Blind Faith

by Kimberley Reeves

  There were a few minutes of silence while he presumably turned on a light to keep from mowing over any other pieces of furniture. Mentally tracing his movements by the sound his bare feet made on the hardwood floor, Serena knew he was standing right outside the door even before she heard the tentative tap. She drew in a jagged breath then pressed her lips firmly together to prevent an anguished sob from escaping. She didn’t want to talk to him, not when her insides felt like raw hamburger and it was all she could do to keep from bursting into tears.

  Will tapped on the door again, a little louder this time. “Serena, honey…we aren’t going to resolve anything if you won’t even talk to me.” Muttering something unintelligible when she replied with mutinous silence, Will didn’t bother to knock before opening the door and stepping inside. “Come on, sweetheart, it’s late and we’re both tired. Why don’t we go back to bed, get a good night’s rest, and talk about it in the morning?”

  “You refuse to help m-me,” her voice wobbled, “what more is there to say?”

  “I do want to help you, but not by taking you back to that place. It’s too risky. Serena, listen to me,” he moved a little closer. “You don’t know what will happen. What if going there is too traumatizing for you? It could do more harm than good and I would never forgive myself if…if…”

  “If I go off the deep end?” she finished for him.

  “I was going to say, if anything bad happened to you.”

  “You were the one who said I needed to face my fears,” Serena reminded him.

  “Face them, not relive them. Look, we’ll find a therapist that specializes in the type of trauma you suffered. We can even try hypnosis if you want.”

  “In a nice, controlled environment where I can feel safe? No,” she said with vehemence, “I’ve done the therapist thing and it didn’t work. And, granted, I don’t know much about hypnotism but as I recall, you have no memory of what happens when you’re under so how would that be any different than the nightmares I have? They certainly haven’t proved to be very therapeutic, which validates my theory that I need to conquer this on both a conscious and subconscious level.”

  “There has to be some other way.”

  “There isn’t,” Serena insisted.

  “It could backfire on you, revive the old fears and insecurities you have already worked through. You’ve come so far…”

  “Not far enough.”

  “I don’t understand you,” Will’s voice was laced with frustration. “It must terrify you to think of going there, especially since you have no idea if it will do anything but bring the nightmares back in full force. Why would you want to take that chance?”

  Serena let out a weary sigh. She knew he was only trying to protect her. She also knew why he didn’t want to take part in something that could breach the chasm in her mind that was shielding her from the past. But she needed him, needed the inner strength his presence gave her, and unless he truly understood why she felt compelled to go through with it, Will was not going help her.

  “I could give you a million reasons why I need to do this, but it would be easier to show you. Is the bathroom light on?”

  Will sounded perplexed by the radical change in subject. “Yes…but what does…?”

  “Turn it off and shut the door. Please,” she added when he didn’t move. Once she heard the click of the door as he closed it, Serena silently moved to the far corner of the bathroom, several feet from where she had been standing before. “Now come to me,” she said softly.

  “You’re not in the same spot,” Will said as he shuffled in her general direction.

  It was a fairly good sized room but like most bathrooms, there were obstacles that jutted out, like the toilet and counters and towel racks that made it difficult to negotiate in the dark without running into something. As Will found out a few seconds later when he stumbled into the laundry basket before angling towards her. She could hear him patting the objects he came across with his hands; the first of two counters, the shower door, the wall near the corner she had tucked herself into. Silently sidestepping him, Serena eluded Will and positioned herself by the door.

  Will’s hand slid across the wall where she had been only moments before. “Where are you?”

  “Over here.”

  “Just what are you…” There was a dull thud, followed by a colorful string of oaths. “I think I broke my toe,” he ground out.

  “Watch out for the…” another dull thud, “…edge of the counter,” she finished. “Ouch.

  That sounded painful,” Serena said with a hint of laughter in her voice.

  “You won’t think it’s so funny when I get my hands on you,” Will growled as he fumbled his way back to the door.

  “I’m right here,” Serena taunted from behind him. She felt the whoosh of air when he whirled around and tried to grab her, but she was too fast for him and easily maneuvered off to his left. “You’re getting warmer.”

  She made another tactical move, slowly circling him and tossing out a whispered word or two so he would mock her movements. When she was sure Will was so disoriented he probably couldn’t tell if he was facing towards or away from the door, Serena stopped moving around and waited for him to find her.

  “Okay, you’ve had your fun,” Will slipped his arms around her waist and pulled her close. “Now do you want to tell me what this is all about?”

  “It’s about being in the dark,” she told him, “and not being able to distinguish night from day. It’s about feeling lost and clumsy and never knowing for sure if your clothes match or your hair is a mess. And it’s hearing someone say they love you and dying inside because you will never be able to look in their eyes or see their face, their smile…”

  Serena choked back her tears and made one last attempt to change Will’s mind. “I asked you to turn off the lights and try to find me so you would get an idea of what I go through every single day of my life. I feel helpless and frustrated when I can’t find something, and it’s so hard to hold onto my confidence and self-esteem when I can’t do something as simple as finding the spoon I dropped on the floor.

  I don’t want to feel my way around anymore. I don’t want to be afraid to go someplace unfamiliar because I can’t stand the thought of people feeling sorry for me when I bump into something. And I don’t want to spend the rest of my life trying to hang on to the faded image I have you. Please don’t do this to me, Will,” her voice quivered. “I’m begging you…don’t leave me in the dark.”

  ***

  Will had every intention of dissuading Serena from going back to that horrible place no matter what arguments she presented. He was terrified it would be too much for her and had a bone chilling image of carrying Serena out of the cave in the same catatonic state he’d found her in seven years ago. He wanted to believe her eyesight would return on its own; that given time, his love would heal her. He sure as hell didn’t want to use the shock method, but how could he tell her no when the pain in her voice was so woefully evident?

  Will thought about what she’d said. And yes, he had felt a little lost and clumsy, but he had the security and comfort of knowing all he had to do was turn on the light and everything would be back to normal. Serena didn’t have that option.

  His eyes shifted from left to right and back again without detecting so much as a sliver of light. With the room still immersed in total darkness he wasn’t even sure which direction the door was in, and that’s when it finally hit him. How can she get over what happened to her when Serena’s blindness is a constant reminder?

  “I’ll do it,” he finally said, “but on one condition.”

  “What’s that?”

  “We take Rose with us. No one else in your family would agree to it and I want someone else there in case…anything happens.”

  Serena cupped his face in her hands and lightly kissed his lips. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  “When do you want to go?”

  “As soon as possible. Tomorrow, if Ro
se can manage it.”

  Tomorrow. Already, the misgivings were beginning to settle like concrete cinders in the pit of his stomach. The outcome could be disastrous and it would be his fault for letting Serena talk him into it. It didn’t help that his own memories of that night were starting to come out of hiding, memories he had purposely shoved to the farthest recesses of his mind.

  He wasn’t proud of what he’d done to those boys, but neither was he sorry. They’d gotten off easy as far as he was concerned. The difficult part was going to be telling Serena. There weren’t many people who knew the whole story; his parents, Rose, Anthony, and Sawyer, although he suspected they had confided in their father. He was fairly certain Serena’s mother had gotten the edited version from Tony. None of them thought any less of him for it, but he was worried Serena might be afraid of him once she knew the kind of violence he was capable of.

  “Are you okay with that?” Serena broke into his thoughts.

  “If Rose is agreeable, I guess there is no reason to put it off.”

  “And you’ll tell me everything you can remember?”

  Will balked at that. “You want to do it right now?”

  “Well, not in the bathroom,” she said with a laugh. “I’m really not tired, but it’s okay if you want to wait until morning.”

  Will wasn’t tired either and doubted he would get much sleep that night anyway. “You make the coffee while I rustle up a midnight snack.”

  “It’s a deal. We can put everything on a tray and take it to the living room so we’ll be more comfortable.”

  “Great idea. And just to show how gallant I can be, I’ll take care of transporting the goods.”

  “And to show how grateful I am for your chivalry,” she said with a saucy lilt, “I’ll let you turn on the lights first.”

  ***

  Will pulled his beat up old Chevy into the clearing and parked next to Anthony’s truck. This year’s model, of course. It was hard not to resent his wealthy buddies sometimes, even though Anthony and Sawyer were pretty low keyed about having money to burn. He sat there for awhile, listening to the sound of girls laughing and the boisterous voices of boys who were trying to impress them. He wasn’t really in the mood to party despite the fact they had creamed the other team at the football game tonight, but he supposed he had to make an appearance.

  Having hoards of giggling females fawn all over you got old, and he didn’t care to make out with a girl he had no feelings for just because everyone else was doing it. The only reason he let his friends talk him into coming was because he’d heard Serena was going to be here. He wasn’t sure why he was so sweet on her. She was too young for starters, and she certainly didn’t have the looks or curves her sister had, but there was something about her that got to him in a way no other girl ever had.

  Will shoved the door open and climbed out of his car. Most of the kids would be hanging out around the bonfire; others will have sneaked off to the woods or the caves to make out. As he trudged down the familiar path, he wondered if he dared try to get Serena alone long enough to kiss her. He let himself enjoy the image of holding her close and coaxing Serena out of her shyness to experience her first kiss. And he would be her first, he was certain of that. He’d heard McKinley tease her often enough to know she had never been out on a date because she was a timid little mouse.

  No doubt, it would boil McKinley’s blood if she knew he was even considering kissing her sister. Okay, so McKinley was hot, and she’d made it clear she wouldn’t think twice about hopping into the sack with him, but she just didn’t do it for him. Maybe other guys could overlook the fact she had made the rounds with half the jocks in school, but he couldn’t. McKinley had no morals, and she was a manipulator; qualities he definitely had a strong aversion to. Now, Serena…she was different. She was kind and sweet, and Will liked it that she blushed up a storm when he stopped to talk to her in the hallways.

  His fantasy about Serena came to an abrupt end when he spotted Anthony and Sawyer. They probably wouldn’t like the idea of him dating their little sister and he couldn’t even imagine their reaction if they caught him kissing her. Granted, three years wasn’t a huge gap in age, but Serena was only fifteen…well, she was two days shy of being fifteen, which would make him a cradle robber in their eyes. So much for spending time with Serena tonight, he thought with a regretful sigh.

  Anthony greeted him with a hearty slap on the back. “Hey, Duncan, where have you been? We were just about to hit up a couple of the cheerleaders and volunteer our services as escorts on a tour through the woods. You’re welcome to come with. I’m sure Jennie would jump at the chance, seeing as she’s already asked about you twice tonight.”

  “Thanks, but I think I’ll pass.”

  Will glanced around and spied McKinley plastering herself to Rick Porter, apparently unconcerned that several members of the football team were enjoying the show as her boyfriend’s hand slipped beneath her skirt to fondle her behind. Her brothers had given up trying to contain McKinley’s wild streak a long time ago, but he knew it still bothered them to see her make such a public display of herself. And he’d heard the way guys talked about her in the locker room, although most of them were smart enough not to say anything when Anthony or Sawyer were around.

  He wanted to ask if Serena had shown up yet but they left before he could figure out how to make it sound like a casual question. Once they’d taken off in search of females, Will strolled around for awhile, occasionally stopping to talk about the game and celebrate their victory. A good portion of the kids were drinking alcohol, beer mostly, and some of them were getting pretty rowdy. His eyes scanned the crowd, pausing at every blonde female that crossed his line of vision, but there was no sign of Serena.

  He told himself she wasn’t his responsibility, that her brothers should be looking out for her, but he couldn’t help worrying about her. She was young and naïve, and Will was afraid she would allow her friends to coax her into drinking. He didn’t like the idea of Serena getting tipsy with so many raging male hormones on the prowl, and it really shook him up to think of her getting into a car with an intoxicated driver. So when he noticed McKinley extract herself from a group of adoring sophomore boys and head in his direction, Will was genuinely glad to see her.

  “There you are,” she said, as if she had been looking all over for him. “My brothers said you were being anti-social tonight and ordered me to come and drag you back to our private party in the woods.”

  Will doubted McKinley allowed anyone to order her around, but he didn’t care enough to question it. “So who else was invited to this private party?”

  “My brothers, a couple of your football buddies, and…are you coming or not?”

  There didn’t seem to be much of a choice since she had already turned away from him and was weaving her way through the mass of people. Will trailed after her, convinced that the exaggerated swing in her tail was for his benefit. McKinley wasn’t satisfied with having Rick on a leash, she wanted every male in school panting over her. No, he wasn’t completely immune to her; she was a beautiful girl with an incredible body and a killer set of legs. But she knew it, which was just one more thing Will didn’t like about her.

  McKinley was so full of herself there wasn’t room to care for anyone else. She wasn’t deliberately cruel, or at least he didn’t think so, but sometimes the things she said were really hurtful. He’d seen the crestfallen look on Serena’s face when McKinley told her they needed to go shopping because Serena didn’t have any fashion sense. He imagined McKinley thought it was a magnanimous offer to take her fashion challenged sister shopping, but to Serena it was a disparaging remark about her poor clothes selections.

  “How much further?” he asked, after they’d trampled through the woods for several minutes.