Roses Collection: Boxed Set

by Freda, Paula

  "John, I don't want to bore you with my troubles. You have your own. You don't need mine as well." She held her breath purposely to curb the flood of words aching to spill out."

  "Abby, you know me better than that by now. There's enough room in my repertoire for your troubles as well."

  He'd opened up to her about his troubles. His own traumatic experiences overseas on the front during his service tenure.

  She wanted to tell him about her past heartbreak. To tell him that she believed he also would drift away from her for the same reasons other suitors had, albeit thus far he'd outlasted them all.

  "Abby, what is it? Is it me? Are you tired of me?"

  Abby stared dumbfounded. That was supposed to be her question. Oh God, how cruelly she'd be hurt this time.

  "No, Johnny, I could never tire of you. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You—" She stopped herself cold. She was doing it again! Saying exactly what was in her heart. No reserve, complete honesty. In her case, the easiest way to scare a man off.

  She felt terrified. "Johnny, I'm sorry. You mustn't feel you owe me anything because of my feelings towards you. Couldn't we just go out on our date, have a good time, and let tomorrow take care of itself?"

  "So that's it," he said. "You're afraid I'm going to leave you, the way this other must have done.

  Abby tried to read behind the sincere expression on his features. She felt no doubt that he was being honest. "Yes, that's part of it. But also, even you with your kind and giving nature, might in time find me gauche and a nuisance. I hide it well, Johnny, but eventually it seeps out, my lack of tact, my talkativeness. He was frowning, and rarely did that in her presence. "My unabashed forwardness and bodacious free spirit." she quoted.

  She saw the frown ease and the threat of a grin quirk the corner of his mouth.

  "Where did that come from?" Johnny asked.

  "An Englishman," she confessed, chuckling.

  "Hopefully long gone out of your life."

  "Yes, he lasted a whole two weeks."

  "Good. Now let's get back to us."

  She gazed at him, taking in his features, strong, bold features. It must be true, she thought, what he'd told her about his father's ancestors — Vikings.

  "You're right. Bad memories shelved. Let's get back to us. You said last night on the phone, you had a surprise for me?"

  She heard a momentary hesitation in his voice. "... I do. But that's for later. I know you've been to the Empire State Building, but we haven't been there together. Any bad memories associated with the observation deck?"

  "Actually, it's one of my favorite spots. And No, no bad memories associated with it, worth recalling. But how about a hint as to the surprise."

  "Nope. You're not getting it out of me, until we're ready."

  "Ready? Ready for what?"

  His face set with determination. "Quiet, woman," he teased. "You're not getting it out of me, yet."

  She laughed, reassured by his stubborn streak that told her he wasn't the type to give up easily. No wonder he'd lasted this long. She sighed in resignation, "Okay."

  They finished their coffee. Abby put the cups in the emptied dishwasher. "I'll get my windbreaker. The observation deck can be chilly and windy in the mornings and evenings."

  CHAPTER THREE

  As she expected from previous visits on clear, sunny days, the view from the 86th Floor Observation Deck was spectacular. And with Johnny beside her, magical. Gazing out the steel-fenced observatory terrace that wrapped around the building's spire, they strolled, hand-in-hand, admiring the views that never failed to amaze her.

  The whole of Manhattan with its famous landmarks, among the best, Central Park, the downtown Financial area, the new spiked tower in memory of all the victims of the Twin Towers tragedy. Liberty Island with the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, the steel cabled suspension bridges that spanned the rivers connecting to Brooklyn, Queens, Yonkers, Bronx, and New Jersey.

  She listened to Johnny and his comments on his favorite spots — Madison Square Garden, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, the Museum of Natural History and the Planetarium, her favorites as well. He followed each remark with a short personal anecdote, making sure to give her space to make her own comments and tell him her own stories.

  Odd, how little she needed to say. Not like her at all. What a marvelous man. Of course, in time, when they had shared it all, and there was little left to say, she imagined their strolling hand-in-hand, quietly, simply absorbing the view's peace and beauty. But that must mean they had grown old together. Notwithstanding old age's aches and pains, growing old with Johnny — what a charming, magical thought.

  A new load of tourists and returnees left the elevator and entered the terrace to replace those leaving. Johnny halted and turned her to face him. She felt the sudden trembling in his hands about her shoulders and read an undeniable nervousness on his face.

  "What's wrong? Is it something I said?" although she hadn't said much. Perhaps the way she was dressed. Yet she had taken pains to dress simply. Tan slacks, a soft mint green top, and windbreaker and tan sneakers. She wasn't dressed much unlike him.

  "Not-nothing's wrong, sweetest. I guess most guys in my position would feel nervous.

  Oh God, he's going to break off with me, Abby thought, steeling herself for the worse. She didn't blame him, of course. Unbelievable, his dating her had lasted this long.

  Johnny swallowed hard. "All right, Abby," he said. "Just ignore everyone who will soon be staring at us, or aiming their smartphone cameras at us. Keep your attention on me."

  He released her shoulders and drew a small velvet box from his pants pocket. Kneeling on one knee, he snapped it open.

  "Abigail, I know it's probably too soon to make my declaration. But I won't wait to ask you. There's too much sadness in your eyes. You think so little of yourself because of someone in your past who was blind to the real you, the sweet and generous and selfless you. I'm not making that mistake. Abby, if you think you could bear with my faults, and just see the love in my heart, and the desire to spend the rest of my life with you. If-if you can see yourself growing old with me, patiently ... Abby will you marry me?"

  No, she thought, this wasn't real. She was in bed, dreaming. Any moment the alarm on her radio-clock would go off and her favorite country singer wake her gently with a guitar-strung melodious song."

  He took her surprise for hesitation. "Abby, I know this is sudden. But if there's the slightest inclination on your part to consider my proposal, take the ring, wear it, until the day you feel absolutely certain you have no feelings for me, then you can give it back to me. No questions asked, no recriminations. I'll exit your life as suddenly as I entered it."

  Oh, No, Abby thought, tears welling up.

  Thoughts raced through her mind, silly thoughts. How could such a gorgeous hunk of a man fall for the likes of her? How could anyone feel such love for her after so short a time? And yet, I don't care what his reasons are. My head is not going to ruin my one chance, if there is the slimmest possibility; he's actually fallen in love with me, for myself.

  Vocal chords trembling. and forgetting her self-promises to be tactful and reserved, she blurted, "Johnny, Yes, I will wear the ring, because I know I couldn't love anyone the way I love you." She took the box, removed the small Marquee diamond ring from its velvet bed of white, and slipped it over the fourth finger of her left hand. He'd probably ask her for the ring back one day soon, but she didn't care. She'd take whatever happiness was allowed her, for whatever short time, before he said goodbye to her.

  The happiness on his face was hard to discount. His smile so earnest, she dare believe its sincerity. He stood up and took her into his arms, and kissed her tenderly, oblivious to the crowd that had formed around them and their clapping and ooohs and aaahs, or the phone cameras trained on them.

  One man, though, wasn't clapping or smiling. He was a thin, sallow-faced young man in a wheelchair. He stared at the couple, not with rancor
or jealousy, but with a heart-wrenching sadness. The young nurse guiding his wheelchair watched him stoically. She extended one hand and clasped his shoulder. He turned partly in the wheelchair and lifted his head to meet her compassionate gaze, and missed Abby's shocked expression, as absently looking over Johnny's shoulder while he held her in his embrace, she saw the man in the wheelchair, Jason, the man, healthy, strong, athletic, selfish, she had once loved with all her heart, the heart he had broken in two.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  In the morning, she dialed Jason's parents, hoping they hadn't moved in the intervening years. Her luck held out and Jason's mother answered.

  "Helene, is that you?

  "Yes, I'm Mrs. Helene Stocklin. Who am I speaking to?"

  "It's me, Abby, Abigail Harris."

  "Abby, oh dear, how are you?"

  "I'm fine. Living in Manhattan, working as an assistant cosmetologist."

  A pause as Mrs. Stocklin digested the information, then a sigh. "Abby, I've often thought of you. Has Jason contacted you?"

  Abby was glad that it was Helene who answered her call. The woman, unlike her husband, was a gentle soul, and had taken to her from their first visit to Jason at the college. Mr. Stocklin had exhibited tolerance for his son's sake, but Abby sensed from the first, the man did not consider her good enough for his son. No doubt in her mind who Jason had taken after.

  Mr. Stocklin's behavior towards his wife was not that of a man who loves and admires his mate. Theirs had been an arranged marriage by one wealthy father to another. Abby had long ago guessed who cared the more in the couple's relationship.

  "No, Jason hasn't contacted me," Abby replied. "But I think I may have seen him ... and that's why I'm calling. I apologize ahead of time if I'm mistaken. I was visiting the observation deck at the Empire State Building. He was in a wheelchair. There was a nurse with him." She held her breath, hoping for a negation.

  Another pause, and Helene's anguished reply. "Yes, Abby, that was probably him."

  Abby's heart gave an emotional jolt. "Oh my God, what happened to him?"

  "It-it was about five years ago. A car accident ... a stupid car accident. Coming home from his engagement party and promotion celebration. He'd had too much to drink. Elaine was a nice girl. Although I don't think she liked me much. She was the youngest daughter of my husband's partner at the stock brokerage. Jason was following in his father's footsteps and had been promoted to junior partner."

  Another pause, as if she were mustering strength to continue. "As I said, a stupid car crash. He went through a red light and the driver of the oncoming truck couldn't stop in time to avoid the collision. Elaine survived with a broken leg and bruises. She healed. Her airbag functioned. They were wearing seatbelts, but some eerie, stupid computer glitch in the car caused my son's airbag to malfunction. And what is stranger yet, his seatbelt opened. He was thrown around the interior of the car with such force that his back fractured," she sobbed.

  "I'm so very sorry," Abby said.

  "Do you know what makes it even eerier," Helene went on. "Only a few hours before, at his acceptance speech for the Junior Partner promotion, he'd exclaimed, how hard he'd worked to obtain that position, not allowing anything or anyone to stand in his way up the corporate ladder. Poetic justice, perhaps. He never was much of a churchgoer."

  "Helene, Jason was selfish, I'll admit that, but he was not an evil person. Perhaps too much involved in himself."

  "I know. I tried often to talk to him about kindness and generosity, but he never listened to me. A lot like his father. But a mother's love is often blind. Somewhat like yours, Abby. My husband thought you weren't good enough for him. I always thought you were too good for him."

  Abby nodded. "I wish he'd followed you as his role model."

  "Don't let his father hear that. I'm too namby-pamby for his taste."

  "He has stayed with you."

  Helene chuckled. "Oh yes, he has stayed with me. He daren't do otherwise. My father's investment in the brokerage is far too much to risk losing."

  "I'm sorry for that as well," Abby offered.

  "Oh, my marriage is bearable. Fortunate for me, my other two children were never as self-absorbed as Jason. Mr. Stocklin always says they both took after me, that's why they never wanted anything to do with his firm. They make up for both him and Jason." She sighed and again her voice choked with emotion. "Jason, my poor boy."

  Abby asked, "Do the doctors give Jason hope that he'll walk again?"

  "Medical advancements notwithstanding, willpower and a miracle perhaps, might restore life to his back and legs. But nothing so far. And in the last two years, he's fallen into depression. Doesn't eat right. He keeps up the exercises, but his spirit is low. He's almost given up. If it wasn't for that girl, a godsend, I think he'd be gone by now."

  "The girl, the one assisting him?"

  "Yes, you mentioned she was with him. Jessica is the registered nurse he met at the hospital shortly after the accident. When he was discharged, he insisted we hire her as his personal nurse. He told his father that if money were an issue, to use whatever savings or inheritance was due him. If my husband ever loved anyone more than himself, than it's Jason, because Jason is so much like him, his firstborn, a mirror image. You remember how much Jason resembled the photos of his father's younger self."

  "Yes, I remember the evening you showed me the family photo album."

  "That was a pleasant evening we all shared. I believe it was shortly before graduation. Abby, he never explained why you broke off with him."

  "Figures," Abby said. "But I didn't break up with him; he broke up with me." Before Helene could ask the why, Abby offered, "I wasn't good enough for him."

  "You were definitely too good for him. I remember overhearing in the ladies lounge one day when I was visiting the firm, a young girl, recently employed, a steno-typist, chatting to another girl, about the young man she'd encountered in the elevator ... I don't think she knew he was the boss's son ... but her words stuck in my memory. I don't know what prompted his reply to her in the elevator, but he told her that he intended going far in his job, no matter who he had to step on to achieve his goal."

  A man's voice in the background called to Helene.

  "That's my husband," she told Abby. He didn't go into work today. Hasn't been feeling well, himself, since Jason's accident. I have to go. Abby, if you want, you can visit Jason. Give me your email. I'll send you his address, and his nurse Jessica's phone number as well. Even if he doesn't want to see you, I know Jessica will see you, especially if I ask her to."

  Abby gave Helene her email address as well as her apartment address.

  "Thank you, Abby. Thank you for calling. God Bless you dear."

  CHAPTER FIVE

  That evening, when Johnny sat at the aisle table, sharing coffee with her, Abby related her history with Jason and brought him up to date on her current dilemma.

  "Please, understand, I need to see him to help him, if possible. Understand also, I don't want you to leave me. I need you to hold me steady. But my heart cries out to him, for the sake of what we once shared together. The misery I read in his eyes was real and heart-rending."

  Abby paused, realizing she had been talking non-stop for the past twenty minutes. Johnny had listened without interrupting her, watching her with that nonjudgmental stance that she admired about him. If it had been the younger healthy Jason in his place, Abby compared, Jason would have silenced her with an "As usual, you're stupidly wasting your time feeling sorry for someone. Mind your own business, and worry about me, instead."

  Truthfully, she couldn't blame Johnny if he told her to stay away from Jason. Instead, he studied her face and the tears that had welled in her eyes, and gently cupping her chin, told her, "If it's important to you, yes, you must go to him. May I come with you? I'd like to meet this Jason, though if you prefer me not to, I'll wait outside."

  "You'd do that for me? You're not upset with me?"

  "No, sweetheart. Anoth
er one of your traits I love and admire. Your selfless kindness. The man's in a wheelchair, broken in body and spirit, and from what you've told me, he may finally be aware that despite all his ego, wealth and ambition, he's as vincible as the next human being. I know how lucky I was to return bodily intact from my assignment overseas. The mental trauma, for that I needed counseling and my faith in the good Lord, along with the love of my family. I still have nightmares of seeing two of my buddies step on a concealed landmine and blown to pieces. I'm warning you now, there will be times I'll cry out in my sleep. With all my heart, I hope you'll be lying beside me to wake me and hold me in your arms."

  Abby wrapped her arms around him and buried her face against his chest. "Oh, you make it so easy to love you," she told him, her heart going out to him. He needed her. He made her feel important to him. No man, especially Jason, had ever made her feel that special. Johnny was her miracle, and here she was placing their whole relationship in danger because she felt the need to help a man who never really loved or in the least admired her.

  "Perhaps I shouldn't go, after all," she voiced.

  "Abby, I rather you do go. You'll never be at peace with yourself if you don't. And I don't want his image obscuring our love for each other. You have to go. And as I offered, I'll come with you. Believe me, I've no intention of giving you up easily. In the end, though, the choice must be freely yours."

  It frightened her to hear the inference in his words that she might be swayed to leave him for Jason if in his weariness, the man in the wheelchair turned to her.

  "All right, John, I'll go, and you'll come with me."

  CHAPTER SIX

  There was one last person Abby needed to contact before she and Johnny drove to Jason's garden apartment in Suffolk County on Long Island — Jessica, the registered nurse that Jason's mother had mentioned during their telephone conversation, the same young woman that Abby had seen guiding Jason's wheelchair on the 86th Floor Observatory Deck, the morning that Johnny had proposed.