Socially Awkward

by Stephanie Haddad

  Next up, an even more unpleasant message from a far more surprising individual. Tom was back in action, it seemed, or had been within the last couple of days. Yes, during the time that he’d been necking regularly with my sister on my couch. Right here in my living room. He was checking in to see if I’d gotten his last note, sent sometime before he’d “gone on vacation.”

  Vacation, huh? “Family matters” my ass!

  At a total loss, I wanted to throw my hands up into the air and walk straight into Claire’s room wielding the proof of Tom’s betrayal on my laptop. Except that I didn’t want to give Tom the chance to talk his way out of this and convince Claire it was a mistake or something.

  But then, it came to me. The perfect plan. If I could somehow test to see how Tom would react, now that he was with Claire, wouldn't my sister want me to do what was best for her? She could know once and for all if Tom was faithful, worthy of her. I'd want her to do the same for me.

  So I replied to Tom's last message, putting on my Olivia thinking cap to properly establish the right tone.

  Tom -

  Sorry to have missed that party, and not to have answered you during all this time. You look pretty hot yourself and I'd love to give that *huge* something a try sometime. Do you think you'd still like to share with me? Or is it all eaten up already?

  Although I was particularly proud of my crudeness, I had to cringe. Just a little.

  Anyway, I'm dancing downtown next week at the Rock Club on Lansdowne Street and I'd love to get a drink with you afterwards. Maybe head back to my place or yours... wherever you think your huge something will fit the best. Let me know if you'll be there.

  I thought for a minute, chewing my fingernail. That was too business-like an ending. I had to go over the top here, make it so that no self-respecting man in a relationship would ever accept this invitation. That way, I could be totally, 100%, without a doubt sure that Tom was a piece of scum.

  Maybe I'll even let you talk me out of that bra.

  Better. Not perfect, but much better. I signed it, Yours, Olivia the Sex Goddess and hit send. There was no way would he respond. It was too much. Way too much. Even a dense guy like Tom would see right through i.t… with any luck.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Once he had his precious Olivia’s permission, Sean invited me out for a casual, friendly dinner at Chili’s. So it wasn’t the most romantic of venues—that much was evident—and he was probably not going to make any advances to sweep me off my feet. Still, it was the opportunity to get that one-on-one time that I’d so badly wanted for all of these years. Tonight was the perfect chance to show him who I really was and divert his attention from Olivia once and for all.

  As I bustled around the apartment in a panicked blur, Claire sat on the couch with her arms crossed and an amused half-smile on her face. She didn’t say anything, but her glaring eye was enough judgment on its own. I knew what she thought of Sean; I didn’t have to ask. So I stuck my tongue out at her, told her to mind her own business, and then asked her advice on what I should wear. Hey, no man is an island, and no woman is either, okay?

  Plus, Claire has much better fashion sense than I do. Just as a general rule.

  She selected a black pencil skirt and a cashmere sweater set hiding in the back of my closet. I’d never been brave enough to wear before. It was a light eggshell color that I was convinced I would stain, and the v-neckline was more daring than I would have ever risked before. But now, with Sean’s affection on the line, risks had to be taken.

  I got to Chili’s first, thank goodness, and had a few moments to stare myself down in the bathroom mirror. I thought about slapping myself once or twice, just to help my focus, but I didn’t want to leave any handprints on my face. That might be a bit too weird, on top of all the other weird I was about to unveil to him.

  Waiting in the lobby for a table, I saw him enter before his eyes found me. I was so anxious, and so excited to see him, that I forgot for a split second that he wouldn’t be greeting me as romantically as I dreamed. My mind went blank at the remembered fact and I just stared at him, standing two feet away from me. He didn’t see me standing there, or at least hadn’t recognized me… again.

  I cleared my throat and tapped him on the shoulder. He whirled around and locked eyes with mine. He faltered for a moment, then regained composure and offered a weaker version.

  “Oh, hi, Jan,” he said, looking around me. “How are you?”

  “It’s Jen,” I corrected, as nicely as you can correct someone who has just forgotten your first name. Someone you have had a lifetime crush on and would like to convince to be crushing on you too.

  “Sorry,” he shrugged. “I really am terrible with names.”

  Except for the names of hot women who friend you on the internet.

  “So how’s Olivia been? Still out of town?” Sean asked, without skipping a beat.

  My smile fell from my face and he saw it. “No, not yet. She hasn’t sent you any messages or anything?”

  Well done, Jen. Plant that seed of doubt.

  “No, not really,” he said, blinking.

  For a moment, we just stood looking at each other. I’d spun yet another lie for Sean’s benefit, and the guilt was starting to infiltrate my subconscious. Now was the time to tell him. Now, when he was quiet and looking at me, when we were standing here in person just inches from touching. But I didn’t even know what word to start with.

  “Come on, let’s get a table,” he said suddenly, pulling me from the depths of my self-loathing and guilt.

  ****

  Sitting at a little two-seater table with Sean in the back of a Chili’s was the way I’d planned it in my imagination. Crowded together at a tiny table where our knees touched, sharing our dinners with each other, smiling over a plate of nachos. Some of that stuff was actually happening in real life, including the bit with our knees touching under the table—my favorite part. The smiling happened on occasion and there were even nachos, but we hadn’t quite reached the sharing food part yet.

  “Olivia has only told me a little about you,” he lied, loading up a nacho with sour cream. I happened to know first-hand that Olivia had never even mentioned a Jennifer or a roommate, but it was nice of him to make me feel included in his virtual relationship with my fake self. “What do you do for a living?”

  “Well, I’m back in school right now,” I said, pushing something Mexican around on my plate. After all this time away from sodium-laden foods, I was having a tough time eating the heavy faire at Chili’s. Still, I took a bite every now and again, striving to at least make it look like I was enjoying my food. “I left my job as a Human Resources consultant to pursue a Master’s in Sociology.”

  “That sounds… totally boring,” he started to chuckle and earned a smile from me. “What are you going to do as a… Sociologist? Is that the right term?”

  “There are lots of things,” I shrugged. “I want to go back into consulting, but hopefully own my own freelancing agency. I’m specializing in interpersonal work relationships and modern communication. This is my last year so I’m—”

  I froze, mid-word, realizing I was about to jump head first into a discussion about fake Facebook profiles and field research. Would he have figured it out that Olivia was my testing device? Probably not, not with me sitting here making up stories about her, but why risk it? I decided to dodge the conversation all together instead of letting too much information slip.

  “Anyway,” I shifted gears. “What do you do, Sean? I’m afraid Olivia hasn’t told me much about you either.” Might as well keep us on equal footing, right?

  “Well, I’m a project manager for a landscaping company and I guess that’s about it,” he trailed off at the end. “There aren’t any higher degrees required in my line of work or anything.”

  Sean actually seemed embarrassed about his job in front of me. I wasn’t really sure what to make of that. Usually, I was the one being embarrassed about something, anything really. With
the shoe on the other foot, how was I supposed to respond?

  “At least you’ll have fewer student loans to pay back!” I tried to smile at my poor joke, but not even I could muster a grin. Sean just shoved another nacho into his mouth and chewed. “Enough about work. What do you do for fun?”

  “I like to go hang gliding when I can, and sometimes there’s a rock gym I climb at on the weekends. Mostly outdoor stuff, if I can get the free time. Weird, I know, since I work outside too,” he swallowed his nacho and considered another. “I just hate being cooped up inside all day.”

  His short list of hobbies was terrifying to someone like me, who often feared the bone-chilling heights of her parents’ roof deck. I couldn’t imagine jumping off of that with some metal poles and canvas “wings” strapped to my back. Hang gliding, huh? Does Sean have a death wish?

  “What about you?” he asked, after a lengthy pause during which I stared down a clump of Mexican rice clinging to my fork.

  “I don’t have much time for anything else outside of school, but I recently took up running…”

  “As I discovered a few days ago,” he chuckled.

  “Right,” I laughed to hide my own embarrassment at that. “Well, I’ve been thinking about training for a 5K in the next couple of months. It sounded like a good way to get into running as a sport, not just as something I do to kill time.” And burn calories, I thought but did not add out loud. My weight loss struggles were none of Sean’s business and would hopefully be ended once and for all if he ever saw me naked.

  I squeezed my eyes shut against the mental images entering my mind. All of this imagery just at the thought of the word naked… was I turning into a guy? I was at least, if not more, horny than most teenage males I knew as of late. Something’s gotta give here soon, folks.

  “Seems like you’ve got a good trainer already. What was his name, Nolan?”

  “You really are terrible with names,” I said, raising my eyebrows. “It’s Noah and, yeah, he’s the best.”

  He leaned forward, thrilling me beyond words. “So are you two... an item?”

  I shook my head slowly, afraid to breathe too hard and have Sean move away from me. He really wanted to know if I was single, didn’t he? A tiny part of me was upset at how quickly he could just forget how good a friend Olivia had been to him, but I didn’t give that part much room to complain. Rather, I squashed it like a bug, choosing instead to blindly revel in the attention Sean was showing me. I might not need Claire after all, if I could kill off Olivia all by myself.

  “He’s just my trainer,” I said after a moment, swallowing my nerves. I banished all thoughts of Noah’s kisses, those piercing and intuitive eyes, and the way his butt looked when he…

  “Good to know,” Sean said, winking. When the waiter passed by the table, Sean asked for the check. He paid for my meal, like we were on a real date together here at Chili’s, and touched my hand across the table. “What do you say we get out of here, Jen?”

  ****

  Sean O’Dwyer held my hand (eek!) as we crossed the street and, although I knew my legs were working just fine, I felt like I was just floating over the pavement. I had no idea how I had gone from freaking out in the bathroom mirror about confessing my sins to this man to this, and so quickly too! Sean was turning out to be everything I’d always known him to be: funny, charming, kind-hearted, a kindred spirit. He joked lightly the entire walk back to my apartment, a path I wound him down without thinking. It was just so nice to get lost in his presence—his real-life presence, not just the imaginary version I’d been dreaming about for weeks—that the thrills clouded my judgment.

  Before I realized where we’d traveled, we stood staring at each other in front of my parents’ house. Oh no… it was time for a confession, before things went any further.

  “Listen, Sean,” I looked up into his eyes and felt myself weaken a little under their intense gaze. “I have to admit something. Um… this is my parents’ house and I, um… live in the in-law apartment. I want to invite you in but I…”

  Have a sister sitting on my couch. A sister that he cannot see again or everything is totally, totally blown!

  “I don’t care, Jen. It’s fine,” Sean said, leaning toward me. His eyes closed as his lips neared mine. I wanted nothing more than to shut my eyes too and just accept his kiss, let it erase what was left of my dizzied brain.

  Instead, I put my finger to his lips. His eyes shot open. “Can you just hold that thought for one tiny second?”

  I darted around to the side door of the house—my front door—and jiggled the key a few times, hoping to send Claire a signal. She was always acting psychic when it didn’t matter, so could she just this once be legitimately telepathic when I needed it most? Please go and hide in your bedroom, Claire. Hear me jiggling the keys? Hear that? It means get the hell out of the living room!

  Sean caught up to me before I could pop my head in to see if the coast was clear. “Everything okay?” he asked, brushing the hair off of my neck. I felt his hands brush against the skin beneath my ear and I panicked. Could he see my hearing aids in the dark? What would he think about me if he spotted them?

  “Yeah, everything’s fine!” My voice sounded shrill with anxiety, but I couldn’t figure out how to shake my hair down over my ears again without looking like I didn’t want him to touch me. I did so want him to touch me.

  As I had the thought, Sean leaned into my neck and kissed it. I reeled with the tingling sensation, and pushed the door open before I gave myself any time to think about it. I lost my balance and fell forward, bringing Sean with me. We stumbled into my entryway, in full view of the living room, and the sister sitting on my couch.

  “Jen?” Claire said cautiously. She was sprawled out on the couch, her ankle propped up on a bag of ice, and a Cosmo magazine spread across her lap. She was wearing a thick, pasty mask on her face, her hair pulled back in a headband, and she had a lollipop hanging out of her mouth.

  “Where did you find my secret Tootsie Pops?” I said, my eyes narrowing on her.

  “Olivia?” Sean had regained his footing and straightened up in the doorway, and was now staring directly at my sister. “Is that you?”

  Claire looked stunned, shifting her eyes between Sean and I as though unsure what she should do. When I caught her eye, I nodded emphatically, pleading her with my eyes. Maybe her selective psychic powers would register this message, if not the last. Please, Claire, please!

  “Hi,” she said carefully, closing the magazine and stuffing it into the couch behind her. “Sean, right?”

  Perfect! Keep it cool and aloof, Claire, and it’s over and done with. Sean would get over her, get way into me instead, and we could finish our date properly. Claire and Olivia free. Alleluia!

  Unfortunately, Sean was going to need more than cool and aloof to be shaken, once and for all. He darted across the living room and joined Claire on the couch, immediately laying a caring hand to her ankle.

  “Does it hurt very badly? How did this happen?” he said, all the concern from the restaurant had been woven back into his tone. This was a completely different man than the one who had been kissing my neck ten seconds earlier. It had to be. No one was this duplicitous. “What are you doing back so early from Taiwan?”

  “Oh, it’s no big deal,” Claire said, trying to shimmy away from him. “Just turned it wrong when I was working out.”

  “Do you work out with Neal too?”

  “Noah,” I corrected him again. Claire’s head snapped in my direction with a questioning glare. I couldn’t keep my seething anger from spilling over into my tone. Who could have?

  “No, I don’t,” Claire said lightly. “It wasn’t the trainer’s fault anyway. I just stepped on it wrong.”

  “Well, is there anything I can do?”

  “Not really,” Claire shrugged, looking to me for back-up. I stood still, arms crossed in front of me. “I’ve got to get some rest, so why don’t we call it a night? Jen?”

  I
swung the door open and held it for Sean. It took him a moment, but eventually he got the hint. He stood up and walked over to Claire, placed an awkward kiss on top of her head, and then walked back to the door, hanging his head low. He didn’t look at me or say anything to me until he was most of the way outside, then he turned back and caught my eye.

  “Night, Jan,” he said softly. “See you around.”

  I slammed the door behind him and let out a loud sigh.

  “What the hell was that all about?” Claire said, pointing to the empty seat on the couch. “Sit down and tell me what’s going on. Why did you bring him here? And why am I still Olivia?”