Under Pressure (Lessons Learned Book 1)

by Smartypants Romance

  Before it’s too late.

  “Thanks, James. We’ll see you next week.” Mia opens the door for our last participant on Thursday, showing him out, then turns back around, pretending to wipe sweat from her head. “Is it just me or did it seem to take forever today?”

  “Yeah,” I grunt, focused on packing up my bag.

  “Do you have plans this weekend?”

  “Just work and boxing.”

  “Could I go with you again? I seriously think I’m getting better—”

  “I can’t take you with me every time. I need to focus on my own stuff.” I brace myself against her hurt, her outrage, whatever emotion that expressive face might throw at me, but the comment rolls right off of her.

  “Oh, well, I’ll just punch the bag on my own—”

  “I don’t want you there,” I burst out. “I can’t get anything done with you around.”

  Her eyes go wide, then narrow. Ah, there it is. “What’s wrong with you? Why are you being so rude?”

  “I’m always rude. You knew that about me the first time you met me.” I try to continue packing my bag, but she won’t let it go.

  “I thought we were past all that.”

  “Must have been in your head.”

  She stares at me open-mouthed. “Don’t expect me to keep sleeping with you if you’re going to act like that.”

  I scoff. “Like I care. I didn’t like it like that anyway.”

  She takes a step back, for the first time looking truly wounded. My chest burns at her expression, no matter how much I’ve mentally prepared for it.

  “You didn’t like it?” she whispers. “I’m bad in bed?”

  “No.” I immediately reach out to comfort her, then snatch my hand back, remembering the purpose behind all this. “I just mean it was too…” Personal. Intimate. Soul baring. “It was too vanilla.”

  She blinks. “I’m too vanilla?”

  I look away, zipping up my backpack. “Uh-huh.”

  “So what do you like? Bondage?”

  My head swivels back toward her.

  “You want me to handcuff you? Tie you up? Something like that? Or do you want to do those things to me?”

  My mouth goes dry at just the thought, even though I’ve never done any of that before. Yes, yes, and yes. I shake my head. “No, it’s not that. We’re just… not a good fit,” I lie.

  Her eyes flash fire, her dander up now. “Bullshit.”

  I set my jaw, keeping my mouth shut, the two of us staring at one another from across the room until her face gradually softens by degrees. A light shines in her eyes, some kind of realization upon her. “Okay,” she finally says, throwing me off guard.

  “What?”

  “Okay,” she repeats, like she’s agreeing with everything I’m saying.

  I shake my head. Is this a mind game? “Why are you being so understanding? I’m acting like an asshole.”

  “You can’t push me away that easy,” she says gently, slowly approaching, every step she takes making my heart beat faster.

  She puts her arms around me, holding me close, but I don’t return the embrace. All I can do is stand still, breathing heavy, desperately wanting to deny her just as much as I want to clutch her tight.

  This is so stupid. Does she think she’s going to heal me with a hug? Change my whole life perspective because she figured it out and didn’t run when I tried to push her away?

  But the longer we stand here, her soft warmth seeping into me, her steadfastness crumbling my defenses, the better it feels, until I find myself wrapping my arms around her too. I lean my head down to fit my nose in the crook of her neck, breathing her in, shuddering as her sweet scent surrounds me, calms me, until all I know is her.

  She strokes her fingers through my hair, both of us quiet as we stand in the middle of the lab. “This doesn’t change anything,” I whisper.

  “If you say so.”

  “Why are you being so goddamn reasonable?” I ask, defeated.

  “One of us has to be.”

  I let out a weak chuckle, unable to muster the energy for much more.

  She breaks away, smoothing her hands down my face. “Can I come over to your house tonight?”

  I nod, helpless to deny her anything right now.

  “Maybe we can try some of those things?” she whispers, an excited note in her voice.

  My dick twitches at the thought, and I close my eyes, nodding again. Her lips press to mine briefly and then there’s the sound of the lab door opening and closing as she exits.

  I continue to stand there, breathing in, tensing every muscle in my body, and slowly exhale as I relax everything, trying to remember the exact sequence Mia used on all her biofeedback participants this week.

  I have a feeling I’ll need it for tonight.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Tyler

  “What the hell are you wearing?”

  Mia stands in the front entryway of my house, stroking the yellow and black striped tie around her neck, a wide smile on her face. “What, you don’t like it?”

  I catch hold of the end of it, bringing it closer to study. “It has a badger on it.”

  “Mm-hmm.” She tries to glance around me to see the rest of the house, but I block her view.

  “This is a Hufflepuff tie.”

  “What astute powers of observation you have.” She grins, calling to mind the words I said to her the day of our interviews.

  “I don’t know if I should allow any Hufflepuffs in here. It would set a bad precedent.”

  “What, none of your roommates are?” She slips past me and into the living room, where Ethan is sprawled out on the couch. He pauses the movie he’s watching and turns to her, a lazy grin on his face.

  I thought twice about letting her come over here, knowing Ethan will likely try to embarrass me in some way. But honestly, it doesn’t matter. I’ve decided tonight is another experiment. A test of control. To make sure I can separate out the sexual stuff from everything else. I just have to compartmentalize it all to keep this arrangement working. A part of my brain for friend and coworker Mia, and a place for bedroom Mia.

  I took her to the gym last time to prove to myself we can hang out like normal, and this time is to prove I can keep anything personal out of us hooking up. She’s like any other girl. Like Lainie and Ashlynn and all the rest.

  And if I can’t…

  No, I can. Right now just doesn’t count. This is still friend mode.

  Ethan glances at me, still smiling. “So this is the infamous Mia.”

  I narrow my eyes, warning him, but his grin only stretches wider.

  “We watched you in the ring the other week,” she says. “It was pretty impressive.”

  He nods graciously. “Thanks.”

  “Quick question. What Hogwarts house would you say you belong to?”

  I begin to protest and she quickly places a hand over my mouth before I can tell him what she’s up to. She struggles to keep her hand in place as I first tickle her in an attempt to get her to let go, then lick her palm. She just laughs in response, unwilling to concede defeat.

  Ethan’s eyes widen at our antics, clearly bewildered. His gaze flicks down to the tie she’s wearing, finally making the connection. “Oh, I’m definitely a Hufflepuff,” he claims, trying to piss me off.

  Mia lets go, pumping her arms above her head as she jumps up and down in delight. “Yes!”

  “Fuck you, man,” I tell him good-naturedly. “You know you’re a Gryffindor.”

  He scratches his jaw, pretending to mull it over. “Nah, pretty sure it’s the badger life for me.”

  She laughs at his comment and the way he grins back at her has me pausing. I know he was pushing to get a rise out of me the other week telling me Mia was cute and he wanted to ask her out, but the idea hits a little too close to home right now.

  I grab her hand, saying bye to Ethan, and drag her to my bedroom before any more can happen between the two of them.

  �
��Are you trying to rile me up before we even get started?” I ask her as I close the door behind us.

  “Maybe,” she says flirtatiously, sitting down on the edge of my bed. She strokes her hand across the black comforter, glancing up at me with a small smile on her lips.

  I swallow heavily, this sexually playful side she’s showing incredibly arousing. I’m afraid to show how much I like it for fear she’ll use it against me. God knows it’s hard enough to keep control around her as it is.

  But I have to. That’s what tonight is about. Staying in control. Of my thoughts. My emotions. The dynamic between us. This is a hookup. Nothing more.

  I walk forward, fingering the tie she’s wearing. “So this is for me to use on you? To tie you up with?”

  She shakes her head, mischief on her face. “The other way around. I want to tie you up.”

  My jaw drops, equal parts denial and excitement running through me. “We never agreed on anything like that.”

  She stands, drawing flush with me, so close I could lean down and kiss her if I wanted. “Admit the idea turns you on just a little bit,” she whispers.

  I shake my head, but it might be more to convince myself than her. Why would I want her to tie me up? That’s the opposite of control.

  Or maybe…

  Maybe it’s the perfect way to test it. If I can keep control of myself while I’m at her mercy, not let it affect me, it’ll mean I’m okay, not in any danger of…

  Of what? What exactly do I think will happen? I’ll fall madly in love with her? Beg her to give me a chance? Ask her to be my girlfriend?

  Jesus, Tyler, get a grip. It’s just sex.

  The light in her eyes dims as I shake my head and she takes a step back toward the bed. “I’m not asking to get kinky or anything. I wouldn’t even know how to do that,” she says ruefully. “I just thought it might be a little fun.”

  I close my eyes, feeling like shit. How do I always manage to screw everything up?

  I take action instead of wasting my time with words, hurriedly stripping off my clothes before picking her up and throwing her on the bed. Her eyes widen as I cover her with my body and kiss the ever-loving hell out of her. She quickly gets on board, cupping my face to return the kiss, and I make swift movements at her neck to loosen the tie.

  I roll over so I’m underneath her and slowly bring my hands above my head, crossing them at the wrist. “Use the tie.”

  She stares at me for a moment before jumping into motion, scrambling to get it off her neck. She ties the length of cotton around my wrists, calling to mind the way I’ve wrapped her hands for boxing, something incredibly sensual about the act.

  “I don’t know what I’m doing,” she whispers, her hands shaking slightly.

  “I don’t either,” I admit. “I’ve never done anything like this before.” I look her in the eye, leaving unspoken that she’s the only one I would put myself in this situation with. I haven’t been this out of my element with a girl since I was fifteen years old.

  But I’m obviously not voicing that aloud. No need for her to think there’s more between us than what there is.

  This is just sex, I remind myself when her breast grazes my cheek as she leans over to finish tying me.

  It’s just sex, as she reaches down and strips her own shirt off, her creamy skin so pale and perfect.

  Just sex, as she straddles me and tenderly cups my face, bringing her lips down to meet mine, the barest brushing that has me instinctively straining upward for more.

  “Have I told you how beautiful your eyes are?” she whispers. “How amazing your body is?” She leans back to sweep her palms over my chest, her gaze focused hungrily on me.

  “I thought you only liked me for my brain and voice.”

  “Those are good too.” She grins. “But they’re not what I want to focus on tonight.” She leans down again, pressing a hot kiss over my left pec, slowly inching her way across my body, taking her time.

  I breathe in deeply, attempting to calm myself, but I still can’t stop the shudder that passes through me at the velvet feel of her lips, the tickle of her curls against my torso, anticipating what comes next. “What wicked designs do you have on me?” I ask, forcing levity into the situation. Any more of this pure sensation and I’ll combust.

  “I just want you,” she murmurs, trailing a hand down my body, teasing light fingers over my dick. It jumps to attention, desperate for more of her touch. My hands automatically reach for her before I remember they’re tied. The knot is loose, easy to get out of if I wanted. It’s more the suggestion of being restrained. Another wave of goose bumps races across my skin at the notion. How has nothing like this manifested itself before? I’m the dominant one. I’ve never even considered letting a girl have any kind of power over me.

  I swallow, pushing that thought aside, not wanting to examine it too closely.

  “Shut your eyes,” she says, her voice drugging me, lulling me into obedience. “You can’t see me, touch me. I just want you to feel me. Hear the sounds I make for you. It’s all for you, Tyler.”

  A shaky breath escapes me, my heart picking up in rhythm. I don’t know if I can do this. Submit to her like this. I can’t handle it—

  “Shh,” a soft whisper sounds in my ear. “Trust me.”

  I sharply inhale, nodding. God help me, I do trust her. Somehow, somewhere, that happened along the way.

  She leaves me, climbing off the bed, and there’s the quiet rustle of her shucking her clothes, then the unmistakable rip of a condom wrapper. She rolls it on me, straddling me once more, the unbearable softness of her inner thighs keeping me captive, her slender fingers curling around my waist as she positions herself over me, rubbing her pussy along my length, drawing forth a moan from both of us.

  “Are you ready?” she asks, her voice sultry.

  “Yes,” I breathe, my hips lifting off the bed.

  She raises herself up to drop inch by excruciating inch onto me, her warmth encompassing me, stealing itself through my body until all I feel is her.

  I resist the urge to open my eyes, telling myself that I’m in control. I can do whatever I set my mind to. I can handle this.

  Her hips roll slowly once she’s fully seated on top of me, sliding herself up and down at her own pace, leaving me sweating.

  “I like having you like this.” She keeps at the same steady motion, every shift, every shallow thrust more intense for not being able to see her, touch her. My fingers itch to grasp her hips, flip her over, and drive into her, fucking her until I can empty all the feeling out of me, wanting to be rid of this goddamn insistently slow pace, every second that it continues filling me with something I don’t like, something I’m reluctant to identify.

  “Like what?” I ask, trying to focus on anything else but what’s going on inside. “Docile? Submissive?”

  I can practically hear her grinning. She skims her fingers lightly up my chest, angling herself over my body until her breath blows hot against my neck. “I know you’ll never be submissive. You’re only letting me do this.” She trails kisses along the vulnerable area, leaning back until she’s upright again. “You can open your eyes now.”

  I do as she says, finding her gloriously naked atop me, her hips rising and falling as I thrust up into her. She shakes all that hair back behind her shoulders, her back bowing, chest on display, and my eyes go right to it, unable to look away. She gently begins to caress herself, squeezing her breasts, her lips parting, panting as she turns herself on.

  Fuck. What did I open my eyes to?

  I grip the headboard as best I can with my tied hands, watching her fondle herself, her head thrown back, pussy milking me as she keeps up that erotically slow pace. A groan escapes me, loud in the quiet of the room, seeming to startle her out of her trance.

  But the sensual haze doesn’t leave her eyes as she leans forward, grasping the headboard next to my hands, her chest hovering over my face. “Suck,” she orders, her voice both authoritative and pleadin
g.

  I pause for an infinite moment, struggling with what to do. Do I stop this madness, rip off the tie, and show her who’s boss? Or do I do as she asks, surrendering to her?

  “Please,” she begs, her pussy squeezing me tightly as she lowers herself down even further, until all I’d have to do is reach out my tongue to lick her, suck her, give her everything she desires.

  I give myself to her then, sucking her like she wants, her moans telling me she likes what I’m doing. And the more vocal she is, the more I deliver in response, until I’m sure Ethan must be able to hear us even out in the living room. But I can’t bring myself to care because all I need in my life right now is to hear Mia’s cries of satisfaction.

  She fumbles to undo the knot at my wrist, taking my hands once they’re loose to greedily place them on her. “Touch me. Touch me everywhere.” I’ve never heard her so desperate, so out of control, and it calms something inside me to know she’s feeling this just as much as I am.

  I mold my hands to her body, squeezing her, clasping her to me, needing her closer, closer.

  “Yes,” she sighs. “I need you, Tyler. God, I need you so bad.” She leans back upright, riding me harder until she breaks apart, bucking on top of me, her hands clutching at my chest as she gasps, unable to make any intelligible noise as her orgasm overtakes her.

  When her motions subside, I gently flip her over, kissing her languidly until she’s recovered and able to take me again.

  She looks up at me with half-lidded eyes, as I take long, leisurely strokes within her, building her up again. She brings her arms above her head but I don’t need to tie her up. I know she’ll let me do whatever I want to her, her body straining toward mine. She welcomes everything I give her, reveling in it, no hint of shame. Her mien is open, trusting.

  Everything I’m not. Or rather, don’t want to be.

  This will be the last time. I can’t compartmentalize it, can’t pretend it’s only a physical thing. Not with the way she’s looking at me. Not with the way I fear I’m gazing right back at her, my breath catching at how she seems to see right through me, able to tell what’s going on inside, even if I don’t fully understand it myself.