Fertility: A Novel

by Gelberg, Denise

  It hadn’t always been so. When she was younger she’d introduced several boyfriends to them, starting with the gangly Solomon Grossman in high school. Her college beau, Alex, had become a fixture in their house during semester breaks and summer vacations. In fact, Joseph and Eva had predicted that the Jewish scholar-athlete would likely become their son-in-law, so inseparable were he and Sarah. They had headed off together to Boston after college, enrolled in prestigious graduate programs and shared a funky apartment near campus. Young love and the excitement of a new adventure had infused every phone call between Sarah and her parents. As far as they had been concerned, it would only be a matter of time before she and Alex announced their engagement.

  But it was not to be. At Christmas break during her second year of law school, Sarah had come home alone. She said she and Alex had split and that’s all she would say. Eva and Joseph had agreed it best to let her be, expecting she’d eventually talk about what led to the breakup. But years had passed and they remained in the dark about what had come between the two lovers.

  * * *

  Sarah saw her parents only twice during the first months of her pregnancy. She was exhausted, and whatever energy she had was dedicated to the case of alleged organ trafficking. After work, she’d sleep ten or twelve hours a night. She called her parents every day or two so they wouldn’t worry, telling them she was buried in work. Even when the threat of early miscarriage had passed, she was in no rush to share the news with them, or with anyone else, for that matter, choosing to savor the magic of her pregnancy for as long as possible, uncomplicated by prying questions and people’s judgments.

  But by the end of her fourth month, Sarah knew her time was up. She thought it best to share her news with her parents in a public place. Though she felt certain they would love the idea of a grandchild, she doubted they’d be as restrained as Harry had been in asking about the baby’s father. She decided to use a Broadway musical as the excuse for a shared day out. After making sure her parents were free on an upcoming Saturday, she got tickets to a matinee of South Pacific. Eva and Joseph were delighted when she called to invite them to the theater and dinner. They agreed to meet in front of the fountains at Lincoln Center.

  The latest fashion of baby-doll blouses was fortuitous for a woman not yet ready to announce her pregnancy to the world. For her day out with her parents she decided on black stretch leggings with a black-and-white print blouse, which gathered below the bust in an empire waist. With her black ballet flats, red necklace and bangle bracelets and large red bag, she cut an attractive figure. Her parents were already waiting by the fountains outside the theater when she arrived. Just seeing her approach made them each break into a big smile.

  “Hello, hello, you beautiful girl,” Joseph said as he gave her a bear hug and a kiss. Sarah was a female version of her father: It was from him that she had gotten her height, her athleticism, her large dark eyes and her crazy black curls. Her mother, a fair woman of average height — whose idea of exercise was walking the aisles of the grocery store — often joked that she’d been the incubator for the cloning of her husband. Though Joseph was nearly eligible for Social Security, his closely cropped curls were still jet black. He was beaming as he released his daughter from his embrace.

  Eva looked on, kvelling. The two most important people in her life were standing before her, and in such high spirits. No one affected Joseph as Sarah did. He was proud of her many achievements, but the truth was, it was her very existence that brought him joy.

  Trying not to alert her mother to her changing body, Sarah skipped the frontal embrace, opting instead for an arm around her shoulder and a kiss on her cheek. But it was no use. Eva’s quick once-over led her to conclude that her daughter had put on some weight around her middle. But rather than comment on so touchy a subject, she delivered a compliment.

  “Where did you get that gorgeous bag? It looks like you could carry half your life in it. I wouldn’t mind a bag like that myself.”

  Sarah made a mental note to pick one up in a different color for her mother’s upcoming birthday. “Oh, I don’t even remember where I got it. But you’re right. It holds a lot.” She opened it to reveal a light jacket in case the theater’s A/C was too much, as well as her makeup, hairbrush, phone, keys, small bottle of hand sanitizer and other various and sundry items.

  Joseph couldn’t resist. “I don’t know how we men get along without a purse. It’s actually something of a miracle. Perhaps some Ph.D. student in need of a research topic will examine how we exist without all the things you women schlep around in your handbags. I can see the title of the dissertation proposal now: The Adaptation of Male Homo Sapiens to the North American Cultural Norm of Purse Deprivation.”

  “Go ahead and poke fun all you want,” Eva said. “Who do you turn to when you need a tissue? Who says, ‘Honey, could you hold my sunglass case for me?’ I ask you that. Men are only too happy to benefit from us schlepping these bags around and getting back pain in the process.”

  “True. It’s all true. I admit defeat. Sarah, as always, your mother is right,” Joseph conceded as he made a small bow to his wife.

  Sarah wondered at the miracle of her parents. How was it possible for a man and a woman not only to fall in love with one another, but to negotiate all the twists and turns of a life spent in tandem? To all appearances, Eva and Joseph still enjoyed being with one another. A miracle indeed, and one that Sarah had no expectation of ever experiencing herself.

  “Always right? Mom, just a minute.” Sarah made a show of digging through her bag. “Too bad I don’t have my handheld digital recorder. We could tape Dad’s acknowledgement of your infallibility and you could play it back during your next disagreement. Excellent support for your case, whatever it may be,” Sarah suggested. “Trust me. That would be powerful evidence in any court of law.”

  “Sarah,” Joseph explained, putting his hands on his chest, “the key to a happy marriage is a happy wife. I make it my job to keep your mother happy. If all I need to do is agree with her, I have no problem doing it.”

  Eva rolled her eyes as Joseph repeated his oft-stated recipe for marital bliss. “Joe, thank you so much for regaling us once again with how you yield to all of my wants and needs.” Then turning to her daughter she asked, “Sarah, how are you, darling? We haven’t laid eyes on you for, what, six weeks or more? I know we’re all terribly busy, but we have to make it our business to fit in a little visit with each other. It’s important. Really,” Eva added, not wanting to sound too pushy while still getting her point across.

  “I know, Mom. I promise that I’ll do better from now on. I’ve just had a lot on my plate the last couple of months.”

  “It’s as much our fault as yours,” her father offered, trying to deflect Eva’s implied criticism. “We could easily just come down and have lunch with you, or stop on the way to pick up Rivka for the weekend. Just for a sandwich in the deli. It doesn’t have to be fancy. Just a chance to catch up.”

  “Sure, Dad. You’re right. We can come up with a schedule or something after the show, over dinner,” Sarah suggested. “Given how jam-packed our lives are, I think we just have to block out some time or it won’t happen.”

  “That would be lovely,” Eva said, thrilled that her daughter was so amenable. “Ah. I see people are beginning to go in. They must have opened the doors. You know me. I always like to read the Playbill before the curtain goes up. Would you mind going in? We’ll have plenty of time to talk over dinner.”

  “I made reservations at a Middle Eastern place nearby. I hope that’s all right,” Sarah said.

  “It’s perfect!” Joseph exclaimed. “How did you know I’m in the mood for tourlou and falafel?”

  “They don’t call me your daughter for nothing, Dad.”

  The Abadhi family made their way into the theater, giving Sarah the opportunity to hit the ladies’ room one more time, though she had used the bathroom at home not forty minutes before. Another of the many ways her f
etus made its existence known.

  * * *

  Although the Abadhis had seen a number of productions of South Pacific, they agreed that this one was far and away the best. It was in a buoyant mood that the three satisfied theatergoers walked up Columbus Avenue for dinner.

  “My only regret,” Eva said, “is that we didn’t think to bring Bubbe Rivka along for the show.”

  “So how is Bubbe?” Sarah asked. “I’m ashamed to say I haven’t called her in…geez, it must be a few weeks.”

  “Your grandmother is a wonder,” Eva exclaimed. “She’s doing well. She turns back any suggestion that she give up her apartment in Brooklyn to move closer to us. She’s still rolling her shopping cart to the supermarket every week. Her only concession to old age is that she’s agreed to let Uncle Max, Aunt Ellen and us give her the gift of a weekly visit from a housekeeper. You know, something’s got to give when you’re eighty-seven, and in her case, it’s cleaning.”

  “Oh, that’s a great idea,” Sarah said. “I noticed the apartment was getting a little ripe when I was there last. I actually think a person is entitled to give up housecleaning at Bubbe’s age. In fact, I think it should be a national right. We have Medicare and we ought to have Housecare.”

  “Wonderful. Let’s push the federal deficit up a bit higher,” Joseph said, only half in jest.

  Sarah saw the sign for the restaurant that Harry had long raved about. “I think we’re here,” she said, both nervous and excited. She had choreographed the disclosure of her pregnancy with precision. She would tell her parents about the baby after they ordered and were enjoying their appetizers.

  They were shown to a booth in the back of the restaurant. Their hunger helped them make quick work of the menu. As soon as their dolmades, hummus and pita arrived, Sarah inhaled deeply and began. “I have some wonderful news to tell you,” she said. When Eva heard the word “wonderful” and saw her daughter’s eyes brighten and her cheeks flush, she was sure Sarah would tell them she was dating someone special.

  “Oooh, tell us, tell us,” Eva said excitedly. “Tell us your wonderful news.”

  “Well, if all goes well, sometime in mid-January, you’re going to become grandparents.”

  Eva and Joseph sat frozen in their seats. Eva, whose natural element was language, was left speechless.

  Joseph slowly started to shake his head from side to side. “How? How are we going to become grandparents? I don’t understand.”

  “Dad, I’m pregnant.”

  Joseph and Eva were at a loss. As far as they knew, their daughter didn’t date, no less have a relationship that could result in a child. Through her bewilderment, Eva strained to match her daughter’s obvious happiness. “You’re pregnant? Oh my God. We didn’t even know you were involved with anyone. That’s why Daddy is so surprised, why I’m so surprised. Who’s the lucky man?”

  Sarah was ready. “There is no man, lucky or otherwise. I’ll be doing this alone.”

  “What? You went to a sperm bank?” Joseph asked, his voice heavy with disapproval.

  “No, Dad, the baby was conceived in the usual way, but I’m having it on my own. This pregnancy was unplanned. The relationship in which it was conceived wasn’t serious. The man was very accomplished, very bright. He was a lovely man — really — but not at all interested in marriage and children. He made that clear from the beginning. As I said, the pregnancy was a complete surprise,” Sarah explained as she felt the blood pulsing at her temples.

  Perhaps Eva and Joseph might have reacted differently had Sarah ever shared the circumstances leading to her breakup with Alex: the STD he’d given her, and the sterility that had ensued. Instead, they had assumed their daughter was healthy and fertile — and savvy enough to take precautions if she was intimate with a man. So all they knew was that she’d gotten herself knocked up by someone who’d left her.

  “So let me see if I understand this,” Joseph said, indignant. “You told the man you were involved with that you were pregnant and he walked away. Now you’re in this thing by yourself. You’ll be saddled with a child and he’ll be off doing as he pleases. Do I have it right?”

  Her father’s grim take on her situation stung. She was no hapless victim. And Rick was not the reptile her father implied. “Your interpretation is completely inaccurate. From the outset, he was up front with me about his intentions. He doesn’t want children. Somehow I conceived, despite being careful. The pregnancy was a shock for us both. I told him that I wanted the child, but that I wouldn’t force him into a role he had never signed up for. I decided to have this baby on my own. Well, not on my own, exactly. I was hoping that you and Mom would want to be a part of our lives,” Sarah said, trying to change the trajectory of the conversation.

  Eva was astonished at her daughter’s decision to let the father walk away. But, rather than cause a break with her only child, she swallowed hard and put on a good face. “Honey, of course we’ll be part of your lives. You know that Dad and I support you in everything you do. If you’re going to have a baby, we’ll do what we can to help you.” It now occurred to her why Sarah had agreed to the idea of getting together more often. After years of shutting them out of her personal life, she would soon need their help. Eva wanted to weep.

  But Sarah was oblivious to her mother’s distress. “That means so much to me. It would in any case — I mean if I were married and expecting a child — but given the fact that I’m single, it means everything. Thank you,” Sarah said effusively. “You’re such great parents. I know how lucky I am to have you.”

  Joseph, however, was not assuaged by the compliment. “Don’t you think this child has the right to a father?”

  The criticism hurt. “Well, Dad, perhaps at some point the baby will know its father. But at this moment in time, the baby’s father has no interest in being a father to anyone. I don’t think it’s fair to coerce him. Nor do I think the child would benefit from having a father who sees him or her as a liability. Let me be clear. I have no animosity toward the father. On the contrary, I think he’s a good man. Luckily, I have the means to support the child by myself.”

  As their meals were delivered, the conversation came to a halt. As soon as the server turned to leave, Joseph continued. “If the man is as good as you say, how can he leave you in the lurch?”

  “You’ll just have to trust me on this, Dad. I told him he was free to go, that I would assume all responsibility for the baby. If he’d had his druthers, I would have had an abortion. For me, this is the better solution. I’m delighted by the new life that is growing inside of me. I’m sorry you don’t seem to share my happiness.”

  Eva saw there was no changing the facts. Without asking their advice, Sarah had decided on a go-it-alone pregnancy. There was nothing to be done now but swallow that bitter pill and fall into line. She patted her daughter’s hand. “Enjoy your pregnancy. Dad is just worried about you, that’s all. He and I will be behind you every step of the way,” she said, giving Joseph a gentle kick under the table.

  But Joseph would not be hushed. “I realize you’re an adult and you get to make your own decisions. Your mother and I have become bystanders in your life. But there was a time when we were more than that. You used to include us in your world. But since you came back to New York, you could have been celibate for all we knew. And now you tell us that out of some casual relationship you’re having a child on your own.

  “You think you’re so independent that you can live your life while keeping the people who care most about you at arm’s length. But listen to me, a little advice from your old father: This city is littered with highly successful, miserably unhappy people. If you’re not careful, you’ll join their ranks.”

  Sarah was stunned. So that’s where her father thought she was headed. She decided at that moment to spend the rest of her pregnancy proving him wrong.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  By the end of September, it was impossible for Sarah to find clothes that would hide her pregnancy. The time had
come for her to make known the truth. She decided to enlist Doris’s help in getting the word out at the office.

  Doris received the news with the happy surprise that was due, even though she’d harbored suspicions that Sarah might be pregnant for a couple of months. When she learned that Sarah was going it alone, it saddened her to think the relationship that had led to the pregnancy didn’t have the legs to continue all the way down the aisle. But, wanting to be a good friend, she readily agreed to discreetly let the other people in the office know about the baby.

  Word spread quickly. Speculation around the water cooler abounded regarding the source of the sperm that had impregnated Sarah Abadhi. People tended to project their own fantasies. Several women concluded that she must have gone the route of artificial insemination. They figured Sarah didn’t need to put up with some jerk just because she wanted a baby and her biological clock was ticking. She had the money, the brains and the energy to go it alone. Sarah’s male co-workers — a number of whom had tried unsuccessfully to scale her barricade to intimacy — discounted that theory. They figured some lucky dude had knocked her up after an unforgettable one-night stand. Though Sarah would occasionally catch bits of these discussions as she entered the break room, she did nothing to disabuse either camp of their erroneous speculations.