Andrew grabbed her hand and pulled her into his arms. She stood stiffly. He silently cursed the jet-skiers that had intruded on their private interlude. Things could’ve been so different. But then again, perhaps it had been a blessing that their kiss had been interrupted. It was clear that Dawn was still in a place of confusion about her feelings.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured against her hair. He rubbed his hands up and down her back. Slowly she began to relax and when her arms snaked around his waist he knew that they were making some headway. “I’m sorry that I put you in a position where you felt you needed to justify your past to me. It wasn’t fair.”
They stood there, quietly just holding each other. He found a quiet joy within him, standing on the bow of the yacht with the sun shining down on them. It felt right to be holding her.
“I’m sorry too,” Dawn whispered into his chest. “I overreacted, but I’m really confused at what to do and what this is.”
“Are you asking what we are?”
As Dawn leaned back, Andrew had to fight the urge to kiss away the sadness that filled her every feature. He remembered seeing it the first night at the hospital when he’d found her in the quiet room. The sadness and pain in her eyes had been so acute it had broken his heart.
“So what are we, Drew? What are we doing? Where are we going?”
All valid questions, but he wasn’t too sure he was in a position to answer, as he didn’t know exactly what was going on. All he knew was that he wanted to spend time with her. He’d enjoyed their coffee dates. Today had been magical, finally showing her what his world had been like as he’d sailed the oceans. He wanted more and he would take whatever Dawn could give him.
“We’re getting to know each other as adults now, not as teenagers.” He framed her face and placed a soft kiss on her lips, before letting his hands drop. With that little taste he wanted more, but he knew that he had to really take his time and let Dawn set the pace. If she did what she did earlier and things got hot and heavy and she pulled back, he would respect her. He wanted her in his life and he would do whatever he had to do to keep her there.
“So it’s a friendship?” she asked.
“Dawn, honey, it’s whatever you’re comfortable with.” The need to touch her was strong, but he settled for smoothing a strand of hair around her ears. “If you want to be friends, then we’ll be friends. All I want is to spend time with you.”
“And what if friendship is all it will ever be?”
“Then I’ll accept that. I’d rather have you as a friend than not at all.”
He meant those words. Even though it would kill him not being able to touch her, to make love to her. He’d take whatever he could. Perhaps in time she’d change her mind, and when she did, he’d be there for her.
“I don’t think I deserve that,” she said.
“Stop saying that, Dawn. You deserve to be happy, why would you say that you don’t deserve my attentions?”
“Because, it wasn’t just the intimate relationship Tom and I had that was different to the one you and I shared. It was the whole relationship.” As Dawn looked up at him, Andrew knew she was going to share something big with him again.
She pulled away and he ached to pull her back in his embrace, but he knew that it wouldn’t be the best thing for her. “You owned my whole heart. Tom only held part of it. I cheated Tom out of the love he really deserved. Now he’s dead and he’ll never know how it feels to be the love of someone’s life. To be the center of someone’s universe. I selfishly knew I didn’t love him as much as he loved me, but I still married him. I made a mockery of those sacred vows and I can never forgive myself for that.
Andrew’s heart broke with what she said. He wanted to tell her that she was wrong, that she hadn’t cheated Tom. He wasn’t in any position to do that, though. He hadn’t seen their relationship. He couldn’t comment at all. Before he could say any more, she said the words that he didn’t want to hear.
“That is why I don’t deserve to be happy.”
Chapter 8
The trip back to the sailing club passed in silence. Dawn knew she’d created the discord between them. She’d basically told him that there was no hope of a relationship between them. What had she’d been thinking anyway? She shouldn’t have come sailing with him today. No, that’s wasn’t right. The sailing part was fine — it was kissing him as if there was no tomorrow that she shouldn’t have done.
“Dawn, come here?”
She turned in the direction of Andrew’s call. He had his hands on the big steering wheel of the boat. His legs were slightly apart, bracing himself against the slight rock of the boat. He looked so masterful. So in control of everything. So damn sexy, and she wanted him. She couldn’t deny it anymore. But the fact remained, regardless of whether she felt she deserved it or not. She wanted to spend more time with him. Wanted to pursue a relationship. She couldn’t sit on the fence and go back and forward all the time. It was time to commit to her desire. It was time to finally allow herself a little forgiveness.
Dawn got up and walked towards him. When she got near him, he took his hands off the wheel and took a step back.
“Stand right here, and steer. Steer us back to the club.”
She looked at him as if he’d spoken to her in a different language. He wanted her to drive the boat? Or whatever sailing term it was.
“I’m not sure I can do it.”
Andrew gave her no choice. He grabbed her arm and with a small yank he had her in front of him. Dawn grasped the wheel, the warmth from the metal seeped into her hands. In the next instant, Andrew’s hands landed on hers. Heat surrounded her and a feeling of well-being took hold inside of her. If she leaned back a fraction, she could lay her head against his shoulder.
His words whispered against her ear. “You can do it, Dawn. I know you can steer this boat. I’ll be right here with you, every step of the way. I’ll keep you safe.”
She knew he wasn’t just talking about steering the boat back safely to the dock. He was talking about moving forward in a relationship. He was saying that he respected how she felt, that she wasn’t alone anymore.
How she wanted to believe that everything would be all right. But could she trust him? He had seemed so at home as he’d sailed them around the river. Would only being able to do the occasional sail be enough for him in the future? She wanted to believe him when he’d said he was hanging up his sailing shoes.
“How can you keep me safe? You can’t keep everyone safe all the time. It’s impossible.”
As Andrew released his hold on her hands, she felt a moment of loss. It was quickly replaced by surprise when he swiveled her around so that her back rested against the wheel. He then placed his hands on either side of her so she was trapped in his embrace. It was a heady feeling. He brushed his chest against her and her nipples hardened and peaked against the lace of her bra.
“True, but you can’t live the rest of your life in fear of something bad happening. Believe me; I know how crippling that can be.”
Dawn leaned back to look at him. Again there was something about his tone, alluding to the possibility that he’d seen tragedy too. Sailing accidents happened and there was the scar on his face. It wasn’t a huge scar, but it hadn’t been there when they’d been together ten years ago.
“What happened?” she asked.
A look of sadness etched his features. She’d never seen him look like that before. He’d always seemed so confident and happy as if nothing bad had touched him.
“Not today, Dawn. Some other day, okay?”
His words hurt. Why couldn’t he trust her with what had happened to him? She had told him things she’d never told anyone. She went to duck under his arms, to get away from the claustrophobic feeling that was threatening to pull her under. He wouldn’t let her get away, though. He removed one arm fro
m the wheel and hooked it around her waist, pulling her close to him again.
“Don’t run away,” he said. “It’s not that I don’t want to share the story with you. After all you’ve told me, it’s what you deserve. Just not today, it’s been a pretty emotional day. I don’t want to add more than is really necessary.”
There was little comfort in his words, but she supposed she understood. She had ridden an emotional rollercoaster today. Why did she always ride them when she was with him? Why did she always dither between one emotion and another? She was tired of it all.
“Okay,” she agreed and laid her head on his chest. The arm around her waist tightened momentarily before it started a trail up her back, until he reached the back of her head. There he stroked her hair, the repetition of the action comforting.
They stood like that for the rest of the trip back to the club.
“Honey, I need to be able to steer the boat safely into the pen.”
His words shook her out of the daze she had been in. She could’ve fallen asleep standing up in his embrace. He had accomplished what he’d said he would do, he had kept her safe.
“Can I do anything to help?” she asked as she reluctantly pulled away from his embrace.
“Take the wheel for a moment so I can uncoil the rope.”
“I can’t steer her into the pen.”
“No, I’ll do that, I just need you to hold her steady for a few minutes while I get everything ready. Then I’ll need you to place the rope over the cement hook on the pen.”
Dawn gulped at the possibility of all that could go wrong with that task. “Am I expected to take a leap of faith from the boat to the jetty?”
Andrew laughed, and the husky sound sent shivers down her spine. “I’ll make the boat kiss the jetty. It will be just like you taking a small step up. I promise there will be no five-foot jump required. Now can you take the wheel?”
His confidence in her that she could do the task without any problems gave her the assurance that she could.
“Okay, I can do this,” she said as she gripped the wheel. It veered to the left slightly and with a quick flick of the wrist Andrew had it back on course.
“Just keep it straight, honey.”
Dawn parted her legs like she’d seen Andrew do, distributing her weight evenly between them. Her mouth dried at the sight of Andrew unraveling the rope. The movement of his muscles as they stretched and bunched with each movement was mesmerizing. Who knew unraveling rope could be so sexy.
“Keep her straight,” he called over to her. “Aim the bow directly at the dock.”
She pulled her gaze away from his sexy back and concentrated on the task he’d given her. She twisted the wheel slightly to her left and lined the bow up to the jetty. She was glad that they had been using the motor now. It had made the journey back to the sailing club a little easier and less stressful for her.
Her eyes strayed to where Andrew was now crouching on the deck, ensuring the rope wasn’t tangled. His shorts hugged his butt. Dawn fanned her hand in front of her face, hoping the soft breeze generated by the movement would cool her temperature down. There was no denying that Andrew was even sexier now than he had ever been.
Her hand was mid wave when he stood and looked at her.
“Flies?” he asked as his lips quirked up slightly in that sultry half smile that turned her knees to jelly. She gripped the wheel a bit tighter with her free hand.
“Umm yeah,” she said, grasping at the excuse he’d given her.
He laughed as he walked over to her. “Pesky things, aren’t they,” he murmured against her lips before closing the gap for a brief kiss. “Right, are you ready to get us safely moored?”
How could she think when he’d just given her the sweetest kiss? “I think so.”
“Right, go to the rope and hang on to the side. I’ll try and be as gentle as I can when I brush her up against the dock.”
Dawn made her way to where the rope lay. The dock seemed to be coming up at an alarming pace. “Aren’t you coming in too fast?” she asked, trying to keep the panic out of her voice.
“Trust me, honey; I’ve done this many times.”
She didn’t bother answering him, because she knew he was right. He had done this a hundred times, so she shouldn’t question him. She was jolted back when Andrew pulled back on the throttle. She reached out and grabbed at the railing, cursing to herself that she hadn’t taken it before.
The next instant, the boat kissed up to the side of the jetty, just as he’d assured her he would do. The touch was as gentle as his lips had been on her moments ago.
“Right, jump up now and don’t forget the rope.”
Dawn picked up the rope and took a large step over the railing and landed on the dock. The cement hook was a few feet away. She pulled at the rope and with a bit of a struggle got it hooked around. She took a step back and Andrew cut the engine. The yacht coasted into the pen.
In the next instant, Andrew was beside her and he finished securing the rope. He stood and sent her a radiant smile. “See, I knew you could do it. I’ll make a sailor of you yet.”
“As I said before, only on days like today where the river is like a piece of glass. At the slightest bit of chop, I’ll stay in the car and you can go sailing.”
He draped his arm around her shoulders, bringing her in for a brief hug. “I don’t like sailing by myself anymore. You want to get a drink at the club?”
“Sure, sounds like a great way to end the day.”
For the first time in two years, Dawn could honestly say she’d enjoyed one of her days off. It was a shame she had to go back to work tomorrow night. And she knew there was no chance of seeing Andrew as he had just started his days off rotation, then he would go to day shift. She’d told him she didn’t want him to be late for work so, even though she liked him meeting her when she finished, his job was more important. She was really starting to find out how restrictive her schedule was. But then again, that was how she’d wanted her life to be after Tom and Brody had died. Now it was time to re-evaluate her work schedule. Even if it did mean letting the hospital down. Something she hated doing.
“Here we are,” Andrew said as he opened the door for her.
The club wasn’t crowded, but after being on the quiet of the river all day, the noise from the patrons felt slightly out of place to her ears.
As if sensing her discomfort, Andrew asked, “It’s still nice outside — do you want to grab a table on the terrace?”
“Sounds perfect.”
“Okay, you go find a table and I’ll bring the drinks. What would you like?”
“I’ll have a glass of white wine, house white will be fine.” As he turned to go, she called out, “Drew, do you think you could get a plate of appetizers?”
“I can do that.”
Dawn walked through the door Andrew had indicated and found a table that overlooked the river. No one else had ventured out and she was glad that they would have the terrace to themselves.
As she sat down and looked at the view, she thought about what Andrew hadn’t told her. Had he been involved in an accident? Had he’d been injured? Had any of the other crew members been injured? She started to conjure up all different sorts of scenarios, but put a halt to the thoughts when she saw him making his way towards her. She had to respect that he would tell her when he was ready. After all, it had taken her a long time to share her deepest, darkest secrets.
“Here you go; one glass of white for you and one beer for me.” He sat down and took a sip of his beer before he looked at her. “The appetizers will be out shortly.”
“Sounds good.” Even though he’d already taken a sip of his beer, she held up her wine glass for a toast. When he did the same, she spoke. “To good times. To bad. To taking risks and taking chances.”
&nb
sp; She tapped her glass against his and then took a sip. Their eyes had connected when she’d started to speak and didn’t part until after they’d both put their glasses down.
“Is this the club you sailed out of when we were dating?” The question had been at the back of her mind since they’d arrived there first thing in the morning. He’d waved to a couple of people, but hadn’t sought them out to speak to them. He’d seemed pretty familiar with the layout of everything.
“Yeah, it was. Not much has changed. I recognize quite a few of the faces. Just wait, in about half an hour the twilight sailing crews will turn up and this place will be buzzing.”
“Have you done much sailing since you’ve been back?”
He gave a negligent shrug of his shoulders. “I’ve done the odd twilight and Saturday afternoon race.”
She wondered just how many the “odd” race was. She didn’t have a chance to ask as their appetizers arrived. The aroma of chicken skewers and calamari assaulted her nose, making her stomach grumble. There was also an assortment of fresh vegetables on the platter. It was huge and she couldn’t wait to sample the delights.
“This is the biggest plate of appetizers I’ve ever seen,” she said as she started to fill her plate. “I don’t think I’ll be needing any dinner now.”
Andrew chuckled. “I got a double serving of everything. Lunch was a long time ago.”
The next few minutes passed in silence while they ate their food. The sun had started to lower in the sky and slight breeze was lifting the loose strands of hair that had escaped from her ponytail. She impatiently tucked them behind her ears.
“Someday soon I’m going to get a haircut,” she muttered.
“Don’t cut it short.”
Dawn looked up from where she’d been dipping her piece of squid into the accompanying salsa. “Why? Don’t you like short hair?”
She was shocked to see a faint sea of red rise up Andrew’s face, like the sun rising over a mountain. She’d embarrassed him with her question? How the heck had she managed that? She watched, fascinated, as he picked up his beer and drained the rest of the glass. The rhythmic up and down movement of his throat was hypnotizing.
Lovers Unmasked: The Complete Series Page 27