A Cowboy for Christmas

by Sara Richardson

  No, that was true. They didn’t have to get married. They didn’t have to be together. But he loved her. “I’ll quit riding.”

  Darla jerked her head to stare at him. “What?”

  “I’ll retire early.” He sat in the chair across from her. “For you. For the baby.” For them.

  “No. That’s not what I want, Ty.” Tears slipped down her cheeks. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to fall in love.”

  With him. She didn’t have to say it. He’d offered to give up everything for her, and she still didn’t want him. “What do you want then?”

  She stared at her hands. “I want us to co-parent this baby the best we can,” she finally said. “I want us to be good friends who are both there for the baby.”

  “Okay.” What else could he say? He had his answer. “We’ll be the best co-parents we can be then,” he assured her. But he would never stop wanting her. His chest tightened painfully at the thought of raising a baby with her while living two separate lives. He had to get out of here. “I guess we should figure out what to do about my parents.”

  “Yeah. It’s complicated.” A sigh pushed Darla’s back against the couch cushions. “For now we should keep the facade going,” Darla said. “Until after they go home. And then you can tell them we broke up, but that we’re still going to be great friends and we’ll raise the baby together. We want them to be involved in the baby’s life.”

  Ty considered that. It would be easier on all of them to let his parents continue believing they were engaged, but he couldn’t do it. “I can’t tell them that. It’s not true.” They deserved the truth. He never should’ve lied to them in the first place. For as long as he could remember he’d avoided dealing with anything real. With his parents, his brother. Since he’d left home he’d only built superficial relationships so he wouldn’t have to risk feeling the rejection from someone he loved. But he was going to have a baby. And that would change everything. It would change him. Starting now.

  Ty stood. “I’m done pretending. I have to tell my family we’re not together.”

  “Wait.” She pushed off the couch. “I’ll come too. You shouldn’t have to handle this alone.”

  “I need to. It’s time for me to talk to my parents. Not only about the engagement.” He wanted everything on the table. He had to ask them if Rhett was right, if they’d always been too afraid to watch him ride. “Call me if you need anything. Anytime. I don’t care if it’s four o’clock in the morning and you get some weird craving for French fries and ice cream.”

  “I will.” It sure sounded like a shaky promise to him, but it was better than nothing. “Oh. I should give this back to you then.” Darla raised her left hand and seemed to admire his grandmother’s engagement ring before carefully sliding it off her finger. “I really think this is for the best.” It almost sounded like a question instead of a statement.

  Ty took the ring from her, the disappointment dragging down his heart. He’d liked seeing that ring on her finger. He’d liked spending time with her. He’d liked kissing her good night. He might never have wanted to work too hard at a relationship before, but he’d be willing to work at it with her. First though, he had to work at it with his parents. His brother. It was time to step up, to be honest, to acknowledge his own mistakes and forgive them for theirs.

  He tucked the ring into his pocket. “I guess it’s time to face the music. I’ll let you know how it goes.” He started to walk past her, but she grabbed his arm.

  “I’ve seen you with kids. You’re going to be such a good dad, Ty.”

  A dad. Man, hearing those words brought a bigger rush than a ride on Ball Buster. “I’ll do my best every day. For both of you.” And he’d start by making things right with his family.

  When Ty walked back into the main bar area, Rhett and his parents were still eating their lunch.

  “There you are!” His mom popped out of her seat the second she saw him. “Is everything okay? I’m so worried about Darla. Is she sick? Should we take her to the doctor?”

  Oh, boy. Ty had no idea what to say, but he knew he couldn’t say anything here. Darla shouldn’t have to deal with the fallout from his decision to avoid his family. He grabbed his coat. “She’s okay, but we have to go.”

  “Go?” His dad stole another sandwich from the platter. “We haven’t even finished lunch yet.”

  “Bring it with you then.” He waved them all to the door. “We need to have a talk.”

  His mother didn’t budge from her seat. “What about Darla? We can’t just leave her when she’s sick! Someone should take care of—”

  “She’s not sick,” Ty interrupted. “And she’s going to stay here and relax for a while. But we’re all getting in my truck. Now.”

  The gravity in his tone seemed to get all of them moving. His dad put on his coat and picked up his plate, carrying it to the door.

  His mom moved much slower, but finally she got her coat on too. “Ty, you need to tell us what’s going on.”

  “I will. But not here.” He held open the door, and on the way out, Rhett gave him a questioning glance. He pretended not to notice and simply led them to the truck, waiting until they’d all piled in before breaking the news. “Darla and I were never together. Not really.” He started the engine, but let it idle and turned around to face his parents.

  “What’re you talking about?” his dad asked around a mouthful of French dip.

  “When you called to ask if I would come home for Christmas, I didn’t want to. So I made up a fiancée as an excuse. Darla and I have hung out occasionally over the last year, and when we started talking about the fund-raiser, she asked me to invite Rhett. We pretended to be engaged so you wouldn’t find out I’d lied.” It sounded even worse when he said it out loud.

  “But she’s pregnant,” his mother said through a gasp. “Is that a lie too?”

  “No.” Ty found it hard to look her in the eyes. “Like I said, we’ve hung out but there’s never been any kind of commitment between us and—”

  “That’s bullshit,” his brother interrupted. “You love her. I can tell.”

  Anyone who’d been watching them could tell, but loving her wasn’t enough. “I don’t know if the feeling is mutual.” He’d like to think it was, or hope that it could be, but Darla would have to make that choice.

  “What about the baby?” Tears were running down his mom’s cheeks.

  “Both of us want the baby to have a huge, loving family, even if it’s not in the traditional sense of the word,” he assured her. “You guys will be the perfect grandparents, and we’ll make sure you see the baby as often as possible.”

  “What about me?” Rhett demanded. “I get to be an uncle. I want to see the baby too.”

  “You are all welcome to come out and visit anytime.” He never thought he’d say that, but it felt good to want it, to welcome his family back into his life. “And I’ll come home more too. Bring the baby to see where his dad grew up.” He would teach the little bambino how to fish and ride horses and swim in the same pond he’d swum in growing up. He couldn’t picture it without Darla being by his side though.

  “I don’t understand.” His mom dug around her purse and found a Kleenex. “Why didn’t you want to come home for Christmas? Why did you have to lie in the first place?”

  Damn, he thought the initial part of this conversation was hard. “I guess I was tired of feeling like I was second-best.” He looked at his brother. For once, Rhett remained silent and let him continue. “Like I had to compete with Rhett to get your attention.”

  His mom stopped blotting at the tears in her eyes. “That’s ridiculous! We love you both.”

  “Why have you never come to watch me ride?” They’d never participated in what had been the most important thing in his life up until about twenty minutes ago when he learned he was going to be a father. “You’ve gone to most of Rhett’s football games but you’ve never come to a competition. Even when I’ve asked.”

  His mom diss
olved into tears again.

  “That doesn’t mean we don’t care about you,” his dad said, putting an arm around his mom. “It’s never been a competition. You both can be boneheads sometimes but we still love you all the same.”

  That didn’t answer his question. “But why haven’t you come? I need to know why.”

  His parents shared a long look.

  “Because it always felt to me like you didn’t care,” Ty continued. His parents were good people, but they had to understand how their absence made him feel. “I bought you tickets. And you never showed up. All I’d see from the arena were the empty seats I’d gotten you. Everyone else had family there, but I was alone.” So he’d gotten used to being alone. He’d preferred it, even.

  “You had friends there.” His mom wouldn’t look at him.

  “Yeah. I had good friends. But I wanted my family there. I wanted you to be proud of me.” Every emotion he’d shut out came rising back to the surface. “I needed you there. And you weren’t.”

  “I’m sorry,” his mom sobbed, reaching for his hand. “I couldn’t. It’s so dangerous. I can hardly watch those riders on TV and I don’t even know them. I couldn’t stand to see you get hurt like that, Ty. I don’t think I’d ever recover. We’d always plan to go, but then I’d get to feeling so sick about it…”

  “It’s not that we think you’re not good at it,” his father added. “It’s just…well, you’ll understand soon enough, son. When you have a child of your own. You never want anything bad to happen. I used to be able to protect you, but I can’t anymore.”

  “I know that has to be hard. And you’re right—you can’t protect me anymore.” No one could. He couldn’t guarantee nothing would go wrong. Hell, he’d had his fair share of close calls. “But you can be there for me. I need you to be there for me.”

  His mom nodded, sniffling and dabbing at her eyes.

  “I got you the best seats in the house for the rodeo tomorrow night.” That was all he wanted from them. Just one night of their support.

  His dad took his mom’s hand, holding it tightly in his. “Then we’ll be there,” he promised.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Darla checked her phone for about the five hundredth time since she’d gotten to the Chocolate Therapist to do inventory an hour ago. One o’clock. They had three hours before the rodeo. Three hours before she had to watch Ty ride, and her hands were already shaking.

  He’d called her the previous night to tell her about his conversation with his parents, and then he’d asked if he would see her at the rodeo. She’d planned to go but had toyed with the idea of going late. After he rode. She’d seen him ride, but that was before. Before she was carrying his baby. Before he’d kissed her like she had the power to save him. Before she’d slept with him and realized how hard she’d fallen for him.

  Darla eased into a chair and set down her iPad. The inventory of her wine stock hadn’t changed much since she’d done it last week, but she’d been hoping to find something to keep her busy. A distraction to take the edge off her anxiety. Ty had likely ridden at least a hundred times and nothing had ever happened to him. But that was the thing about anxiety. It wasn’t rational. It was physical. She could tell herself over and over that he would be okay. That he wouldn’t die on her like Gray had, but the fear came anyway—wedging itself into her throat, bearing down on her chest, palpitating through her heart.

  I’ll quit riding. She kept hearing his offer over and over. It told her everything. He would give up something he loved for her. For a second, she’d been so tempted to tell him yes, but it wouldn’t matter. She would always find something else to fear, and that wasn’t a life. She couldn’t let him sacrifice his ambitions for her. It wasn’t fair.

  A knock sounded on the door. Once again, she checked her phone—1:03. The bar didn’t typically didn’t open for another four hours, and she’d planned on opening even later tonight because of the rodeo. She walked out of the wine cellar and stopped when she saw the door.

  Nora Michaels, her dear mother-in-law, stood outside.

  Tears flooded her eyes. “Oh my god.” She ran for the door and fumbled with the lock before finally pulling the door open. “Nora.” She all but fell into her mother-in-law’s arms. “What are you doing here?”

  The woman held on to her just as tightly. “Larry and I drove up for the day. He went on ahead to the hardware store, but I wanted to come right over to see you.” She pulled back. “I had to check on you. I got the thank-you for the Christmas gifts I sent, but you didn’t mention the letter.” Her smile was so warm and familiar it made Darla cry harder. “I thought maybe you’d want to talk about it.”

  How did she know she needed to talk? Nora always seemed to know. Darla forced herself to let go of the woman so she could usher her fully into the bar. “Yes. Let’s talk.” It had been months since she’d been to Denver to visit her in-laws, but Nora never seemed to change. She had plump cheeks and a welcoming smile. The fine lines around her eyes proved she laughed often. Oh, those eyes. They reminded Darla so much of Gray. After her recent trip to Hawaii her mother-in-law looked tan and healthy and happy.

  Nora slipped off her coat and hung it on the back of her chair. “The whole time we were gone, I thought about you. About Gray’s letter. And I wondered if I shouldn’t have sent it.”

  “It was a shock,” she admitted. “I mean, to see his handwriting. And those words…I could almost hear his voice.” She reached into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out the letter, carefully unfolding it. Lately it had been a habit for her to read it in the morning and then tuck into her pocket as if it would somehow help guide her, as if it would give her the strength to do what Gray was asking. “What did he say when he gave it to you?”

  Nora gazed at the paper with sadness in her eyes. “He said it was his last wish. But that you wouldn’t be ready to hear it for a while.” She smiled at the same time a single tear slipped down her cheek. “He told me to wait ten years. And if by that time you had a new family, he asked me to throw it out. But he said if you hadn’t remarried, I had to send it to you.” She shook her head and lowered her gaze to the table. “I honestly didn’t know what to do. You’ve obviously built a family of sorts here. You’ve done so many wonderful things in the last ten years, Darla. And I’m so proud of you. He would be too.”

  Darla laid the letter where Nora could read it. “I miss having a family.” She lowered her hands to her belly, holding them there like she so often did. Ty had offered her one and she’d been too afraid to accept it.

  Nora read the letter, tracing each line with her finger as though she could feel a connection to Gray. When she’d finished, she knowingly held Darla’s gaze. “You can build a new family. When is that baby due?”

  Darla let her hands fall to her lap. “How did you know?”

  Nora’s eyes sparkled again. “No one touches their tummy like that unless they’re pregnant, honey. And I can see it in your face. Your cheeks are a tiny bit fuller.”

  Reaching up, Darla touched her cheeks. “I just found out. About the baby. I’m due in late summer.” She laughed but continued crying too. “It was a bit of a surprise.”

  “Such a happy surprise!” Nora rose from her chair to hug her over the table. “It’s wonderful news, Darla,” she said, sitting back down. “Especially hearing it on such a hard day.”

  A hard day…

  Darla choked on a swallow. It was December 23. The ten-year anniversary of Gray’s death. How could she have forgotten the date? She hadn’t thought about him. Not once all morning. She’d been too busy thinking about Ty—

  “You forgot, didn’t you?” Nora asked, the words careful and kind.

  “Yes.” Guilt bore down on her. “I can’t believe I didn’t remember.” She should’ve remembered this morning. Right when she woke up. But instead, Ty had been the first thing on her mind.

  “You would have remembered eventually.” Nora was always so gracious. “Even if I hadn’t come.” She
squeezed her hands. “Darla, that’s a good thing. Do you know that? It means you’re letting go. And it’s time, honey. It’s time for you to love again.”

  “I don’t know how.” She closed her eyes, her heart caught in a violent tug-of-war. Part of her wanted to let go of the fear, but the other part wanted to hold on even tighter because it was her protection. It wouldn’t let her get too close to someone she might lose…

  “Do you regret marrying Gray?” his mom asked.

  “No.” Darla opened her eyes. “God, of course not. He taught me how to love. How to be loved.” Yes, after he’d died, she’d gone through a phase of anger, of wishing she’d never met him so she didn’t hurt, but she knew she wouldn’t be who she was without him.

  “So it was worth it then?” Nora prodded. “Love? The risks? The pain?”

  No one had ever asked her that. “It was worth it.” Every second she got to spend with Gray was worth it. Denying that would be denying the impact he’d had on her life.

  “Do you love the father of your child?” her mother-in-law asked.

  “Ty. His name is Ty.” When she said his name, her heart filled with tenderness. “And yes. I think I do.” It was the first time she’d admitted it out loud. Right on cue, the drumming in her heart started. It was that fear again, but anticipation flooded her too.

  “And he loves you?”

  “Yes.” She didn’t doubt his feelings. “But I’m so afraid. I can’t go through that again. I can’t love Ty. Not the way he deserves to be loved.” She would always have this brokenness, this uncertainty.

  “I think perhaps you have that backwards,” Nora told her. “Maybe you’re the best person to love him because you know what it costs. You know what it means to lose love and you’ve learned how short life is. Most people don’t even find real love once. And you have a chance to find it twice. You have the chance to have the family you’ve always wanted.”

  “I don’t know how.” How could she let go? How could she stop panicking every time Ty got too close?