Wanting (PAVAD)

by Calle J. Brookes

Kevin cursed. Why were his daughters—both with the TSP—on their way to St. Louis now when he’d expressly told both of them that he wanted to find their sister himself?

  What was going on? And why had Mel said what she had?

  What had she learned about Rush that had spooked his normally unspookable daughter?

  Chapter 67

  *****

  Carrie went looking for Sebastian in his office, but he wasn’t there. Al and Paige were in their section of the bullpen and Carrie stopped by Paige’s desk. Shared her plans to head over to the Bright Star Haven shelter.

  “I’ll go with you.” Paige was looking at her like she knew something was wrong. It didn’t surprise Carrie; Paige always knew when something was bothering her.

  “Ok. But I need to see Sebastian first.” It didn’t feel right to just leave without him knowing exactly where she was going. Wasn’t that a part of belonging to someone? Not wanting to worry them? Knowing that you mattered to them enough for them to worry?

  This was such unfamiliar territory for Carrie.

  “He’s in a meeting with the big man himself.” Paige nodded to the top floor of the open concept office space. Edward Dennis’s office was the only truly private office in the building. “Don’t know when he’ll be out, but neither looked happy.”

  “Oh.” Deflating. “I’ll leave him a note, then.”

  “Better yet, I’m stuck here until Mick gets finished doing his thing.” Alessandra’s face showed mild disgust. Her brother Mick worked IA and no one in the Brockman family was really happy about it. “He’s my ride. Why don’t I deliver a personal message to Hotlips?”

  Carrie smiled. She could only imagine the type of message Alessandra would give him. “Just tell him that I had a computer emergency at one of the runaway shelters I work at, and that I will see him later…No. Just tell him he can call me.”

  “I’ll bet he can call you. Sweetheart, perhaps? I heard him call you baby the other day.” Alessandra chuckled after she said it. Paige just rolled her eyes. “In that sexy, bed-room voice. Yum. Yum.” Alessandra sighed. “I so need to get a life—a love life. Hey! Does Hotlips have a brother?”

  “Two of them.” Carrie laughed. Should she tell her they were identical to Sebastian?

  “Wow. If only I was that type of girl…Anyway, I’ll give him your message. You want me to send him over to the shelter? Your place? Tell him you’ll come to his? Booty call?”

  Carrie fought the laugh bubbling up. Leave it to Alessandra to diffuse her worries. Paige had laid her head down on her desk and was covering her ears mumbling I am not listening, I am not listening, I am not listening. “Just tell him to call me. We’ll work out the details between us later.”

  “Sigh. Ruin all a girl’s vicarious fun. I really need some excitement in my life and since you won’t share…” Alessandra leaned back in her chair and crossed her ankles on the desktop. She was teasing, but Carrie could see the exhaustion in her friend’s eyes. Alessandra had worked just as hard as anyone during the trafficking case, only to have to go get Ashleigh and her family and escort them down to PAVAD for the lineup. They all needed a few days off to recover. But Carrie knew the truth of it; they’d probably get one day at the most before they were needed elsewhere.

  Which meant there was probably a high likelihood that she and Sebastian would spend more time apart than they did together. His team was often sent in the exact opposite of hers. That was part of the purpose of PAVAD, after all. Edward Dennis always mentioned how he wanted the best teams available and ready to go to the places they were needed nearly as fast as they were needed.

  How would that translate in a relationship between her and Sebastian? Would she be able to go days, even weeks at a time, without seeing him?

  Carrie didn’t know. She liked her space, her routine. Thrived on it; she’d learned that early on. Having the uncertainty of not knowing when or if he’d be around—or she would—was something that she would have to consider. Was that the kind of life she wanted? If she was to form a lasting relationship with any man, there would be times when she would be far away from him. How much worse would that separation be with a man who was gone literally just as much as she was?

  It would be something else to think about.

  “Come on, Carrie. We’ll go take care of Calista, then I’ll get you back home to lover boy.” Paige cringed as she said it, but Carrie knew her friend had accepted the changes Sebastian had brought to Carrie’s life. That didn’t mean Paige approved, but at least she accepted. “Let’s get something to eat before we go. Al, I’ll see you later.”

  “Bye guys, have fun.”

  Chapter 68

  *****

  It left a sour taste in Sebastian’s mouth, and he could tell by looking at Ed Dennis that the same held true for him. “And we have no other choice? He’s coming to this unit?”

  “Yes. Seems he’s impressed a few people, and someone felt that he’d be a good candidate for the CCU.”

  “Shit. And no one stopped to think...”

  “I think this someone was thinking. Thinking of ways to cause as much trouble for me and the unit as possible. I can’t put him with Hellbrook and Georgia. Malachi has no openings. And his team was there in Carterville.”

  “So I’m it, then.” He closed the agent in question’s file. Despite the glowing recommendations, it just didn’t sit right with him. “For how long?”

  “Six months, tops. Or until he screws up or it just doesn’t work out. Regardless of whatever machinations these bastards think they are going to get away with, no one messes with my teams. I’m sorry, but of the three teams, yours is the only one that will work. For now.”

  “I understand. And I’ll see to it that he gets a fair shake. God knows, he’s not responsible for his father’s actions.” It still pissed him off, though. And worried him. What would it do to Carrie to have to see Stephenson’s son every day?

  “Or for the petty bullshit that ended up with him being transferred to the CCU.” Ed Dennis was grim when he accompanied Sebastian out of his office and down to the bullpen.

  “No, he isn’t. But that isn’t going to make it any easier for Carrie, or Dr. Bellows, or your daughter. Stephenson’s father could have killed any one of them, and this is how whomever it is you’ve pissed off chooses to retaliate?”

  “By striking at me where it hurts the most. My family. My agents. Someone is out to destroy PAVAD. I don’t know who, and I don’t know why. I do know that they won’t succeed. You take care of Evan Stephenson for me, son. And then I’ll owe you one, a big one. Keep that in mind.”

  Sebastian nodded, mind already running through possible scenarios. He’d have to tell Carrie that someone thought it would be one hell of a joke to put the son of the man who’d attacked her two months ago in the same unit as she and his father’s other victims. Yeah, that would go over real well—especially after the week she’d already had.

  His gaze searched out first her desk, and when finding it empty, he checked the other places in the open bullpen she could be. He found no sign of her. Where was she?

  He wanted Carrie. He didn’t want to go back to his empty apartment, his empty life, anymore. He even wanted the damned cat.

  He’d just have to convince her that he was what she wanted and needed.

  “I’ll tell Carrie. I assume you’ll be notifying Hellbrook and your daughter?”

  “And Julia. I’ll tell her tonight over dinner. Poor girl has had such a hard time of it lately. And now this.”

  Sebastian had wondered about the relationship between Ed Dennis and his daughter’s close friend. Everyone in the division did. But no one spoke of it, or asked about it. But all knew she lived on his property in an apartment or guest house and knew that he was just as protective of her as he was his only daughter. “He looks like his father. That won’t be easy for Dr. Bellows or your daughter. Or Carrie.”

  “Your opinion? Can Carrie handle having him here?” Dennis’s expression was frank
when he looked at Sebastian. “I know the two of you have grown closer in recent weeks.”

  “Yes. We have. And we will probably grow closer still. Will that be a problem?”

  “Only if you make it one. You know my stance on personal relationships within the division.”

  “Yes.” While he’d never come out and said it, Sebastian knew his boss’s policy—as long as the relationship didn’t ever interfere with the participants’ abilities to do their jobs, Ed Dennis said nothing. Once it interfered, he’d split the couple up faster than anyone could blink.

  Sebastian understood and approved. Most field offices frowned on personal relationships between agents. But not this one. That would make things a little easier for Carrie; he knew that. She was such a stickler for rules and routine.

  That would be something they’d have to work on together.

  He didn’t have any trouble making necessary changes to his routine; not if it meant an easier transition for her into a permanent relationship. He’d do whatever it took.

  Alessandra stopped both men just as they stepped down into the main level of the bullpen. “Agent Lorcan? I have a message for you.”

  Her eyes showed repressed humor and Sebastian had a good inkling what the message was about.

  Ed Dennis headed across the bullpen to speak with Dr. Bellows and Reynolds. Personal. Ed was good friends with Reynolds and had been for years.

  “Go ahead, Al.”

  “PC version or can I tell you what I think?” She winked, giving him a throaty chuckle. Any other time he’d have joked around with her, but after the news Dennis had just delivered he just wasn’t in the mood.

  “Just quick, Al.”

  She sobered. “Gotcha. Our favorite computer genius and her tall, dark, skinny, and goofy sidekick are at the Bright Star runaway shelter doing something to the computers. You are expected to call when you get a chance. I don’t know. Carrie seemed a bit uncertain. You do something to mess up between the alley and this afternoon?”

  “This isn’t junior high, Alessandra. What time did she leave?”

  “About ninety minutes. Seriously, though. Think the girl is having doubts. Probably shouldn’t leave her by herself too much longer.”

  “Thanks.” He turned away and headed to his office. He wanted privacy before he called her. He ignored Al’s heavy sigh and lucky girl remark.

  Sebastian closed himself in his office and dialed Carrie’s number. She didn’t answer.

  A rush of irritation filled him. Was she ignoring him? Carrie was a stickler for answering calls. Especially PAVAD calls. And she’d told Al to have him call her.

  She wouldn’t ignore his calls. Carrie wouldn’t. The hair on the back of his arms was standing on end.

  ***

  “So are you going to tell me what’s bothering you?” Calista asked. She and Carrie were in the back office on the third floor of the shelter. It was where Carrie had set up the shelter’s main server two years ago. Paige had stayed downstairs to cover the intake desk on the chance that someone showed up needing services.

  Carrie looked at her friend. Calista was the one friend she had that was not somehow related to PAVAD. Carrie had hired her after she’d gone through the steps two years ago to build the Bright Star. Calista was the same age as Carrie and Paige and had a duel degree in social work and psychology. She’d been a recent graduate of University of Missouri—St. Louis, and had volunteered at two different shelters in the city. Carrie had figured out pretty quickly that the reason Calista was so keen on working at the shelters was because after the student loan bills started rolling in, Calista had lost her apartment and her job on campus. She’d had nowhere else to go but the shelters. So Carrie had offered her the Bright Star. And Calista took over it and made it shine.

  The Bright Star was her friend’s world, and after initial funding by Carrie, Calista had beefed up the money through various fundraisers and events that Carrie never could have managed. She was one of Carrie’s bright stars. “What do you mean?”

  “Don’t lie, Carrie. You’re not very good at it. Something is bothering you. And I think I know what it is.” Calista pushed her desk chair back from the computer she sat in front of. “I think it is Mr. Tall, Dark, and Hot.”

  What was it with all of her friends giving Sebastian these silly nicknames? “What do you mean?”

  “Carrie…I could see the heat between the two of you myself. It was just there. So are you going to do something about it?”

  “I already did. He’s supposed to call me when he gets done working. If he wants to…If last night wasn’t…if…” Her phone rang and Carrie grabbed for it. The keys malfunctioned before she could see the number displayed across the screen. The phone died in her hands.

  Not that she needed it; she had a strong suspicion who it was. She pulled the charger out of her computer bag and bent over to plug the thing into the wall beside the shelter’s computer she was upgrading. She’d have to trade it in for a new one soon—it hadn’t been the same since she’d went over the cliff in South Dakota. She should have requisitioned a new one then, but she was attached to the one she had.

  “So are you going to do more?” Calista asked. “He seemed like a nice guy. And I could tell he liked you.”

  “I don’t know. What if I can’t do it? I’m not exactly normal, you know?”

  “So? Who is? So you both have to make a few accommodations—not many, mind you—but some. That’s what happens in every relationship, Care. Every single one. That’s part of it.”

  “I don’t know if I can let someone else have that much influence over my life, my routine. Even Sebastian.”

  “Do you think he will try to change you? Make you do something you aren’t willing? If he does, does that mean he’s really the man you want to be with?”

  Carrie thought for a moment. “Probably not. And you’re right. I don’t think he’d want me to change things too much. It has been so...easy...to be with him. At his apartment. Mine, in the little time we were there. It’s kind of like he’s always been there. That scares me.”

  “Carrie...what exactly scares you? Put it into words the best you can.”

  Carrie closed her eyes and tried to organize her thoughts. Her words were whispered when they came out. “What scares me is the thought that I’ll get deeper and deeper involved with him. And then he’ll stop. Just like the two before him. They couldn’t handle me. And they told me so. But Sebastian can mean so much more to me than they ever did. Does that make sense?”

  “Yes. You’re afraid of where the relationship may go because this time it matters more to you. That’s a good thing. It means you care more about what happens, and that you will work harder to preserve the relationship. Once again, this is perfectly normal. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying, or has an unhealthy view of relationships. Does that help?”

  “Some...I need to think.”

  “What’s to think about?” Calista asked. “You care about him. I can see that. And I think he cares about you. I think...I think you should give it a try. If it doesn’t work, then it doesn’t work. Neither of you are the kind to let it interfere with your jobs. If it starts to, I know you’ll work it out so it doesn’t. I didn’t. You don’t tap when you’re with him. Did you realize that?”

  “No.”

  “I did. I watched you. When he was beside you, you calmed down some. The tapping stops, the repeated words. The way you move and watch everything. I think he makes you feel safer just by being around him. I like it. It’s easy to see that his way of doing things is, well, perfect for you.”

  That gave Carrie quite a lot to think about. Was it true? Why? Did he have something about him that did affect her that way? She honestly had no idea.

  Carrie got lost in her thoughts for the longest time, though she was vaguely aware of Paige and Calista leaving the room while she went through the boot sequence of the shelter’s computer. Calista returned a few minutes later.

  Carrie had no idea how to
put how she felt into words. None. Before she could say anything, the sound of the fire alarms split the air. “What?”

  Calista was on her feet just as quickly as Carrie. There were fourteen teenagers in this building, and three staff members, plus her, Calista, and Paige. Everyone had to be gotten out of the building and accounted for. Quickly.

  They had procedures in place for this type of things. Procedures Carrie and Paige had written. “I’ll start clearing the back. You take the sign in sheet to the front of the building and start counting people as they come out. I’ll send people around the building as I get them out.”

  “Carrie…” Calista’s eyes were wide and her voice odd. Her gaze was trained on the open door behind Carrie. Carrie turned to see what had terrified the other woman.

  A man stood in the doorframe with a gun pointed at Calista. Before Carrie could grab the weapon on her own hip—she’d not taken the time to stop off at home and drop off her weapon and badge—he fired. Calista went down. Just that quick.

  The man looked back at Carrie with the coldest eyes she’d ever seen. He looked familiar, and it took her a split second to put it together. Officer Thompson. The cop who’d been at her building after the burglary. But why would he…

  “Touch your weapon, and I’ll shoot her again. This time I’ll make sure to hit her heart or head instead of her shoulder. Take off your holster and slide it to me gently.”

  Carrie looked into Calista’s terrified and pain-filled eyes. If Carrie could distract him long enough, maybe Paige could get Calista out safely.

  Carrie unfastened the holster.

  Chapter 69

  *****

  Carrie stared at the man, confusion filling her. “Who are you?”

  “My name is incidental.”

  “I don’t understand. Do you have some business here?” She kept her voice as calm as she could. What did this man want? “With one of the kids?”

  “My business is with you, Madeline.”

  “My name isn’t Madeline. It’s Carrie. My mother was Madeline, but she’s been dead for seventeen years.” Was this that Kevin? He didn’t look anything like the photographs Agent Len had included in the file.