Dark Cherries

by Eve Bradley

  “Booze?” Rhett responds in the same lighthearted tone, except his is obviously mocking.

  “I wouldn’t say no,” I shrug and glance at Alexi.

  One leg is propped up on his bent knee, and he’s staring out at the raging black water. I wonder what’s running through that mind; if he’s questioning his own sanity like I am my own. But haven’t I always questioned it? Maybe I’ve never been normal, or good at being like what society would deem “acceptable.” I wonder if the reason I feel so familiar with each of them is that they also feel this disconnect with society. Like the world is a sham and the construct of it all is built to fuck us all up into disastrous robotic beasts; addicted, lonely, and lost. I think people who recognize this are ten-times worse off because sometimes I think ignorance truly is bliss.

  “Alexi?”

  He looks up at me and doesn’t seem too interested.

  “Someone has to be the DD,” he grumbles.

  “We don’t need a driver,” I say, tossing aside his comment. “Besides. How can we go to bed yet when there’s so much here to see?”

  “What’s there to see? You see it all right there girl,” Alexi points out at the ocean through the expansive glass windows.

  I place my hands on my hips. There is that nickname that makes my skin tingle with warmth. I try to hide it by stuffing away the emotions Shawn, and now Alexi, have jostled out of me, and I share a caustic look with Rhett. He shrugs in response. Fine, if Alexi wants to be a party pooper. I open the fridge and find that it is already well-stocked. There’s champagne, vodka, mixers, and many other types of alcohol. Now that I’m looking, the fridge is actually full of groceries. There’s even a row of shiny fruits and vegetables that look like rubies and emeralds in the cold light.

  “Oh, Alexi,” I snicker as I gather all of the necessary bottles awkwardly in my arms. “Why are you no fun? I’m just trying to live a little.” And then I mutter under my breath. “That’s what Shawn wanted me to do…”

  He huffs out a snarky breath and I hide a smirk as I sashay towards the counter and assemble all of the bottles neatly. I think I’ll go with vodka, lemon, and soda water. Rhett’s tall figure looms behind me as he shuffles past, laying a hand on my waist as he eases through the space behind me so that he can get his own drink. His fingers brush on the bone of my hip where my leggings hit, but my crop top doesn’t quite cover, his fingers trailing along the smooth naked skin. It nearly burns me, and I swallow hard to relieve the anxiety clouding up my head.

  Drink. Just fucking drink. Then you won’t feel this anymore.

  I can’t help but assume they view me as a washed-up money-hungry slut who’d do anything for a dollar. I wish I could explain to them that I’ve never been in this position before, that even though the dark deeds of my past haunt me, I’ve never been caught between three men who equally have made my heart stumble with feeling. I haven’t ever cared for anyone like this, and although I feel more connected to Shawn, it could be either one of them who offered me the bait first. Shawn just so happened to reach out and take what he wanted, which in turn allowed me to give in to my own desires. Can they blame me for that?

  Thoughts swirl like a string of demeaning doubts as I add ice to my cup. When I’m finished, I grab a bag of Cheetos and go to check out the large patio where there is a glowing hot tub and a deck overlooking the dark horizon of starry sky and ocean. The wind chills me, and I hold my drink close to my chest, thinking about everything I’ve done to get here into this position. I fumble with the diamond necklace around my neck mindlessly.

  That night that I drank with Jack the vet, Lorna, and Lenny is hardly accessible to me now. It’s like my brain shuts away the memory because, perhaps in reality, living on the streets and being “free” was a hard way to live. Now that I think about it, Shawn is right. I lived every day fearful, every day struggling, every day grasping and groping for survival. Until them. I exhale, the wind battering against my clothes and hair. I don’t want to feel like I need this. I want to feel like I can detach myself without a thought, slip into the shadows and escape everything because that’s what I’m meant to do, and the second I acknowledge that I don’t want to leave, that I feel comfortable here, everything would feel too permanent, but also, there is so much more to lose, and I can’t afford to have something to lose. Mentally, I cannot do it.

  I hear the sliding glass scrape open behind me, and I see them both filing through the doorway out onto the deck, tall dark bodies with nearly inhuman confident swagger. Can they just stop with the bad-boy sensuality already? I’m already having enough of a crisis.

  “Decided to join me?” I say jokingly.

  “You seemed lonely out here,” Rhett shrugs and finds himself a seat to lounge back into. He plops down, and instantly his head goes back and he takes a deep, reflecting breath.

  Alexi is silent and goes to sit down in one of the other cushy outdoor chairs, long fingers curled around what I think is vodka on the rocks. Interesting.

  “I like to be lonely,” I tease, keeping a straight face and a dry tone. But Rhett can see past this.

  “Don’t we all,” he sighs into his glass.

  Alexi snorts, obviously disagreeing with us as he swirls his glass around, the ice clinking as he does so.

  I take a few sips of my drink, feeling the warmth drape across me as the bubbly liquid tumbles down my throat and inches under my skin. It’s the familiarity of the feeling that relaxes me, and causes me to smile. I dip into the bag of Cheetos and shove a handful into my mouth as I think about the first time I truly spoke with Rhett.

  “You guys don’t seem like you’re ever lonely. You’re always together, working amongst one another like a machine. You take down bad guys and steal their money…I mean, what else could someone ask for? You three are more like a family than most of the families I’ve known,” I comment.

  “Yeah,” Alexi agrees with me, and dips his chin once, the sharpness of his jaw making him look more dangerous than I know him to be. In fact, I think he’s the softest of them all. “We got here through trial and error.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask as I munch on the powdery cheese puffs, my tongue delighted at the taste.

  “We trust one another, and we’ll always have one another’s backs. That doesn’t mean we don’t get lonely,” he says.

  The air is thick with tension, and I guzzle down the rest of my glass, belligerence only a few drinks away. It takes me a few minutes to make yet another drink, and in the process, I slide two extra shots down my throat. Now that the alcohol is hitting me in all the right places, I think that it’s a wonderful idea to change into a bathing suit and jump into the hot tub. Because fuck the world, right? Fuck it all.

  I go back to the master bedroom, searching sloppily through all of my things. I hear the sliding glass open and shut, and then I see Alexi appear in the mirror across from me. He pads across the room and tilts his head, raising his brows as if trying to decipher what exactly I’m doing as I rummage through every bag with a drink in my hand.

  “I’m looking for a swimsuit,” I explain.

  “Hm,” he grunts and goes to one of the bags. He unzips it swiftly and opens what appears to be a treasure chest of every bikini a woman could ever want or need. It’s a rainbow of colors, shades, and fabrics. One that really stands out to me is a bikini that’s made out of black velvet. It has ties at the waist on the bottoms and the top clasps behind the back. It looks like something a seductive mistress would wear while sipping a martini and maintaining her eye candy status. It inspires me to take a picture for Shawn, so I grab my phone before going to change.

  “Thanks,” I say, and take the bikini into the bathroom.

  The bathroom is filled with the same rustic wood, and yet there are tiles of similar color that gleam on the floor that make it look far more luxurious than a lakeside cabin. There are also some copper accents, a freestanding giant white tub, and double sinks. I hurry out of my clothes and shimmy into the bikini, noting t
hat I’m still neatly shaven; pussy and legs smooth and supple. It’s still shocking to see myself like this because although I used to shave and try to keep myself looking fresh, I hadn’t cared to do it for two years prior.

  Once I’m fully concealed, I snap a picture, my stance wide, and my nipples brushing against the soft fabric. I feel sexy like this, like I’m doing something pleasantly naughty. I’ve never sent a picture to a man, but the enticement is too strong for me to deny it. Thoughts of Shawn’s hands on my body, the way he controls what he wants me to do, it nearly makes me groan with need. Do you like it? I wish you were here to fuck me, Mr. Van Doren. This is what I type, and I hold in an excited breath and snicker to myself as I tiptoe out of the bathroom.

  To my surprise, Alexi is still standing there. It’s like he’s waiting for me, making sure I’m not going to disappear into a puff of smoke.

  “Something wrong?” I ask, my voice already drawling from the alcohol.

  Before I can react, Alexi vaults toward me, wraps his hands around my face, and our lips meet. It’s a harsh greeting, but with his large hands cupping my face and his torso engulfing me, I melt against him, and our lips mesh in a delicious, slow, connection. He is precise in his movements and the way he explores my lips and lets his tongue glide along my bottom lip, offering himself to me. It takes my mind a moment to piece together the puzzling shock of what he’s doing- of what I’m doing.

  “Alexi…” I whisper between kisses, my voice swollen with anxiety.

  His fingers brush down my throat and then to my chin, where he lifts my face closer to his beautiful, tender features. I pull away after a moment, self-loathing scalding me. Why did I let this happen? How could I? I lay a hand across my mouth, nearly in disbelief at what I’ve done.

  “I had to do that before you commit yourself to him fully,” Alexi’s strong Russian accent trickles into my ears and melts like wax through my body, heating up places I’ve somehow forgotten.

  “You know Shawn wants you. You know Rhett wants you. Now you know that I, too, want you.”

  The words are like a stricture to what I’ve already resolved myself to. The thing is, I’d already known that there was something there. From the first moment I met him, I enjoyed the playful flirtations. I don’t think any girl would shy away from it. Now, the devilish sinner inside me nearly groans with desire. Perhaps I’m more wicked than I thought, seeing as my heart can respond to three different men at once.

  “Now you have to choose. You have to choose what you want and how you will exist in this group. Shawn has made it clear what he expects from you. That you are free to have whatever you want. That you are to be his princess…but you haven’t let Rhett or I make our intentions known. And right now, I don’t give a fuck about what Rhett wants. I only care about what I want.”

  He speaks in such a low, soft tone that my heart almost breaks with the sincerity of it.

  I stand in front of him in a sheer, velvet black bikini, my full breasts resting against his chest as his hard athletic build nearly wraps around my own. Every time I’m with Alexi I feel safe, like he truly cares about me as a woman. His embraces have left this impression on me, and I can’t escape it. I feel that out of the three of them, Alexi is the most sensitive, and that he’s careful with his words and actions. It must have taken him a lot to push aside his instincts and kiss me.

  “I…” I swallow hard, my fingers wrapping around his thick forearms. I’m lost in the cool depth of his gaze, the still waters running deep within him. “I don’t know what to say.”

  Alexi’s eyes widen a fraction, and he puts space between us. It’s a small space, but I feel it in my gut. I don’t want to lose him, or any of them. I want it to stay just how it’s been. But that isn’t sustainable. I know that this genuine appreciation I have for each of them can’t continue, because as I said before, I can’t stay if I can’t choose. But the feelings in my heart are real. I don’t know what they are, all I know is I want to belong here in the chaos of their fast-paced world.

  “Alexi, I…” I stumble over what I should say.

  “I understand,” he speaks stiffly, and the passion that was there has dissolved, and what is left is an icy resentment.

  “No,” I hold out a hand to stop him from leaving. “You really, really don’t.”

  “Then explain,” he shrugs. “It shouldn’t be this hard. You either know how you feel or you don’t. I’m not asking you to not have feelings for them. I’m asking to know what you want.”

  “Don’t you understand how confusing that is?” I snap, pushing his chest a little more forcefully than I mean to. “Both Shawn and you have made cryptic comments about not caring if I want someone else. You all just want me to be happy. Do you know how hard that is?”

  “What’s hard about that, girl?” Alexi’s expression is dark, and his tongue flicks out and grazes slowly over his bottom lip. It’s a gesture that makes my stomach pool with tingly spasms, and I’m nearly dazed by the thought of that tongue being somewhere else.

  “Because I’m not meant to be happy,” I shrug angrily. “I can’t just choose between each of you. But that’s not an option. I don’t deserve any of you, and I certainly don’t deserve nice things and this pretty cabin. I don’t think any of you realize what I am.”

  I’m nearly bursting with the anguish that’s been tightly wound up in my heart for so long. As I speak, it loosens and dislodges like torrents of poison. I lay a hand flat on my forehead, chest heaving, and try to catch my emotions before tears begin to assault me. I cannot cry yet again in front of Alexi.

  “We don’t realize what you are?” Alexi repeats calmly, eyes narrowed. “What does that mean?”

  “That I’m a fraud. I’m a homeless girl that should be dead already. I’m not a good person, Alexi. I’m…” I let out an exhausted, vodka-infused breath. “When I lived on the streets I traveled across the country. I did so many things that I regret. I’m not deserving of any of this.”

  “Shut up,” Alexi snaps, and reaches out to grab the side of my face, his fingers inching deeper into my hair. “You sound like a whiny little girl. You think you’re bad? What about us? We kill people and steal their money. I can guarantee anything you’ve done we’re ten times worse,” he says, fingers unyielding on my scalp.

  How can I explain it to him? At least they have no qualms over their sins. I do.

  “I’m sorry…I can’t tell you what I want,” I whisper.

  Alexi pushes me back against the wall and pins me there, eyes narrowed as he stares deeply into what feels like my soul. I’m shivering with anxiety, my skin growing cold from the loss of control I feel. Alexi has seen what I truly think of myself, and he could see more of the truths if he dug, and with his gaze pinpointed upon me, there is nowhere to run, nowhere for my disaster of a self to hide.

  Suddenly, my phone dings. It must be Shawn, responding to my picture.

  “Go on,” Alexi’s lips hardly shift, but I can tell that he’s smirking. “Check it.”

  I raise my phone so that the brightly lit screen pops, and my eyes take in the words that appear there in a tiny authoritative font.

  You know what I want you to do. Give yourself pleasure, Princess. Use the others if you need them.

  My heart nearly explodes in my chest. I let out a small gasp and press my legs together, uncomfortable with Alexi’s closeness and now, the sudden, complete, utterly obvious direction that Shawn has given me. He was speaking about them. He wants me to be with them, too. I take in a sharp breath and look up into Alexi’s eyes, delight, and carnal appreciation ascending in my skin. My pussy swells at the thought of having whatever I want, whoever I want, whenever I want. My heart swims with satisfaction, and the fear of knowing that if I succumb to this, to what they all want me to do, that I could lose myself to it. I know that my willpower is only so strong, and if I give in to this, I could not turn back until Shawn turns me out on my ass, back to the streets.

  But damn, it would be worth it until
then. To explore, to learn, to take pleasure, and be a little greedy for a while.

  “I think you don’t think you’re good enough for anyone because you were told over and over that you’re worthless. We see you for what you are,” Alexi whispers, his breath like silk on my skin. “Let me teach you. Let me retrain you.”

  I take in shaky breaths, and then I reach out to touch his stomach. My fingers brush along the hard ridges of his abdomen, and I look down, afraid to meet such an intense moment head-on.

  “Let me show you how fun this can be,” he says, and I lift my head, our mouths nearly consuming one another again. I close my eyes as he captures me in a decadent kiss, his arms wrapping around my waist as he pushes me harder against the wall.

  Alexi’s presence, the molding of his body to mine, is something that I cannot fathom, or couldn’t ever have fathomed before knowing him. There’s something so sweet, gentle, and yet outrageously passionate about the way that we connect. Strong arms wire themselves around me, and he lifts me up the wall so that I frantically wrap my legs around his taut stomach. His solid hands grip the flesh of my ass, transporting me into a space where only he and I exist. It’s this intimate connection that makes me feel small, but not small in the way that I’d felt previously. All of my fears are blown away by the steadfast comfort of his kisses, and the challenge of his words ring in my ears, edifying that this is real, that he is real, that they’re real, and that I belong here. Why do I feel small? Because his desire is so big, and his words have me completely under his spell.

  His hands brush over my hair and throat, messing my dark blonde hair. He pulls the ponytail out of my hair and then grips my locks forcing me to submit to the powerful depth of his mouth, his tongue tripping over mine, his lips teasing me into fiery delight. Every touch of his fingers upon me causes me to brighten with hunger and a desire to please him.

  “Let me suck your cock,” I whisper through kisses, but he immediately shakes his head.