Ruined Promises

by Tracy Lorraine

  “Oh my God, did you have sex with him?” she asks, but says the word sex much quieter than the others. I don’t know why; it’s only Emma who could be listening.

  “No, I didn’t. I sorta thought we were going to but by the time I got into his boxers he was so worked up from just kissing me and seeing me in my bra that one touch from me and he went off like a firework!” I can’t help it, I burst out laughing at the memory, earning me another grumble from Emma.

  “But I thought Callum has slept with loads of girls?” Hannah asks, confused.

  “Ha, yeah, that’s what the rumour mill says but after how quick he got off tonight and how mortified he was about it afterwards, I would be inclined to say that this was his first experience and the rumours are just that…rumours.” We both fall about giggling like the schoolgirls we are; I guess that vodka hasn’t totally worn off yet.

  “So you were going to have sex with him then?”

  “Yeah, I guess,” I say, shrugging my shoulders.

  “But don’t you want to wait until you’re in love?” she asks sounding all sweet and innocent.

  The only thing I have never told my best friend is that I lost my virginity last year to someone we go to school with at a party one night. Hannah has a different outlook on life thanks to her normal, loving family and I don’t want to have to explain my reasons for doing what I did that night, and a few times since. I totally understand her desire to wait until she is in love, and I admire her for it, but what I needed that night and what I still need is just to feel wanted by someone, to be made to feel like I’m needed for something. And that first night? That was exactly how I felt. He both wanted and needed me. Yes it was seriously painful and in no way was it good for me, like he asked me when it was over. But it wasn’t pleasure I was chasing like he was. It was the need to be wanted, just like it was tonight when Callum started hitting on me. That need just took over and I’d have almost done anything he wanted to feel that way.

  I didn’t want to tell Hannah all of that though, because she would spend hours telling me how I do have people who need and want me, and I know I do but it doesn’t make how I feel disappear. Being with a boy in those few moments makes it disappear though.

  Chapter 1

  Molly

  It’s now midnight and I’ve been sat here on Ryan’s doorstep for nearly an hour. Although it was a scorching summer’s day, the heat has now worn off, the clouds have gathered, and it is lumping it down with rain. I’m trying to tuck myself into his little porch to stop me getting so wet, but with the wind direction it’s not doing much good. I’m soaked though. I’m thinking now that it was a silly idea to pick white t-shirts when I rebranded the coffee shop; thank God for padded bras so everything can’t be seen through the wet material.

  By the time I’d cleaned and locked up the coffee shop, it was just gone ten. I love working at Cocoa’s and have done since I was sixteen. Hannah and Emma’s parents own it. Susan started the business after she finished university. She came into some inheritance and with the money Cocoa’s was born. The place was a huge part of my childhood. Hannah, Emma and I would go there after school to do homework or just chat about boys, and it pretty much stayed that way until we finished university. We still have a booth in the back corner dedicated to us.

  I will forever be grateful for Susan and her husband Pete, who she actually met as a customer in Cocoa’s. It was love at first sight for them; not only did they give me a job, but they had taken me under their wing when I was much younger. They are wonderful people and I wish they were my parents.

  Megan, who works in the evenings, had a phone call from her boyfriend at eight o’clock saying their little boy was really sick. I let her go home to be with him and finished up the rest of the night on my own.

  Once I got in my car to drive home, all I could think about was having a nice hot bath with a glass of wine and snuggling into my bed. I live in a tiny one bed flat with my boyfriend Max. We’ve have been together on and off for the past three years, but when Hannah, who I had lived with above the coffee shop, decided eight months ago she wanted her boyfriend to move into the flat, I decided it was time I moved out and left them to it. Max had suggested I move in with him. I wasn’t thrilled by the idea to be honest, but at the time I didn’t have the energy to sort out finding a place to live. I hate being alone. I would have had to find someone who was renting out a room anyway, so it seemed like a sensible suggestion and I guess a logical step in our relationship.

  So a week after I made the decision, we all moved. Me into Max’s flat, and Hannah’s boyfriend into the one she and I had shared for the past six years. Emma also lived with us for three of those but when she decided to stay on at university and do her Masters, she moved back home to save money. Not that it was a huge issue for her, as her parents owned the flat and refused to take any rent from us, but she was happier going home.

  The short ten-minute drive to our flat seemed to take forever. I pulled up out the front and thought it was weird to be parking next to Max’s car. He had worked nights the whole time I’d known him, and I was expecting him to be working tonight. They were always messing about with his shifts so they had obviously changed it again at the last minute.

  I dragged my body up the stairs to the third floor and let myself in. I shut the door behind me and saw that the only light on was coming from the bedroom. My heart dropped into my stomach when I heard voices and strange noises coming from down the hallway. As quietly as I could, I tiptoed towards the room so I could see what was going on.

  When I got to the door, I couldn’t believe my eyes. Now, I knew Max was no angel, but I was under the impression that we had put the past behind us when we decided to live together and had become a monogamous couple. Yes, the past few months had been a strain, but still. What was happening before my eyes on our bed showed me clearly how wrong I was.

  I needed to get out of there as soon as possible, so I slipped back down the hallway, grabbed a couple of pairs of knickers that, luckily for me, were drying on the radiator, and I got out of the flat immediately.

  I tried to keep myself together as I made a pit stop at a shop on my way to Ryan’s house. I didn’t want to be one of those crying emotional women standing down the alcohol aisle, trying to decide which bottle will numb her pain the best.

  Once I paid for two bottles of my favourite wine and a crate of lager for Ryan, I made my way over to his new house. He only moved in two weeks ago, although it was months ago that he made the decision to buy the three-story town house in the new development that was going up on the outskirts of the city. It was basically a pile of bricks when he took me with him to see it for the first time, but I could see why he had fallen in love with it from the moment I saw the plot and the plans. It was going to be a modern spacious house, with amazing views across fields from the back, but from the front you could see all the lights from the city in the distance. Because it was yet to be finished, it meant Ryan had the chance to choose a lot of the interior to suit his taste. This was perfect for him, as he didn’t want to spend his whole summer decorating and making the house his home.

  I parked around the back of the house by the garage so that when Ryan got home, he could still park in his usual spot out the front. This meant having to wait for him at his front door, which was fine until the weather changed.

  When I’d text him earlier in the day to wish him a good last day of term, he said he was going out for a meal with his colleagues this evening but it wouldn’t be a late one as a number of his work mates were going on holiday together and their plane was stupidly early in the morning, so they had a curfew. As it’s now midnight, I’m guessing that didn’t really go to plan.

  I’m starting to think I should have gone somewhere else. It’s not that I don’t have any other options but out of all my friends and family Ryan knows me the best, what we have been through this year has made us close. I think I could say he’d turned into my best friend somewhere in the last six months.
I hope he feels the same and lets me stay.

  The longer I sit here, the more I think that maybe I should have stayed in my car, but then I remember the layout of the house wouldn’t allow me to see when he’s back, and I really don’t want to spend the night in my car. I love my little KA, it’s been great for the past two years, but it really isn’t a suitable bed.

  So I continue to wait him out, sitting here soaking wet and freezing cold with the images of what was happening on my bed flashing though my head. It’s not like I didn’t expect it to happen eventually. I’d had my suspicions for a while. I don’t even love Max; hell, I’m not even sure I really like him. I’m just so disappointed in myself for letting it happen, all because of my need to be loved and cared for.

  Eventually, the tears that I was holding in come flooding out, so to add to my misery I now have black mascara streaks running down my cheeks and red puffy eyes.

  Finally, I see headlights coming my way and Ryan’s white Honda Civic pulling on to his drive. At first, he looks shocked to see me, then he starts to look angry as he makes his way towards me. Maybe I did make the wrong decision coming here.

  Ryan

  I’ve had a great night out with my school colleagues, celebrating the end of term. It’s been a long year and one that I am glad to put behind me. A night out with good food and good people was just what I needed to start my summer holidays off right. The only thing that could have made it better was if I could have had more than one drink, but I sacrificed that when I decided to buy my house this far out of the city. It was worth it though.

  As I pull up on my drive I can see someone curled up in my porch. It’s teeming down with rain; why is someone sat there getting soaked?

  As I come to a stop, I can see that it’s a very wet Molly sat there. She looks dreadful, her usually long blonde hair is in rats’ tails and sticking to her face, shoulders and neck. Her eyes are red and she has makeup all down her face. I come to a very quick conclusion as I make my way to her that it’s her dickhead of a boyfriend that has done this. I knew it was coming, it was just a matter of when.

  “Ryan,” Molly sobs as I pull her tiny frame off the ground and into a hug. I can feel her shaking from the cold and also the sobs that are wracking her body.

  I pull her into my side, grab her bags and let us in. My town house is laid out with a large room and bathroom with French doors on the ground floor that lead out to my little courtyard style garden. I thought it would make an excellent gym. The middle floor is open plan kitchen, living and dining room with a small cloakroom and the top floor has three bedrooms, one being the master with en suite, and a large family bathroom. I love it. From the moment I looked at the plans, I just knew it was going to be my little piece of heaven, and I am still in awe that I was able to buy this place. I shall be forever grateful for the help I had.

  Currently there are boxes everywhere, as I haven’t had time to unpack much with everything I had to do at school to end the year, but my first holiday job is to get this place sorted and looking like a home.

  “Hey, hey, come on, Molly, I’ve got you. Let’s get you in, dried off and warm with a drink in your hand and you can tell me what the little fucker did,” I say in a soothing voice that is at odds with how I’m actually feeling, I want to go and beat the shit out of him for treating her so badly for so long.

  “How do you know he has done anything?” Molly asks in a quiet voice as we make our way upstairs.

  “I can read you like a book, Molly Carter, plus he’s a massive dickhead. I think I’ve mentioned that before. Only Max can make you feel this bad about yourself.”

  “Oh, why was I so fucking stupid? I knew moving in with him was a bad idea. I should have listened to my gut feeling, not just do whatever I thought would make him happy.”

  “Come on, get your arse upstairs and in the shower. I’ll find you a t-shirt to wear. Leave your clothes on the floor in my room and I’ll put them in the wash. You should find everything you need in the en suite. When you’re done, I’ll be waiting downstairs with your drink ready.”

  I root through a suitcase in one of the spare bedrooms to find a t-shirt for Molly to put on. I know the one I want, and I know it’s here somewhere.

  I just put my hand on the polo shirt with Oxford Brookes University embroidered on the left side as I hear the door to my en suite shut. I take the t-shirt to my room and leave it on the bed. I’m hoping my choice will make her smile, remembering happier times.

  I knock lightly on the door. “Have you got everything you need?”

  There is silence for a few seconds and I can imagine her checking out all the products in the shower and realising they’re all men’s. Eventually I hear a quiet “yes” from the other side of the door.

  “Okay, I’ll see you downstairs when you’re done. Take your time.”

  I gather up her wet clothes and take them with me. They may be soaking but as I walk with them, I can still smell Molly’s vanilla scent on them. It makes me feel happy and content. She has been my rock over the past six months. I don’t know what I would have done without her. I just wish all the people in her life could see how amazing she is and treat her properly.

  I go to put everything in the washing machine when I see her bra poking out of the pile. “What the fuck do I do with this?” I mutter to myself. Something in me thinks it needs some kind of special cycle in the machine but fuck if I know. I decide to shove it all in and just put it on a cool quick wash. That shouldn’t do it much damage, right?

  Continue reading: Molly: Part One