Living Together

by Carole Mortimer

  She looked away from the anger in his face. ‘I just assumed…I’m sorry, Leon, I really am.’

  ‘Oh, I believe you,’ he acknowledged scathingly. ‘But you must be aware of what you did to me. I was all set to take you, and—well, the look on your face told me that far from being aware of me, wanting me, you were thinking of the swine you married! Just what the hell do you think you were playing at?’

  ‘I wasn’t playing at anything,’ Helen protested. ‘I didn’t set out for that to happen.’

  ‘I’m sure you didn’t,’ he said bitterly. ‘I got a little too close to that lovely body of yours, that’s all. How was I supposed to sleep after what you’d put me through?’

  ‘Would you like me to pack my case and leave?’ she asked tearfully.

  ‘Is that your answer to everything?’ he demanded. ’Run away? You damned little coward! You aren’t willing to help yourself, you just want to run away every time I get close to you. Well, go if you want to!’ he told her angrily. ‘Why the hell should I care if you go or stay?’

  ‘But you do, don’t you?’ she probed gently, dreading his answer. If he wanted her to leave she would have to go—but she didn’t want to leave him!

  He glared at her. ‘Yes, I care! Do you havve any idea what last night achieved? No, of course you don’t,’ he shook his head. ‘You don’t know the first thing about a man’s body. Last night—what happened between us—it just put me more under your spell than ever. I still haven’t possessed you, and I need to. I need to very badly.’

  ‘So you don’t want me to go?’

  ‘You may as well stay. I’m leaving myself in a couple of days,’ Leon said dully.

  ‘You’re going away?’

  ‘Yes.’ That single word sounded strangely final.

  ‘But why, Leon? Is it because of me? Oh God!’ she groaned. ‘Surely I haven’t driven you out of your own home?’

  ‘No,’ his smile was grim. ‘This trip to the States has been arranged for weeks now. Don’t get the mistaken idea that I’ve been telephoning around this morning trying to get myself some work away from here. The last thing I feel like right now is attending interviews and making public appearances.’

  Helen frowned. ‘I don’t understand. Have you known all along that you’d be going away now?’

  ‘I told you, it’s been arranged for weeks. It’s prerelease publicity for the film. I expected us to have got over your hang-up by now, or at least come to terms with it, and I was going to take you to the States with me.’

  ‘And now?’ She waited breathlessly for his answer.

  ’Now I go alone.’

  ‘And what do 1 do?’

  ‘I wish 1 could tell you. I don’t think I can give you much more time, Helen, not if it’s going to happen the way you want it to. So while I’m away you either make up your mind to accept a relationship between us—or you run away again.’

  ‘And if I run away?’

  Leon shrugged. ‘Then I can’t help you. You’re slowly destroying me, Helen, and it has to stop. If you leave I may not be able to forget you, but at least I’ll get back my self-respect, something wanting you has taken away from me.’

  ‘Oh, Leon!’ She took an involuntary step towards him.

  ‘Don’t come near me!’ he snapped a warning. ‘Not right now.’

  ‘I’m sorry…’

  ‘Don’t be sorry, Helen.’ He gave a bitter smile. ‘Just grow up and wise up. One man’s body may be very like another, but it’s the feelings behind the action that count. I was making love to you last night, not violating you. But if you can’t come to accept that, we might as well call an end to this—this farce. Think it over while I’m away.’

  ‘I did want you last night, Leon. 1 just—I couldn’t go through with it.’

  He stood up in an impatient movement. ‘Let me know when you can—not think you can, but really believe you can. I can’t go through another let-down like last night. I’m going to the studio now, although what the hell good I’m going to be in this state…’ He collected his jacket from his bedroom. ‘See you later. I won’t kiss you, I’m not sure I have my feelings enough under control to risk it.’

  ‘Oh.’ Helen bit her lip.

  ‘Don’t look so worried. You have a few weeks to sort yourself out.’ He left abruptly.

  If she didn’t sort herself out she would lose him—that was the threat behind his words. Her thoughts were a mass of contradictions. She loved him, wanted to be with him, but she couldn’t tell him that. The only thing that would prove the way she felt for him was the one thing she couldn’t give.

  Oh God! The same thoughts had been going through her mind all night—and she still couldn’t come to any conclusion. Now she had been given a time limit, a time limit she didn’t know if she could meet.

  ‘Are you eating this morning?’ Max’s polite query broke into her thoughts.

  ‘Er—no,’ she smiled at him. She and Max had become quite good friends the last couple of weeks. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘More coffee?’

  ‘No, thank you. I—I think I’ll go out this morning, Max.’ She came to a sudden decision. Walking out in the sunshine she might be able to think more clearly.

  ‘Very well, madam.’

  She was right, she did feel better outside. It was on days like this that she wished she hadn’t given up her job; at least it would have been something to occupy her mind.

  Leon was right, she knew he was right—she couldn’t go on treating him this way. She would have to move out, there was no other answer. But not until after Leon had gone to America; she couldn’t stand his derision. Besides, she wanted to be with him for as long as possible.

  The decision made, she went back to the flat. She had no shopping to do and just wandering around crowded shops wasn’t her idea of fun.

  ‘Mrs Masters called while you were out, madam,’ Max informed her.

  Helen nodded. ‘Did you tell her Mr Masters would be in this evening?’ At least, she hoped he would! After last night and this morning she wasn’t too sure of that.

  ‘She wanted to speak to you, Mrs West.’

  Helen stopped in the process of slipping off her jacket. ‘To me, Max?’

  He took the jacket out of her hand. ‘Yes, madam. When I informed her you were out she said she would call again later.’

  ‘You’re sure she wanted to speak to me?’ Helen repeated dazedly.

  ‘Yes, madam.’

  ‘Thank you, Max,’ she said vaguely, as she went through to the lounge.

  How did Leon’s mother know she was staying here? There seemed only one explanation; Leon must have told her. But why, why had he done such a thing? He must know it could only cause her embarrassment to have his parents know she was living with him, innocent as that relationship might so far have been.

  She was uncertain about taking the call when Mrs Masters telephoned again later that afternoon, but as Max had already told her she was at home she really had no choice in the matter.

  ‘I hope you don’t mind my calling you, Helen,’ Mrs Masters’ voice came across, warm and pleasant.

  ‘No, no, of course not,’ she answered nervously. It really depended on what she was calling for.

  ‘Oh, good. Charles told me I shouldn’t, he said Leon would be angry with me.’

  ‘I’m sure he won’t be,’ Helen assured her smoothly. Leon might not be angry with his mother, but she, Helen, was angry with him. He had no right to tell anyone, not even his parents, that she was staying here.

  ‘Actually I called because I’m coming up to town tomorrow to do some shopping, and I wondered if you would like to accompany me. Say if you don’t want to, dear,’ she added instantly. ‘I won’t be offended. But Leon said you were home most days and I really could do with the company. Charles always gets so impatient with me that I’ve given up asking him. Besides, I would value a woman’s opinion when I’m buying clothes. Charles always says yes just to keep me quiet, and I usually look awful in it
.’

  Helen was torn two ways. She would enjoy going shopping, time dragged when Leon was at work, but to go out with his mother…That was a different matter altogether! ‘Tomorrow, you said?’ she delayed.

  ‘That’s right. I could be up there by about twelve and we could go out for lunch before going to the shops. But I warn you now, I wander around every shop imaginable.’

  ‘All right,’ Helen decided. ‘I’d love to. Will you come to the flat or shall I meet you at a restaurant?’

  ‘I’ll come to the flat, you can never rely on the trains and I wouldn’t like to keep you waiting. But we’ll lunch out—my treat.’

  ‘Oh no, really—’

  ‘Let me, Helen. I’m so looking forward to seeing you again that lunch is the least I can do.’

  ‘Well, if you insist, Mrs Masters.’

  ‘Oh, please call me Catherine,’ she insisted.

  ‘Very well. I’ll see you tomorrow.’

  Helen wished she could feel as cheerful as Mrs Masters obviously did, but she was annoyed with Leon, so annoyed that she could only give him a cold angry glare in return to his greeting that evening.

  He gave a deep impatient sigh at her silence. ‘What’s the matter with you now? Don’t tell me you didn’t like my ultimatum this morning.’

  ‘I haven’t thought about it.’ At least, not since her decision to leave as soon as he had gone to America.

  He sat down, watching her with brooding eyes. ‘Then what the hell is it?’ he demanded tersely. ‘I’ve had a lousy day, not a thing would go right, and I don’t expect to come home and find you sitting there hating me.’ He rested his head back against the chair, closing his eyes. ‘God, I’m tired!’

  ‘Your mother telephoned today,’ Helen told him abruptly.

  ‘Oh yes,’ he didn’t open his eyes. ‘I suppose Max told her to call me back later,’ he murmured sleepily.

  ‘No.’

  Leon frowned. ‘Did he tell her I’d call her back?’

  Helen pursed her lips. ‘No. The call wasn’t for you.’

  ‘Then who— My mother called you?’ She had all his attention now.

  ‘That’s right,’ she taunted. ‘Why did you tell them I was living here? Couldn’t you have spared me that embarrassment?’

  ‘Were you embarrassed?’

  ‘Of course I was,’ she snapped. ‘They must have a terrible opinion of me!’

  ‘Not at all.’ He massaged his temple as if it ached. ‘And you would have found it more embarrassing if my mother had suddenly appeared on the doorstep. She comes up to town occasionally and usually drops in here, in fact I usually drive her home. Would you have preferred it if they’d found out that way?’

  ‘You know I wouldn’t. But—’

  ‘Then stop grousing,’ he ordered.

  ‘Did you tell them everything?’

  ‘Everything that mattered. Of course I had to embroider it with a little romanticism,’ he drawled mockingly. ‘They’re a little old-fashioned about these things.’

  ‘What do you mean, “embroider” it?’ Helen asked suspiciously.

  ‘I told them we were in love with each other,’ he informed her calmly.

  She sprang to her feet. ‘You did what?’

  ‘They wouldn’t understand the real motivation behind this.’

  ’I suppose not,’ she acknowledged quietly. ‘But did you have to tell them that? How am I supposed to bluff my way through with your mother tomorrow? You really are the most inconsiderate—’

  ‘Tomorrow?’ Leon interrupted sharply. ‘What’s happening tomorrow?’

  ‘One of those shopping trips to London you just mentioned. What I want to know is how I’m supposed—’

  ‘You’re going shopping with my mother?’

  ‘I’ve just said so, haven’t I! For goodness’ sake, Leon, listen to what I have to say! Your mother will expect me to be like some lovesick idiot mooning over—Will you stop laughing!’ she snapped. ‘It isn’t in the least funny.’

  ‘Stop being so serious, Helen,’ he still chuckled. ‘I’m sure you’ll manage very well.’

  ‘You’re the actor in this family—’ She broke off in confusion at her words. ‘I’m sorry, I meant—’

  Leon sat forward, taking her hands in his. ‘Don’t apologise, darling,’ he said huskily. ‘You give me hope for our future relationship when you say things like that.’

  And she had already decided to leave as soon as he was out of the country! Oh God, she mustn’t let him even guess that. ‘I’ll never convince your mother, Leon. She’ll think I’m a—’

  ‘No!’ he cut in angrily. ‘My mother will think no such thing. You’re much too sweet and innocent for anyone to mistake exactly what you are. Why do you think Max treats you as if you were his own daughter? No one could ever think badly of you,’ he said vehemently.

  ‘Thousands of people did just that,’ she reminded him bitterly.

  ‘Because they were supposed to,’ he muttered. ‘My mother and father know all about the newspaper publicity, and they refused to believe it was true even before I told them it wasn’t.’

  ’I like your parents,’ she smiled shyly. ‘They’re like you.’

  ‘Does that mean you like me?’ he pounced.

  If only he knew! ‘You know I do.’

  ‘Do I?’ he said almost wearily. ‘Sometimes I wonder.’

  ‘I more than like you, I—’ Helen broke off as she realised what she had been about to admit to.

  ‘Yes?’ he probed deeply. ‘You—?’

  ‘I like you a lot,’ she amended her intended words.

  He dropped her hands and slumped back in his chair. ‘Never commit yourself, Helen,’ he taunted raggedly. ‘That would be too much, wouldn’t it?’

  She stood up, pretending an interest in one of the superb paintings adorning the walls. ‘You never asked me for commitment, Leon,’ she told him stiffly. ‘And I could never give it.’

  ‘Never?’

  ‘Never!’ And for a very good reason, one he wasn’t even aware of! ‘But you don’t want that anyway,’ she added lightly.

  ‘Who says I don’t?’ he challenged. ‘You’re presuming a lot, telling me what I do and don’t want,’ he scowled.

  She could tell she had angered him, but no amount of anger on his part could change the decision she had come to two years ago. She would never become so involved with anyone that they would want a permanent relationship, and she felt sure that Leon didn’t, he was just being awkward. He was tired, exhausted actually, and was just trying to pick an argument with her.

  ‘Why don’t you have your dinner, Leon?’ she suggested soothingly. ‘And then get an early night. You—’

  He stood up angrily, his face livid. ‘I’m not in my dotage!’ he snapped furiously. ‘I may be thirty-four and a damn sight older than you, but that doesn’t mean I’m bloody decrepit! But you’re right about dinner, I will have that—out!’ He marched angrily to the door. ‘I’ll go somewhere where I’m damn well appreciated.’

  Helen’s face was ashen. ‘Leon—’

  ‘Don’t worry, Helen,’ he sneered. ‘I won’t shock your puritan little mind with the details when I get back. Young as you are, I don’t think you could stand the strain.’

  He was going to another woman, possibly even Sharon Melcliffe! ‘Leon, don’t go!’ she pleaded.

  He looked at her with narrowed eyes. ‘Do you have some form of entertainment in mind for me yourself?’

  ‘No, but—’

  ‘Then I’m going out. Don’t wait up for me,’ Leon taunted cruelly, leaving her with a nonchalance that was designed to hurt.

  It was the early hours of the morning when Helen heard him return, and she thought by the way he was stumbling about swearing to himself that he was very drunk indeed.

  She was late to breakfast again the next morning and this time Leon had already left, after drinking plenty of black coffee, by the look of the empty coffee pot. He was right, she was destroying him, an
d the sooner she got out of his life the better.

  His mother arrived just before twelve, treating Max in a teasing manner that he seemed to take in his stride. ‘I used to be terrified of him,’ she explained to Helen as they took a taxi to the restaurant. ‘But he looks after Leon so well that I now try to get along with him,’ she laughed.

  ‘He’s always been very nice to me,’ Helen voiced shyly, still not quite sure how she should act with this woman when Leon had deceived her about the truth of their relationship, although she herself was in love with him.

  ‘I’m sure he does, dear,’ Catherine Masters nodded. ‘You’re the sort of person everyone likes to be nice to.’

  Helen blushed at the compliment, and followed the older women into the restaurant. It appeared Mrs Masters had taken the trouble to book a table and they were soon seated, two chicken salads and a bottle of white wine rapidly appearing in response to their order.

  ‘I can’t tell you how happy Charles and I are at the prospect of Leon finally going to settle down,’ Mrs Masters gave her a glowing smile. ‘It will be nice to have a wedding in the family again.’

  Helen almost choked on her chicken. What could she possibly say to such forthright comments? How did she get herself out of this situation without upsetting the other woman too much?

  ‘Of course Leon told me I was to mind my own business and not to ask you pointed questions,’ Mrs Masters continued. ‘But I’m sure you can understand my excitement and excuse my curiosity.’

  ‘Yes, of course. Er—when did Leon tell you not to ask me questions?’

  ‘Last night when he telephoned.’ She frowned. ‘He didn’t sound in the best of humours. Still, I suppose he’s been working hard.’

  ‘Yes, he has,’ although Helen knew that wasn’t the reason for his bad humour.

  ‘Have you discussed a wedding date yet?’

  ‘No!’ Helen said sharply. ‘No, we haven’t,’ she repeated in a softer voice. After all, it was only natural for a mother to feel curious about her only son’s marriage plans. If there had been any, that was! Damn Leon and his false explanation for her being at his flat!