The Consequences of Forever (Lainey)

by Kaitlyn Oruska

  We’d flown out to Delaware for his funeral and the reading of the will, and once my dad had obtained the money and put the house up for sale, we moved to Raleigh. There was no rhyme or reason to it, we just moved there, and a month later he found Nora. They married within three months, and found Bella Vista soon after.

  My dad never mentioned wanting to own a bed and breakfast, but we’d stayed in a few during our time in Oregon so it wasn’t like he didn’t have experience with them. Bella Vista had been damaged in a hurricane the summer before, and the owners were elderly and didn’t have the time and patience to fix it for reopening. My dad had bought it for an amazingly low price, and put the rest of his inheritance into fixing it up.

  It was supposed to be our family home, as well as a business. Bella Vista was supposed to represent the beginning of the rest of our lives. I wondered if my dad had given up on that dream yet.

  “I wish I would have known him better,” I admitted, and he smiled slightly.

  “He was a good man. He would have been proud of you.” That was good to hear, even if it maybe didn’t mean much.

  We sat in silence for a little bit, the way we used to. My dad and I always had that ability, to sit comfortably with each other without feeling the need to speak. I didn’t realize how much I had missed it.

  After a while he cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “I’m proud of you too, Lainey. You do know that, don’t you?”

  I felt my eyes fill with tears, but I quickly blinked them back. “I guess so.”

  “I’m not disappointed in you or anything, if you were worried about that. If anything, I feel guilty.”

  “Guilty?”

  “Yeah.” He sighed and tilted his head back, looking up at the sky. It was midnight blue by now, and sprinkled with white stars. “I could have been a better father. I feel like maybe if I had been, none of this would have happened.”

  “It has nothing to do with you, Dad.” I reassured him, even though maybe it would make sense to blame him, at least partially. But it wouldn’t be fair.

  “I don’t know about that, sweetheart. This past week I’ve been thinking about it, mulling it over in my mind, and I feel like I haven’t been there for you enough. You went ten years without a mom in sight, and I feel like that’s partially my fault, too. You should have had your mom around.”

  “She left you,” I reminded him softly. We never talked about this. When my dad talked about my mom, it was like how he’d spoken of her earlier in the conversation. Like she wasn’t gone. Like she wasn’t supposed to be the subject we never brought up.

  “Maybe I could have prevented that,” he continued. “When you were born, Lainey, I promised myself and your mom that I was going to be the best father I could possibly be. I wasn’t going to make the same mistakes I’d made with Mason a second time around.”

  “You didn’t,” I reassured him. “You’ve always been around.”

  “Maybe, but at the cost of your mother not being here.”

  “That was her choice, Dad. Not yours.”

  “Maybe.” Silence fell over us again, this time uncomfortable. I tried to picture my mother, but I couldn’t. It had been too long, and I’d gotten rid of all her pictures when we moved here, deciding I had Nora now, and didn’t need memories of a woman that didn’t love me. I couldn’t even remember the sound of her voice.

  Again, the same fear resurfaced. Was I going to follow in the footsteps of my parents? My dad was only twenty when Mason was born, and my mom was the same age when I was born. Both left after a few years, after realizing they weren’t cut out to be parents. I would be four years younger than both of them when this baby was born. Did that mean it would only take me less time to come to the same conclusion?

  “Maybe some people just aren’t meant to be parents,” I said. I didn’t even realize I’d said it out loud until I felt my dad’s eyes on me.

  “Are you having second thoughts?”

  “Always. But don’t tell Nora, okay?”

  He smiled. “I won’t. But she’ll come around, you know. We’ll be a family again. Just wait and see.”

  Despite all of my father’s flaws, he’d never lied to me. I hoped he wasn’t deciding to start.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Thanksgiving had never been one of my favorite holidays to begin with, but I was dreading it this year more than ever.

  Julia had invited me over to celebrate with them, but I’d declined because I knew that would only make Nora angrier than she already was. She might not want to look at me most of the time anymore, but that didn’t mean I was allowed too far out of her sight, either.

  We had guests for the first time in a few weeks, so things were a little quieter between us. It was the same couple that came every year around Thanksgiving, and had since before we took over ownership. They’d gotten married in November years and years ago, and had their honeymoon here in Haven, so it was a double celebration. They never ate with us, and we rarely had any different guests that did, so we were always able to have a bit of a family celebration to ourselves, something that used to feel special, but not so much this year.

  The day before Thanksgiving, Nora’s parents called and announced they were coming down to spend the holiday and following weekend with us. No one was too happy about this; they’d been criticizing Nora’s decision to leave her job as a chef at a top restaurant in Raleigh since it happened, as well as her decision to marry my father, whom they never approved of for whatever reason. They were also very critical of Hannah, who apparently didn’t quite meet their standards. I’d managed to remain invisible on the occasions they’d been around, which actually seemed like a good thing.

  Beatrice and Larry Gordon were both college professors who usually spent the holidays with their colleagues instead of their family. They were hardly the epitome of what you would imagine grandparents to be, but then I’d never really had any to garner experience from. Hannah wasn’t too fond of them, and seemed to be dreading their arrival almost as much as Nora was.

  Thanksgiving morning started off the same as it had every Thanksgiving morning in the past four years, with Hannah and I waking up early to eat cereal for breakfast and watch the parade, then make our way into the kitchen to help Nora, who always went all out. There was a turkey, at least ten different side dishes, and always three pies. Sometimes the flavors changed, but the amount never did. It was a lot for just the four of us, but Nora used that to her advantage, often incorporating the leftovers into meals for at least the next few days.

  I decided that even though Nora and I weren’t on speaking terms at the moment, I’d try to act as normal as possible in hopes that she’d start acting the same. I took charge of peeling potatoes for mashed potatoes, while Hannah took over cranberry sauce. That was really the only contribution she was allowed to make on her own, since it was the easiest. Whatever skills Nora had in the kitchen apparently hadn’t been passed down genetically to Hannah.

  A few hours in, Hannah left the kitchen for her sixteenth bathroom break, and Nora finally turned to me. I immediately felt nervous. We’d managed to avoid speaking for the majority of the morning, except for when she gave me instructions on how to do something. But now it looked like there was more than food preparation on her mind.

  “Lainey, I need you to promise me that you aren’t going to mention your situation to my parents today.”

  “My situation?” I asked, feigning innocence.

  I saw her jaw clench. “Yes, Lainey, your situation. I’m under enough pressure trying to cook a dinner for them that they aren’t going to complain about; I don’t need you adding more to their plate, figuratively speaking.”

  I sighed. “Don’t worry, Nora. I won’t say a word.”

  She nodded once, the stern look not leaving her face. “Alright, good. I don’t need any more help. You can go find Hannah and tell her that she doesn’t have to keep pretending to use the bathroom anymore.”

  I hurried out of the kitchen before N
ora thought of something else to say, and found Hannah in our bedroom, laying on my bed and texting. “Oh, um, I was just about to come back down,” she said quickly, sitting up.

  I smiled. “We’re off the hook,” I said, sitting down next to her. “Nora just wanted to advise me not to tell your grandparents about my ‘situation.’”

  Hannah rolled her eyes. “She can be such a bitch sometimes.”

  “That’s not nice.”

  “Yeah, well she’s not nice.”

  I nodded, unable to argue with that. I hated that she felt the need to call it my ‘situation.’ Yeah, it was a situation or sorts, but wasn’t it more than that? If Nora was really my family, then this baby would become her family. At least, that’s what way it should be.

  “So, are you nervous or excited about tomorrow?” Hannah asked. Helping Nora in the kitchen for the last few hours had actually helped me to forget all about what was happening the next day.

  “Nervous,” I replied, smiling slightly. Tomorrow was my first official doctor’s appointment. Julia had made the appointment for me and it fell on my twelfth week, so there was no getting out of it. It was at the birthing center right in town, so Julia promised it wasn’t going to be too much like going to the doctor, but it still made me nervous.

  “I can go with you if you want,” Hannah offered.

  “Thanks, but Adam’s going with me. I should be fine.”

  “Okay, but if you change your mind, you know where to find me.” She sighed sadly. “At the clearance rack at whatever clothing store is least crowded.”

  “We can still go shopping in the morning,” I reminded her. “My appointment isn’t until two.”

  “I’m holding you to that,” she declared. Every Black Friday since we’d moved here, Hannah and I went shopping. It was supposed to be for Christmas, but I was the only one who usually ended up with any gifts for anyone else, while Hannah ended up with practically a new wardrobe and whatever else that might have caught her eye at the last minute.

  This year I had no idea what I was going to do. Should I continue to buy Christmas gifts for everyone, or start stocking up on baby supplies? I didn’t know how soon was too soon, and didn’t have a clue what I would need to buy for a baby.

  I made a mental note to talk to Adam about it later that night, when he called after dinner. If he didn’t know, maybe Julia would. She seemed to be the only adult I could actually turn to for answers.

  The Gordon’s arrived less than an hour before dinner was supposed to be served, and Hannah and I walked as slowly as we could downstairs to greet them. Beatrice was an intimidating woman, with stern eyes and steely grey hair that was tied back so tightly I often wondered if it stayed that way naturally, and lips that didn’t seem capable of smiling. Her husband was a quiet man, and a slight, who rarely spoke all the times I’d met him.

  It didn’t take long for the criticism to begin.

  “Oh Hannah honey, it looks like you put on a few pounds,” Beatrice remarked when she saw her. She extended her arms and Hannah stepped into them, almost robotically. The embrace seemed anything but loving. She released Hannah and turned to me. “Why, hello dear.”

  “Hi.” I replied, forcing a smile. She glanced me over once and then nodded swiftly before turning away, her gaze now directed on my father.

  “Hello, Michael.”

  “Hey, Mrs. Gordon.” My dad knew from experience that that drove her crazy. Hannah told me that Beatrice pictured herself as something of a feminist, and hated being referred to as “missus.” She preferred Professor Gordon, but that was something my dad simply wasn’t going to give her.

  “I see you haven’t changed a bit.”

  “Nope, still the same as always.” My dad confirmed. She made a ‘humph’ noise and headed towards the dining room. Larry followed close behind, having yet to speak a single world. Come to think of it, I wasn’t sure I’d ever heard the sound of his voice. I wondered how he managed to teach a class without vocalizing anything.

  “And who is this?” Beatrice asked, turning her attention to Teagan, who was going to be joining us for dinner. I’d heard Nora and my dad arguing about that a few days ago; for whatever reason, Teagan’s monthly status made her something in-between a guest and something more permanent, and Nora wasn’t excited about having her stay for Thanksgiving dinner, when all the other guests were going to be gone, doing other things.

  “This is Teagan. She’s a guest here, she’s been staying since August,” Nora explained. Beatrice looked Teagan up and down, then nodded curtly.

  “I see. Nice to meet you, dear.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Gordon,” Teagan said. I saw Beatrice’s jaw tighten, but she nodded, a tight smile stretched across her lips. Teagan sent me a look of desperation, and I shrugged slightly, not knowing what to tell her.

  We took our usual seats in the dining room, where Beatrice ended up directly across from me, while Nora went back into the kitchen to check on the status of the turkey. After a few minutes of awkward silence, Beatrice cleared her throat.

  “So, girls, how is school going?”

  Hannah rolled her eyes. “Same as always.”

  “Are you on your way to getting straight A’s yet?”

  “Nope, that would be Lainey.”

  Beatrice turned to me, suddenly interested. “Is that so?”

  “Yeah, Lainey’s a smart girl. Has her father’s genes.” My dad spoke up, but Beatrice didn’t even blink, acting as though she hadn’t heard him.

  “You’re planning on attending college, I presume?”

  “Yeah, I’m just not really sure which one yet.” I’d had dreams of maybe going to New York City for a year or two, since I hadn’t ever really lived in a big city before, unless doing so before the age of two counted. But that seemed impossible now.

  “Always shoot for the best is what I say,” Beatrice declared.

  “Lainey might have to stay local,” Hannah spoke up. I shot her a glance, but she ignored me.

  “Why is that?”

  Hannah caught herself. “She, um, she gets horrible homesickness,” she said, glancing at me apologetically. I frowned slightly at her but decided to let it go. She’d had to suffer the company of Beatrice much longer than I had.

  “Oh, well that’s no excuse to not achieve the very best you can achieve. You’ll regret not spreading your wings when you get older,” she sighed. “That’s what I always told Nora, but she never wanted to listen to me. Carolyn, on the other hand, she took that advice to heart. She’s living in Paris currently, running an art gallery with her boyfriend.” Carolyn was Nora’s older sister. I’d never met her, and apparently neither had Hannah.

  “Wow, that’s something,” I replied, not knowing what else she would expect for me to say.

  “What about you, Teagan? Are you in school?”

  Teagan looked caught off guard, and a little embarrassed. “Um, no, actually, I’m not. I decided to take some time off after I graduated from high school, and I guess I just haven’t found my way there. Not yet, anyway.”

  Beatrice frowned, unimpressed. “What are you doing with your life, then?”

  “Waitressing, for the time being. And I’m saving a lot of the money I make by living here, so I’ll be able to travel a little, maybe in a few months.”

  “Teagan is like me,” my dad interrupted. “She likes to see the world, not read about it.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with doing both,” Beatrice said sternly. “Sometimes it’s better to do the work, then enjoy the benefits of seeing the world.”

  “Sometimes,” Teagan agreed, shooting my dad a look I couldn’t really interpret. It looked like gratitude, mixed with a little something else. He nodded his head slightly at her, as if they had a silent understanding.

  Nora poked her head out of the kitchen then, an annoyed look on her face. “Hannah, can you help me bring the food out?”

  Hannah made a face. “Fine. Lainey?”

  I started to
get up to help, but Nora held up her hand, motioning for me to sit back down. “No,” she said quickly. “Just Hannah. Get in here.”

  I lowered my head as Hannah left the table. I could feel Teagan looking at me, probably trying to make sure I was okay, but I refused to look back at her. There was something I hadn’t liked about the look she and my father had exchanged, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on, but it was there.

  “So, how is life in Raleigh going?” My dad asked, changing the subject while he had the chance.

  “Oh, you know, the usual,” Beatrice answered vaguely. She picked up a pitcher of ice water and filled her cup with it. Larry remained silent.

  “Things are going great here,” my father said unnecessarily. Beatrice didn’t respond, choosing instead to act like she hadn’t heard him. Silence fell over the room once again, and this time no one tried to fill it.

  Hannah and Nora returned a few minutes later with a cart that contained all the platters. I instinctively stood up to help lay it out, but a stern glance from Nora sent me sitting right back in my chair.

  “This looks wonderful,” Beatrice remarked, clapping her hands together. I was a little surprised by the compliment, but then remembered that Nora’s career as a chef was probably the only thing Beatrice ever even remotely approved of.

  “Thanks, Mother,” Nora said, but she looked anything but grateful.

  We went around the table naming the things we were thankful for, and then dug in. The smell of turkey was making me nauseas, so when the plate was passed my way, I quickly passed it on.

  “Are you vegetarian, Lainey?” Beatrice asked, not missing a move.

  “Um, sometimes,” I replied, placing a hand over my stomach. I could almost picture myself turning green. Hannah looked at me, concern clear in her eyes, while Nora just looked even more annoyed.