A Baby of His Own

by Jennifer Taylor

  ‘I wish I knew!’ Mrs Gentry exclaimed. ‘We’re staying in our own caravan so I know that it’s been thoroughly cleaned. I use anti-allergen covers on all the soft furnishings as well as the bedding, and we have blinds instead of curtains because they hold less dust. I also disinfect the floors as well as the worktops at least twice a day. My husband says that you could eat your dinner off our caravan floor because it’s so clean!’

  ‘And do you do the same at home?’ he asked.

  ‘Oh, yes! I always have ever since the boys were born. You’d never find a germ in my house.’

  ‘It certainly sounds as though you are very thorough, Mrs Gentry.’ He smiled at her, although he increasingly suspected that the root of the twins’ problems could lie in their mother’s fastidiousness. Over-zealous cleaning could lead to a lack of tolerance for everyday allergens, which in turn could trigger an asthma attack. He decided that he would have a word with her GP about it and stood up.

  ‘I’m going to take a look at the boys so I’ll come back and see you later. Get yourself a cup of tea and try to relax—everything is going to be fine.’

  He nodded to Lucy to indicate that he would like her to accompany him and they left the relatives’ room. She didn’t say a word as they walked along the corridor and it wasn’t a comfortable silence either. Connor could tell from her tight-lipped expression that there was something bothering her so he stopped when they came to the office.

  ‘It’s obvious something’s worrying you. Why don’t we go in here and talk about it?’

  ‘I don’t think so.’

  She carried on walking and ignored him as she made her way to the ward. Connor followed her inside but he had to admit that he was confused. Maybe she was upset at the thought of all the gossip that was circulating, but was it only that? Or was there something else troubling her?

  She’d seemed to accept the fact that he’d had to leave her last night to come to work so surely it couldn’t be that which had upset her, yet what other explanation could there be? As he approached the twins’ beds he realised that he needed to sort this out as quickly as possible. The last thing he wanted was for there to be any more misunderstandings between them.

  Lucy was relieved when Connor left to attend the finance meeting. It had been unbearable to be near him after what had happened. Fortunately, she was kept busy after that so the afternoon flew past and then it was time to leave.

  She collected Izzy from the crèche and drove straight home. She had been planning to stop off on the way to do some shopping but she was too tired and too upset to bother. She made them scrambled eggs for their tea, although most of hers ended up in the bin because she didn’t feel like eating.

  Izzy chattered away in baby talk while she washed the dishes. The little girl was unaware of what was happening and that was the way Lucy intended the situation to remain. Izzy wasn’t going to be used as a pawn by her father—she wouldn’t allow it, even though she knew that she would have a fight on her hands if she tried to stop Connor seeing their daughter. However, no matter what he threatened to do, she wasn’t going to budge. He wasn’t going to have anything more to do with Izzy if she had her way!

  When the doorbell rang at ten minutes past eight that evening, Lucy knew that she had been expecting it. Connor must be eager to finalise things now that he thought he had paved the way towards getting what he wanted. She got up and went to open the door. The sooner they sorted this out the better for her, too.

  ‘Hi!’

  He smiled at her as he stepped into the hall and she felt her heart shrivel up when she saw the warmth in his eyes. He was a superb actor—she had to give him that. If she hadn’t known what he was planning then she would have believed he really cared about her. But she was just another pawn in this game he was playing. He didn’t really give a damn about her.

  Lucy didn’t say a word as she turned and walked into the sitting-room. Her feelings didn’t matter now. She needed to reserve all her energy for what really mattered, which was Izzy and the need to protect her.

  ‘What’s wrong, Lucy?’ He followed her into the room, catching hold of her arm when she didn’t reply so that she was forced to stop. ‘Lucy, please!’

  ‘I don’t want you to see Izzy again,’ she said flatly, not even bothering to answer his question. He didn’t care about her: he cared about Dee. The thought brought tears to her eyes but she blinked them away. She wouldn’t cry in front of him, wouldn’t ever make herself that vulnerable again.

  ‘What do you mean?’ He spun her round to face him. ‘What’s going on? Why have you suddenly decided that I can’t see Izzy?’

  ‘Because I will not allow you to use her, Connor,’ she spat back, pulling herself free.

  ‘Use her? Look, I don’t know what’s happened—’

  ‘I overheard you and Dee talking today.’ All of a sudden she couldn’t take any more. She didn’t want him to lie to her again. He had done enough of that last night. He may not have said that he’d loved her but she’d thought he had meant that by the way he had made love to her. And she couldn’t begin to explain how wretched she felt about allowing herself to be deceived that way.

  ‘I see. So what exactly did you hear?’

  His tone was harsh, his face set into such stern lines that a shiver ran through her. She could tell how angry he was but if anyone had the right to feel angry then it was her and not him!

  ‘I heard you telling her that it didn’t matter if the child wasn’t hers, that she would still love it because she loved its father.’

  ‘And you thought I was talking about Izzy? You think I want Izzy in my life so I can give Dee a child?’

  ‘Yes! What other child could you have been talking about? And everyone knows that you and Dee are having a relationship. It’s been the talk of the hospital!’ she said bitterly.

  ‘And you believe it, too, do you? Even after last night you still think that Dee and I are having an affair?’ He laughed softly but there was no trace of humour in the sound. ‘It’s amazing, isn’t it? You’d rather believe a lot of foolish gossip than what I’ve told you. And I thought you had faith in me.’

  ‘Are you saying that it isn’t true? That I imagined that whole conversation?’ she demanded, because he was making it sound as though she was the one at fault.

  ‘Not at all. If you heard it then it must be true, mustn’t it?’

  He swung round but Lucy couldn’t let him leave like this. She needed to hear it from his own lips what he had done. ‘So you’re admitting that the only reason you came back here was for Izzy?’

  ‘That’s right.’ He glanced back and she recoiled when she saw the contempt in his eyes. ‘I came back for Izzy. So if you think that I am going to give her up, then you are mistaken. I am her father and that is one fact that you cannot change to suit yourself, Lucy. And because I am her father, I will do whatever it takes to gain access to her.’

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CONNOR could scarcely believe what was happening. How could a few short hours have made such a huge difference? he wondered as he let himself out of the flat. Last night he’d been so sure that Lucy had trusted him but obviously he’d been wrong.

  She couldn’t trust him if she believed that he had planned to use their daughter! She couldn’t trust him if she believed that he was having an affair with another woman! And if she didn’t trust him then she couldn’t love him either.

  His vision blurred as he got into his car and he wasn’t ashamed to admit that he felt like crying. All those dreams he’d had for their future together would amount to nothing now. There wouldn’t be a home and a family, a happy-ever-after for him and Lucy. There would be just bitterness and suspicion, and he didn’t know how he was going to stand it. It made him wonder if he should accept her decision not to let him have any more contact with Izzy. Heaven knew, he didn’t want to hurt her any more, yet the thought of giving up his rights to his child was more than he could bear. He needed to be there for Izzy, no matter ho
w much Lucy might hate having him around.

  The thought of what was going to happen in the coming weeks plagued him so that he found it impossible to sleep. He was bone tired when he went into work the following day and it didn’t help that the first person he saw was Lucy. She bade him a curt good morning then went into the office and closed the door, making it clear that she didn’t intend to talk to him.

  Connor’s mouth thinned as he followed her into the room. It was going to be hell on earth if she behaved like this. Maybe she did believe that she had a genuine grievance but he’d be damned if he would allow her to treat him like a leper while they were in work!

  ‘We need to lay down some ground rules,’ he said grimly as he strode over to the desk. ‘I am the head of this department and I expect you to behave in a suitably professional manner towards me when we are at work. Is that clear?’

  ‘Perfectly, sir. Is there anything else you wish to say?’

  She stared back at him and it was all he could do not to apologise when he saw the pain in her eyes. He knew that if he explained the background to that conversation between him and Dee, it would make her see that she’d been wrong about him, but he also knew how pointless it would be. Even if she believed him, it wouldn’t really change anything. Lucy had to know in her own mind that she could trust him or the same thing would happen again in the future. He couldn’t bear to live under a cloud of suspicion, always wondering if today would be the day when she lost her faith in him for good. Maybe it was his fault that she felt this way, but he couldn’t rewrite the past. He just had to live with the consequences. And it might be too much to hope that a relationship that didn’t have trust as its foundation could survive.

  ‘Yes, that’s all.’ He strode to the door then glanced back, deliberately erasing any trace of emotion from his face. ‘I’d like to make an early start on the ward round today. Can you check that Nicholas and Simon Gentry’s notes have arrived? If they haven’t, can you chase up their GP for me, please.’

  ‘Of course, sir.’

  Her tone was bland yet he heard the pain it held and his hand clenched on the handle before he forced himself to open the door. ‘Thank you.’

  He left the office and made his way upstairs to find his team. They were in the residents’ lounge, enjoying a last cup of coffee, so he told them curtly to be in his office in five minutes’ time and left. As he opened the door to his own sanctum, Connor felt a wave of weariness wash over him. If this was an indication of what was to come then he wasn’t looking forward to it one little bit. Even though he had come back to England fully expecting to have to fight for his rights regarding Izzy, it wasn’t a prospect he had ever relished. Now it appealed even less because now he understood how he really felt about Izzy’s mother. He loved Lucy and wished with all his heart that he had never let her go, but she didn’t feel the same about him and never would. And every minute of every day that he had to spend with her was going to be sheer torture.

  Connor was terse to the point of rudeness during the ward round. Lucy could tell from everyone’s expressions that they were wondering what was going on. He was little short of scathing when Tom got some basic facts wrong and not much kinder to Amanda when she stumbled her way through a potted history of the twins’ asthma. It wasn’t what he actually said but the way he said it, so coldly, so distantly, so…so lacking in emotion. She knew why he was behaving that way, of course, and she felt racked with guilt as well as anguish. It wasn’t fair that everyone had to suffer because of her!

  ‘Am I glad that’s over!’ Amanda exclaimed as soon as Connor had disappeared. ‘He must have been lulling us into a false sense of security for the past couple of weeks. I believe everything anyone has ever told me about him now!’

  ‘You have to admit that he’s really clued up,’ Martin put in, obviously trying to pour oil onto very troubled waters. ‘He’d already highlighted the fact that Mrs Gentry was probably making matters worse for her boys by doing all that cleaning before we’d seen the GP’s notes and those comments he’d made when he’d last seen the twins. I mean, Connor had only spent a few minutes with the woman and he’d still picked up on it,’ he added when Amanda looked less than impressed.

  ‘He might be the best paediatrician in the whole wide world but he’s definitely lacking in the social skills department. Pity help any poor woman who gets involved with him is all I can say—Oops, sorry, Lucy. That wasn’t very tactful of me.’ Amanda blushed. She had obviously heard the rumours about Izzy being Connor’s daughter.

  Lucy shrugged. She didn’t want to make the other woman feel uncomfortable. ‘You’re entitled to your opinions, Amanda. There’s no need to apologise.’

  ‘Hmm, maybe not but thanks all the same.’

  Amanda beat a hasty retreat, and Lucy sighed. It was going to be very difficult if people thought that they had to walk on eggshells around her. So she’d had a relationship with Connor and had ended up having his child—she wouldn’t let it dictate what happened for the rest of her life!

  It was a wonderful sentiment but very difficult to put into practice. In the days following, she soon realised that her relationship with Connor had had an effect on how people thought of her. She tried to carry on as normal but the constant looks and comments started to wear her down. She began to think seriously about finding another job, although she had no intention of running away. She had firmly scotched that idea and would tell Connor where she was going if she did decide to leave. It would be up to him then if he continued fighting for access to Izzy.

  He had said nothing more on the subject, although she wasn’t foolish enough to think that he had given up. He was probably waiting until Dee made up her mind about how she felt before putting his plans into action, and that was another depressing thought. Her life and Izzy’s might all hinge on the whims of another woman so she was glad that Dee wasn’t needed at work. The less she saw of Dee as well as Connor, the better!

  After a short dry spell, the rain started again and this time it caused mayhem. Overnight some parts of the town were flooded and Lucy ended up with a wall of sandbags piled outside her front door to keep out the water. The car park closest to the old section of the hospital was flooded when she arrived at work so she had to park elsewhere and carry Izzy to the crèche. Then, when she got to the ward, she discovered that Sandra had phoned to say that she couldn’t get in because the buses had stopped running. It meant that she and Alison would have to cope on their own that morning, no easy task when the ward was full.

  Lucy set to work on the morning obs and had got halfway round when there was a tremendous crash from outside. She ran to the window to see what had happened and gasped when she saw clouds of dust billowing from the old part of the building where the crèche was housed.

  ‘What’s happened?’ Alison demanded, peering over her shoulder. ‘Oh, no! Part of the old building has collapsed!’

  Lucy thrust the files she was holding into Alison’s hands. ‘I have to go and see if Izzy’s all right. She’s in the crèche…’

  Her voice dried up as she ran towards the door. She could hear the office phone ringing but she ignored it as she raced along the corridor. She had to get to Izzy and make sure that she was safe!

  A lot of people must have had the same idea because there was a crowd running towards the old section of the building by the time Lucy got down to the car park. She followed them as fast as she could, her fear intensifying as she got closer and saw what had happened. The end wall had fallen away, leaving the rest of the building in a very precarious position. There were people rushing about all over the place and she could hear sirens in the distance, but all she could think about was getting to Izzy.

  ‘Lucy!’

  She swung round when she heard Connor shouting her name. She could see the terror in his eyes as he ran towards her. ‘Where’s Izzy? Is she in there?’ he demanded, skidding to a stop.

  ‘Yes! I’ve got to get to her!’ She tried to push past him so she could get int
o the building but he wouldn’t let her pass.

  ‘I’ll get her. You must stay here. Understand? You have got to stay here.’

  ‘But Izzy needs me—’

  ‘I will get her for you, Lucy. I swear I will. Just trust me—please.’

  He squeezed her hands then turned and ran into the ruins of the building. Lucy put her hand over her mouth as terror gripped her. Connor would do his best but would he get to Izzy in time, would he be able to save their precious child?

  A sob broke from her lips at the thought of losing Izzy but she forced herself not to give in to the panic that gripped her. There were other parents arriving now but the security staff had set up a cordon and they stopped anyone else from going inside the building. The fire brigade arrived and a team was sent inside. The minutes ticked past with agonising slowness then a great cheer erupted when the crew appeared with a number of children and some members of the crèche’s staff. Lucy hurried forward, pushing her way through the crowd to find her daughter, but there was no sign of Izzy or Connor.

  She ran over to one of the nursery nurses, hoping she might be able to tell her what was happening. ‘What about the babies? They’re in a separate room so are they all right?’

  ‘I don’t know.’ The girl looked upset. ‘I was in the hall, helping some of the toddlers off the slide. I just grabbed as many of them as I could and ran. I’m sorry but I don’t know what’s happened to the rest.’

  Another mother came over to speak to the girl so Lucy moved aside. More children were being brought out now and her heart leapt in relief when she saw that one of the firemen was carrying two of the babies. She ran over to him but neither of them was Izzy.

  ‘My baby’s in there,’ she told him frantically. ‘Her father’s gone inside to find her—did you see him?’

  ‘No, but there’s a lot of dust in there so it’s difficult to see what’s happening.’ He glanced round. ‘Ask one of the other guys—they might have seen him.’