Autumn Dreams

by Gayle Roper

  A narrow staircase that had once been for servants ran from the kitchen to the two bedrooms directly above. For the next year one of these bedrooms belonged to Jared; the other, Cass’s own, to Jenn. Cass now slept in the walk-in storage closet tucked under the guests’ staircase and opening into the kitchen.

  Pressed against one wall of the little closet/bedroom was a single bed so narrow Cass knew she’d roll right out if there were anywhere to roll. Against the opposite wall was a disreputable-looking dresser whose drawers could only be pulled open if Cass knelt on the bed out of the way. Even then they couldn’t be pulled out all the way in the limited space. In fact, Cass found the easiest way to get in and out of bed was to climb over the footboard, ducking the whole time so she didn’t bump her head on the slanted ceiling of the stairwell. The only other piece of furniture was a tiny night table crammed between the dresser and bed. It was so small there was room for only a lamp on its surface. Cass’s Bible and any books she was reading lay on the floor.

  Cass wandered into the kitchen and stared at the cluttered table. Jenn had not yet cleared from dinner nor done the dishes, her responsibility each night.

  “I have to what?” she’d said when Cass first talked about what living with her would be like.

  “She’s worried about her nails,” Jared explained with that mix of condescending disbelief and amused affection he often had for his little sister.

  “Jared and I will bus ourselves,” Cass said. “You are responsible for your own dishes and the general cleanup.”

  “And what will you two be doing while I slave in the kitchen?”

  Biting her tongue because she understood that Jenn was not happy about leaving her own home, her own life, for a year, Cass said gently, “I’ll be running SeaSong and cooking all our meals.”

  “And I’ll be working around the place doing all kinds of things that need doing, especially grounds.” Jared made a scissor movement with his fingers as if he were trimming the shrubs.

  “Yeah, but you get paid,” Jenn protested, referring to the fact that Jared had worked the past two summers for Cass, primarily but not exclusively on grounds.

  “Rest assured, you will not be penniless.” Cass smiled at her disgruntled niece.

  Looking at the present mess, Cass was tempted to withhold Jenn’s allowance, but she was already so far in Jenn’s doghouse that she knew she wouldn’t. She would, however, find Jenn and set her to work.

  Cass found the girl on the porch swing, legs drawn up, her head on her knees.

  “Jenn.”

  There was no answer, but Cass was certain the drama queen knew she was there.

  “Jenn.”

  “What?” The word quivered in the air, abrupt and caustic.

  Cass sighed. Teenage angst could be very wearing. “Your dishes are still on the table, and the kitchen’s a mess.”

  “Like I care.”

  Cass leaned against the porch railing and forced herself to speak pleasantly. “Come on, toots. Enough with the moping. When things need to be done, they need to be done.”

  “So do them.”

  Cass felt her temper quicken. The kid is unhappy because her life has been upended, she reminded herself. And then there’s the party and Derrick. Cass was studying her feet, trying to decide what to say next, when Jenn straightened up and pointed a green-nailed finger straight at her.

  “It’s all your fault!”

  Cass blinked. She bent and peered into the common room. Fortunately it was empty. Family arguments made for bad PR. She turned to Jenn. “Well, granted I cooked the dinner and therefore dirtied some of the things awaiting you, but I don’t think it’s worth an accusation in that tone of voice.”

  “I’m not talking about the dishes,” Jenn shouted. “I’m talking about Derrick!”

  Automatically Cass put her finger to her lips. “Shh, Jenn! The guests. I’m sorry about the party, but—”

  “Ha!” Jenn interrupted. “Like you really care. But it’s not the party.” Tears began rolling down her face.

  What was it with some teenage girls and their emotions? She didn’t remember behaving like Jenn, but then she suspected that by the time Jenn was forty, she wouldn’t remember acting like this either.

  “So you’re not upset about the party anymore?”

  Jenn scowled fiercely through her tears. “Of course I’m upset about the party.” She sniffed, swallowed, then swiped at her cheeks.

  It is the party. It’s not the party. It is the party. Cass stuffed her hands into her jeans pockets. Ten more months. Her headache intensified.

  “Hey, Aunt Cassandra.” Jared walked around the side of the house, followed by his bosom buddy Paulie. “We’re going over to Paulie’s for some pizza and some videos.”

  “You just ate dinner,” Cass said.

  Jared and Paulie, both over six feet tall and still growing, looked at each other and shrugged. “So?”

  Hollow legs. “When will you be home?”

  “Ten, eleven. I won’t be late. I’ve got to get a good night’s sleep ’cause of the game tomorrow.”

  “You coming to see us, Ms. Merton?” Paulie asked.

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

  Satisfied, the boys lumbered off into the gathering darkness, hulking figures in their jeans and sweatshirts.

  Jenn stared after her brother and Paulie. “Why’d you let him go without checking with Paulie’s mom?”

  “How do you know I didn’t check?” Cass asked, dodging a direct answer. Now definitely wasn’t the time to tell the girl that she had more confidence in Jared’s choice of friends than hers.

  Jenn sighed. “Paulie’s mom better never go away for the weekend and leave Paulie home alone.”

  “Why not? Paulie’s a good kid.”

  “He’s totally nuts.”

  “Not totally nuts, Jenn. Different.” And maybe a little bit nuts, Cass admitted to herself, but in a fun way, not a dangerous one. She would never forget the day this past summer when she’d gone outside and found Paulie, here to keep Jared company as he mowed and groomed the lawn and shrubs, trying to make a topiary out of one of her yew bushes by the front porch.

  “It’s a dragon,” he told her with pride. “Those branches sticking up are the spikes on his back. There’s his body. See?”

  Try as she would, all she saw was a denuded shrub stripped of its pride and purpose. A pile of deep green, very healthy branches littered the lawn. She shook her head. Only Paulie. She had to admit though that the burning bush she’d purchased to replace the beyond-salvaging yew looked great about now with its brilliant red foliage.

  Cass studied her moping niece. “So, if you’re not upset about the party, what’s the problem?”

  “There is no party.”

  No party should fix everything, shouldn’t it? “And this is bad?”

  “Yes!” Jenn jumped to her feet. The light streaming through the glass of the front door showed Cass a beautiful young face with eyes wide in desperation. “Derrick won’t speak to me because it’s all my fault!”

  “It’s your fault there’s no party?”

  “Well, it’s not mine, really, even though Derrick treats me like it is. It’s yours!”

  “Mine?” Cass pointed to herself.

  “You. Called. His. Mom.” Jenn spit out each word. “She had a fit. Derrick got in big trouble for even thinking about having people over when they weren’t home.”

  “I should hope so.” Cass decided Derrick might be a problem, but his mother sounded like a fine woman.

  “But he blames me. And all because you called!”

  “Jenn, you know I didn’t call to make trouble for you. Just the opposite.”

  The girl made a disbelieving sound.

  Cass tried again. “I don’t think it’s very nice of Derrick to blame you. It doesn’t make me think very highly of him.”

  Wrong thing to say. Worse than wrong. Jenn leaped to Derrick’s defense with all the fury of a mother bear de
fending a helpless cub.

  “Don’t you diss Derrick. Don’t you dare! He’s the hottest guy in the senior class! And he liked me.” She started to cry. “He liked me!”

  Cass pushed herself away from the rail. “And just like that he stops?” She shook her head. “How can he go from liking the nicest girl in the sophomore class to not liking her just because she has an interfering aunt? That’s pretty bad.”

  “You don’t understand!”

  “I understand that he has no class. What do you want with someone like him, Jenn? You’re beautiful. You’re sweet. You don’t need to yearn over someone who doesn’t even value how special you are.”

  “Oh, puh-lease. Don’t bother with flattery. It won’t help.”

  Cass could tell that by the tone of Jenn’s voice. Still she tried again. “Do you think Jared would ever treat a girl like Derrick has treated you? Do you think he’d blame her for something that clearly wasn’t her fault?”

  Jenn blinked. “You’re using my brother as an example of how a cool guy acts? My brother?”

  “Jared’s a great guy.”

  Jenn snorted. “I hate to say this, Aunt Cassandra, but you don’t know from cool.”

  “Maybe not, but I know from common decency.”

  “You don’t understand,” Jenn repeated. “He liked me.” She pointed her green nail at her own chest. “Me!”

  Cass shook her head. “If he truly liked you, he’d have treated you differently.”

  “You just don’t get it, do you?”

  Cass opened her mouth to respond, but Jenn rushed on. “What am I thinking! Of course you don’t get it. Of course you don’t understand. How could you? You’re just a dried-up old maid!”

  Cass’s head snapped back as if she’d been slapped. She stared at Jenn as a mix of shock and pain swirled through her gut, black ribbons of anguish twining about her heart. Without a word she turned on her heel and grabbed for the front doorknob. She missed but the door opened anyway, and unable to check her momentum, she crashed into the chest of Dan Harmon, the guest in the second-floor turret.

  “Sorry,” Cass muttered, rocking back on her heels. She made to step around him. In the background she heard Jenn’s horrified voice. “Aunt Cassandra, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it! I didn’t!”

  He steadied her with a hand on her elbow as they both ignored Jenn. “Are you okay? I’m not a very soft wall.”

  She couldn’t make herself look at him. How long had he been standing there? What had he heard? Her face burned. She had broken one of her cardinal rules of innkeeping: Never have a private conversation in a public area. Vacationers did not want to get involved with the host family’s problems when they were trying to escape their own.

  “I’m fine,” she whispered to his third shirt button. “Excuse me.”

  And she ran like the dried-up old maid that she was.

  Four

  JENN SAT ON the porch swing with her heels tucked against her bottom, her thighs pulled to her chest. She rested her head on her knees and tried desperately to forget the past few minutes.

  She had never felt so ugly.

  She blinked back tears of self-loathing. What was the point of working so hard every morning to make herself look good, to make certain her hair was just right, her makeup perfect, her outfit the latest, her nails just so, when inside she was vile and just plain nasty?

  Derrick hated her.

  Aunt Cassandra hated her.

  That new guest guy hated her.

  And she couldn’t blame them. At this moment she hated herself.

  She saw the looks on each of their faces as clearly as if she were still with them. Derrick’s angry, accusing face. Aunt Cassandra’s hurt, sad face. The new guest guy’s look of disbelief and disdain.

  She wasn’t certain which one hurt most. Well, not the guest guy because she didn’t know him. Still, she cringed when she remembered his unspoken condemnation. He’d turned and looked after Aunt Cassandra when she ran away, clearly concerned over her distress. Then he looked back at her. He hadn’t said a word—like, what right did he have anyway? But he consigned her to some lowly immature adolescent worm status.

  A worm. That’s what she was, a worthless, crawl-on-your-belly worm. She sighed and fought the tears. Her throat ached from the effort.

  Derrick had stalked up to her in the hall first thing that morning and said loudly enough for everyone to hear, “What’s the matter with you, girl?”

  She smiled at him. “Nothing, now that you’re here.”

  He sneered. “Don’t get all cute with me!”

  For the first time she realized he wasn’t looking at her with that approving light in his eyes. Rather, the sparks flying from his gaze meant anger, and she flinched. She also became aware that all the chatter and rush that usually filled the hall had gone silent. It was like one big held breath as everyone waited to hear what came next.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked, trying to keep her voice from shaking.

  “Like you don’t know.”

  “I don’t.” She felt desperate.

  “Then you’re dumber than I thought.”

  As everyone snickered, she stared over his shoulder at the clock on the wall because she couldn’t bear the scorn on his face.

  “You told your aunt, and she called my mom!”

  A collective gasp rang from the attentive audience.

  Jenn blanched. “I didn’t realize it was a secret.”

  “Does anyone,” he shouted to their audience, “have a copy of Life Skills for Dummies? Jenn needs a copy big-time.”

  Her visions of enduring love crashed about her feet like a building imploding, and she thought she would choke to death on the clouds of dusty pain swirling about her.

  Oh, Aunt Cassandra, how could you?

  “Party, Derrick?” he said in a falsetto voice Jenn could only assume was an imitation of his mother. “You were going to have a party while we were gone? Didn’t we tell you no party? Didn’t we? And just what kind of party, Derrick? Booze? Girls? Drugs? Well, just forget it, Derrick.”

  How, Jenn wondered, could you feel the heat of mortification and the chill of rejection at the same time?

  He—and everyone else in the hallway—glared at her. “Needless to say, no one at my house is going anywhere this weekend, including me.”

  Her eyes flew to him. “You’re grounded? But you didn’t do anything yet.”

  His sneer reappeared, and she cringed. Sally Jameson tittered, and Derrick sent her an approving glance.

  “I’m sorry, Derrick,” Jenn whispered. “I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”

  But he was gone, walking down the hall with the blond and bouncy Sally.

  Suddenly the hall was alive with mocking laughter, with girls whispering behind their hands, with guys mentally crossing her off their lists. She would certainly have died of mortification if Jared hadn’t grabbed her elbow and led her down the hall.

  “Don’t let them know you’re upset,” he said, his face impassive. “That’s what Coach always tells us. ‘Don’t let the other team know you’re vulnerable.’ Or ‘Don’t let them know you don’t know what to do. If you act like you’re fine, they’ll believe you are.’ ”

  Puh-lease. A football pep talk? She swallowed again and yet again to keep a sob from erupting. Just what I need.

  But she had been so glad for Jared’s support. Not every brother would be willing to help a worm in need. He walked her to her first class and sent nutty Paulie to walk her to her second one. After that she was on her own. Never had the school day seemed so long.

  Tonight wasn’t going much better. She dropped a foot to the porch floor and gave the swing a push. She grabbed one of the pillows Aunt Cassandra heaped on the swing and hugged it to her stomach.

  It was all her parents’ fault. If they were here, all these problems never would have happened. Saudi Arabia! For a year!

  When her father first told her about the transfer, she’d been uncertai
n about living in a foreign country, especially one as strange as Saudi Arabia. Why couldn’t Dad get assigned to someplace like England? At least she could speak the language, and William and Harry were so cute. Maybe she could even meet them if the family went to live there.

  But Saudi Arabia? Who wanted to meet some prince in a head scarf? What if he wanted to stuff her in some harem? Didn’t they marry daughters off young over there?

  Dad had smiled benignly, interrupting her thoughts. “But we’ve decided that it isn’t safe to take you kids along, considering today’s political environment.”

  “What?” She couldn’t believe her ears. Not take her and Jared along? Abandon them? Without even talking to them about it? And who cared about today’s political environment anyway?

  Her mother—the mother who always stood up for her and let her get away with pure, unadulterated murder—smiled sweetly. “We know you’d rather stay here in Seaside.”

  No! No, I wouldn’t, she thought, even though Saudi Arabia scared her. Families live together.

  “I want to go with you.” She looked at Jared who sat slouched on the sofa, his long legs stretched out in front of him. “Don’t you want to go too?”

  He shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s my senior year coming up. I’d hate to miss it.”

  “So be a senior the following year. Or you could homeschool.” She turned desperate eyes to her parents. “Even better, I bet they have schools in Saudi Arabia, don’t they? I mean ones that teach in English? Jared could take his senior year there.”

  Her parents started shaking their heads before she even finished speaking. Jared shook his head too. “They don’t play football in Saudi Arabia.”

  What was it with boys and football? “So play soccer or whatever it is they play over there.”

  Jared just looked at her, and she knew a traitor when she saw one.

  She pleaded, begged, and cajoled, but her parents’ minds were made up. They were going away and leaving her behind for a whole year. “What do Jared and I do?” she finally asked in a defeated tone.