“I don’t know.” She had to be honest with him — she could lie and say that she would have definitely talked to him, but in truth she didn’t know.
“I know now what I did was wrong, but at the time, yes, I let the excitement of fulfilling a dream take over from sensibilities. I said it before and I’ll say it again. I’m sorry I hurt you. I didn’t mean to.”
Dawn had two choices — she could keep arguing the point or she could just accept that it was what was supposed to have happened in her life. If Andrew had stayed, they might have made it work or they may have drifted apart. She knew she had still been in a low emotional place when she’d met Tom, but he had made her feel special. And for a short time, she’d been very happy.
She couldn’t look back and wonder — she had to look forward. Forward now represented a second chance with Andrew. A chance she wanted to take.
“I’m sorry too, Drew. Sorry for what I’ve said tonight. It was how I’d felt but now I realize that I can’t change what happened. I can’t expect you to act a certain way when I know that if I was in your shoes I don’t know what I would’ve done.”
A smile broke out on Andrew’s face and he tugged her gently to her feet. He placed his arms loosely around her waist and she put hers around his neck. He looked down and she could see the happiness in his eyes. She felt an answering glow rise up in her.
“I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m going to take it.” He placed a soft kiss on her lips. When he pulled away she had to stop herself from reaching forward to taste him again. “Our past is the past. We’ve both seen and experienced things that have hurt us, but we have to move forward. It’s the only way to live.”
“I know. It’s scary though,” she whispered. “So scary not knowing what is going to happen next.”
“Wouldn’t you rather experience something than not?” he asked. “Wouldn’t you rather know that if something happened tomorrow, that you had made the most of the day you’ve just lived?”
“Yes.” She pulled his head down to hers. With their lips almost touching, she spoke. “Kiss me like there’s no tomorrow.”
The next instant, Andrew’s lips closed the small distance to hers and he pulled her tight against him. She lifted herself up on her tiptoes so that she could get closer to him. The kiss wasn’t like any other they’d shared. It was like breathing fire. He consumed her with his touches. She slipped her hands under his shirt, bunching it up so that she could feel his warm skin. She kept pushing until he had to release her momentarily so that she could pull his shirt off. Their lips parted and she took a moment to look at him again. She ran her fingers down the front of his chest. She could feel the rapid beat of his heart. She ran her hands over the ridges again and as her fingers trailed closer to the waistband of his shorts the muscles beneath her fingers shuddered. She finally reached the waistband and slid a finger inside. She ran it around the edge of the band in one direction and then in the other. With every inch of skin she touched, his stomach contracted and she could hear his breathing as it came in rapid bursts.
In a flash, her hand was captured in his and he brought it up to his lips where he kissed each finger softly. Her knees trembled at the sweet gesture and she wasn’t sure she knew whether she would be able to keep herself upright. She leaned further into him, telling him with the subtle movement that she wanted more than her fingers kissed.
Answering her call, Andrew swept her up in his arms, which brought her eyes level with his.
“Is this what you want, Dawn? Do you want to take the next step or not?” He kissed her lips, a short, brief kiss, but full of feeling. “I’m not going to pressure you. The decision is totally yours.”
As they stood in the living room, her being cradled in Andrew’s arms, her heart skipped a few beats. She knew she was falling for him again. Only this time, it was with the emotions of a grown woman and not a teenager. And that scared her. She still wasn’t sure she was able to give herself totally to him. The fear of being let down, the fear of being left alone again reared to life. How would she cope if he left her to take up Dean’s friend’s offer of a new race? Would he do what he did before, just blurt out that he was leaving? Or would he talk to her?
“I can see the indecision in your eyes,” Andrew said gently as he once again lowered her to her feet. He didn’t let her go. He kept her in his embrace.
“I’m scared,” she whispered, shocked that she’d actually voiced her fear.
Andrew led her to the couch. Together they sat down. He kept his arm wrapped around her and Dawn breathed a sigh of relief that he wasn’t going to push her away. She laid her head on his shoulder and for a few minutes they just sat there. Holding each other. Her heart pounded in her ears and she wondered if Andrew could hear it too.
“What are you scared of, Dawn?”
Living, she almost blurted out. She’d been so comfortable in her little world of work and sleep and work again. The need to seek out people’s company had died when she’d buried Tom and Brody. But that need had come to life again the moment Andrew had walked into the ER and pestered her, to the point of annoyance, to join him for a coffee. His persistence had coaxed her out of her shell and she’d decided that perhaps living might be a good idea again. But it still scared the hell out of her.
“Everything, I guess,” she murmured.
“Scared of everything? How can you be scared of everything? You face life and death situations every day in your job.”
“Work is different. It’s not my life being affected with everyone that comes through those doors. Sure, on some occasions it brings back memories, but it’s not me personally involved.”
Andrew got up and moved away. As he bent to pick up his shirt, his back muscles rippled and her fingers itched to touch that skin again. But she knew she wasn’t ready for that next step. Even though her body screamed at her for her pragmatism, her heart applauded her for her caution.
“So what you’re really saying, Dawn, is that you’re afraid to join the living again. You want to stay closeted in your little world where nothing can hurt you.”
When he said the words, it sounded so selfish and pathetic.
“As pathetic as it sounds, yes, that is what I’m feeling at the moment.” Dawn got up and moved over to where Andrew was standing. He hadn’t completely closed himself off to her, she didn’t think he would, but he’d shut down a fraction. “Please try to understand. When Tom and Brody died, I felt it was my fault. They had decided to go out because I’d taken on a shift when I wasn’t supposed to. We’d arranged for a family outing. But I decided work would take precedence over the family. How selfish is that?”
“Do you realize that if you hadn’t taken that shift, you could’ve died that day as well?” Andrew questioned her. It was something she hadn’t given much consideration to. She’d always thought that if she’d been in the car, the accident wouldn’t have happened.
“I’ve never thought about it like that.”
As Andrew shook his head, she could see the incredulous look on his face. “Are you telling me that not once that thought hadn’t entered your mind?”
“No.”
“I don’t believe that — surely someone in your family would’ve said that to you.” He reached out and cupped her cheek. She turned her head further into his touch. “You have to stop living with the guilt, Dawn. Guilt won’t keep you warm at night. Guilt won’t make you smile. All it will do is pull you so far under that next time you may not be able to stop yourself from taking those pills.”
She gasped and moved away from his touch, shocked that he could’ve brought up the dark part of her life again. She hadn’t had thoughts of suicide since that one time. But she knew the guilt ate at her. Would it get so bad that sometime soon, she’d want to end her life?
“I’m never going back to that place again.”
“I hope you don’t. I really hope you do decide to live again and take a chance. And I hope you decide to do it with me.”
Dawn moved toward him again. She was tired of all the talking. Tired of feeling sad all the time. She’d had a wonderful time with him on the boat today, and she hadn’t been struck down by lightning for having a good time. It was time to stop saying she wanted to live and actually start doing it properly. With Andrew.
“Yes, Andrew, yes, I want to live again. And I want to do it with you.”
Chapter 10
Dawn’s fingers flexed over the steering wheel, loosening the tension that had them gripping it as if it was a buoy keeping her afloat in rough seas. She was driving to Andrew’s house. For the first time since he’d turned up in her life, she was going to see where he lived. He wouldn’t take her to his one bedroom apartment — he’d told her he wouldn’t take his worst enemy there — but he’d recently moved into the home he’d purchased.
Ever since the day they’d gone sailing, just over three weeks ago, he’d always come and picked her up and dropped her home. Not once had he tried to initiate moving their relationship into a more intimate footing. She figured that was about to change. Their schedules had aligned and they both had the next four days off. When Andrew had found that out, he’d arranged for them to visit an exclusive resort in the wine-making town of Margaret River. She was excited and nervous at the same time.
Dawn turned into Andrew’s street and pulled over; she needed a moment to get her fluttering heart under control. Her thoughts turned to what lay at the bottom of her overnight bag. She’d gone shopping for some sexy lingerie for the first time in years. She wasn’t sure she had the bravado to wear it, but she’d give it her best shot. Somewhere in the last few seconds, she’d made the decision that if Andrew wasn’t going to take the first steps to initiate anything, she would.
She looked over her shoulder to make sure the road was clear and pulled back out into the street. In a few yards, she turned into the driveway leading to Andrew’s townhouse, his was the corner townhome in a group of four and it looked to be the largest. There was a balcony that overlooked the park. It had a contemporary look to the façade, with its stucco portico, which complemented the rest of the cement rendered structure. She couldn’t wait to see the inside.
Dawn had just got out of the car when the front door opened.
“Hey, right on time.”
She chuckled at the comment — she’d always been running late when he’d turned up to take her on dates when they were first dating as teenagers. “I’ve learned time management since I got older.” She closed the door and went to the trunk that held her case. “Besides, have I been late since you came back to town?”
He came down the steps and she stopped mid reach into her trunk. He was wearing one of his tight t-shirts again. The type of shirt that showed every ripple of his muscle. It was going to be a long three hours sitting beside him in the car on the way to the resort.
“Let me get that.” He reached past her and picked up the suitcase as if it was a piece of paper. She took a deep breath and inhaled his musky scent. It made her think of starry nights and glasses of champagne. She hoped she’d get to experience a couple of those over the next few days.
“Is this your only bag?” he asked.
“Yes, were you expecting me to have a few?”
“Well, you’re a woman.”
“Are you wanting to be hit?” she asked, knowing he was teasing her as much as she was teasing him. What she really wanted to do was kiss him. So she leaned forward and took what she wanted. She heard the thump of her bag hitting the ground as his arms swept around her and he deepened the kiss. It was the most intense kiss they’d shared since the night at her house. They’d both, by a mutual understanding, kept their kisses to a minimum.
• • •
Andrew groaned as he pulled away from Dawn’s tantalizing lips. He wanted to take her inside and ravish her, but even though she’d initiated the kiss, he didn’t want to scare her away. He’d spent the last three weeks dreaming about kissing every inch of her body. Making her moan and scream his name as he drove to her climax after climax. He was looking forward to relearning her body again. A body he’d hadn’t forgotten, but only pushed to the recesses of his mind.
“If we don’t get going we’ll miss what I’ve arranged for this afternoon.”
He could see the disappointment in her eyes, as if she wanted him to take charge and take her inside. He wavered for a moment, about to grant her wish, but resisted. He wanted their first time together again to be special, and he had it all planned out.
“Trust me, honey, you will love what I’ve arranged for us,” he said as he dropped a soft kiss on her lips.
“Do we have time for a tour of your house?”
Andrew bent and picked up her bag again. “As much as I want to show you around, I think if we set foot in my place we won’t leave.”
“Well, I don’t think that would be a bad thing,” she said with a smile. A smile that melted his heart. “But I wouldn’t want to upset your plans.”
“Let’s go.”
“I can’t wait,” Dawn said as they got in his car.
“I know the feeling, it’s been a long week, I thought today would never come,” he said with all the dramatic tone of a teenager. He was rewarded with the sound of her laughter. It lifted his spirits to hear that joyous sound, and he was hearing it more and more.
“So I know we’re heading to Margaret River,” Dawn said once he’d got them through traffic and onto the highway. “But where exactly?”
Andrew took a few moments to answer. He’d plan this trip as a romantic getaway. They had four days — and three nights — where it would just be them. Three nights that, he hoped, would be spent in each other’s arms again. He’d never forgotten the feel of Dawn in his arms, the way she would curl up in them. In all his teenage wisdom, he had no idea what he’d really been holding until it hadn’t been there to hold anymore.
“You’ll find out when we get there,” he said with a quick wink in her direction before he focused back on the traffic. “In the meantime, how about you just unwind. I bet it’s been a while since you’ve done that.”
• • •
“You have no idea,” she murmured. In fact, Dawn thought, she hadn’t even fully relaxed on her honeymoon. A part of her had always been on alert. Always in control. Always protecting herself from getting hurt. Not that it did her any good. She ended up getting hurt in the long run. But that was behind her. She was spending a weekend with Andrew. They had four days alone, together. And she couldn’t wait.
Dawn was glad when Andrew finally pulled into the car park of the resort. The drive had passed quicker than what she’d thought it would. They’d managed to keep the conversation to neutral subjects and she’d only had to make him make one restroom stop.
She got out of the car and stretched, her muscles popping, and she groaned in appreciation as they loosened up.
“You weren’t stuck in the car that long?” Andrew joked as he came around to her side of the car. As she looked at him, the sharp retort on her lips died in an instant. There was fire in his eyes. A fire directed straight at her. Since when did a stretch become sexy?
She gave him a saucy little wink. “You have to remember it’s been a while since I’ve been in a car for anything longer than going to and from work and the grocery store.”
She shivered as Andrew placed his arms around her. “Well it’s just as well you’ve changed your perspective on how to live.” He placed a soft kiss on her lips. “I have to admit I’m enjoying being the one to show you how to enjoy life.”
If she were truthful with herself, Dawn would have to say she was extremely glad it was Andrew that had brought her back to life. What would’ve happened if he hadn’t walked into that emergency room
? Would she have ever tried to reclaim her life or would she have stayed locked away and died a lonely old woman?
The thought was sobering — she’d nearly thrown her life away. She wasn’t even thirty and she had been acting as if she was ninety.
“Hey, why the glum look? No sad looks, do you understand?” Andrew’s words brought her back to the present. To the day where she was in a beachside town with a handsome man, and was about to embark on a fantastic getaway.
“I’m just wondering what my life would’ve become if you hadn’t have strode into the ER all those weeks ago.”
He pulled her into his embrace and she wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling safe and cared for. She closed her eyes and savored the moment, forgetting that they were standing in the middle of a car park.
“You would’ve found a way, Dawn. Without me coming back. I’m sure you would’ve realized that the way you were living was unhealthy.”
Dawn pulled back and looked up at Andrew. “I’m not so sure, I was pretty set in my ways. Not one person had been able to get me to socialize with them and trust me, plenty had tried.”
Dawn couldn’t believe how many of her private thoughts she continued to share with him. But he’d always been easy to talk to and she hadn’t been able to keep anything from him the last time they’d dated, either.
Andrew dropped his hands from her waist but grabbed her hand to keep them connected. She gave his hand a short squeeze and he responded in like, then led them towards the entrance of the resort, stopping at the bottom of the steps.
Lovers Unmasked: The Complete Series Page 29