The Consequences of Forever (Lainey)

by Kaitlyn Oruska

  “So much for New Year’s Eve at Nolan’s, huh?” Hannah asked after a few minutes of silence.

  I snorted. “You could say that again. Don’t get mad, but I kind of talked to him.”

  Hannah smiled. “I know. I saw you walking out of that room with him, and figured that’s what happened. Thanks.”

  “You’re not mad?”

  She shook her head. “No. I know things with me and Nolan probably aren’t going to end up the way I want them to, but it’s whatever. There’s nothing I can do about that.”

  “Sometimes I worry things aren’t going to end up the way I want them to with Adam,” I admitted.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I don’t know. This all seems like so much, so fast. And then I see girls like Maggie, and even though he can’t stand her now, he didn’t always feel that way. He liked her enough to date her, and have sex with her, and it’s kind of hard to compare myself to her.” I looked down at my simple jeans and long-sleeved t-shirt, and pictured her skirt and low cut top.

  “It’s no comparison,” Hannah argued. “You’re way better than she is in every way, Lainey.”

  “Maybe. But what if she’s right, in a way? I mean, I definitely didn’t do this on purpose, but it isn’t like I really did anything to try and stop it.”

  “You were fifteen, Lainey. We all make mistakes, and we all make bad decisions. Yours just happens to come with a much higher price tag.” Only fifteen, I thought to myself. That felt like forever ago already, and I’d only been sixteen less than three months.

  I placed my hand over my stomach, feeling the still so small bump, and imagining the tiny person that lived in there. “You’ve got that right,” I agreed.

  “I’m always right,” Hannah said with a grin. “But what do you say we go back in there and find Adam and make him drive us back to his house? I could use some microwaved popcorn and soda with way too much sugar.”

  “Like the way New Year’s Eve used to be,” I recalled.

  Hannah hopped to her feet and reached for my hand. “Definitely. We’ve earned ourselves a night of nostalgia, wouldn’t you say?”

  I accepted her hand and let her pull me to my feet. “Nothing sounds better.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  New Year’s Day was quiet in comparison to the night before. Hannah slept over, and then went home around noon. Greg left, mentioning plans to go away for the weekend with some of his college friends before school started up again. Adam stayed locked away in his room for the most part, hurrying to finish up the paper he hadn’t even started yet.

  Mason called around three o’clock. I stared at my phone for a second, surprised when his name popped up. I hadn’t spoken to him since my birthday; I’d meant to call over the break, but with everything going on, it slipped my mind.

  “Hello?” I answered, after letting it ring a few times first, giving him the opportunity to change his mind.

  “Hey, Lainey,” Mason greeted me, sounding upbeat and happy. “What are you up to?”

  I glanced down at the book I’d been reading. “Nothing. How are you?”

  “I’m good. Christmas was good and everything?”

  “Yeah. I’m sorry I never called. I’ve been busy.”

  Mason chuckled. It was uncanny, how similar his laugh sounded to our dad’s. “I’ve heard.”

  “About everything?”

  “That depends. Dad told me you’re pregnant and moved out. Is that everything?” His voice sounded light, and I felt slightly relieved. I wasn’t sure I could handle any more angry family members.

  “Pretty much.”

  “Well, I definitely don’t blame you for wanting to move out,” he remarked.

  “Nora is a witch. I tried to tell Dad that the first time I met her, and he wasn’t hearing it.”

  “Really?” I was surprised. I’d liked Nora from the start. Mason hadn’t seemed too interested back when they’d both been introduced, but I’d figured that was because he was already grown and wasn’t going to really see Nora as a stepmother.

  “Oh, yeah. I always thought she had to have had some sort of ulterior motive. I mean, I love Dad, but it’s not like he’s this great catch or anything.”

  “How is Cynthia?” I asked abruptly, changing the subject. I didn’t want to talk about our dad and his flaws, or Nora and whether or not she’d been a witch from the beginning of if it were a recent development. I wanted to forget that side of the family existed, at least for the time being.

  “She’s great. Did dad tell you the big news?”

  “I don’t think so. All I remember him telling me is that you wanted to get married over the summer and wanted to have it down here, and stay at Bella Vista.”

  “Okay well, we have a lot of catching up to do.” He chuckled again. “We’re coming down for the wedding, and then we’re staying the rest of the summer.”

  “Why? How?” I pictured the summer, looming ahead of us, hot and endless. And with no dad or Nora? Despite everything that had happened, I had no idea how to feel about that.

  “Well, Dad and Nora are taking that big trip that’s going to last all summer, and they needed someone who could watch over the bed and breakfast and run things while they’re gone, and we made a deal. They’d ask their guests for that weekend to reschedule so we could rent all the rooms out to our families, and we’d stay on and run things while they’re away.”

  “Wait, what? What vacation?” I tried to remember someone telling me something about a vacation, but my mind kept drawing blanks.

  My question was met with brief silence. “They didn’t tell you?”

  “Apparently not.”

  “Oh. They’re going away for the entire summer, out west.”

  “With Hannah?” I asked, my heart sinking. I might not be clear on how I felt about my dad and Nora being away for an entire summer, but I knew I didn’t want Hannah gone. I would need her then more than ever before. More than I probably even realized now.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure. They didn’t mention her staying behind, at least.”

  “I wonder why she didn’t tell me.” I felt betrayed. Hannah was horrible at keeping secrets. Why would she keep something like this from me?

  “If you didn’t know, I’m guessing there’s a good chance she doesn’t, either.” Mason reassured me. “When Dad told me, he said the details hadn’t been ironed out yet.”

  That made more sense, I admitted to myself. Maybe no one was betraying me; they just hadn’t gotten around to mentioning it yet. “When are they leaving?”

  “A few days after the wedding. Dad didn’t give me an exact date, so I don’t think he’s set one.”

  “Do you know why they’re doing this?” I asked. My first thought was that they were trying to get away from me, but I pushed it aside. That was a little too extreme, even for them.

  “No, they didn’t mention any specifics, but I figured since they didn’t get to go on a honeymoon and everything, with buying the bed and breakfast so quickly, maybe they were treating this as one.”

  That didn’t seem likely. My dad’s version of travelling was never a vacation, but moving somewhere new. Was he considering that? Bella Vista was doing great, but it wasn’t like my dad was the most logical man in the world.

  “Dad cheated on Nora,” I told Mason suddenly. “He’s probably worried that she’s about to figure it out, so he plans on taking her away for a while to distract her.”

  Mason groaned. “I should have figured it was something like that.”

  I realized I hadn’t even asked Mason when he was getting married, so I did then, changing the subject once again. My heart dropped at the answer.

  “June fourteenth.”

  “The baby is due the twelfth.”

  “Wow, talk about a scheduling conflict.”

  “I apologize in advance if I can’t be there.” I should have figured this would happen. My one chance at having a good relationship with a blood relative, and I can’t even prom
ise to be there on his wedding day, because I was most likely going to be giving birth.

  “It’s okay. Obviously I hope you can make it, but I’ll understand if you’re otherwise engaged.” He laughed. “I’m glad though, I’ll get to be around for a while, get to know my niece or nephew. Do you know what it’s going to be?” If Mason were let down about my announcement, he didn’t show it. I felt a little relieved, but still disappointed.

  “We might find out at the end of the month.”

  “Great. Cyn’s going to be ecstatic when I tell her. She loves babies.”

  “I can’t wait to meet her.”

  “Likewise. Look, I’ve got to get going, okay? We’re having over to Cyn’s parent’s house for dinner. I’ll talk to you soon, though. Keep me updating with everything that’s going on, obviously we can’t depend on Dad for that.”

  I promised to keep in touch more often, and we hung up. I laid back on my bed, staring at the ceiling and going over the conversation in my head. My dad and Nora were going away for an entire summer, and likely taking Hannah along with them. Where did that make sense? Nora didn’t even like leaving Bella Vista for an evening, but she was going to go away for the summer? Nothing about that added up, unless she did somehow find out about my dad. But Nora didn’t seem like the type of woman that would stand by her husband after he had cheated on her, let alone go on a three month long vacation with him.

  Everything was ironic, the way it was turning out. My older brother, whom I had seen in person so few times in my life, seemed to be the only blood relative I could somewhat count on. My stepsister, one of the people I had come to count on the most in the last few months, was going to be whisked away from me during the time I needed her the most. The boy I had met on a beach less than seven months ago was going to be there, present every single day, for the rest of my life. His family was becoming my family, and I’d only barely just met them.

  It might be a new year, but I’d already been living a new life for months now. It was getting to the point where I could barely remember what life was like before. I tried to remember how it felt, to come home to Bella Vista after school, see Nora’s smiling face directed at me, to joke with my dad. It had been less than two weeks, but already I was nostalgic for the bedroom Hannah and I shared, falling asleep to the sound of her breathing across the room, waking up and knowing I wasn’t alone.

  Yet I wasn’t alone now. Everywhere I went, everything I did, I wasn’t alone. This baby was with me always, a part of my body, and would remain that way for months to come. I wasn’t even halfway through yet.

  Not for the first time, I wondered if I was ever going to get used to this. If I was ever going to adjust to the reality of being a mom, being responsible for someone else before I’d gotten the chance to learn how to be completely responsible for myself. I grew up taking care of my dad, but that was so different. His life didn’t depend on me, the way this baby’s life would. I’d have help and I’d have support, but at the end of the day, no one else could be this baby’s mother, just like no one else could be mine.

  I let myself do something I hadn’t done for a long time; I let myself miss her. I’d become a pro at hating her, at pretending her absence didn’t matter to me. I’d gotten so good at it that I’d started to believe it, and finally, I was ready to stop. I was ready to miss her. I was ready to cry and yearn for the woman I had never known, the woman that had created me, given life to me, and left.

  I let myself cry for all the lost memories, the could-have-beens. I let myself go over my life, through all the experiences, and reimagine them, the way it all could have been if she’d been around. I only got so far before my mind starting drawing blanks, unable to comprehend how anything could have been different. It was getting harder to remember her face, her voice, her smell.

  I wondered if she knew about me, wherever she was. I wondered if she cared. I wondered if maybe she did know, and did care, but thought she’d dodged a bullet. If she didn’t want to be a mother at twenty, chances are she wouldn’t want to be grandmother at thirty-six.

  I let myself miss her until I drifted off into a fitful sleep, where I dreamt of nothing.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  The first day back at school after a break is never easy, but this time around it felt impossible. I usually never had trouble getting up in the morning, but for whatever reason, all I wanted to do after my alarm went off was curl deeper under the covers and sleep the day away.

  I got out of bed twenty minutes late, and had to drag myself into the bathroom and into some clothes, and barely made it downstairs in time for breakfast, which Julia made me eat every morning, whether I was hungry or not. The ride to school was quiet.

  “Everything okay?” Adam asked when school came into view. I glanced over at him. His eyes were focused on the road ahead of him, but I didn’t need to see them to know what he was feeling.

  “I’m just tired,” I replied with a slight smile. We hadn’t spoken much the day before. He’d spent literally all day finishing up his paper, and I’d proofread it for him and made suggestions, and that pretty much summed up our interaction.

  I wasn’t mad at him. I wasn’t really sure what I was other than tired. Tired of my life changing, and knowing it was only going to change more.

  “Mason and Cynthia are getting married on June fourteenth,” I said, making an attempt to be more social as he parked the car.

  “Isn’t that around when the baby is due?”

  I nodded. “Two days after, to be exact.”

  “That’s crappy timing.”

  “Maybe. They’re staying all summer. I might have to miss their wedding, but at least they’ll be around.”

  “All summer? How is that possible?”

  “They’re going to run Bella Vista while my dad and Nora and maybe Hannah go away on this three-month long vacation. Mason works with his stepfather, so I guess he was able to arrange the time off and I can only assume my dad is going to pay him.” It wouldn’t surprise me if he expected Mason to do it completely for free, but Mason didn’t strike me as being stupid enough to fall for something like that. He knew he owed our dad nothing.

  Adam was in the middle of opening his door, and stopped. “They’re going away?”

  “I just found out yesterday, when I talked to Mason. I don’t even think Hannah knows yet.”

  Adam released his hand from the door and turned to me. “They’re going away right after you have the baby?”

  I didn’t know what was worse; the tone his voice had taken on, or the fact that he didn’t look surprised at all. “Maybe before, if he or she gets here late.” I didn’t think the arrival of the baby made a difference to their plans, but I didn’t want to admit that out loud.

  “And that doesn’t bother you, at all?”

  I looked down at my hands, clasped in my lap. “Of course it bothers me. But when you get used to being disappointed, it stops feeling so bad.”

  “Your family really sucks.” He lifted my chin up and made me look at him. “I’ll never disappoint you like that, okay? I promise.”

  I smiled. “I already know you wouldn’t.”

  He leaned in and kissed me. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  We got out of the car, collected our book bags, and headed towards the school. “I really don’t feel like being back here already,” Adam sighed.

  “At least you only have a few more months left,” I reminded him. I stared down the long hallway after we entered the building, realizing I still had two and a half years left here. How was I even going to manage that? I’d read in an article about some high schools building day cares on the property for the teenaged parents that went to school there, but I didn’t imagine Haven High ever needing something like that. Half the student body would need to have twins before they could even fill up the daycare.

  Adam walked me to my locker and then kissed me again. “I’d better go grab my things and get this paper to Ms. Freeman befor
e I lose it. I’ll see you later, okay?”

  I nodded. “I’m not going home with you, though,” I reminded him. Hannah had called the night before and pleaded with me to go to Scott’s house with her after school. Apparently her grades for the last marking period hadn’t been spectacular, and Scott had agreed to help her start studying more, but she wanted me to be a part of it, too.

  I knew Scott was probably the smartest kid in our class, maybe even the entire school, so there was really no need for me to help, but Hannah probably just wanted to spend a little extra time with me, so I agreed.

  “I remember,” Adam replied, not looking happy about it. “I’ll see you at lunch though, okay?” He kissed me again and then hurried down the hallway.

  The rest of the day went by slowly, and not so quietly. Apparently Maggie hadn’t forgotten about the New Year’s Eve party at Nolan’s, and Hannah’s shove. She glared at both of us every chance she got in the hallway, and we could hear her snickering loudly across the cafeteria during lunch. By the end of the day, I was so sick of seeing her everywhere I went, I could scream.

  When the day finally ended, I found Scott and Hannah already waiting for me at my locker, but no sign of Adam. I got my books, and we all piled into Scott’s truck, and headed to his house. It felt strange when we pulled up; I hadn’t been there in what felt like years, instead of a few months.

  No one was home, so we all gathered into his father’s study, laid out all our books and papers on the floor, and started on our homework. “I hate math,” Hannah grumbled, and Scott leaned over her shoulder to analyze the problems.

  “Hannah, I took this class last year. It’s not that bad.”

  “Speak for yourself, Einstein.” She retorted. “We weren’t all born with off the chart IQs.”

  Scott rolled his eyes. “I’m going to get something to drink. Want anything?”