Living Together

by Carole Mortimer

  Leon scowled. ‘You know damn well you haven’t. And does the fact that I love you mean nothing to you?’

  If only he knew! Knowing he felt the same way she did only made it more difficult for her to say goodbye to him, although it also made it more of a necessity. ‘It’s a lovely compliment for any woman, but—’

  ’Compliment?’ he snapped. ‘My God, Helen, you really know how to hurt me. Don’t you care what pain you cause?’

  ‘I don’t mean to hurt you, Leon. I just—’

  ‘Then you’re doing a damn good job of it without even trying. God help me if you ever deliberately set out to hurt me!’

  ‘I would never do that,’ she denied chokingly.

  ‘Why won’t you marry me, Helen? Is it because of the press? Are you frightened of the publicity?’ He looked at her hopefully. ‘If that’s what it is I can assure you that as your husband I would protect you from any unpleasantness.’

  ‘Or you may just start to believe the things they have to say,’ she said with a sigh. ‘They tell a very convincing story.’

  ‘Oh, I know that, they rip me to shreds from time to time.’

  ‘That sort of publicity could ruin your career.’

  ‘I’d rather have you than my career any day. Monetarily I don’t need to work now, and I have other business interests that would keep me happy. But I think you’re exaggerating the situation anyway. Things that shocked and made news a couple of years ago hardly cause a ripple nowadays.’

  Helen gave a bitter laugh. ‘Thanks! Emotionally they tore me apart two years ago.’

  ‘More so than normal because you lost the baby too,’ Leon said gently. ‘That can’t have been an easy experience to go through.’

  Helen shuddered. ‘It wasn’t. And you see, that’s another thing. In any future marriage I may or may not have I won’t want children to be a part of it.’

  ‘They aren’t necessary to me if you’re so against it.’

  She gave a wan smile. ‘Your mother doesn’t feel the same way.’

  ‘You wouldn’t be marrying my mother,’ Leon said dryly. ‘And who’s to say you won’t change your mind about kids in a couple of years’ time? I may be thirty-four, but you’re young enough to wait another ten years or so if you want to. It isn’t the father’s age that matters in these things.’

  She didn’t want to wait, she had to, and for ever. When she had lost the baby they had told her that medically it was highly unlikely she would ever be able to have another child. She hadn’t understood all the medical jargon, she hadn’t needed to; their meaning had been clear enough.

  And that was why, even though Leon told her he loved her, and she knew she loved him in return, it wouldn’t be fair of her to marry him. Now he was so much in love, or thought he was, that he would accept anything to get her to marry him, but later on, when the excitement of first passion had passed, he would want a family. And she couldn’t give it to him, she couldn’t give that to any man. Considering she had only known Michael a matter of a few months he had pretty well managed to ruin the whole of her life for her.

  ‘Does it have to be marriage, Leon?’ she asked him huskily, unable to meet the look in his eyes.

  He frowned. ‘What are you saying now? That you want an affair, is that it?’

  ‘It’s what you had in mind to start with,’ she reminded him.

  ‘I’ve already told you that it wasn’t. And I don’t want an affair now either.’

  ‘Marriage or nothing?’

  ‘That’s right,’ he agreed grimly.

  Helen wrung her hands together. ‘Then it will have to be nothing.’

  Leon made an explosive sound in his throat. ‘You’re honestly telling me that you would prefer an affair to marrying me, you who’ve always been terrified of sex and all it entails? Or is it just that marriage frightens you more?’

  ‘Yes.’ She gratefully accepted this explanation, erroneous though it might be. A man like Leon would want a family, and would eventually come to resent her when he realised it wasn’t even a possibility. Better that he shouldn’t know the truth, he would only deny its importance to him.

  ‘Even a marriage without the complication of a physical relationship?’

  ‘Any sort of marriage.’

  He looked at her with narrowed eyes. ‘If you’re willing to have an affair with me then you must feel something for me.’

  ‘No,’ she lied firmly. ‘I’ve just realised that I have to accept a physical relationship one day. You’re experienced, Leon, you would know exactly how to make love to me and coax me to enjoy it. Why shouldn’t I choose someone accomplished as my lover?’ she queried lightly. ‘Someone like you.’

  The pain of his fingers landing stingingly on her cheek was as nothing to the pain the contempt clearly written in his eyes was causing deep inside her. ‘Stop talking like a slut!’ he rasped harshly. ‘I don’t want to be your lover, I want to be your husband.’

  Helen shook her head. ‘I’m sorry…’

  His tawny eyes were hard and unyielding. ‘You aren’t sorry at all. Oh, get out of my sight, there’s nothing more to be said between us.’ He turned away from her, the rigidness of his muscular back forbidding.

  ‘Leon, I—’

  ‘I said, get out,’ he snapped. ‘Go and find some other man to taunt the hell out of. I’ve had it as far as you’re concerned.’

  ‘But you said—’

  ‘Forget what I said,’ he grated. ‘I’m sure you’ll find plenty of other men only too willing to take what you suddenly find so easy to give. My God, how you’ve changed!’ He gave a short bitter laugh. ‘From frightened child to wanton in a matter of days,’ he scorned.

  She supposed he had the right to insult her, she must have hurt him unbearably. But that didn’t make her own pain any the less. ‘Blame your own experience for that.’ She forced herself to act casually.

  His hands clenched into fists at his sides. Suddenly he turned on his heel and slammed into his bedroom.

  Helen almost collapsed with the relief of his going. If he had tried to so much as kiss her again she would have been unable to hide her love for him.

  Their goodbyes the next morning were stilted and hardly polite. If only it didn’t have to be this way!

  ‘Make sure you aren’t here when I get back,’ Leon told her coldly.

  ‘I won’t be.’

  He shook his head almost dazedly. ‘To think I don’t really know you at all,’ he muttered. ‘A denial of feeling for me I could probably have accepted, but to have you suggest an affair…! God, that’s beyond understanding!’

  Helen bowed her head. ‘Goodbye, Leon.’

  ‘Goodbye, you little vixen.’ With a jerk he pulled her roughly into his arms, savagely parting her lips. He was breathing hard when at last he released her, gently touching her bruised mouth with his fingertips. ‘Maybe I’ll pay you a visit when I get back,’ he murmured. ‘Maybe I’ll take you up on your offer.’ His hands ran insolently over her slender curves, pausing to possessively cup her breasts. ‘If I’m the one that brought life back into this delectable body then perhaps I should be the one to reap the benefits.’

  ‘Leon!’ she gasped her dismay.

  He thrust her away from him. ‘Don’t worry, Helen, I have no intention of doing that—unless I get desperate, and I mean desperate for you,’ he drawled.

  ‘You won’t.’

  ‘Don’t count on that,’ he tapped her playfully on the nose. ‘Take care of yourself, Helen. And don’t rush into something you’ll later regret.’

  And then he left, probably going out of her life for ever. Helen felt numb, unable to collect her packed suitcase from the bedroom and actually leave. They could have been so happy together here. If only Leon hadn’t mentioned marriage! To think that he had wanted to marry her only two days after meeting her, had been so sure of his feelings he had been out and bought a special licence.

  When the telephone began ringing she felt sure it was Leon, snatching it from
its cradle before Max had time to pick up the extension. ‘Leon! Leon, I—’

  ‘Sorry,’ interrupted an unfamiliar male voice. ‘But unhappily I’m not Leon Masters.’ He sounded amused. ‘Do I take it I have the honour of talking to Mrs West?’

  ‘Why, yes.’ Helen frowned her puzzlement. Who on earth could be telephoning her here?

  ’Mrs Michael West?’

  Suddenly she knew exactly who this was, and she slammed down the telephone as if it had burnt her hand. That man had been a reporter, she knew it as surely as she knew her own name. And she had walked right into his trap. By slamming down the receiver she had confirmed her identity as surely as if she had verbally admitted it.

  She left the flat as if she were being pursued, running back to Jenny and their small flat as if it were her only refuge.

  She hesitated on the doorstep, finally deciding to knock and not to use her key. After all, this hadn’t been her home for the past few weeks.

  Jenny flung open the door. ‘What on earth are you standing there for?’ she chided with a grin. ‘And why did you knock?’ She pulled her young cousin inside. ‘Have you lost your key?’

  Helen blushed. ‘You could have been—entertaining.’

  ‘Well, I’m not,’ Jenny giggled. ‘We don’t all have handsome actors longing to get us into bed,’ she teased.

  ‘We didn’t—’

  ‘I know, poppet,’ Jenny cut in gently.

  Helen frowned. ‘How do you know?’

  ‘Because Leon told me. Now come on, take your coat off and we’ll have a cup of coffee. Then you can tell me all about it.’

  ‘Leon told you?’ Helen repeated. ‘But when?’

  ‘He called me from the airport this morning. He seemed to think you needed looking after.’

  So Leon had called Jenny from the airport and yet he hadn’t taken the trouble to call her. ‘I can’t imagine why he should say something like that.’

  Jenny raised her eyebrows. ‘Can’t you?’

  ‘No!’ It came out more sharply than she had intended it to.

  ‘Sit down, Helen. I’ll be back in a minute with the coffee.’

  Helen didn’t sit down but went through to the bedroom to leave her suitcase. Why had Leon done such a thing, or could he be trying to stop her ‘rushing into something she would regret’? If he only knew how remote a possibility that was!

  ‘Did you have a nice time?’ Jenny came back with the coffee.

  Helen couldn’t help smiling. ‘What a question to ask someone who’s just been to stay with a man who had designs on her body!’

  ‘Isn’t it wicked?’ Jenny agreed laughingly. ‘But I can’t think of any other way to ask you.’

  ‘In that case, yes, I had quite a nice time. It was a bit embarrassing when I met Leon’s parents, but—’

  ‘You met his parents?’ Jenny was astounded.

  ‘Mm,’ Helen grimaced. ‘Don’t get me wrong, they’re really nice people. But can you imagine the embarrassment I felt?’

  ‘Did they know that the two of you were living together?’

  ‘Oh yes, they knew. That just made it worse. But you know Leon, he couldn’t have cared less. But it’s all over now. I won’t be seeing Leon again. We’ve decided—’

  ‘You’ve decided,’ Jenny corrected her. ‘And I know why, don’t I?’

  ‘What exactly did Leon tell you on the telephone? It sounds as if it was some conversation,’ Helen derided.

  ‘Oh, it was. I think he was hoping I might be able to talk some sense into you. But I can’t, can I?’

  ‘No,’ Helen confirmed.

  ‘But Leon doesn’t know the reason, does he?’ said Jenny with certainty.

  ‘No again.’

  ‘But it was never certain, Helen. You could have an examination, tests. They may find—’

  ‘No!’ Helen said sharply. ‘No examination, no tests. They’d tell me I have a chance, knowing full well I don’t, and I’d marry Leon believing them because I want to believe them. I can’t do that to him, Jenny. He loves children,’ she added bitterly. ‘And his parents—they’re just longing for the time they can hold his child in their arms.’

  ‘You’re admitting defeat without even putting up a fight. The man loves you, he wants to marry you. He wouldn’t be marrying you just to have a family, he’d be marrying you for you.’

  ‘It’s no good, Jenny, I won’t change my mind. And Leon had no right to tell you he’d proposed to me.’

  ‘He sounded pretty choked when he spoke to me,’ said Jenny. ‘How can you do this to him, ruin his life without even telling him why?’

  Helen sighed. ‘If I told him why he’d make me marry him anyway, and I don’t want that. Try to understand, Jenny.’

  ‘I understand that what you’re doing is wrong. You love him.’

  ‘Yes,’ she didn’t even bother to try and deny it. ‘It’s because I love him that I—’

  ‘Don’t kid yourself, Helen. Your motives are entirely selfish.’

  ‘How can you say that?’ she choked. ‘Don’t you realise what it’s doing to me, having to give up the man I love?’

  ‘Don’t you realise what it will do to you if one day he marries someone else?’

  Pain went through her like a knife cutting into her body. ‘At least he’d be able to have the family he wants.’

  ‘You could—’

  ‘I couldn’t do anything,’ Helen interrupted. ‘Now,’ she continued briskly, ‘do I take it I wouldn’t be stepping on anyone’s toes if I moved back in here?’

  ‘Nor any other part of their anatomy,’ Jenny said dryly. ‘I see Matt occasionally, but it’s Brent I’m worried about,’ she added with a frown.

  ‘What’s the matter with him?’

  ‘Just lately he’s become almost impossible to work for. He’s like a bear with a sore head all the time.’

  ‘Perhaps he has woman trouble,’ Helen suggested.

  ‘No woman at the moment. I always know when there’s a woman,’ Jenny explained. ‘He gets me to order the flowers for them.’

  ‘Then he’s suffering from frustration,’ Helen said with certainty.

  Jenny spluttered with laughter at her cousin’s cool explanation. ‘You could be right, although it isn’t something I would have expected you to say.’

  ‘After living with Leon for a few weeks you learn to read the signs. He’s been positively explosive most of the time.’

  ‘Poor devil,’ Jenny sympathised. ‘Brent hasn’t been explosive, he just keeps making snide remarks.’

  ‘Directed at you?’

  ‘Mm,’ Jenny confirmed.

  ‘I see,’ Helen said slowly.

  ‘What do you see?’

  ‘I think Brent fancies you.’

  Jenny blushed. ‘Don’t be silly! Of course he doesn’t.’

  ‘But you like him too, don’t you?’

  ‘Of course I like him—I work for him.’

  ‘I didn’t mean that.’ Helen gave her cousin an understanding smile. ‘How long have you been in love with him?

  ‘I’m not—’ Jenny sighed her defeat. ‘Ever since I went to work for him,’ she admitted.

  ‘Why didn’t you ever tell me about it?’

  ‘I started to a couple of times, but unrequited love can be so boring. I didn’t see the point in talking about it when I managed to enjoy life without eating my heart out for him.’

  ’Perhaps that’s your trouble,’ Helen said thoughtfully. ‘If you’ve managed to keep your feelings hidden from me then you’ve probably hidden them even more successfully from Brent.’

  ‘I should hope so! I could never work with him if he knew how I felt.’

  ‘But that’s where you’re wrong. If I’m any judge, which I’m probably not, Brent is jealous.’

  Jenny gasped. ‘He can’t be! You must be mistaken.’

  ‘How long has he been off with you?—since you’ve been dating Matt, I bet.’

  Jenny frowned. ‘Well, I— Yes, I suppose it
could be. But I can’t believe he— No, it can’t be true, Helen. Before he started being nasty he used to treat me like his kid sister. It really used to annoy me.’

  ‘Change your tactics, Jen,’ advised Helen. ‘Come on strong. See what results you get then.’

  ‘I couldn’t suddenly change from being his sister to asking to be his mistress,’ Jenny denied. ‘That would be too much of a turn-about.’

  ‘Do you want to just be his mistress?’

  ‘I’m not sure he’d ever offer any woman more than that.’

  ‘Surely it’s worth a try?’

  ‘I suppose so. Yes, maybe I should. Okay,’ Jenny agreed with a smile. ‘I’ll see what happens tomorrow. But I have the feeling you’ll be wrong.’

  ‘We’ll see.’

  What Helen did see the next day was a picture of herself and one of Leon on the front page of her daily newspaper. She had forgotten the telephone call of yesterday, but this story seemed to confirm that the call had indeed been from a reporter, probably with the intention of verifying his facts. And she had verified them.

  It had all been dragged up again, all the sordid details that could be made to look so damning. And yet this time it didn’t touch her. The pain of having to give up Leon much overshadowed any harm this newspaper story could do.

  And it didn’t take much thought to know who had given the story to the press. Sharon Melcliffe had said she would remember where she had seen Helen before, and it seemed she had done just that.

  The telephone began ringing shortly after nine o’clock and didn’t seem to stop after that. After an hour of it Helen took the receiver off the hook. She didn’t want to talk to anyone about her relationship with Leon, it was much too precious to her to be discussed with any reporter just to provide him with a juicy bit of gossip.

  Jenny burst into the flat at lunchtime, closely followed by a concerned Brent. ‘Thank God you’re all right!’ Jenny sighed her relief as she saw Helen. ‘I didn’t find out about the newspapers until mid-morning and I’ve been trying to call you ever since. When the telephone was engaged every time I called I knew you must have taken the receiver off the hook. I wasn’t sure…’

  ‘I’m not going to do anything desperate, Jen,’ Helen chided. ‘I just got fed up with the telephone ringing.’