Gleefully Macabre Tales

by Jeff Strand

  "How come they do that?"

  "They like it!"

  "No, really, how come they do that?"

  "I don’t know. Grown-ups are weird."

  ««—»»

  Craig Powell grinned and poured more champagne into the whore’s glass. The whore—Lisa—tried to take a drink but laughed in mid-sip, spraying the champagne all over the front of her shirt. She set the glass on the coffee table and wiped her face on her sleeve.

  "Oh, God, you must think I’m drunk already," she said, trying desperately to stifle her laughter. "I just love this story."

  Craig forced a good-humored chuckle. "Well, get to the punchline already so I can laugh too!"

  Lisa clamped her hand over her mouth and kept it there for several seconds. Then she cautiously removed it, ready to replace it if a giggle escaped. "Okay, okay, I’m fine now. Anyway, we get up to the guy’s bedroom, and I ask him if he’s got a condom. He says that he doesn’t. Well, of course I’m not going to do him without a condom, I mean, I’m not a total idiot, so I tell him no shower cap, no beaver slap. So then…" her voice began to tremble with laughter again, "…so then, he takes out a piece of gum…"

  She went into convulsions of laughter, tears streaming down her cheeks. Craig was starting to become much less amused, but he smiled anyway. "I think I can guess the rest."

  Lisa was now laughing so hard that she was pounding her hand against the back of the couch. At least she had a pleasant laugh, not like that hyena woman he’d been with last month. And she was nice and young, no more than nineteen. After she calmed down, she wiped the tears from her eyes and placed her hand on Craig’s knee. "Do you want to get started?"

  "Absolutely."

  She looked at him expectantly.

  "Oh, yes, sorry about that." He reached into his back pocket and dug out his wallet. "A hundred, right?"

  "Yep." Lisa took the bill he offered, and then began to lick the corner of it in a gesture that some mental condition must have convinced her was seductive. She folded the bill and shoved it into her purse, then put her arms around Craig’s neck.

  "No, wait. Not here." Craig freed himself from her arms and stood up. "Upstairs. In the attic."

  "The attic? Oooh, kinky."

  "You don’t know the half of it."

  Lisa’s smile disappeared. "This is just supposed to be vanilla sex, right? I mean, for a hundred bucks I don’t do any of that weird stuff."

  "No, no," Craig assured her. "The attic has a great view of the mountains. I like to stare at them while I make love. It’s a beautiful experience."

  "Sounds hot! Lead the way."

  He took her hand and led her into the kitchen. He unlocked the door to the attic, and then shut and relocked it after they’d both stepped onto the staircase. It was completely dark.

  "The light switch up here’s broken," he explained.

  "How come you locked the door?" asked Lisa, traces of tension appearing in her voice as they ascended the stairs.

  "My kids are down in the basement. You never know when they might get curious and come see what I’m up to."

  "Your kids are in the house?"

  "Yes. It’s all right, their mother’s dead."

  ««—»»

  They reached the top of the stairs. Lisa didn’t realize she’d passed through another doorway until she heard the creak of the door being pulled shut and the click of the lock. There was no more light up here than on the staircase. No window.

  "Please," said Lisa in a soft voice, "let me go."

  "Let you go?" Craig sounded genuinely amused. "What are you implying?"

  "Nothing. Just let me go home. I’ll give you your money back, okay?"

  "Now, Lisa, I want to know what you’re implying. Surely you’re not implying that I might be, oh, I don’t know, planning to handcuff you to the bed and then very slowly torture you, bringing untold agony until I finally decide to cut out your heart and let you die?"

  "Please—"

  "Because you’d be wrong. I’m not going to cut out your heart."

  Before she could react, Craig put his hand over her mouth and violently slammed her onto the bed. Her shriek was muffled and she felt a cold metal handcuff bracelet snap shut over her left ankle. Followed by the tip of a knife pressing against her neck.

  "Feel that?" Craig asked.

  Lisa managed a small nod.

  "Like how it feels? No, probably not. I’m going to take my hand away, and if you scream or make any noise, I’ll rip your throat open with it. Understand?"

  She nodded again.

  "Good girl. Now you just keep quiet, and everything will be fine."

  He lifted his hand from her mouth. Lisa didn’t scream, but she was unable to stifle the sobs that emerged. She could feel Craig’s presence hovering over her, and then he pulled back.

  "Good enough."

  He walked a few steps away and flipped on the light switch. The illumination, provided by a small, weak bulb in the center of the attic, was barely even enough to let Lisa see the walls. But it allowed her to see more than enough to scare the hell out of her.

  ««—»»

  "Why does Dad always make us stay in the basement?"

  Stephanie looked up from her book. "Retard, can’t you see I’m trying to read?"

  "How come he always puts us down here? Can’t they just do foreplay in his bedroom with the door closed?"

  "He probably doesn’t want us to hear."

  "Hear what?"

  "Just forget about it."

  "It isn’t fair!" Abbey complained noisily. "I never get to know anything! If Dad would let us have friends, I bet they’d tell me all kinds of stuff!"

  "Shhhh! Don’t talk so loud!"

  "I can talk loud if I want to!"

  "I mean it, Abbey. You’re gonna get us in trouble!"

  "So?" Abbey wasn’t quite sure why he was getting so riled up, but it was like something inside him had exploded. He was practically shouting. "I don’t care if we get in trouble! This isn’t fair! I hate it down here! I wanna see the foreplay and the slimy white stuff!"

  ««—»»

  Craig tied a gag around Lisa’s mouth, and then went over and shut off the light. "Be right back," he said. "There seems to be a problem with my son."

  He unlocked the door and quickly went down the staircase, leaving Lisa alone in the dark.

  ««—»»

  Abbey’s anger abruptly turned to fear as he heard Dad unlock the upstairs door. "Now you’re in for it," said Stephanie. Her tone of voice was much less smug than it was frightened.

  Dad came down the stairs, his face dead serious. "What is going on down here?"

  "Nothing," said Abbey, avoiding his eyes.

  "Nothing? All that shouting was nothing? What did I tell you?" His voice was calm, but there was pure fury in his expression.

  Abbey bit his lip.

  "Look at me. What did I tell you? What have I told you time and again?"

  "Not to make noise." Abbey’s voice was barely audible.

  "That’s right. When I tell you to come down here, you do so without whining, and when you’re down here, you stay quiet. How old are you?"

  "Seven."

  "How old did you say? Three?"

  "Seven."

  "Really? Are you sure you’re not three? Because if you were three, maybe you wouldn’t understand me when I said to be quiet. But if you’re seven, I have to assume you understood me. Now isn’t that right?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "So, if you understood me, that means you were disobeying me on purpose, right?"

  Abbey hesitated. "I guess so."

  "You’re in a lot of trouble, young man. I have a guest right now, but after she’s gone you’re going to be punished."

  Abbey felt like he was about to cry, but forced himself to hold the tears in. Crying would only make Dad even angrier. "Yes, sir."

  Dad turned his attention toward Stephanie. "Stephanie, what was that your brother was yelling?"


  Stephanie’s face began to turn red. "I don’t know."

  "I think you do know. What was it?"

  She let out a sob. "I don’t know."

  "Stephanie, what have you been telling your brother? And how are you learning these things? Have people been telling you this?"

  Stephanie shook her head.

  "You’ve been in my room, haven’t you?"

  "No, sir."

  "You’re lying to me. Do you know what happens to liars?"

  "Daddy, I—"

  "Don’t interrupt me." Dad was still speaking in a relatively calm tone of voice. "You’ve been in my room, and you’re telling things to your brother. Instead of protecting him, you’re hurting him. Am I right?"

  Stephanie buried her face in her hands.

  Dad sighed. "We’re going to have a nice little talk tomorrow, just you and me. You’ve messed up in a big way, young lady, and this isn’t going to go away for a long time. A long time." He scratched his chin. "Are you scared?"

  Stephanie didn’t look up. "Yes, sir."

  "Good. Stay scared. One way or another you will learn to obey me. Both of you. Now if I have to come back down, it will not be pleasant. Understand?"

  "Yes, sir," Stephanie replied.

  "Abbey?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "Good." Dad turned and headed back up the stairs. As he shut and locked the door from the other side, Abbey looked over at his sister, wanting to apologize. But she still had her face in her hands and was crying soundlessly.

  ««—»»

  Lisa frantically struggled against the chain that bound her to the bed, but neither the chain nor the bed would give way. She reached out as far as the chain would allow, but it wasn’t far enough to grab something to use as a weapon.

  Craig entered the attic. "I’m back," he announced.

  In the dark, he opened a cabinet and retrieved something. Seconds later Lisa felt a sharp pain in her arm.

  "Don’t worry," said Craig, "you won’t be out for more than a couple of minutes. I just need time to restrain you more thoroughly. Can’t have you thrashing around like a fish about to be gutted, now can I?"

  Lisa closed her eyes, and then opened them immediately. No, it couldn’t have been immediately, because now she was chained spread-eagle to the bed. A leather gag was strapped over her mouth. And the light was on, revealing two shelves that were filled with children’s playthings, mostly stuffed animals.

  But they weren’t playthings that any child would ever use. A teddy bear with blood around its mouth had been enhanced with sharp metal teeth. A stuffed rabbit had its ears lined with razor blades. A porcelain doll had a small knife tucked into its revealing black leather outfit. A large colorful rattle was covered with bloody spikes.

  Craig smiled at her, and then furrowed his brow, trying to decide which of the toys to use. After a full minute of deliberation, he picked up a stuffed monkey. "This is my good friend Banana," Craig said. "Would you like to give Banana a hug?"

  He outstretched the monkey’s arms, revealing a chest covered with dozens of tiny needles. "Oh, yes, I think you two will be the best of friends," Craig said, tenderly wrapping the monkey’s arms around Lisa’s neck. Lisa could feel the prick of the needles, though they didn’t puncture her.

  "Ah, there’s nothing like a good hug, is there? Maybe Banana will give you a tighter hug later, if you really need it." Leaving the monkey in place, Craig returned his attention to the shelves, then selected the teddy bear. "Lisa, meet my friend Bernard the Bear. He likes to bite." The teddy bear snapped its jaws together under Craig’s control.

  Oh, God, no! Lisa thought. She tried to scream, to plead for her life, but the leather gag muffled most of the noise. She struggled desperately against the chains.

  "Don’t struggle," Craig said. "Just try and think of all the ways it could be worse."

  The teddy bear opened its jaws wide. Craig brought it down next to her ankle. "Now, where should I start?" He moved the bear’s mouth along the length of her entire body, feinting bites a few times, until it was even with her face. He began rapidly opening and closing the jaws, like chattering teeth. "Are you scared?"

  Lisa nodded and cried.

  "Do you like being scared?"

  Lisa was having trouble breathing. Her nose was uncovered, but it wasn’t sufficient to get all the oxygen she needed to deal with this horror. There had to be a way out. She’d survived her lifestyle by being strong; she couldn’t possibly die completely helpless. If only she could talk to him, distract him.

  "Well, no need to answer. It was a rhetorical question." Craig moved the bear’s mouth over to her throat, right over the monkey’s arm, and opened the jaws. "I could bite you here, but that would be too easy. Too quick. No, I paid for a full hour; I want my money’s worth."

  He placed the bear on Lisa’s left arm, right below the elbow. The fangs pressed into her flesh without breaking the skin. "This looks like a good place," Craig remarked. "Nice, soft muscle to rip through, plenty of nerves, but nothing that will kill you before I’m ready."

  Then he removed the bear. "But where would be the surprise? Let me ask you a question, Lisa. Have you ever had sex blindfolded?"

  Lisa didn’t respond until Craig put the bear back against her arm. Then she nodded her head.

  "Exciting, isn’t it? Not knowing where the next touch is coming from. Not knowing what your lover is going to do next. It adds a whole new dimension to the experience."

  Craig walked over to the switch and turned off the light. Then he walked back to the bed and stood there, completely silent.

  Lisa waited.

  She could feel his presence, but couldn’t hear him. Since there was absolutely no light in the room, her eyes weren’t going to adjust to the dark.

  He moved.

  Nothing for over a minute. Then a light bite on her toe. But not by the metal teeth. Not yet.

  His tongue slid across her ankle.

  More silence. More waiting.

  And then terrible pain.

  ««—»»

  The next morning, as the sunlight streamed into his bedroom and reflected off his Marvel Super Heroes poster, Abbey came to a decision. He was going to steal the keys and see what was in the attic. He’d always given a great deal of thought to what might be up there, but he’d never dared to satisfy his curiosity. Last night had changed everything. If Dad was keeping secrets such as foreplay, what other secrets might be up there?

  If he got caught, that was it; he was going to be punished like never before. But he was in lots of trouble already, and it was worth risking more to finally solve the mystery. Hopefully Stephanie would stay in her room—she was so scared of being punished that she might tell on him just to avoid being blamed for his actions.

  Fifteen minutes later, his door swung open and Dad poked his head in. "Time to get up," he said.

  Abbey yawned. "Okay."

  "Do you have to go to the bathroom before I get in the shower?"

  "No, I’m fine."

  "I want you dressed and ready to go into town by the time I get out. Understand?"

  "Yes, sir."

  "Good boy. I’ve decided to give you and your sister one more chance to behave. Don’t disappoint me."

  After Dad left, Abbey got up and dressed himself as quickly as he could. He listened carefully until he heard the water start running in the shower, and then walked over to the bathroom door and knocked on it.

  "What?" Dad called out.

  "I was wrong. I have to go pee."

  "All right, come on in."

  Abbey opened the door and walked into the bathroom. The shower curtain was dark blue, so Dad wouldn’t be able to see him. Dad’s clothes were neatly draped over the sink, and there was a bulge in his pocket that was probably the keys. Abbey started to reach for them.

  Dad peeked out from the side of the curtain. Abbey instantly pulled his hand away, praying he hadn’t been caught.

  "What are you doing?" Dad asked.

&nb
sp; "Nothing."

  "Hurry up and go. By the way, you’re seven, I at least expect you to know if you have to go to the bathroom or not. You’re not a baby anymore."

  "I’m sorry."

  Dad pulled his head back into the shower. Abbey grabbed the keys and stuffed them into his pocket, and then lifted the toilet seat and quickly peed. He hurried out of the bathroom, heart pounding.

  He glanced over at Stephanie’s room. Her door was still closed. Dad always took long showers, at least ten minutes, so Abbey would have enough time to see what was in the attic and then return the keys to the sink. He could say he wanted to brush his teeth as an excuse to get back in the bathroom.

  The attic door was at the end of the hallway. Abbey tested four keys in the padlock before he found the right one. He removed the lock and kept it with him as he opened the door, stepped onto the staircase, and pulled the door closed behind him.