Ikigai

by Hildred Billings

  Contents

  Title Page

  Copyright

  Dedication

  "IKIGAI."

  About The Author

  Also Available

  Coming Soon

  Interactive Site

  “IKIGAI.”

  BOOK 7: REN’AI RENSAI

  Hildred Billings

  BARACHOU PRESS

  “IKIGAI.”

  Copyright: Hildred Billings

  Published: 31st October 2014

  Publisher: Barachou Press

  This is a work of fiction. Any and all similarities to any characters, settings, or situations are purely coincidental.

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in retrieval system, copied in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise transmitted without written permission from the publisher. You must not circulate this book in any format.

  WARNING: This book contains adult language and graphic f/f sex. It is intended for mature audiences only.

  Editor: Lindsay York

  Cover Design: Lindsay York

  Photographer: Wisky

  This book is dedicated to those still searching for their reason to live.

  "IKIGAI."

  Tokyo; October 18th, 2014

  Anyone who was anyone was at the party that night.

  Reina couldn’t walk two steps without someone calling out to her and making a flippant comment about not seeing her in so long, her look that evening, or her love life. At first it was charming being surrounded by so many old friends and acquaintances... it reminded her of her youth, when she could walk into any bar or club and instantly be bombarded by familiar people who made her happy. But as the night wore on and more people filed into Max 30, one of the trendiest and biggest lesbian nightclubs in Tokyo, Reina found herself one of the stars of the evening, and she didn’t like the reason.

  “Jya, can I have your autograph please?” A beautiful woman in a tight black dress handed Reina a hardcover book. Here’s a sight for sore eyes. It was Ami, one of the delightful vixens Reina met a year ago at a key party. Here she was, dressed to the nines with her long black hair resting on her bare shoulders. Her make-up was immaculate, and the butch behind her put one arm protectively around her girlfriend’s waist. Reina took the book and flipped it open to the marked page.

  “Who should I make it out to? Your pussy?” Reina drew a small stick cartoon of her and Ami going at it doggy style. When the other woman saw it, she laughed, showed her girlfriend, and flipped the book closed. “You shouldn’t read trash like that. It’s not even interesting.”

  “Then why are you here?” Ami stuffed the book beneath her arm. In the dim blue lights of the club, her body glitter sparkled on her face. I haven’t done her nearly enough. Twice? Thrice? Reina had a free pass to watch Ami’s private cam, which was how she made her living, but it wasn’t the same as getting to actually have sex with her. Too bad she was usually busy.

  Someone looped an arm around Reina’s. “Because I made her come,” said Aiko, Reina’s wife of two years and partner of twenty more. She had two drinks in her hand, one for herself and one for her spouse. Reina took her martini glass and tasted its nectar.

  “I’m glad you did. I know I came here to read all about Reina-san’s life.”

  “How do you know it’s me? I didn’t even use my real name.”

  Ami opened the book again. “Reiko Yamaguchi. Yeah, no one will know who that is.”

  Both couples were soon called away by others, Reina and Aiko to a few women from a local university who wanted to talk about the origins of the book. Reina pointed to the loud, red-headed foreigner named Chloe in the center of the club, currently surrounded by female members of the press while she talked about her graduate project comprised of essays and interviews of Japanese lesbians and bisexuals. In Ni-chome, it was no secret that Reina’s interview was one of the highlights of the project.

  “Isn’t it exciting that you’re in a published book?” Aiko said, leaning against the bar as she flipped through a spare copy. “And my essay too!”

  “Nice name you picked.”

  Aiko smiled as her finger ran beneath “Aiko Yamada” in the book. Most of the contributors to Chloe’s project chose pseudonyms to protect themselves from being outed. In Aiko’s case, it was probably to pretend she had her spouse’s last name. Only way that could legally happen is if I adopted her. That would be a hoot.

  Neither of them believed it when they were told two months ago that Chloe’s project was being published in Japanese by a local independent press. Rainbow Flag flying bookstores all across Japan were stocking it, and people could buy it online. My legacy will spread across Japan. After all, she couldn’t sleep with every woman beneath the rising sun. They had to find out about her somehow.

  The release party was more popular than anyone anticipated. The local LGBT resource center was putting it on, spearheaded by Mayumi, the same woman who helped Chloe get in touch with participants to begin with. She now stood in front of a table of books, answering questions, laughing at bad jokes, and taking a break every five minutes to drink beer. Her girlfriend sat behind the table, selling books and taking tickets for a raffle. “I can’t believe this many people came to see this book,” Aiko said. “And so many people we know!”

  True. Since the moment they walked through the door, Reina recognized one person after the other. There were Kaori and Haruka, the former helping her boss from the resource center and the latter chatting with friends, one of whom was another star of the book. Some model from a magazine who wrote under her real name. Must be nice to be out at work. Reina wouldn’t know. Her boss knew she was gay, and it plagued her every time she was called into his office.

  Speaking of called into the office... Mayumi came up to Reina and asked her and Aiko to join a small gathering in the back room, currently closed off to the party. A bouncer stood outside the door and was now admitting select women, Ami and her girlfriend included. Haruka and Kaori also excused themselves, Haruka carrying her girlfriend’s jacket and purse as Kaori hauled two large binders in her arms. This is interesting. Interesting enough to get Reina to agree. She and Aiko picked up another round of drinks and went into the other room.

  The rabble from the main area was quieted there, and a fluorescent light burned above, though the room was still dark. Couches and chairs curved in a circle, most of them filled with women who chatted quietly. Reina found an empty chair and sat down, her wife sitting on the back edge as she sipped her drink and put one hand on her spouse’s shoulder. Nearby, Haruka had binders and purses stacked in her lap. “How’s the whipped life?” Reina couldn’t help but ask her. The cute tomboy in a body-hugging blouse sent Reina a stink eye before huffing a reply.

  “Difference between being ‘whipped’ and supporting your girlfriend. You should try it.”

  Aiko sucked in her breath behind her spouse. “Eh? When did you get so saucy?” Reina asked, still in good humor. Too bad Haruka seemed determined to keep her brows furrowed and her lips turned down into a frown. Trouble in paradise? Last she heard, Kaori and Haruka were living together. That would put stress on any couple.

  “Thanks for coming, everyone.” Mayumi entered the room and shut the door behind her, creating an intimate atmosphere that made Reina wonder if a stripper was about to pop out from behind the couch. “Is everyone here? Awesome.” She sat in a chair that Kaori kept open for her. The other women around hushed up and gave her their undivided attention. I wonder who some of these people are. While Reina knew half of them, the others were strangers. She would guess that they were people who wrote for the book, but some of the women Reina knew contributed were still in the party, and Chloe wasn’t eve
n here. Something else was afoot.

  “Everyone is here,” Kaori affirmed. Papers fell out of binders and fluttered around her legs. It reminded Reina of when she used to work in the same department as Kaori, before the young woman was fired. Now she worked at the resource center, but seemed to do the same exact tasks. Mayumi was probably a nicer boss, though.

  “Ladies, if you know what this is about then you know it’s gonna be a fun meeting. If you don’t, then I’ve got a wonderful proposition for all of you.” She took one of the binders off Kaori’s lap and opened it. “We’ve been cooking up a special project behind the scenes at the resource center, something we never thought would see the light of day because the money that would have to be involved. Yet we are now partnered with a very generous investor who has given us the green light to start production on a new video series made for and by queer women.”

  Whispers traveled from lips to ears throughout the room. Reina’s interest was piqued.

  “Long story short, a bunch of us from the resource center are starting a small independent studio to create erotic media for female consumption. If you’re in this room, it means we want you to help.”

  The whispers turned into cries of excitement, horror, and laughter. Reina didn’t know which one she should espouse. This could be interesting. Or a total disaster.

  “You mean like... porn?” Aiko asked.

  More laughter. Mayumi curled her lips upward but did not smile. “We prefer to think of them as erotic films and photoshoots meant to entertain women who are into women, whether they consider themselves lesbian, bi, or even curious. Pen here is going to direct. She has extensive experience with filmmaking.”

  A heavyset woman with spiky hair and a smart jacket raised her hand in acknowledgment. “I thought she was nuts when she asked me to do it.” Reina didn’t know her, but recognized that smoker’s voice from somewhere. Probably a party. That’s how she knew everyone.

  “And the lovely Ami has volunteered to be one of our featured models.”

  “I know it’s not ideal,” the slender woman said from her perch on her girlfriend’s lap in the corner, “but a lot of my patrons would be excited to buy some of the merchandise so I can sell it on my site and give it a good initial boost. They may be men, but it should be fine as long as we stick to our convictions that it be tailored to women like us.”

  Porn with her, huh? Oh, right. Erotic films. They could call it whatever they wanted, but if it meant Reina got to watch Ami get pounded by another hot woman, well then.

  “We were hoping that you may be able to lend us some of your expertise, Reina-san.”

  The room went quiet again as everyone turned their heads toward Reina.

  “Wait, what?” The smarmy tomboy beside her started laughing at the look on Reina’s face. “You don’t like... want me to... star in this, do you?” Aiko gasped behind her. “I’ve got a day job, you know!”

  Mayumi had to calm the laughter erupting around her. “With respect, Reina-san, while your prowess is certainly legendary,” You would know, I’ve banged you a few times over the years, “I’m afraid that’s not what we had in mind.”

  “Yeah, everyone knows what you look like naked. And having sex.” Haruka was close to winning the trophy for smartass of the year.

  Reina could not let that go unchecked. “You sure would know, huh?” After Haruka finished flummoxing in her seat, Reina continued, “Then what the hell do you need me for? What expertise, if you don’t want me fucking on camera?” Her ship to do such a stunt had sailed over fifteen years ago. Young and dumb Reina would have fornicated on screen for less than the cost of dinner. Probably a good thing such a venture didn’t exist back then.

  “As has been pointed out in this room already, people look up to you. Not just for sex and dating, but also as a valuable member of the lesbian community.”

  “Huh?” That earned a smack on the shoulder from her wife.

  “You may not realize it, but almost everyone knows you. You’ve made a name for yourself. If you had half a mind to do it, you could be a wonderful speaker for the resource center. But we thought you might be more into this. Nobody has an erotic mind like you, Reina-san, and we want you to help on set by being our stand-in for the target audience. Anything you think doesn’t belong in erotica for women will surely be noted.”

  The silence in the room was deafening. Everyone looked at Reina, waiting for her response. Mayumi smiled at her, as if she knew Reina would say yes; Kaori glanced up from her note taking to see what her ex-coworker would say; Haruka dropped the smartass façade and cocked her head in Reina’s direction; Ami held a giggle in her throat as she waggled her perfectly groomed eyebrows; Aiko hovered over her spouse’s head, drink shaking in her hand. Yet Reina could only think of one thing.

  “You gonna pay me?”

  The ice broke in the room with snorts and laughs. Mayumi said, “You will be compensated for your time.”

  “What times are these? I have a full time job already.”

  “Weekend nights, most likely. Would you be available?”

  Reina sat back in her seat. “I’ll think about it.” It would have to placate them for now.

  This turn of events kept Reina’s mind preoccupied for the rest of the evening. She sat for another half hour, listening to Mayumi dole out roles and explain the mechanics of producing erotica on a budget. Someone asked who the investor was, but Mayumi stayed mum, choosing to instead talk about something else. Halfway through this spiel Aiko finished her drink and sat in Reina’s lap, blocking her spouse’s view of everyone else’s reactions. Not that she minded. She put one arm around her wife’s abdomen and stared at the floor until they could leave.

  “Do you think you’ll do it?” Aiko asked later as they walked home. The crisp night air felt good against the skin after being cooped up in the club for a couple of hours. Reina and Aiko meandered through the alleys of Shinjuku, affording them some quiet to talk while a city buzzed in life only one block away.

  “I don’t know. It’s kind of a weird project.” Reina pulled her hands out of her pockets and shrugged. “They want me to supervise a porn set? That’s bizarre.”

  “I think they called it erotica.”

  “Pfft. It’s porn.”

  “That you’ll get paid for.”

  “Eh, are you trying to talk me into doing it?” Reina took her wife’s hand as they neared the busy arteries of downtown Shinjuku.

  “It might be interesting.”

  Indeed, it might be, but that wasn’t enough to get Reina’s attention anymore. Not since life started to slow down – as much as it could for someone like her. Me slowed down would be like a normal woman going through a midlife crisis.

  They hopped the next train from Shinjuku Station and reached their neighborhood half an hour later. Things were quiet in inner suburbia, where the shopping street was closed for the weekend and houses had few lights still on at 10 PM.

  “What should we do this evening?” Aiko asked as she snuggled next to her spouse. They matched their footsteps as they strolled down the middle of their street. The occasional lamppost illuminated the way to their house near the next intersection. “Bath?”

  Reina pulled her house keys out of her pocket. “Let’s save it for tomorrow. It’s late and...”

  Not three meters away from home, a dark figure stumbled outside a neighbor’s gate. Aiko yelped and ducked behind her spouse as if she were the designated shield of the relationship. Thanks! Luckily Reina was a paranoid woman and kept her keys lodged in her hand, teeth out.

  “Who’s that?” she demanded, keeping her wife behind her.

  The shadow moved again, this time turning its head and revealing a flushed face. A man. Reina recognized him. The neighbor’s husband. Hiroyuki or something. He wore a salaryman’s suit and looked as drunk as a fish in a bowl full of vodka. She recognized him, but it didn’t mean she was putting her small weapon down. Men are the worst when they�
�re drunk.

  “Hiroyuki-san?” Aiko said, stepping out from behind Reina. “Is that you? Are you okay?”

  The man clung to his own closed gate before looking at them again. “Damn thing... forgot my key...” He stumbled before nearly knocking himself down on the pavement.

  “Isn’t Yuri-san home to let you in?” Aiko kept asking, referring to the man’s wife. “What about your daughter?”

  “Both gone for the weekend.” Hiroyuki hiccupped and dropped his briefcase.

  “Here.” Aiko went up to an alcove in the fence and pried away a rock. A single key lurked inside it. “This is the spare. Your wife told me about it a time or two.”

  “Hey, thanks!” The man snatched the key and jammed it into his gate. “I forgot about that! Wow, good thing you walked by just now... and are friends with my wife...”

  “Please think nothing of it, and take care of yourself.”

  They waited until Hiroyuki fell into his house before heading off toward their own across the street. Reina didn’t need a spare key to open their gate and reclose it behind them. “Tell me, Ai-chan,” she said, opening the front door and turning on the entrance light, “do you know where that key was because you’ve snuck into their house before?”

  Shoes slapped onto the floor as they stepped out of the genkan and into their house footwear. For Reina that was her bare socks, and for Aiko that was a pair of old floral slippers. “I have never done such a thing. But Yuri-san has locked herself out more than once, so she showed me where the key was in case something like that happened with a family member. She’s a clever woman.”

  More lights came on in the stairwell as they marched toward their bedroom. “You sure like clever women, huh?”

  Aiko reached the top of the stairs first. “If you’re wondering if I’ve ever broken into their house to surprise her with sex, you’re wrong. That’s creepy.” But the look Aiko gave her spouse over her shoulder was quite naughty, like a bad girl on the cusp of making a bold move. Whenever Aiko talked about her lover and best friend Yuri, Reina couldn’t help but get a little hot under the collar. My darling wife taking another man’s wife.