Second

by M. C. A. Hogarth

  Alysha's tense silence was even more worrisome than any comment could have been.

  In a happier mood, Taylitha would have enjoyed the fresh experience. She would have found a way to be grateful for the clouds regrouping overhead instead of worrying that they would drop rain on their expedition. She would have welcomed the exercise instead of dreading how paddling would make all-new muscles in her arms sore. She would have looked forward to having Alysha to herself again instead of fearing that Beringwaite would find a totally new way to abuse them without her mitigating influence.

  It didn't at all help that she wasn't good at paddling. It took the two of them half the lake to find a good rhythm, though half the lake wasn't quite long enough for Taylitha to stop feeling queasy. It wasn't that she was seasick—lake-sick?—it was the feeling that she had no idea what she was doing. The canoe rocked under her in a disconcerting way, made her feel as if the world was no longer solid beneath her. Which it wasn't.

  "Problems?" Alysha asked quietly.

  "Nothing I can't handle," Taylitha said, then added in a moment of utter candor, "Badly."

  Alysha chuckled. "The water?"

  "I just hate the idea of not being able to swim well," Taylitha said. "Everyone at home swam. All my friends swam. But most of them didn't have a coat of fur this heavy. Every time I tried, I just got waterlogged and sank."

  Alysha's voice had a grimace in it. "I'm familiar with the experience. It takes a strong current to keep someone muscle-dense and furred from sinking."

  The water splashed against the prow of their canoe. Taylitha hated the uncertain rocking of the water, but she liked the sound. "Well, we have life-vests."

  "Yes," Alysha said.

  "And a rescue kit."

  "And a rescue kit."

  "And we're not going anywhere we'll need either, because we're going to stay upright in this canoe and we're going to get to the bottom and everything will be all right."

  "Yes," Alysha said, and her voice held something different this time: a rock-hard certainty that Taylitha immediately believed. Then the other woman chuckled and added, "At least about the last part."

  Beringwaite led them to the edge of the lake, where a river began its winding path around a boulder and out of sight. He let the unfortunate Jender struggle to keep their canoe in place while he addressed the group.

  "This is it, furries. We'll go down one by one. This is the fastest route down, so we won't be long. Once we get to the lake at the bottom, we'll regroup and present to the lieutenant at trail's end. Got it?"

  "Are we supposed to split up this way?" Taylitha whispered. Alysha only looked uneasy, ears pressed back against her hair.

  "I'll go first—"

  "We're going first."

  That had come from her canoe. Taylitha stared in dismay at Alysha, who wore her most intractable expression.

  "You must be crazy," Beringwaite said. "I'm going first! It's my mission!"

  "You've been doing the hard work of scouting all this time," Alysha said. "Let us scout now."

  "No—"

  "Once we get closer to the bottom, we'll hang back so you can take point again."

  Beringwaite paused. Taylitha couldn't believe he was going to fall for something so obvious. She prayed for him not to take the bait. She didn't want to go first! She wanted someone else to figure out the dangerous parts!

  "Fine. Forrest's team will go first. Then I'll go. The rest of you, fall in. I don't care what order as long as you give each other room to move."

  "Are you crazy?" Taylitha hissed forward.

  "No," Alysha murmured, "I just don't trust Mister Beringwaite with our safety." They pulled ahead and into the river. Taylitha held her breath as they turned around the bend, expecting to see a long series of horrifying drops and choppy rapids. The actual vista, curtailed by rocks and trees, bothered her more. She didn't like not knowing what was around the next corner.

  When the next few corners did not bring disaster, Taylitha actually found herself relaxing. With the current pulling the canoe along she felt a little less unstable and her queasiness faded. She began to enjoy the scent of the spray, the low hushed hiss of the water, the physical effort of paddling. The collected clouds did no more than block the most glaring of the sun's rays, and the breeze off the river dispersed most of the humidity. Once she figured out how to keep the canoe moving in a consistent direction, she surprised herself by finding delight in the weather, the sight of the banks sailing past.

  "You've been quiet," she said after a while. "What are you thinking?"

  "That Beringwaite said we were taking the fastest route down," Alysha said. "Which means there were other routes and they were slower. I'm no river expert, but I suspect they would have been easier for novices."

  "You paddle like you've paddled all your life," Taylitha said.

  Alysha laughed. "I'm as new at this as you are, trust me. I just like physical exertion."

  "You do?" Taylitha asked. "Somehow that's not something I imagine anyone enjoying."

  "My body works," Alysha said. "It works well. I'm glad of that. I tell it how to paddle and it paddles and doesn't fail me. But I wasn't thinking of myself when I mentioned the river course being harder than expected. I'm thinking more of the others. I'm thinking of you."

  "I'm fine," Taylitha said.

  "Says the woman who doesn't swim well," Alysha said.

  "I can't dispute that," Taylitha replied. "But I'm as prepared as I can be and I've got you in the front there." She canted her head. "You worry about everyone else, I bet to the exclusion of yourself. You assume your body is going to serve you even though I bet I'm not the first person to notice you forget to take care of it. Don't you ever assume something's going to happen to you?"

  Taylitha was now accustomed to the longish silences Alysha fell into while considering her answers. She enjoyed the breeze while waiting, thinking that she could almost get to trust a canoe in a river as tractable as this one. Perhaps someone had tricked Beringwaite into thinking this route was faster and it was going to be this easy all the way down.

  "I know, intellectually, that I can get hurt," Alysha said. "But I think that surviving being hurt has granted me the belief that I will always survive what happens to me. I can live through anything, but others can't."

  "Without your help," Taylitha said.

  "My help can make a difference," Alysha corrected. Her tone lightened to wry amusement. "I'm not so proud to think that I'm the only one who can carry the world."

  "That's good to know," Taylitha said. "Given how many of them there are in the Alliance."

  Alysha's laugh was abruptly curtailed. Her voice grew cautious and tense. "There are a couple of drops coming."

  "Drops?" Taylitha asked, trying to peer past Alysha and seeing only a couple of rocks. Then she squealed as their canoe flew down a waterfall as tall as her body. Somehow they landed well, and the canoe bounced up before the splash could dunk them.

  "Another fall," Alysha warned. "Then some mild chop."

  The second fall was so short Taylitha barely noticed going over it before the waves were reduced to froth and lace. Somehow she managed to keep her paddle in her hands, even when the water occasionally seemed to suck at it instead of letting go.

  In minutes, it was over and they were sailing again on smooth waters. Taylitha blinked and wiped spray-heavy bangs from her face. "That wasn't so bad."

  "No," Alysha said. "Not so bad."

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  As the minutes stretched into an hour, and then two, Alysha began to relax and Taylitha was able to surprise her into laughing several times. Still, they were both exhausted when they chose a likely place to guide the canoe toward the shore for the night.

  "Beringwaite's going to be livid," Taylitha said, examining the blisters on her hands. "He expected to be at the bottom by the end of the day today."

  Alysha dropped her hands behind her head and stretched outward, curling her back. "He should have known better
. Though I can't imagine us getting all the way down the mountain in another day."

  "Me neither, but I'm no good judge of distance in the mountains. I didn't grow up near any, and things seem to twist back on each other and curve upward and become impassable too much," Taylitha said. She squinted upstream. "You know, the brochure said there should be call-stations along the trail. I'd really like to find one before it gets too dark. I'd hate to wait until an emergency to find out that Beringwaite's sent us down an unmarked trail."

  Alysha's ears flattened and she instantly stopped putting up the tent. "Let's go look."

  It took them ten minutes, but they did indeed find a call station, a short pedestal set back from the shore some hundred feet. A light at its base assured them both it was operational even if its display panel remained dark. The rumpled earth around it suggested recent upkeep, though neither of them could decide whether the grass had been ripped away for replanting or if it was intended to be left bare.

  Back at camp, Taylitha took care of the fire and food while Alysha hung the tent. When Alysha tried to take over, she shooed the woman away. "Rest."

  "And you shouldn't?" Alysha asked with a chuckle, though she did drape herself carefully across the ground near the fire. "You've been working as hard as I have."

  "Once we got on the water," Taylitha said. "But up until then you had all the hard parts, dealing with Beringwaite."

  Alysha rolled onto her back, pillowing her head on her hands. "You just like taking care of people."

  "No," Taylitha said. "I like taking care of you." She stopped mid-stir of their supper. "Hey, I didn't know that."

  Alysha glanced at her.

  "Well, I didn't," Taylitha said. "I pulled my weight at home, but it was a relief to get away from all my little sisters and brothers for a change and only take care of myself. I don't like taking care of people. It's exhausting."

  "But this is somehow different?" Alysha asked.

  "This is very different," Taylitha said, satisfied. She tapped the spoon clean and set it aside. "How are your hands?"

  "My hands?" Alysha withdrew one of them and studied it. She opened and closed a fist. "Sore."

  Taylitha ducked into their tent and returned with her first aid kit. "Do you ignore every injury you get?"

  "Only if there's something else that needs to be done," Alysha said with a rueful smile. She gave her hands over to Taylitha with a hesitant grace, as if not quite able to believe Tayl was asking for them.

  "And let me guess, there's always something that needs to be done," Taylitha said.

  "Yes," Alysha said with a laugh.

  Taylitha addressed each of the blisters in turn, working up her courage for the question on the tip of her tongue. She didn't find it until the second hand, and even then it didn't come out right. "Even when you're seriously injured?"

  "I haven't been seriously injured all that often," Alysha replied with warmth in her voice. "But serious injuries have a habit of taking your choices away from you. I suppose that's why they're serious." Her considering eyes fell on Taylitha's face. "Your curiosity is showing."

  "Does that mean you want to know what I'm wondering?" Taylitha asked, ears flopping sideways.

  "Go ahead and ask."

  "Though you might not answer," Taylitha guessed. "I was just wondering . . . well, the whole thing with your being so easy with healers. I can't imagine you getting that hurt that often."

  "It happens," Alysha said with a smile. "I'm not invincible, as you yourself pointed out earlier."

  Taylitha checked on the scratches she'd raked into Alysha's elbow and found them healing well. "You're dodging the question, I see."

  "It's a difficult question," Alysha said after another of her pauses. She stretched her fingers after Taylitha's ministrations and said, "though I think you're right about why I'm in Fleet. Most of the injuries I've sustained have been in service to others."

  The gravity in the phrase sank through all the layers of thoughts dashing around in Taylitha's head, stilling them completely. In service to others. There was no doubt in her mind how Alysha meant it. It wasn't just something she did out of duty. It was something she sought.

  Service was a word Taylitha associated with priests and social workers. Or occasionally, with causes or charities. But it was not something she ever associated with normal people's lives.

  "Taylitha?"

  Wryly, Taylitha noted the softness of the question. Did Alysha ever not notice someone's mood accurately? "Service to others."

  Alysha nodded.

  "Is that how you ended up with steel claws?" Taylitha asked.

  The other woman started, closing both hands into fists. "I don't have steel claws."

  "The Hells you don't," Taylitha said. "You've been gouging out marks in the rock. I've seen it with my own eyes. Besides, you said it back on the trail to Beringwaite. 'We don't all have steel claws.' Am I right?"

  Alysha folded her arms over her breast and opened her mouth to speak, then froze. Her ears flicked to one side. With a frown, Taylitha glanced that way and saw the shrubs shiver.

  "Just an animal," she said, hushed. "Smelled our food, maybe. It'll go away—"

  Alysha rolled onto her knees and then up to a crouch. "Step away," she whispered. "Slowly and quietly."

  Taylitha responded to the command before she even fully registered it, backing away from the bush. Her arms and legs were trembling.

  The leaves parted for a snout the size of Taylitha's forearm. Her first ridiculous thought was to wonder how she'd missed an animal that large creeping up on their campsite. Its brown head followed its snout, making Taylitha uncomfortably aware that it could probably bite off her arm without chipping a tooth. Now that she could see it she could also smell it: a musky, dense smell, full of oils and the smell of animal.

  Alysha backed up until she was in front of Taylitha, then slowly raised herself to her full height. The thing's head lifted to follow.

  "Stop that!" Taylitha hissed.

  "Stop what?" Alysha asked almost inaudibly.

  "Stop protecting me," Taylitha said. "You'll get yourself killed!"

  "Sorry," Alysha whispered back, but incredibly Taylitha could hear a grin in her voice. "It's in my blood."

  The beast's round head lowered and it stared at them for a few minutes, minutes that seemed extraordinarily long. Taylitha counted the frantic beats of her racing heart and wondered if it was going to drop out of her chest; she was shaking, it was pounding so hard.

  When the creature failed to move, Taylitha said in exasperation, "I wish it would just steal our food and move on!"

  Alysha laughed a little, breathily.

  After a few more minutes of staring at them, whuffling around the campsite and nosing the bushes, it lumbered back into the brush. Neither woman moved for some time after the leaves on the shrub stopped waving, and then finally Taylitha started laughing. She flopped onto her back on the dirt and laughed and laughed until she thought her ribs would cave in. Alysha joined her, setting her back to a tree.

  When at last she decided she'd laughed herself out, Taylitha eyed her companion. "Look at you. Even when you're supposed to be unwinding from stress, you're doing it."

  "I guess so," Alysha said. She leaned forward and set a light hand on Taylitha's ribs.

  Taylitha froze, startled at the touch. Then she stared at the claws Alysha gently inched from her fingers. They weren't steel . . . they were something otherworldly, black with a hematite glitter. She could smell blood. "What are those?"

  "Breathnache," Alysha said.

  "You can't be serious," Taylitha said. "They make starship structural members out of that stuff. You could cut diamonds with it."

  Alysha said, "Scratch them, at least."

  Taylitha stared at the claws for a while longer, realized the blood scent was coming from the fingers that sheathed them. A tiny crimson bead was forming on the corner of Alysha's thumb where the metal inserted. "That can't feel good," she said softly, af
ter a moment.

  "It doesn't," Alysha said. "As prosthetics go, it isn't the best choice."

  "You chose it for something else?"

  "I thought it was to protect myself," Alysha said.

  Taylitha smiled a little. "But you were wrong."

  Alysha dipped her head.

  Taylitha rested a hand on top of Alysha's, pressing on the area just below the knuckles until the claws slipped back in. "In service to others, huh?" she murmured.

  "I guess so," Alysha said, her voice quiet.

  Taylitha sighed and pushed herself upright. Her arms still felt weak from the adrenaline of the encounter, but the lightheadedness could be fixed with food. "And now, time for more antibiotics!"

  "For this?" Alysha asked, looking at her hand. "I cut myself up worse coming up the trail—"

  "—and will probably keep doing it, but I'm not going to let you bleed while I'm your second," Taylitha said. "Now go sit by the fire and let me work so that we can eat."

  Alysha went as bid, much to Taylitha's pleasure. When she returned with the first aid kit—again—Alysha said, "My second, eh?"

  "Seems to work, doesn't it?" Taylitha said. "I hope you're hungry."

  "You're dodging the question," Alysha said with a grin.

  "I didn't hear any question," Taylitha said mischievously, not looking at her. She whisked the blood from Alysha's thumbs and hummed, content.

  CHAPTER NINE

  The morning dawned fair and clear, and Taylitha woke with an expansive sense of well-being. She checked the thin book she'd brought and pulled the feather free, stroking its long edge.

  Lift to the primary's thrust. One to provide direction and power and the other to give it the sky to fly in. She studied the feather for several long moments, losing herself in the image of a bird in flight, dark against a bright sky. Then she smiled, repacked the book and feather carefully, and slid out of the tent.

  Taylitha walked to the river bank and stretched, lifting her arms to the powder-blue sky, breathing in the fresh newness of the air. She felt easier today than she had any other day. Something had snapped into focus in the deeps of her heart, and though she couldn't name it now she knew the answer was there and it would come soon.