Vick was nowhere to be found and for the first time, I was glad to not have her hovering over me. The waitresses kept the drinks flowing and it wasn’t long before it was closing time. Somehow, I made it upstairs.
The next morning I woke up naked, with a raging hard on, and a headache that hurt too bad to even open my eyes. I could still smell her on my skin, and even though I knew it was a terrible idea, I needed to see her again.
“What color would you like?” the saleslady asked.
“Red.”
The color of her hair—the color of lust, and sin, and all the other things I thought of when I thought of Jessica. No other color would do for her. Sure, she looked amazing in anything, but what she was doing to me was forbidden, and I wanted to remember that every time my eyes ran across her body.
I stood to the side and watched as the lady wrapped the red lingerie in a box full of tissue paper. I couldn’t wait to see the lace thong tucked away in the sweet swells of her ass, or the sexy see-through bra, barely covering her perky tits. I was going to really enjoy peeling these expensive bits of lace from her body.
I had the packages delivered to her because I didn’t feel right doing it myself. Delivering presents in person wasn’t something I usually did. Hell, buying presents was something different altogether, but I didn’t see Jessica spending money frivolously on herself. She wasn’t that kind of girl. She was giving, and I couldn’t wait until she was giving me what I wanted again.
As hard as it was, I stayed away from her. It was almost impossible, but necessary. I spent my nights in the club and my afternoons with business and paperwork. Whenever Vick came around, I pretended to be as normal as possible. I certainly didn’t need her shit.
My standoff lasted two whole days. It was then I found myself driving over to Jessica’s condo. I wanted to see her and I didn’t give a shit what anyone else had to say about it. I was at a stoplight, in the middle of the city, when the familiar shade red hair caught my attention.
Jessica was walking down the sidewalk with a happy smile on her face. She had on a simple pair of jeans, a black T-shirt with a faded logo, and a pair of ballet flats. So simple, yet so glorious at the same time.
Not knowing she was being watching, I noticed how graceful, and unique she moved—she stuck out from the crowd. Her light was too bright to be just one of the crowd.
A homeless man was propped up against the side of a building, holey clothes hung from his frame, and his hand held out a cup waiting for change. Jessica smiled down at him, before digging into her pockets and dropping whatever change she had, in his cup.
There she was, not knowing I’d replenished her account, and she was giving a homeless man her last bit of change. It spoke a lot about the kind of person she was—the kind of person I could have loved when I was younger. But that was when my life was total chaos and I thought emotions were important.
The cars behind me began to honk and I took off toward her place. I knew I’d get there before her, but I kind of liked the element of surprise.
She stepped off the elevator and into her condo with a smile and a hand full of paperwork. She kicked her shoes off and sighed, reaching down to rub her feet. I liked the fact she seemed so comfortable in the home I’d given her. It made me feel accomplished, like I’d done more in my life than the club.
Without noticing me sitting on her couch, she went into the kitchen, placed the papers on the counter, and filled a glass with water. Her throat worked up and down as she gulped the entire glass down. Her shirt clung to her body, letting me see every dip and curve.
“Enjoy your walk?” I asked.
Her eyes went wide, and she covered her mouth to keep the water from spewing out.
“Sebastian, you scared me,” she said, placing her empty glass on the counter.
“I can’t help but wonder if you’d be so jumpy if you had a gun around here.”
The memory of her pale face and the way she shook after we’d been held up, still sat in the front of my mind. I didn’t like the idea of her walking the streets of New York without protection.
“I don’t want to talk about guns again,” she said, coming around the counter and into the living space where I’d been sitting.
“Why were you walking? You could have called Martin.” I changed the subject.
“It’s beautiful out today and I didn’t have to go far. I needed the exercise anyway.”
“What’s with the papers?” I pointed to the stack on the counter.
“That’s my five year plan.” She stepped back to the counter and snatched up the papers.
I stood and moved closer to her. Taking the papers from her hand, I leaned in and did the one thing I’d been thinking about doing since I saw her walking down the sidewalk.
I kissed her.
It wasn’t the usual hard, forceful kiss, but a quick one that satisfied me until I could get more.
When I pulled back, the surprise on her face was comical. I loved how I’d switched tables on her. Before, my aggressiveness had shocked her. And now, anytime I did anything normal or even remotely nice, she didn’t know how to act. She was definitely fun to play with.
Nineteen
Rosslyn
His kiss felt different. It was soft, like a first kiss. It was nice. The one thing I could say about Sebastian, he was fantastic kisser—not that I had much to go on.
He pulled back and I felt his stare even with my eyes closed. I was still humming inside from his kiss when he spoke.
“What are these?” he asked.
“It’s paperwork for a technical college. I was thinking of taking some online classes.”
It was a quick decision when I’d gotten up that morning and had nothing to do. I’d always been obsessed with forensics and dreamed of a career in that field. Online classes would be something I could spend time on and it would be pushing me in a better direction financially. I was excited to do something for myself—something that could benefit my future.
“I didn’t know you were interested in going to school.”
“Well, yeah. I mean, it’s a smart choice. I don’t expect you to be my sexual benefactor forever. I need to be able to take care of myself. That means getting a degree and getting a job.”
“You don’t need to work. I’ll take care of you.”
“Come on, Sebastian. We both know this isn’t going to last forever. You’ve already made it clear that you don’t do love, and I’ve made it perfectly clear that I do. Plus, this isn’t what I want. I don’t want you to take care of me. I want to be able to take care of myself.”
He looked down at the paperwork and made a face a few at the pictures from a crime scene.
“What the hell is this?” he asked.
“Those are the classes I’ll look into once I do two years at the technical college. I want to get into forensics and help solve crimes.”
He looked at me like I was crazy, and I couldn’t help but giggle a little.
“What made you want to get into this?”
I didn’t want to answer. Twelve years later and my parents’ death was still a touchy subject. Probably because I never got closure. I wanted to make sure no other family had to go through that.
“The same thing that started my fear of guns,” I answered.
“Someone you knew was shot?”
“Yes.”
“Were you there?”
“No, but I’m the one that found her. They never caught her killer. I want to try to make a difference.”
He didn’t push anymore, which was one of the things I loved the most about Sebastian.
“If you think that’s what you need to do. As long as it doesn’t interfere with my time,” his cocky smile made his dimples pop.
He was definitely being different since we’d slept together, but I didn’t say anything about it. His smile was too sweet—I didn’t want to ruin it. I’d probably never get over how sexy he was, and after giving myself over to him so completely I wasn’t su
re I wanted to.
“Your time? Seriously?”
“Yes, my time. When I want you, I want you. I don’t like to wait.”
I couldn’t help myself. I giggled so hard my stomach hurt.
“Are you laughing at me?”
I liked how playful he was being. It made him seem like a normal everyday guy.
“Yes,” I chuckled. “Sir, yes sir!” I playfully saluted him.
“Go ahead and laugh,” he moved closer. “It doesn’t matter because this belongs to me,” he said, reaching down between my legs.
And just like that, the laughter stopped. I didn’t like his tone, and hated that he was more right than he realized.
I smacked his hand away. “I belong to no one.”
Pulling me to him, he leaned down and ran his nose up the side of my neck, before planting a soft kiss beneath my ear.
“That’s where you’re wrong, sweetheart. I licked it, so it’s mine. “
And then, he was kissing me. I wanted to push him away, and I wanted to pull him closer. His hands made their way down my hips and grabbed me, lifting me up as he pressed his body into mine. He was promising me another night like the one before.
He broke away. “How about taking a tour of your bedroom?” His voice dropped before he leaned down and took my mouth again.
I didn’t hold back, kissing him with all I had. With his hands cupping my face, he walked me backward, until my ass hit the door. He lifted me and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He pressed into me and I broke the kiss and moaned with closed eyes.
He pushed the door open and we stumbled into my room, surrounded by all of my things. I’d cried happy tears when I first saw how organized my personal items had been, and now the place was home. That was something I’d always be thankful for when it came to Sebastian. He was an asshole, but he’d given me a home when I didn’t have one.
He pulled back and worked his way down the side of my neck. Stubble scratched against my skin and I lost my fingers in his hair, pulling him closer. I enjoyed the difference in him. He was like Jekyll and Hyde. It was amazing what sex could do to a man.
“It’s going to be good. I promise I’ll make it good for you,” he said as he nipped at my chin.
I had no doubt about that. I’d learned a few days before, Sebastian knew exactly what he was doing. Laying me back on my bed, he followed me down, pressing me into my mattress.
Cool air brushed my stomach as he lifted my shirt. His heated touch scorched my skin and a hiss sounded from between my teeth.
Who was I?
I didn’t feel like the old me at all anymore. I hadn’t since he’d brought me to life on the couch in his office. It was like he was turning me into some carefree person, and I was all about everything he’d done so far. Lifting from the bed, he pulled my shirt off and smiled when my red bra was revealed.
“I like this,” he said as he slid a finger in the cup, running his finger across my hardened nipple.
“Of course you do, you picked it out.” I arched my back and whimpered.
“You’re so responsive to my touch.” He nuzzled in my cleavage. “I never want to stop touching you.”
He bit my nipple through the bra and I was gone. I latched on to his shoulders and closed my eyes as his hand worked its way down my side, to the top of my jeans. My stomach sucked in from his touch, allowing him to slip his hand past my button and into my jeans. And then he was touching me through my panties.
It felt so good. I lifted my hips when he took his hand away. He pulled my zipper down and peeled my jeans from my hips. His fingertips felt rough against the skin inside my thighs. I opened wider once my jeans were on the floor.
“I can’t wait another second to be inside you.”
His lips brushed the inside of my leg and then he was rolling my panties down my legs.
He sucked the soft skin on the inside of my leg. His hot breath skimmed my wetness, warming me and making me ache even more. And then he was on top of me, staring down at me with his usual cocky grin. I could hardly wait to feel him.
I reached up, running my fingers through his hair and brushing the back of my fingertips down the back of his neck and kissing him softly on the corner of his mouth.
His expression changed and his body stiffened above me
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“What do you mean? I’m kissing you.”
I was confused. I wasn’t sure how to answer his question. It was obvious what we were doing, and if he didn’t know, then I was obviously doing it wrong.
“This isn’t romance, Jessica. Stop looking at me like that. Don’t touch me sweetly. Be rough. This is fucking. That’s all. It’s not love. It’ll never be love.”
I stared at him. My heart tore in half, all of my feelings toward him spilling out, and pooling in a painful puddle in my stomach.
And then he leaned up, backing away from me. He grabbed my thighs roughly, flipping me onto my stomach.
Pulling my hips up to him, I instinctively followed and propped up on my hands. He pushed hard against me. “I’m going to fuck you so hard.”
His words stung, and I didn’t know how to react. I was still reeling from his other comments. Stunned into silence, I stared at the sheets below me.
Sebastian meant what he said, he was going to fuck me hard. My chest and the side of my head were suddenly pushed into the mattress, as he simultaneously pressed into me and pulled my arms tightly behind my back.
It was rough, and it actually felt good. However, I couldn’t help but think that it would feel better if my heart wasn’t dying a slow death. I just wished he would stop pushing me away. We obviously had a connection and I felt sorry for him and his inability to fully bond with another human being.
“You act sweet, but you’re really a naughty girl aren’t you, Jessica?” His body was leaning over me, allowing him to go deeper. “Tell me how dirty you are.” His mouth brushed against my ear.
I couldn’t answer. I wasn’t emotionally present. It did feel amazing, his smooth arousal spreading me open, filling me. But I didn’t want to reward his behavior from earlier, so I gave him nothing.
He realized I wasn’t going to play along. Leaning back, he gripped my hips almost painfully, and started to move fast and hard. Out of nowhere, his palm landed hard against my ass. The loud smack rang throughout the room, and my ass stung badly before he rubbed it away with his warm palm.
“Fuck me,” he rasped. “I can’t get enough of your body.”
His hands latched onto my breasts and he pulled me up, so that my back was pressed firmly against his front. His fingers plucked at my nipples before moving down over my stomach and between my legs. The pad of his finger rubbed sweet circles over my throbbing bud and it was all I could take.
Against my will, I called out. “Sebastian…”
My body shook against his, and I was coming, his hips continuing to work me. My body went limp and I fell forward. He held my hips in the air and continued on his mission for an orgasm.
Thrusting only a few more times, he pulled out, and came all over my ass. It was hot and dripping down my cheek. He spread the come around my ass with his tip, while milking his cock dry.
Letting his body fall next to mine with a huff, I quickly turned on my side, giving him my back. I couldn’t process my feelings and didn’t want to look at him for the moment.
My heart ached for what would obviously never be. And yet my body was in euphoria, coming down from a high like no other.
He’d been rough and aggressive, and if I was being honest with myself… I enjoyed it.
I felt his hot hand moving down my arm, but him touching me sweetly in any way felt like a lie. I didn’t want to be lied to. Shaking his hand from my arm, I slid further away from him.
“Oh so now I can’t touch you?” he asked.
“Not like that. Not with any softness. No romance remember, this is just fucking.”
I was fucked, in more ways than one.
Twenty
Sebastian
She slept next to me, an occasional sound coming from her, as if she was dreaming and in distress. Her scarlet hair was covering most of her face, but I could still see the swollen swell of her pouty lips.
I was in a fucked up place, mentally. Worse than anything I’d gone through when I was younger, except for the night that continuously haunted my dreams. The experience hardened me and changed me into the man I was today. The only way I could make it through life after that night, was by not feeling anything at all. It was either that, or die from heartache.
Jessica had been breaking down the wall I built, and I reacted poorly because it scared me. I wasn’t technically afraid of having feelings for her, I was afraid of feeling anything at all. I’d worked hard at blocking out everything to get through my days—to get myself through the one single moment that had defined the rest of my life.
And the worst part was, I hurt her. I could see it in her eyes when I lied to her face, saying it would never be about love.
Reaching out, I took a strand of her hair and rubbed it between two fingers. It was true, I had to admit it to myself. I was falling for her. Me—the man who didn’t believe in the bullshit word everyone tossed around, the man who thought love was a woman’s word. I’d always truly believed men weren’t capable of love, especially a man like me. Yet there I was, staring down at this seemingly perfect creature, and trying to figure out exactly what I was feeling.
The whole thing felt suffocating, like the air around me was too thick, too humid. Whether I was thinking of my feelings or about not being near her, I constantly felt I couldn’t breathe. A weight as heavy as New York City was pressing against my chest, and I couldn’t lift it, no matter how angry or mean I was. It just wouldn’t fucking budge.
And those eyes… those big, trusting, beautiful eyes. I couldn’t fucking shake the moment when pain entered those eyes. They haunted me because I was the cause of that heartache.
Little Black Book Page 14