amber said to herself staring at her monologue with unseeing eyes, “I shouldn't be cold towards the other Joshua just because he isn't as great as Joshua Nelson.”
Amber spent the rest of the day debating whether she would go to the library or not. When the last bell of the day rang Amber ducked into the bathroom and examined her reflection. The girl that looked back at her had her green eyes, but there was something different about her.
“I'm beginning to look older,” Amber whispered, her words echoed around the empty bathroom, “Like an adult. Like my mother. What would you tell me to do, Mom?”
Amber waited in silence for an answer she knew would never come.
“Is it okay that I like him? Will it be like Joshua Nelson in the end? He'll find out how boring I am and ignore me? That's why he never noticed me, I was always too boring,” Amber sighed, “Maybe I shouldn't go to the library. He'll give up on me eventually. Greg had.”
Amber leaned her head against the mirror and squeezed her eyes shut. She breathed deeply. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale.
“If I skip going there two days in a row day will get suspicious,” she groaned to her reflection, “So to the library I go.”
Giving into the inevitable Amber left the bathroom and headed out the big double doors. The air was becoming cooler as autumn wrapped its arms around the Earth. A strong wind blew, knocking red, orange, and gold leaves from the trees. Amber watched as they drifted to the ground. The outside of the school was eerily quiet without her classmates laughing and talking. A few stragglers sat reading or texting. Amber embraced the silence as she reached out to pluck a bright gold leaf from the air before it hit the ground.
HONK! HONK!
Amber dropped the leaf and looked up. Her dad's truck was parked in the loading and unloading zone and he looked impatient.
“What took you so long?” he asked, when she climbed into the truck.
“I was in the bathroom,” Amber said.
“Well, I have a dinner meeting in less than an hour. Am I taking you to the library or am I taking you home?” he asked.
“The library please,” Amber said before she could chicken out.
“Sure, kiddo,” he said.
Amber watched out the window as buildings and trees morphed into blurred monsters. She looked down at the road watching the slate gray blur move the truck along until it came to a stop in the library parking lot. For a moment Amber didn't move.
“Get a move on, Amber!” her father said, “I'm already running late.”
“Sorry, Dad,” she mumbled, “I'll see you later.”
“Behave,” he said and pulled away.
Amber watched until his tail lights faded away. The library had morphed from place of refuge to a place of the forbidden and unknown. Its shell looked the same, but Amber knew something had changed. It just wasn't the same. Inside she'd find Joshua Kirk and he'd talk to her.
“Let's just get this over with,” Amber sighed and pushed open the heavy door, “When are they going to install automatic doors? They're so behind the times, geez.”
Amber turned in the last of the books that had taken up the space on her bedside nightstand before beginning to wander the bookshelves, keeping on the lookout for Joshua. An elderly woman wearing a flowered dress sat in an armchair reading a smutty romance novel. A businessman was typing rapidly at his laptop, looking both worried and excited.
“Are these people always here?” Amber pondered silently.
A mother sat at a short table with her twin toddlers. Amber smiled as the mother ran her hair over one of the boys' blonde hair.
“Hopefully they stay together forever,” Amber whispered under her breath and renewed her search for reading material.
She turned the corner down another aisle of books and blinked. At the far end Joshua Kirk stood leaning against the shelves, his elbow resting in front of the paperbacks. His other hand held a science fiction paperback from the seventies. Amber read it a year ago, but the ending hadn't made sense.
“That one ends weirdly,” Amber said, as she approached him.
“Not really,” Joshua shrugged.
“Have you read it before?” Amber asked.
“Yeah, twice. It's one of my favorites,” he said, placing his bookmark inside and meeting Amber's eyes, “I thought you stayed really busy?”
Amber tried to ignore the hot blush spreading across her cheeks.
“I usually do,” she said, “Like right now I'm looking for something to read.”
“You should read this one again,” he said and offered the book to her.
“No, I'm okay,” Amber shook her head.
“Read it again. It might make better sense the second time around,” he said, still holding out the book.
“I don't think so. It just didn't end right. All through the book the main character is chasing after Gretta. He's in love with her. He's been in love with her since they were little kids and neighbors and in the end he just walks away. Brett walks away and leaves her to drown,” Amber said.
“No, he didn't,” Joshua said.
“Yes, he did!” Amber said, “I've read the book.”
“No, he didn't. Brett was in the psych ward. Gretta was the nurse who took care of him, but he didn't know it. He didn't have memory of anything that happened after the accident, but she got married and moved on. In the end, Brett's memory returns and his minds conjures a hallucination of her being gone forever so he can move on,” Joshua explained.
As he spoke Amber found herself lulled by the sound of his voice. His words fell up and down, like Mrs. Kelly when she read poetry to the class.
“That's deep,” Amber laughed.
“Like I said, read it again,” Joshua grinned.
“I will,” Amber nodded.
“So what else do you read?” he asked.
“Just about anything I can get my hands on,” Amber admitted.
“Then read these three next,” Joshua said pointing out three other paperbacks, “They're by the same guy and they're freaking awesome.”
“Do Gretta and Brett ever get together?” Amber asked.
“No, they were never intended to. He was just obsessed with her,” Joshua shrugged.
“That's a bummer,” Amber sighed.
“Not everyone can have their happy ending. Some people have to miss out on one for someone else to have theirs,” Joshua said.
“I don't believe that,” Amber laughed.
“Most girls don't,” Joshua shrugged, “So now that you have something to read what are you busy with?”
“Well, at the moment I'm really busy talking to this guy from math,” Amber laughed.
“And how long is this going to be keeping you busy?” Joshua grinned.
“For awhile, I guess,” Amber shrugged, “but my schedule changes frequently.”
“Fair enough, wanna sit down?” Joshua asked.
“Sure,” Amber said and led the way to her favorite table.
“Why do you always sit at that table?” he asked.
“Do you have another you want to sit at?” Amber asked blushing.
“No, I usually sit upstairs in the armchairs,” Joshua said, “but here's fine.”
“Good, because this is my favorite table, because it's at the very center of all the books,” Amber said, setting her backpack down before taking her usual seat at the table.
She slid her fee
t out of her flip-flops and curled one leg under the other. Joshua sat down across from her and they both stared at the table for a moment. Amber's heart began to race again and her palms were sweaty. This reaction would have been normal, if Joshua Nelson had walked by recently, but not sitting here with the other Joshua.
“So what do you do besides read?” he asked.
“Go to school,” Amber laughed.
“I mean besides what the government and your parents force you to do,” he chuckled.
“Umm. Read,” Amber laughed, “and hangout with Tamara.”
“Tamara? Isn't she the one with the crazy couponer for a Mom?” he asked.
“Yes, but Mrs. Page isn't crazy,” Amber said, “She's actually really freakin' nice.”
“Well, what do you and Tamara do, because I've never seen a novel in that girl's hands,” Joshua laughed.
“We shop, hang out at the mall, just chit-chatting really, and sometimes we watch movies, but I don't like them much,” Amber said, “What about you?”
“Video games, the internet, and guitar,” he said.
“Guitar?” Amber asked.
“Yeah, I started playing last year. I'm decent at it, I guess,” Joshua shrugged.
“You have to play for me sometime,” Amber said.
“Okay,” Joshua chuckled, “We can go to my house now if you like.”
Amber blushed. She had never been invited to a guy's house. Her dad wouldn't like the idea, but she wanted to find out if this Joshua could really play the guitar.
“I better not,” Amber sighed, “I don't know when my dad's going to pick me up and if I'm not here when he gets here, I'm in for it.”
“Okay,” Joshua shrugged, “What about this weekend?”
“Can I get back to you on that tomorrow?” she asked.
“No,” Joshua laughed.
“That's rude!” Amber said.
“No, you can't get back to me tomorrow, because I won't be at school. My dad's opening another branch of his automotive store and I have to help him set up tomorrow and Thursday,” Joshua chuckled.
“Oh, okay,” Amber said, “I could text you.”
“I don't have a cellphone,” Joshua laughed.
“Really?” Amber asked.
“I washed it in my jeans a few weeks ago and Dad's making me help them setting up shop to earn the money for a new one,” he admitted.
“Sounds fair to me,” Amber nodded.
“I guess so,” Joshua shrugged, “I don't have to see O'Bannon for two days.”
“You might miss the pop quiz,” Amber laughed.
“I can only hope,” Joshua laughed, “Crap, I didn't realize it was already after five. I've got to get home! I'll see you on Friday!”
Amber watched as Joshua pushed open the heavy door with ease and darted away from the building. Once he was out of sight Amber allowed herself to relax. A grin played around her lips and she giggled.
“It's a nice change to feel giddy over someone who actually knows I'm alive,” she laughed.
Chapter Eight
Friday
“My answer is still no, Amber,” her dad said as she walked out the door, “If you want to hang out with this kid, he can come here. You're too young to go to a boy's house alone.”
“What about him? He's not too young to go to a girl's house alone?” she retorted.
“He's not my child,” he said.
“I'm not a kid anymore, Dad, I'm almost sixteen,” Amber sighed.
“I know how old you are,” he sighed, “Amber if he really wants to hang out with you he won't care where it is. If he's not willingly to meet me, you shouldn't even be his friend. It means he has bad intentions. I was a sixteen year old boy once, you know.”
“Yes, I know, Dad, you remember when the leader of your caveman tribe invented the wheel,” she laughed.
“That's the deal, Amber. I'll be home all weekend. If you want to hang out with this new Joshua, invite him over,” he said.
“I will, but only if you promise not to mention Joshua Nelson,” Amber sighed.
“Joshua who?” he asked.
“You know who I… Oh, gotcha! Thanks, Dad,” Amber grinned, “I've got to go or I'm going to miss the bus.”
“Have a good day at school,” he called after her.
“You enjoy your day off!” she said, waving goodbye.
Larry idled the bus and waited for Amber to sprint on board.
“Thanks, Larry,” she panted and slid into her seat.
“Not a problem,” he smiled and pulled back onto the street.
Amber's hands trembled as she counted the stops.
Three more to go.
“Will he be back today?”
Two more to go.
“Should I invite him over?”
One more to go.
“Ah, the hell with it. Even if we don't hit it off, I can at least enjoy the music. I want to hear him play.”
Joshua Kirk stepped onto the bus wearing jeans and a black t-shirt. The shirt sported a band logo that Amber didn't recognize.
“Hey,” he said and slid into his own seat, “You ready to get back to me?”
“Umm… Yeah, so my dad, he's, well, epically old fashioned and doesn't think I should be hanging out with gu…people he doesn't know. So if it's okay, could we hang out at my house this weekend. Just so he can meet you and see that you're not a psycho or something. I understand if you don't want to, because that would mean lugging your guitar around and stuff, but...” Amber rambled on, her blush deepening with every word.
“Sounds great,” Joshua said.
“Really?” Amber asked, trying not to sound as surprised as she felt.
“Yeah, I don't want to get you in trouble or anything, so I'll meet him,” Joshua said, “So around noon on Saturday, okay?”
“Yeah, that's fine,” Amber smiled, “See you in math.”
Amber didn't have time to tell Tamara about her weekend plans with Joshua Kirk nor did she have much time to think about them at all. She had a history exam that took the length of the period and Mr. O'Bannon finally sprang his pop quiz, which turned out to be more of a test than a quiz. She even managed to make it through her monologue without missing a single word.
“I think I gave a pretty convincing show, didn't I?” she whispered to Tamara as she walked back to her seat.
“I think so,” Tamara laughed, “Though I always flunk out on monologues, so don't ask me.”
At lunch, Amber had just finished Tamara about her dad's insistence on having Joshua come to their house and was waiting for her response when Joshua claimed one of the empty chairs at their table.
“Hey,” he said.
“Hey, Josh,” Amber said.
“So you met Amber in math?” Tamara asked.
Amber slapped her on the arm.
“Ouch! You're going to have to watch out for her. She can be violent,” Tamara laughed.
“I'll show you violent,” Amber laughed and playfully hit her arm again.
“Quit abusing me, BFF,” Tamara laughed.
“Forever is looking shorter and shorter,” Amber grinned.
“Oh, speaking of forever the school newspaper is out today! There's an article about Joshua Nelson and he's such a liar! In the article he says his favorite color is blue!” Tamara said, sliding the paper across the table for Amber to read.
“What?” Amber asked.
“Why do you guys care what his favorite color is?” Joshua asked.
“I don't, not really,” Amber lied, well it was a half lie. Until recently she had cared very much about what his favorite color was. She had forced herself to give up the crush, but couldn't stop herself from reading the article.
“Reporter: So you have a lot of female fans here at school and some of them want to know more about you.
Joshua: Okay, like what?
Reporter: What's your favorite color?
Joshua: My favorite color has always been navy blue.”
�
��He lied to you!” Amber said, tossing the paper back to Tamara “He's a lying dog!”
“I already told you I didn't think he was telling the truth,” Tamara sighed.
It occurred to Amber Joshua Nelson's lie was exactly the reason her spell hadn't worked. If his favorite color wasn't black!
“Damn it! Damn it! Damn it!” Amber cursed silently, “That's what screwed up the spell! That's what went wrong.”
“So Josh,” Amber said trying to sound casual, “What's your favorite color?”
“Black,” he said automatically.
“Oh, crap! Oh, crap! Oh, crap!” was all Amber could think, “He's only paying me so much attention because of the spell! I put his name on the candle and it was his favorite color! What am I going to do?”
“You okay?” Tamara asked.
“Yeah, I'm fine,” Amber lied, “Isn't black the absence of color?”
“Only if you want to get technical about it,” Joshua laughed.
The bell rang signaling it was time to head back to class.
“Are you going to the library tonight?” she asked Joshua as they left the cafeteria.
“No, we still have a few more things to finish up at the new store,” he said.
“That's okay, I'll see you tomorrow then,” she grinned and turned into her sixth period English class.
“See you tomorrow,” Joshua called back.
“Yeah, you will,” Amber thought to herself, “and hopefully by then I know how to break the spell.”
When the final bell of the day sounded Amber didn't go to her locker. She sprinted past Tamara and headed outside.
“Hurry up!” she bounced on the balls of her feet and muttered to herself, “Hurry up, Dad, hurry up! Please, hurry! I need to get to the library and find out how to fix this! Why did I even do that spell? Now, I've got the wrong guy following me around and I think I'm starting to like him! No!”
“What's wrong with you today, BFF?” Tamara asked and Amber started.
“Nothing,” she spat out, trying to avoid having to explain herself to Tamara.
Tamara arched an eyebrow and put her hand on her hip.
“You wouldn't believe me,” Amber sighed, “Even if I told you, Tamara, you wouldn't believe me.”