The Consequences of Forever (Lainey)

by Kaitlyn Oruska

  It was Friday afternoon and Adam hadn’t come home with me for the second day in a row, but Hannah had. Nolan drove us home, and then headed to his house to get ready for his date with Hannah, apparently. It kind of surprised me, his seeming commitment to her, but it was a pleasant surprise. I’d never been a fan of Nolan before, but he seemed to make Hannah happy, even if her happiness meant she wasn’t around nearly as much as I wanted her to be.

  “I know,” she said with a sigh, tilting her head up towards the sun. “I’ve been so busy lately; I can’t believe I missed the return of Lila.”

  “She’s great,” I said without thinking. “You’d like her a lot.” I pictured Lila the way she had been on Wednesday; her arms overloaded with bags, and knew Hannah would adore her.

  “Is she coming over today?”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “I haven’t talked to her yet. I think Adam is upset with me, so I might try and stay home with him.”

  “Where is he, anyway?”

  “He didn’t say,” I replied. “He just told me he couldn’t drive me home from school.” We’d barely spoken since the night I asked about the last name, so I hadn’t been surprised.

  “Oh. Well he’ll probably be home soon; it isn’t like he has anything else to do. Nolan is preoccupied for the night.” Her last words sounded suggestive, and I turned to her, my eyebrows raised.

  “What is that supposed to mean?”

  She grinned. “Nothing major, so don’t panic. I’m just saying, we’ve been spending a lot of time together lately and…” she let her voice trail off.

  “You’re not going to have sex with him, are you?” I demanded.

  “Well yeah, Lainey, that’s the plan, sooner or later.”

  “But you barely know him!”

  “We’ve been dating since February. I’ve waited a lot longer than you did.” I couldn’t argue with that, because it was true. Six weeks. For once, Hannah had something to hold against me for her own benefit. I didn’t think I liked that.

  “Are you sure you can trust him?” I asked.

  “Yeah, I’m pretty sure. He hasn’t done anything wrong yet.”

  “Yet?” I wasn’t sure that leading her on, ignoring her, getting a new girlfriend that Hannah couldn’t stand, then cheating on said new girlfriend with Hannah for a month before making their relationship official could be considered right, but I didn’t want to bring that up. Hannah had been pretty good about not bringing up Adam’s past with Natalie, and I didn’t want to turn around and do that to her.

  Hannah shrugged. “I guess after the rocky start we got off to, I’ve kind of been expecting him to screw up, but he hasn’t. He really seems to like me, Lainey. You should be happy for me.”

  “I am happy for you,” I insisted. “I just don’t want you to end up like this.” I rubbed my hand across my enlarged stomach, frowning slightly.

  “No offense, but I won’t. I’m on birth control, remember?”

  “Yeah, I remember.” I recalled the discussion Nora held all those months ago, insisting we get on birth control ‘just in case.’ I’d declined because things with Scott were so far from going there, and Hannah had agreed because she thought it would be cool to actually be on it. It was almost humorous, the way things had ended up.

  My cell phone rang on the table beside me, and I struggled to reach it. Hannah watched me in amusement before picking it up and handing it to me.

  “Hello?” I answered, irritated.

  Lila’s laughter trickled into my ear. “Well, don’t you sound pleasant.”

  “Sorry,” I apologized. “It isn’t easy reaching for a phone these days.”

  “Well, wait till your second pregnancy. I heard the average woman gets much, much bigger.”

  “I’m not really planning on there being a second. What’s up?”

  “Do you have plans tonight?”

  I thought of Adam, doing whatever he was doing wherever he was, and knew I should call him first. But it wasn’t like he’d bothered telling me what he was doing or where he was going, so maybe he didn’t deserve to have me sitting around, waiting for him.

  Deep down, I knew that was unfair. How many nights had he spent waiting up for me this week? Then again, he wasn’t carrying around what felt like a thirty pound baby most of the time. No matter how you looked at it, he was still the one getting off easy.

  “No, not that I know of. Why?”

  “I’m going to come get you in an hour, I want to have dinner. We need to talk.” There was a hint of urgency in her voice, and I immediately felt dread. Was this the moment I had known was coming since the week before? The day she told me she was leaving, and wasn’t going to be in my life anymore?

  I cleared my throat and forced myself to talk. “Okay, I’ll be ready.”

  “Good. I’ll see you soon, sweetie.” She hung up before me; I put the phone down, feeling numb.

  “What’s wrong?” Hannah asked, catching on to the change in me immediately.

  “Nothing, I don’t think. Lila wants to have dinner.”

  “So? Doesn’t she eat dinner every night?” There was a joke in Hannah’s words, but I didn’t feel much like laughing. I had a bad feeling about that night, something in Lila’s voice. She’d told me last week that there was no time limit on this visit, and for whatever reason, I’d believed her. Maybe that had been a mistake.

  “It’s the way she sounded. Like she had something major to talk to me about.”

  I could see understanding dawn in Hannah’s eyes. “You think she’s going to tell you she’s leaving.” It came across as a statement, not a question.

  “Yeah. That’s what I’m worried about, anyway.”

  “Maybe she wants to tell you that she’s decided to stay longer,” Hannah suggested. “Move to Haven. You know, that would be Michael’s dream come true.”

  I blinked in surprise, at the mention of my father’s name. I hadn’t even thought about him much this past week, since Lila returned. It was like having her around suddenly made his absence seem less noticeable. “What do you mean?”

  Hannah rolled her eyes. “You should have seen the blowout that happened at Bella Vista when Mom found out Lila was in town. I meant to tell you earlier, but it completely slipped my mind until now. She swears Michael has a thing for her, still.”

  I said nothing, because I’d always kind of suspected the same. The look in my father’s eyes when he spoke about Lila was so different than when he spoke of any of his past relationships, or even Nora. She was the one that got away. He’d said that once, a long time ago. My mother was the one that got away, the one he always yearned for, and she was back.

  For a split second, I felt panicky. Could that be what this was about? Was I not the only reason Lila had come back? I tried to picture my parents getting back together; reuniting after all these years, but the image wouldn’t come.

  “Are they still fighting?” I asked, not sure I really wanted the answer to the question.

  “No, they’re just not talking.”

  “That’s not any better,” I remarked.

  “Yeah well, I couldn’t care less. I’m so mad they’re forcing me on this vacation with them. Nolan is going to college in California in a few months, and I’m not even going to be back before he’s gone.” She pouted, and for once, I couldn’t blame her. I didn’t know what would have been worse, being separated from Adam before we had to be, or being stuck with my dad and Nora, alone, for there months straight. A few months ago, I might have hoped to be stuck with them, to force them to accept me and my position, the more time I spent away from them, the more I realized I was better off.

  “He’s going to California?” I asked, realizing that this was the first time I’d heard anything about that.

  “Yeah, he confirmed it a few weeks ago. I guess I forgot to tell you that, too.”

  “Wow. That really sucks, Hannah.” And I meant it. I remembered when the reality of Adam leaving for college loomed over our relationship
, before I found out I was pregnant and everything changed. It was a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone, knowing that your relationship came with an expiration date.

  “Tell me about it.”

  I bit my lower lip, considering whether or not I should say what was on my mind. I decided not to hold back, knowing that if the situation were reserved, if I’d talked to Hannah before taking that next step with Adam, I would have wanted to hear her honest opinion. Maybe it would have changed things. “Maybe you should hold off on, you know, sleeping with him.”

  “Why?” She looked at me as if the thought never even crossed her mind, waiting any longer than she already had.

  “Because he’s going to be gone, and I know it sounds corny, but you really get emotionally attached to someone after that, and it might really hurt you if he moves away and you lose contact.”

  “We aren’t going to lose contact,” Hannah argued. “We’ve talked about it, and we’re going to stay together. I’m the first girl he’s ever been serious about, Lainey. That’s major. And besides, it’s just sex.”

  “It’s never just sex,” I protested. I sounded like an after-school special, but I didn’t care. It was true, and everyone who said that was just lying to themselves, as far as I was concerned.

  “Sometimes it is,” she insisted. “God. Not everyone ends up like you, Lainey, okay?”

  I must have flinched, because Hannah immediately looked remorseful. “Wow, I’m sorry. That came out way wrong.”

  “It’s okay,” I whispered, looking away from her. She continued to ramble on an extensive apology, but I wasn’t listening.

  I suddenly felt very alone. Hannah was lost in her own world where she and Nolan were the next big power couple, despite his moving thousands of miles away in a few short months, Adam had barely spoken to me in two days, and Lila sounded weird on the phone. My dad and stepmother were arguing yet again, and I was too estranged from both of them to try and do anything about it. What was possibly going to happen next?

  Maybe Nolan would decide after getting here that life was better without a younger sister, and I’d lose him, too. That made me really sad, actually. At least with Nolan, there was a promise of something to come, a relationship that could form into something really great. I’d never wished for siblings growing up, but now that I was becoming an adult faster than I’d planned, the idea of an older brother was really appealing.

  I placed my hand lightly over my stomach, making a promise that this baby, this little girl who was going to be called Harper, would never feel alone. I’d spend the rest of my life making sure of that. If there were one promise I was going to make sure to never break, it would be that one.

  Chapter Forty-One

  “That Hannah sure is funny,” Lila commented after we’d taken our seats at the hotel restaurant. It felt so strange, knowing we’d met here less than a week ago, for our first real conversation.

  “Yeah, she tends to be amusing,” I agreed.

  Hannah and Lila had hit it off, like I’d expected. I wished Hannah didn’t have plans with Nolan that night, so I could have invited her along, in the hopes that whatever Lila had to tell me, she wouldn’t do so in front of Hannah.

  “I’m glad I got to meet her.”

  “What do you mean?” I demanded.

  Lila raised her eyebrows. “Nothing, sweetie. But you mentioned to me before that she was really busy with her boyfriend lately, so I was assuming I wouldn’t get the chance to meet her.”

  “Oh,” I replied, feeling a little embarrassed for jumping at her, but I felt on edge.

  Lila smiled at me, looking completely unconcerned. Maybe her motives for tonight really were innocent; maybe she really just wanted to spend a little extra time with me. “What are you going to order?” She asked, examining the menu. “I think I’m going to go all out tonight, and order some seafood. What do you think?”

  “Are pregnant people allowed to eat seafood?”

  “I have no idea,” Lila admitted with a laugh. “I don’t think I ate it at all when I was pregnant with you, so maybe it’s better to avoid it, just to be safe.”

  “What was it like? Being pregnant with me, I mean.” I suddenly needed to know.

  Lila tilted her head to the side, looking at me over her menu. “I don’t really know how to answer that, sweetie. It was my first and only time, so it alternated between me feeling nauseas and ready to explode, to absolutely magical.”

  I wondered if I’d ever felt magical, being pregnant. I didn’t think I had, but maybe I’d blocked it somehow.

  “So where is Adam tonight?” Lila asked, finally placing her menu down. “To be honest, I was a little surprised you were able to come out to dinner.”

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “We’re kind of not speaking right now.”

  “Really.” A look crossed Lila’s face, but it was gone before I had the chance to try and decipher what it meant.

  “It’s okay,” I said quickly, wanting to reassure myself more so than her. “Things are just stressful right now, with the baby coming so soon and everything.”

  “Did you tell him about the furniture?” She asked, smiling again.

  “No,” I admitted. “I didn’t really get a chance to. But he’ll be excited about it. I’m sure he’ll just be happy to not be stuck helping me find stuff himself.”

  “Oh, I’m sure. Your father was no help.”

  The waiter came, interrupting our conversation. We placed our orders, and then Lila turned back to me, that same indecipherable look on her face.

  “Lainey, we need to talk,” she began, and I knew.

  “You’re leaving,” I filled in for her. “Aren’t you?”

  “Well, yes, I am. But that isn’t what I wanted to talk about.”

  I looked away from her, wanting to focus my eyes on anything but her face. This hurt way more than it should. I’d known since she showed up at my door a week ago that this wasn’t going to be permanent. I just hadn’t expected it to be so temporary.

  “Lainey, please look at me.”

  “I don’t want you to go,” I whispered, my voice so low, I wondered if she could even hear me. I forced myself to look at her, forced myself to see my face in hers. I wondered if Harper would look like me, if I’d ever look into her little face and see myself, if I’d see Adam. If I’d see Lila.

  “Sweetie, you knew I had to leave eventually, didn’t you? I have an entire life back in San Francisco.”

  “I know,” I admitted, wiping at my eyes, where tears had unexpectedly began to spill. “I know.”

  “This week has been amazing though, hasn’t it?” She reached across the table for my hand, and I gave her both, letting the tears spill freely. I was sixteen, I was pregnant, and my mom was leaving for the third time in my life. If there was ever a time where crying in public was acceptable, it was now.

  “Yeah, it has.”

  “I wish I hadn’t been away for so long.”

  “I wish you hadn’t, either, Mom.”

  Her eyes widened slightly, and her lips parted in the brightest smile I’d seen from her yet. “You called me Mom.”

  “Yeah, I guess I did. Mom.” I laughed at myself, at how strange the words sounded coming from my lips.

  “You have no idea how amazing it is to hear you say that, Lainey. I love you, very, very much.”

  “I love you, too.” And I did. I always had, but I’d spent so long trying to avoid those feelings, deny them, to save myself from the hurt of her absence. It had never worked, and finally it didn’t have to. Even if she was leaving already, she had become a part of my life, and I wasn’t going to let that go.

  She hesitated for a moment, as if reconsidering what she was going to say next. I wanted desperately for her to say that I was more important, that she wasn’t going to go back home, she’d start over new, here. With me. With this baby that would be her granddaughter. I could forgive her, I decided, if she could start all over again with Harper. I’d still have been without
a mom growing up, but at least Harper would have both of her grandmothers around. Weren’t we supposed to want more for our children than we’d ever had? At least Lila being around would be a start.

  “Lainey,” she said softly. “I’m leaving this weekend.”

  I felt my heart drop, again. “Why so soon?”

  “I wasn’t planning on it, but I got a few phone calls earlier from the employee I had running my store, and apparently the books are all messed up. I have to get back and fix it. But sweetie, I don’t want that to be the end of this. I want you to come with me.”

  I stared at her, wondering if I’d heard her correctly. Go with her?

  “I can’t go on a vacation,” I protested. “I’m due in less than a month. What if I went into labor on the plane?”

  Lila laughed softly. “I’m not talking about a vacation, Lainey. I want you to come with me to live with me.”

  The words settled into my brain, but still didn’t make any sense. Move to California?

  “I don’t think Adam would want to move so far away from his parents,” I told her. “Especially since he has a job lined up here, with his uncle. He’d never go for it.”

  “I understand that, but I’m not talking about Adam. I’m talking about you and Harper.”

  “What?” There was no way I could have heard her correctly. No possible way.

  She was still holding my hands in hers, and she squeezed them gently. “Lainey, I want you to move back with me. Honestly, honey, you and Adam are too young. I don’t want you to make the same mistake I did, marrying your father because I was pregnant with his child, only to divorce him a year later. I want so much more than that with you.”

  “I’m not marrying Adam because I’m pregnant,” I protested. “I’m going to marry him because I love him, and because he loves me.”

  “Lainey, sweetie, do you really believe you’d be engaged right now if you weren’t pregnant?”

  “No,” I admitted reluctantly. “But that’s just the circumstance. We’d still get married, eventually. We’re just doing it sooner, because we want Harper to have a family.”