Blind Faith

by Kimberley Reeves

  Will locked eyes with her. “I see you,” he said pointedly, his voice low enough so only she could hear.

  McKinley blinked, her tirade grinding to a halt. He could tell by her startled expression that she knew exactly what he meant. Maybe Serena and the rest of her family didn’t see what a snake McKinley was, but he did. With a derisive smile, Will turned around and headed towards the house, his surly mood diminishing with every step that carried him closer to Serena.

  “I won’t let you do this,” McKinley shouted. “You’re the one who needs to leave.”

  Will kept walking.

  “Serena, can’t you see what he’s doing?” her frantic voice called after him. “He’s using you to get what he wanted seven years ago…what those other boys got and he didn’t. He’ll hurt you just the way they did.”

  Will whirled around, eyes blazing, his voice a lethal growl. “That’s ENOUGH! Get out of here, McKinley, or so help me God…”

  “You’ll what,” she taunted, “hit me? You see how easily he’s provoked, Serena, how easily a man can turn violent?”

  McKinley was partially right; Will was having some very violent thoughts at that moment which involved a gag and locking her in the trunk of her car. As appealing as the idea was, he refrained from acting on it, although it was evident by the sudden wariness in her eyes that McKinley suspected what was going through his mind. He didn’t trust himself to speak, and he certainly didn’t trust himself to move; the urge to clamp his hand over her mouth was almost too powerful to resist. It was probably fortunate for both their sakes that he was distracted by the sound of Serena’s measured footsteps as she descended the porch stairs.

  “Stop it,” Serena croaked out. “No more.”

  Hearing the distress in her voice was difficult enough, but to see her beautiful features marred by worry lines gouged a jagged hole through his heart. He should never have let the banter with McKinley go on for so long, or allowed his temper to get out of control. It killed him to think he was responsible for inflicting even more pain on Serena than she’d already endured.

  “You’re right,” Will said, shooting McKinley a warning glance. “There won’t be any more verbal bashing from either of us tonight.”

  “This discussion is not over,” McKinley protested heatedly. “We haven’t settled anything and I am not leaving until we do.”

  Serena shook her head. “No, I want this to end now. Do you think I like listening to the people I love tearing each other apart?”

  “I’m only trying to protect you,” McKinley feigned a wounded tone.

  “I know you are, and I know that’s what Will is doing too. No, let me finish,” Serena said when McKinley started to interrupt. “I discovered things today that are…disturbing, and I need some time to think it through, to examine it more closely and figure out what it all means. That’s why I’m asking you to leave…both of you.”

  McKinley managed to inject a note of sincerity into her words even as she directed a triumphant smile towards Will. “If that’s what you really want, of course we’ll give you all the time you need.”

  Will disagreed wholeheartedly. If anything, Serena needed emotional support, now more than ever. “I don’t want to leave you alone when you’re upset. I won’t ask you to talk about anything you don’t want to, just…let me stay with you, Serena.”

  She seemed to waiver for a moment before slowly shaking her head. “I’m sorry, Will. I know this is your home too and I have no right to put you out, but I’m sure you understand that it would only be adding fuel to the fire if you stayed.”

  “All right, I’ll go.” he replied reluctantly.

  It was obvious by McKinley’s arched eyebrows that she was surprised he was folding so easily, but given the situation, he didn’t have any choice. Will leaned down and dropped a chaste kiss on Serena’s cheek then waited until she’d gone inside the house before trudging to his car like a beaten dog. A sidelong glance at McKinley as she climbed into her own car confirmed his suspicion she was gloating. She followed him for several blocks, no doubt to make sure he didn’t double back, but when he made for the freeway on ramp, McKinley finally stopped tailing him. Only then did Will allow the grim expression to slip from his face.

  ***

  Serena slumped against the door, drawing in a ragged breath when she heard both cars pull away from the house. She felt numb inside, but she welcomed it because it was better than the shards of pain that had sliced through her when she first realized McKinley had set her up. When she was sure her wobbly legs would sustain her, Serena shoved away from the door. Her movements were mechanical as she made her way to the kitchen to feed Rufus, but by the time he finished eating, the numbness had begun to wear off and the unshed tears to fall.

  She couldn’t afford to cater to her emotions right now but she did allow herself to mourn the death of something she’d held close to her heart for years; the belief that McKinley loved her. When everyone else was trying to coax her into remembering what happened that night, only McKinley seemed to understand she didn’t want to remember and reassured her it was okay to block it from her mind. And when Serena finally gathered the courage to tell her parents she wanted to discontinue visits to the psychiatrist, McKinley had taken up for her and gotten them to quit pestering her about it.

  It was McKinley who convinced her not to let the dream of becoming a teacher die just because she was blind. She encouraged Serena to learn Braille and even took a couple of college courses with her, and they’d formed a closeness that had never been there before. At least that’s what she’d thought was happening, but now Serena knew her sister had only been playing her.

  She tried not to dwell on it while she showered and blow dried her hair, but the sting of betrayal lingered even as she slipped into her favorite dress and her thoughts turned to Will. Would he understand why she’d sent him away too? God, she hoped so. Will was smart, she reasoned, and he seemed to be able to read her better than anyone else except maybe Rose. Surely, he would be able to decipher the meaning of her cryptic plea for him leave.

  Serena went to the closet and pulled out a pair of matching sandals with a wistful sigh. Even that small task had been made easier with McKinley’s help. Recalling the memory was like pouring salt into an open wound, but she couldn’t seem to help herself. It happened about two months after her release from the hospital. Serena was sprawled across her bed, feeling particularly sullen that day because her mother had purchased several new outfits for her. Not that she didn’t trust her Mom to pick out her clothes, but it was a painful reminder that she couldn’t even dress herself anymore.

  “I know she did it to cheer me up,” Serena said when McKinley popped in to check on her, “but it’s not like I can tell what top goes with what pants just by touching them.”

  “I have a great idea,” McKinley plopped down beside her. “I’ll arrange your closet and drawers so you don’t have to ask for help from anyone.”

  “What good will that do? I still can’t distinguish between a color clash and color coordination without my sight.”

  “I don’t mean just arranging them by color. I could do something with the labels…like sew knots to represent the color. The letter “B” in Braille looks like a colon, right? Well, I could sew two knots into the label so you would know it was blue.”

  “B could stand for brown or black too,” Serena pointed out, still intent on being disagreeable.

  “Then we’ll use “BR” for brown and “BL” for black. Come on, Serena, it will give you back a little bit of independence and it wouldn’t take long to do if I ask Mom to help me. We could even do something similar with your shoes, maybe make small indentations on the soles.”

  Serena gave herself a mental shake. She had to stop thinking about McKinley and concentrate on what she was going to do about Will. Time was running out, and there were still a few things that needed to be done if she hoped to avoid a replay of what happened outside. The first thing she did was make sure all
the lights were turned off; not an easy task since she had to remember where all the switches were. The only light she ever bothered with was in the living room, and that was only so Rufus wouldn’t be in the dark all the time. Once Will moved in, he took it upon himself to turn off all the lights and lock up for the night.

  Will. He’d barely been gone an hour and already she ached for the sound of his voice, his laughter, the heady scent of his cologne. She could still taste him, still feel the gentleness of his touch and the lingering warmth of his kiss on her lips. Thinking of him calmed her shaky nerves, and by the time she finished checking all the light switches and let Rufus outside, Serena was actually smiling. Yes, she would have to deal with McKinley sometime, but not tonight.

  She gave Rufus a few extra minutes to do his business and putter around the yard then called him back inside. He followed her through the kitchen and tried to wheedle himself between Serena and the door leading into the garage when he saw her reaching for the knob. She rarely had reason to go into the garage except when she took out the trash so it was no wonder Rufus took a protective stance.

  “It’s okay,” she stroked his head, “I promise there’s nothing more dangerous than a few fat spiders in there.”

  Gently nudging him aside, Serena opened the door and reached inside, her fingers skimming along the wall for a few seconds before locating the button to the garage door. The thump of Rufus’ tail against her leg as the door glided along the track told Serena he was just as happy about the prospect of Will coming home as she was. Well, not quite. She doubted his heart was beating as erratically as her was.

  “Don’t get too excited,” she crooned softly, “we may have to wait a while.”

  She didn’t want to think about the possibility that Will wouldn’t be back tonight. Even if he hadn’t caught on to what she had subtly tried to tell him when she sent him away, Serena clung to the belief that he cared about her too much to give up so easily.

  She closed the door then crossed the room to sit at the kitchen table, surprisingly at peace with herself. Something had changed today, something deep inside where that frightened young girl had lived for so long. The way she felt about McKinley and Will, and even herself, had been irrevocably altered by what she’d learned in the past few hours. McKinley’s betrayal was a devastating blow but she would get through it somehow. As for Will…

  Serena’s heart leapt when she heard the familiar hum of Will’s car as it pulled into the driveway. Rising unsteadily to her feet, she listened for a moment to assure herself he’d parked in the garage then made her way to the door. An eternity passed before she heard the garage door close, and it was another agonizing eternity before she heard the soft click as the door leading into the house closed behind him. Serena didn’t give him time to reach for the light switch. She moved towards him, whispering Will’s name on a sigh as his strong arms curled around her and pulled her close in a fierce hug.

  “Serena, what…?”

  “No, don’t say anything yet,” she pleaded. “I just need you to hold me for a minute.”

  Nestled against the warmth of his body, Will’s masculine strength surrounded her like a protective coat of armor. She felt safe with him, trusted him…loved him. Tilting her head back, Serena welcomed the slow, tender kiss Will gave her. She welcomed the maelstrom of emotions that flooded her senses and the ensuing need for something more.

  “Being brave doesn’t mean you’re not afraid,” Will had told her during one of their long talks. “It means forging ahead in spite of being so scared your insides are shaking.”

  Serena had nodded in agreement but she hadn’t fully understood it until now. She’d been terrified of leaving the safety of her home to finish high school but had forced herself to go to the Institute for the blind her parent’s enrolled her in. And she was scared half out of her mind to attend college, but she’d done that too. Living alone in this house and then letting Will move in with her had also been acts of bravery; she just hadn’t recognized it before now.

  This is where the running stops, she told herself. This is where your life begins.

  “Don’t turn on the light,” Serena said in a hoarse whisper.

  “You think McKinley is going to drive by to see if I’m here, don’t you? That’s why you had the garage door open; to make sure my car was hidden.”

  “Yes, and if the house is dark, she won’t have any reason to think you’re here. I was afraid you wouldn’t catch on that I wanted you to come back.”

  Will chuckled. “I didn’t at first. Then I remembered what you said before, that McKinley seeing us together only added fuel to the fire.” He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “I would have come back anyway, but then you already knew that, didn’t you?”

  “I hoped.”

  “You knew,” he insisted, “otherwise you wouldn’t have opened the garage door for me. And now that our evening must be spent in the dark, I’m afraid I won’t be much help in the kitchen. Unless you consider bologna sandwiches a meal, in which case, I suppose I could risk using a penlight.”

  “I…I’m not really hungry right now, are you?”

  “I’m fine if you are. Would you like to sit in the living room and talk for awhile?”

  “No, I don’t want to talk either.”

  “I’m running out of ideas here, sweetheart. If you don’t want to eat or talk, what would you like to do?”

  Serena drew in a deep breath and pushed the words out. “I want to go to my bedroom.”

  “Oh. I’m sorry,” he sounded disappointed. “I should have realized you’d be worn out after everything that happened today.”

  “That’s not what I meant,” she said, surprised that her voice could sound so normal when there was an acrobatic performance going on inside her stomach. “I want to be with you tonight, Will. I want you to make love to me.”

  Serena’s words hung in the air, her proposition verbally unanswered. It was painfully obvious by the sudden tension in Will’s body and his continued silence that she had just made a horrible, horrible mistake.

  Chapter 11

  I want to be with you tonight, Will. I want you to make love to me.

  The burning sensation in his chest began to subside as Will slowly expelled the air that was trapped in his lungs. Had Serena really spoken those words or had he only imagined them? Every muscle in his body tensed. He was afraid to move, afraid to do or say anything that would alarm her. He wished he could see her face, read the emotions she so often displayed without even knowing it. Her voice hadn’t waivered, but that didn’t mean she was a hundred percent certain about wanting to sleep with him.

  And he needed her to be sure. He needed to know there would be no regrets afterwards, and that Serena was doing it because she wanted to, not because she thought their relationship would end if they didn’t take it to the next level.

  “Maybe we should wait,” he started, as if his heart wasn’t clamoring at the thought of touching her, tasting her; as if his body wasn’t aching to be inside of her.

  “You don’t want me,” Serena replied woodenly.

  She tried to pull away from him, but Will only locked his arms more firmly around her.

  “Don’t want you? Oh, sweetheart, if you only knew. All I can think of right now is how much I want to sweep you up into my arms and carry you off to the bedroom.”

  “Then…what’s stopping you?”

  “Well, for one thing,” he said solemnly, “it’s pitch black in here. I would be lucky to find my way out of the kitchen without slamming one or both of us into the wall.”

  Serena’s head fell forward, resting lightly on his chest. Her slender fingers curled around the material of his shirt and her shoulders started to shake. For one gut wrenching moment Will thought she was crying, but it quickly became evident that the muted sound she was trying to suppress was a giggle.

  “You think that’s funny, do you?”

  “You have to admit the romantic gesture would be lost
if you smacked my head against the door frame.” She managed to stifle the giggle but he could still hear the laughter in her voice as she tilted her head back. “Can you imagine trying to explain to my parents why you had to take me to the emergency room with a possible concussion?”

  “Better not chance it,” he grimaced. “I’m not exactly their favorite person right now.”

  “That’s not your fault, Will, and you know it.

  “Maybe not, but…”

  “I don’t want to talk about my parents,” she was adamant. “Or McKinley. I want tonight to be about you and me…us, just us.”