by Kim Law
Forcing himself to turn away from it all, he gave one last wave and exited through the gate. Jeb’s was the first face he saw.
“Hell of a way to end it,” the younger man said. “Congrats, man. Terrific ride. And thanks for putting in that word with your agent.”
Nick shook Jeb’s hand. “Charlie’s a good guy. I hope you two can work something out.”
“I think we can.”
“Make him a rich man, will you? I went back on my promise for that.”
They parted, and as the next rider climbed into the chute, Nick moved away from the gates. Normally he’d stick around and watch everyone else, but he had no interest in that tonight. He didn’t even care to stick around to take the prize. He was mentally and physically done, and the adrenaline in his system now pumped for a different reason. He had a new life to figure out. Maybe that wouldn’t include the woman he wanted, but he’d still make it a life worth having. And he could thank her for giving him that much, anyway. He no longer had any intention of just going through the motions. He intended to live.
As he came out of the rider area, eleven wide smiles greeted him. His entire family had come home for this. Not only had they had their first official Wilde family dinner the night before, but they were all here supporting him tonight. Even Jaden’s girlfriend, Megan, had shown up.
Jenna and Haley each sat on their dad’s shoulders, and both were shaking pink pom-poms over their heads. “You did so good, Uncle Nick,” Jenna squealed. “I loved watching you ride.”
“You were the best!” Haley added.
Everyone else began talking at the same time, too, and Nick reveled in the moment. After years of running away, it was good to be home. Good to know this was his home.
As he talked to his sister, getting the scoop on her business and the receptionist she’d recently hired, Haley began tapping him on the top of the head. He looked up, and fell in love with the little girl even more when she grinned, and her blue-stained teeth flashed at him. The remains of her cotton candy were in her dad’s hand.
“What can I do for you, Haley?”
She pointed behind him. “The woman with the blue hair is looking at you.”
Her words caused his heart to clench. Harper was here? He glanced at Nate, who was now looking behind Nick, as well, and Nate shot him an I-told-you-so look. Maybe it wasn’t over with Harper just yet. But Nick wasn’t about to get his hopes up.
He turned, and sure enough, Harper stood watching him. And good Lord, did she look good.
“Did you still like her, Uncle Nick?” Haley chirped from atop her Daddy’s shoulders.
Nick didn’t answer, waiting instead for Ben to instruct his daughter not to ask such personal questions, but Ben didn’t utter a sound. Nick glanced at him to find that not only had Ben remained silent, but he also seemed to be awaiting an answer. As was everyone else.
But an answer wouldn’t be coming. Not in this crowd.
“I wanna be a ’copper pilot when I grow up,” Haley announced.
“Me, too,” Jenna added. “Dad says Miss Harper flies all over the place, and she could even fly to Disneyland if she wanted to.”
“That’s where I’ll fly my ’copper.” The girls’ chatter continued in the background as Harper slowly edged his way. She got stopped a couple of times, either by someone blocking her path, or another who wanted to talk to her. And as she moved, Nick stayed where he was. He really didn’t want to hope that she was there for any reason other than to congratulate him on his retirement, but his wants and his reality had mixed in a heated battle.
“I’m going to have blue hair, too,” Haley said, the words filtering though Nick’s head. “And I might make my lips blue. I get to wear makeup when I get older.”
“I’m going to have pink hair and lips.”
Nick couldn’t help but chuckle at the girls. He wanted that in his life.
And he wanted it with the woman now only ten feet away from him.
“Come on, girls.” That came from Gabe. “Let’s go find ice cream.”
“I think we all could use some ice cream,” Gloria interjected. “Pops is buying.”
The crowd of them headed off, taking all the noise and madness with them, and all that was left was Nick looking at Harper. She made it to his side, her thoughts unreadable, but her hesitant smile good to see.
“Hi, Nick.” She chewed on the corner of her lip. “Can we talk for a minute?”
“Sure.”
They moved beyond the building that housed the concession stands, but there were still people around. A couple of guys walked alongside their horses, and the flag girl who’d kicked off the evening stood to the side of the walkway, allowing kids to greet both her and her horse. She wore sparkles from head to toe and couldn’t be much older than sixteen.
Not wanting to risk interruption or being overheard, Nick kept going. They got beyond the perimeter of the buildings, and they were suddenly alone. He forced his legs to quit moving, and, turning, he tucked his hands into his pockets. Then he waited.
Harper licked her lips. “So you’re quitting?”
He gave a small nod. “As of tonight.”
“For good?”
Surely this wasn’t what she wanted to talk about. He tried not to let his disappointment show. “It was never what I wanted long term. You know that.”
“I know. And I’m glad you figured out what you want.” Her words seemed to dry up. Nick could see her thinking, but having no idea what else she had to say, he couldn’t begin to help her out.
So he stood there, and he refused to let his joy at seeing her show on his face.
Finally, she drew in a deep breath and lay both hands flat on her stomach. “I didn’t tell you my entire story before,” she said. “In fact, there was a small white lie in what I did share. I was pregnant when Thomas died.”
Nick’s gaze dropped to her stomach, and his heart stopped.
“That’s what made me panic the day we jumped. I hadn’t taken a pregnancy test so I didn’t know for sure. And I was just one day late. But deep down . . .” She nodded, and he swore tears began to pool in her eyes. “I knew,” she whispered. “And all I could think when my chute didn’t open was that I was going to kill my baby. That I would die without ever telling my husband that we’d made a child together.”
She took another breath, seeming to gather herself. “We both survived the crash—the baby and I—but I miscarried five weeks later. I’d finally accepted that I was pregnant, and I wanted the baby. Desperately. It was suddenly all I could focus on. But then . . .” She paused long enough to touch her nose and mouth with her fingers. “Then I lost it, too,” she finished on a shaky whisper.
“Harper,” he said. But he had no idea what else to add. He had no idea why she was here, why she was pouring her heart out like this. But he ached for her because of it. He wanted to take her in his arms, yet she’d pulled her own up and around herself.
“It wasn’t fair,” she continued, and all he could do was stand there and listen. “And I hated the entire world for it.”
“Of course you did. Anyone would.”
The words didn’t slow. “So not only have I been carrying around guilt for Thomas’s death for over a year, but guilt for our baby’s death as well. I was all my baby had to rely on. And I failed.”
“Harper—”
“I know.” She held up a hand to stop him. “These things happen,” she said by rote. “It was likely not viable. Yes. Logic. I get that. I even got it at the time to some extent. But the heart doesn’t have to make sense, right?”
His heart broke for her. “I’m so very sorry you had to go through that.”
“It ripped me in two, Nick.” Her eyes never looked away from his. “Both husband and child? I didn’t ever want to be fixed. I wanted to hurt. I wanted to die.” Her voice broke on the last sentence, and he reached out a hand, but she shuffled a tiny step away. “But then you came into my life,” she whispered. “And against my will
, you began to fix me. And for that, I’ll never be able to thank you enough. For waking me up to living again.”
He swallowed. Her pain echoed deep inside him. “I didn’t do enough. I wish I’d known. I wish I’d . . .” He trailed off. He didn’t know what he would have done, but it destroyed him to know that she’d experienced more hurts within the span of five weeks than anyone should ever have to suffer.
“You said that night that I was special to you,” she told him. “But, Nick, you’re the special one. Your mother might never have been able to see it—and that’s her loss. None of that was on you. But I’d be willing to bet that everyone else in your life is aware of it. You make a difference to the people you meet. So I wanted to come tonight because of that. To thank you for being in my life.”
She suddenly seemed to run out of words, and they were both left standing there, staring at each other, and one question rang loud in Nick’s head. Was that the only reason she’d come? Had she just needed to speak the words to someone?
He wasn’t sure what to do or say next, but a ticking clock seemed to start inside him.
She gave one last broken smile and took another tiny step away. “That’s really all I needed to say,” she finished. “So I guess I should go now.”
When she turned to leave, it was do or die. And if he didn’t get this woman back in his life, he thought he might die.
“I love you.”
Harper froze at the words. Had she heard Nick right?
Her heart was pounding so hard, she could have imagined the words. Wanted them too badly. He might not have said anything at all. She’d only taken a couple of steps, so she slowly turned back. He stared at her with purpose, making her believe that he’d actually spoken.
“What did you say?” she whispered.
“I should have made that clear that night, but I was shocked to discover it myself. I don’t just see us going somewhere, Harper. I see us going all the way.” He kept his hands in his pockets. “But my feelings aside, your future is up to you. You do what you need to. For you.”
She hadn’t expected that. Any of it. She’d hoped when she came tonight that he could get there. Love her someday. That maybe he hadn’t given up on her yet. But after seeing him, she’d shut down all hope. He was too distant. He remained that way now, too, even though he’d said he loved her. He seemed shut down.
“I’ve already moved back to Birch Bay,” he added when she continued staring at him. “I’m living in town. And I’ve been accepted to UM. I start in the fall.”
Harper’s jaw unhinged. He really was figuring his life out. “That’s good.” She nodded. She hadn’t realized he’d been thinking about going back to school.
“I haven’t decided where I’ll live when school starts. I might rent a place in Missoula. Or I could drive from here. But I think I might be an accountant.”
A broken chuckled slipped out of her, and she put a hand to her mouth. “An accountant?” Tears showed up again. She’d been crying for days. Over everything. She’d never cried so much in her life. “That’s a far cry from bull riding, isn’t it?”
“It is.” The lines on his face softened the longer he looked at her, and a smile finally began to form. “But I’ve always liked numbers. And if accounting isn’t what I want, then I’ll find something else. Something ‘normal.’ I want to be that guy. No commercials, no screaming crowds.”
“No buckle bunnies?” she asked, trying to come across as teasing.
“You know I gave them up the day you came into my life.” Nick’s smile faded, and he was Mr. Serious again.
“I know,” she said softly. And she did. Because she was special to him. And he was special to her. “But if you decide you want to keep something a bit higher octane in your life, as well, let me know.”
Confusion clouded his eyes.
“I’m rejoining the SAR team,” she explained. “I could use a good man beside me. If that’s something you might be interested in.”
“You’re going back?”
“I shouldn’t have quit.”
She recognized the pride in his eyes. “You just paused,” he said.
She stared at him, wanting him to touch her but afraid to ask. He still hadn’t moved any closer to her. “I’ve also started a foundation in Harry’s name. It’ll support a number of causes, most of which will be search and rescue.”
“You’re doing good. I’m glad to hear it.”
She nodded. “I am doing good. I’m trying. It’s been a long couple of weeks. I talked to my Mom.”
She didn’t say more, wondering if he’d understand what she’d just shared with him. She’d finally opened up with the people in her life who’d been there for her forever. Who’d supported her the most. That had been the final shove she’d needed to begin to see a new life for herself. And she had no doubt she wouldn’t have been ready to accept that shove without Nick.
“That’s really great to hear.” Though he hadn’t moved, it suddenly felt as if he’d wrapped her in his arms. “And I meant what I said.”
Oxygen quit making its way to her brain. “That you love me?” she squeaked out.
He nodded.
Nerves kept Nick rooted firmly in place. She’d said she’d come to thank him, but his hope had become unmanageable. There had to be more to it. He’d seen the flare in her eyes with his words, but he couldn’t make her feel things she didn’t want to feel. And if she refused to go there, then he would walk away from her again.
But this—she—was worth one more try. It was worth putting his heart on the line.
“I know you loved Thomas,” he told her. “But do you think it could be possible to have two loves in your lifetime?”
Legit tears streamed over her cheeks, and she sniffled. “It’s possible,” she choked out.
Nick almost reached for her, but he forced himself to wait. She had to be sure. And he had to hear it.
With both hands, she scrubbed at her eyes, but it did no good. More tears waited in line. “I had a long talk with Thomas.” She hiccuped on a breath. “I told him about you. About us.” She dipped her chin. “He gives his blessing,” she whispered.
Nick lifted her chin then, but he didn’t say a word. Instead, he showed her with his eyes everything he felt.
“I love you, too,” she wailed.
His arms closed around her, and he silently swore that he would never let her go.
“Would it help to know that I’m scared, too?” He kissed the top of her head. “I wasn’t supposed to fall in love at all,” he told her. “You get it twice, but I didn’t even want it once. I don’t do vulnerable. Not after my mother.”
She sniffed, and he could feel the dampness of her tears soaking through his shirt. She’d somehow cried behind his leather vest.
“I want this to last, Harper.” He kissed her hair again and then brushed it back from her face. He pressed his lips to her red eyes. She was salty, and he made a mental note to replace that taste with powdered sugar later tonight. He’d pick up a funnel cake on their way out. “We’re real,” he told her. “This thing we feel. I want it to last.”
“I do, too. And yes, it’s real. I know that. I still can’t believe I’m lucky enough to get a second chance, but I’m not so stupid that I won’t take it. I ache without you, Nick.”
“Then don’t be without me.”
She held his face between her hands, and he stared down at her. He loved this woman.
“Will you love me forever?” she asked nervously. “Can it last that long?”
“That’s already a done deal.”
She nodded, and he could see the love shining in her eyes, as well as something else. Something . . . mischievous. It made him wonder what had run through her head. When she opened her mouth, her words were the last thing he expected to hear. “You love me for my big balls, don’t you?”
Nick dropped his forehead to hers. “Babe.” He chuckled with the word. “You’re one of a kind.” Pulling back, he once again turn
ed serious. “Don’t you know it’s that particular trait of yours that won’t let you give up on life. On love? Yes,” he whispered, his tone now urgent. “That’s exactly what I love about you. You’re tough and strong. And I want to be strong with you.”
She nodded, blinking against her tears. Her lashes had turned spiky, and black smears outlined her eyes. “Then I have to tell you that I might need to be held up occasionally. I’ve discovered that I’m not quite as tough as I once thought myself to be.”
“You’re more tough than you ever realized.” He kissed her, relishing the fact that he had the right to do that. “But as I’ve always told you, I’ve got broad shoulders. And I think they may have been made solely to hold you.”
Epilogue
Be honest. What do you think?”
Nick stood on the other side of the room from the wall he’d just painted, and waited for Harper’s response. While waiting, he formed his own opinion. And that was that he was no painter.
“Uh . . .”
“I know,” he said. “I see it.” Somehow he’d left roller marks along the entire wall.
He put down the roller, propping the head on the edge of the paint tray, and moved in to inspect the damage. They were in the house they’d moved into only the Friday before, and they had a houseful of guests showing up in thirty minutes for a Labor Day cookout. And he’d just destroyed their guest room.
Thankfully, only family would be coming today, so the room didn’t actually have to house an overnight guest. He’d just wanted to show off the new color, so he’d pulled out the paint.
“I think you better keep searching,” Harper muttered. She remained three feet from the wall, her head tilted to one side, and studying his mess. “Painting is not your passion.”
“I never said it was my passion,” he grumbled. But he’d expected to be better at it than this.
Since July, they’d continued to date and had worked together to redecorate Harper’s house and put it on the market, and last week Nick had started classes at the University of Montana. Harper had not only rejoined search and rescue but had been hired on full time, as well. And now they had a new house to take care of. Their lives were mapping out even better than Nick could have ever imagined.