The Boston Snowplough

by Sue Rabie

  May needed answers.

  She glanced across at Kyle and Jake. They were still sitting in the bar – Jake drawing deeply on a cigarette and Kyle watching her with aloof disinterest.

  Potgieter was still at the front door. He turned away as he saw her look at him, and pushed outside into the snow.

  Let him go, May thought. Let him freeze. She had no sympathy for the man, had no concern for his wellbeing either. If he wanted to numb his guilt by walking around in the cold then let him.

  She had to speak to David.

  She needed his advice on how to help Mark.

  ‘Can you two look after him for a while?’ May quietly asked Phiwe and Thembi.

  Thembi nodded.

  The girl would be all right with Phiwe for a few minutes, she was down to earth, intelligent and capable enough to cope if Mark woke up. Phiwe was strong and dependable.

  May left them to find Malan and Du Plessis.

  They were in Malan’s office, talking quietly between themselves.

  She stopped to listen.

  ‘I don’t know what’s wrong …’

  She thought they were talking about the shooting at first, or even talking about David.

  ‘It was working when I radioed the Emergency Medical Services in Maritzburg. There was nothing the matter with it then …’

  There was a hush, then a rasping crackle.

  ‘Something’s wrong,’ Malan said. ‘Someone’s been tampering …’

  She stepped through the door.

  They were both bent over the CB radio, Malan fiddling with the knobs and dials and Du Plessis looking on impatiently.

  ‘What is it?’ May asked.

  They both jumped and turned.

  ‘Jeez,’ Malan said, glancing quickly at Du Plessis then back at her.

  May lifted an eyebrow. ‘Who broke it?’ she asked.

  Malan shook his head, about to turn back to the instrument. ‘It’s not broken,’ he reassured her. ‘It’s just not picking up a signal at the moment, that’s all.’

  ‘Are you sure?’ Du Plessis asked.

  Malan clamped his mouth shut. ‘Yes,’ he said through clenched teeth. ‘Give it time,’ he went on in a more civil tone, ‘maybe when the snow dies down a bit it’ll send and receive.’

  He went back to the set.

  ‘Is everything all right out there?’ Du Plessis asked, turning to May. ‘You should be looking after Mark.’

  May came further into the room, her hands at her side, her fingers clenched into fists.

  The man saw her anger.

  ‘That’s just what I’m trying to accomplish, sergeant,’ she told him. ‘But since you’ve locked away the only man that can help, I seem to be at a loss when it comes to what exactly it is I have to do to look after him.’

  They both looked at her in surprise. May was usually softly spoken.

  ‘May …’ Malan began carefully.

  ‘You could have stopped this before it got out of hand,’ she continued, interrupting him. ‘You should have done something …’

  ‘May you don’t understand …’ Du Plessis said, trying to explain.

  ‘… and instead you’ve got a room full of strangers at each other’s throats, a gunfight, a wounded man on your hands and an innocent person locked away because he tried to help.’

  ‘May, he’s not … David’s not …’ Du Plessis stopped mid-sentence.

  He couldn’t tell them. David had asked him not to and Du Plessis felt he had already said too much. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. ‘You’re right,’ he said instead.

  Now it was May’s turn to look surprised.

  ‘I should have done something,’ Du Plessis went on, sagging against the desk. ‘You were willing to stand up for David and I was not.’

  ‘Then let him go,’ May insisted.

  Du Plessis shook his head. ‘It’s not that easy,’ he told her. ‘He’s violated his parole, and as much as I don’t like that Kyle character, he’s right. I’m obliged to keep David locked away.’

  This time it was Malan who disagreed. ‘We’re making a mistake, Du Plessis,’ he told the policeman, speaking over his shoulder as he worked. ‘David’s the only one that can help Mark if he gets worse.’

  But Du Plessis would not give in. ‘It’s my job on the line, Malan,’ he said. ‘If my District Inspector found out I released him after what happened, well, then …’

  ‘He won’t find out,’ May told him. ‘Who’s going to tell him, sergeant? You? Me?’

  Du Plessis shook his head in exasperation. He was clearly not happy about what she was suggesting. ‘I’m sorry, May,’ he told her. ‘What’s done is done. And besides, keeping David separate from Kyle and Potgieter is for the best.’

  ‘The best for who?’ she asked with incredulity. ‘For David? How on earth could he be better off locked away in a storeroom?’

  ‘He’s fine, May, believe me,’ said Du Plessis, trying to placate her.

  ‘I need to see him.’

  ‘You can’t do that.’

  ‘I need to find out what to do for Mark.’

  Du Plessis straightened up. ‘I can’t let …’

  ‘Just let me in, Du Plessis,’ she told him in exasperation. ‘Just let me talk to him.’

  ‘It can’t hurt, Du Plessis,’ Malan piped in quickly before Du Plessis could object. ‘I’ll go with her.’

  Du Plessis hesitated. ‘I won’t be involved in this …’

  But May was already turning away. ‘That’s fine by me,’ she said over her shoulder.

  ‘I’ll look after her,’ Malan told the policeman. ‘I don’t see the harm in letting her ask David what to do for Mark.’

  Du Plessis sighed reluctantly and handed the keys of the storeroom over to the club owner.

  ‘What are you going to do?’ Malan asked Du Plessis as he tucked the keys into his pocket.

  Du Plessis scowled at him. ‘I’m going to keep trying the radio,’ he muttered. ‘I need to inform my superiors.’

  Malan cocked his head at him.

  ‘Not to tell them about this,’ Du Plessis reassured him, ‘but they’ll need to know the rest of it, about Mark being shot, about the rescue helicopter, about our situation here in the storm.’ He sighed again. ‘And besides,’ he went on, ‘David asked me to find out about Kyle and Jake. He promised to stay out of trouble if I did this one thing for him.’

  ‘Oh?’ Malan grunted. ‘David? Staying out of trouble? That should be interesting to see.’

  Fifteen

  ❄

  David sat for a long time looking at the locked door. He remembered the last time he had been locked up, remembered what it was like to be in a cell in Pretoria Central Prison.

  He shut his eyes.

  ‘Don’t … Daddy, please, don’t …’

  He tried to focus on how he was going to get through this.

  Could he tell them?

  No, he couldn’t. Telling them would mean absolving himself of his guilt. Asking for forgiveness meant having to forgive himself first. And he would … could never do that. Not even for Mark.

  You bloody idiot, he told himself. Mark needed him and his medical knowledge. Who else was going to take care of him?

  May? May would manage, David thought. She would cope if she had to. But what if something else went wrong? What if the damage to Mark’s lung was worse than he thought?

  He tried to imagine what he would say to Anri if Mark died, tried to imagine how he could live with himself.

  He couldn’t. It would be too much to bear.

  He felt the self-pity well up inside him and stood quickly.

  ‘Please, don’t …’

  David swore and tried to concentrate on something else.

  Staying warm was an easy thing to distract himself with. He stamped his feet and blew into his cupped hands, rubbing them together to try and ease the chill that had set in. His fingers were sticky. There was still blood on them. Mark’s blood. David closed his fing
ers into fists as he thought about his friend suffering out there without his help.

  He went to the stool and sat down heavily, his head sinking into his hands once more.

  How had all of this happened? What had gone wrong?

  He was still sitting like that when the key turned in the lock.

  He looked up as the door opened.

  Malan.

  David stood slowly.

  ‘David …’ Malan greeted him warily.

  David didn’t reply.

  ‘There’s someone that wants to talk to you,’ Malan told him.

  He glanced behind him, then stepped back, allowing May to enter.

  She stood there, not moving.

  David felt his stomach turn.

  The silence stretched unbearably.

  ‘I’ll be just outside,’ Malan said eventually, then looked at David apologetically. ‘Not that I don’t trust you, but perhaps you want some privacy?’

  ❄

  It was even colder in the room now and, for want of anything better to say, that was the first thing May commented on. ‘Are you warm enough?’ she asked.

  David nodded. ‘I’m fine,’ he said.

  He waited while she looked around. ‘There’s nowhere to sleep …’

  He shook his head. ‘I don’t think I’ll be able to anyway.’

  She nodded hurriedly. ‘I’m sorry it’s come to th …’

  ‘May? How is Mark?’ he asked, interrupting her.

  She saw his concern and took a step towards him. ‘He’s fine David,’ she told him. ‘He’s warm and comfortable and there’s no bleeding around the wound or from his mouth.’

  David let the air gush out of his lungs in relief and she realised what he must have thought. She and Malan coming to him, both so serious. He must have thought it was bad news. What an idiot she was.

  ‘David, I’m sorry …’

  ‘Don’t!’ he cut in.

  She drew back, alarmed.

  ‘Don’t say that!’ he snarled.

  May said nothing. The look on David’s face was too intense.

  He sat down slowly. ‘I promised myself I would never say that,’ he continued. ‘If I said that to anyone then it would mean I’d made a mistake.’

  She stayed silent, letting him speak.

  ‘They asked me afterwards if I was sorry that I’d done it. I told them all “no”, that I wasn’t sorry. That was the only reason I went to prison. They would have suspended my sentence had I shown remorse, they would have felt pity for me and let me go. But I couldn’t say the words, wouldn’t say them … and for that, and that reason only, I went to jail …’

  ‘I know.’

  David looked up. ‘You know?’

  May nodded. ‘I was there, in Jo’burg, when your trial was on.’

  David looked at her in disbelief.

  ‘Dad fell ill just after,’ May went on. ‘I came home on the same day you were … put away.’

  He didn’t seem to understand what she was trying to say.

  ‘I worked for The Star,’ she said.

  She saw understanding dawn on his face. ‘A reporter,’ he said expressionlessly. ‘Who else …’ he began.

  ‘No one,’ came her immediate answer, ‘no one else knows. I didn’t tell anybody.’

  ‘Why not?’

  May took a breath. She didn’t know quite how to answer that question. ‘I wasn’t a journalist anymore,’ she said eventually. ‘It wasn’t my business to go around telling everyone that I knew who you really were.’

  ‘Wasn’t your business?’ He stood up, his anger rising with him. ‘You thought you’d stay around a bit longer. You thought you’d wait until your big story breaks …’

  ‘No …’

  ‘… just until I blew my cover or my parole …’

  ‘No …!’

  ‘… just until I killed another person …’

  ‘No!’ she cried. ‘That’s not what happened. I … I knew who you were. I knew what you had done. And I also knew what you were going through.’ She swallowed hard, as if to keep back the emotion. ‘I didn’t just come home to help my mother after my father died. I came back because I couldn’t stand the guilt …’ She stopped, swallowed again. ‘After the abortion.’

  The abortion? She had been pregnant? David looked at her in surprise.

  ‘How could I judge you when I was keeping a secret myself?’ she said. ‘How could I tell them your secret when I couldn’t even tell my own mother that I’d made a mistake.’

  She stopped.

  ‘It’s not the same,’ he said flatly.

  She looked away. ‘No. My secret is nothing compared to yours. But at least you had purpose in your intentions,’ she said. ‘At least your reasons …’

  ‘You know nothing of my reasons,’ he growled before she could go on.

  ‘I do,’ she said. ‘I followed your case closely, David. I know what you did for your daughter. I know what it’s like …’

  ‘Don’t you dare …!’ He threw the words at her. ‘Don’t you dare say you know what it’s like. You don’t know anything. How could you? Were you the one that injected your daughter with Pentobarbital just to stop her crying? Were you the one who held her in your arms and waited for her to finally close her eyes and stop breathing …’

  ❄

  David stopped, out of breath. It had all come rushing back at him … that day … the guilt … the dream.

  ‘Uhumm …?’ came the cough from the door.

  It was Malan.

  ‘Thembi’s here,’ he said, glancing over his shoulder at the girl who waited hesitantly beside him. ‘Mark’s awake. He needs the morphine.’

  Thembi looked a little scared. ‘Excuse me,’ she began, ‘I really need to know what dosage to give Mark?’

  May looked sheepish. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘That’s what I originally came for …’

  David felt the way May looked. ‘All right,’ he said, forcing himself to curb his anger, to be calm, to control himself for Mark’s sake. ‘How many ampoules do you have?’

  ‘Five,’ May said hurriedly. ‘We’ve got five ampoules.’

  ‘Good,’ David said. ‘Each ampoule should be ten millilitres. Give him one ampoule mixed with nine millilitres of sterile water every four hours. Morphine is a respiratory inhibitor, so keep an eye on his breathing.’

  ‘All right,’ Thembi said. ‘What about the drain?’

  ‘Don’t touch it,’ he told her, ‘unless his breathing deteriorates or his fingertips start turning blue. Then drain the liquid from his lungs just like I did before. But make sure you seal the drain afterwards.’

  She nodded that she understood.

  ‘Keep him warm, keep him calm. That’s most important.’

  ‘Okay,’ she said and glanced at May.

  She must have seen there was something unresolved between them. She smiled quickly then retreated towards the hall.

  David frowned at her going. ‘Can she handle that alone?’ he asked.

  May nodded. ‘She knows more about what to do than Malan and I put together.’

  ‘May,’ Malan said. ‘We should go.’

  ‘I’ll be right with you.’

  She turned back to David.

  ‘Listen to me. I know you don’t want to hear it, but I am sorry. I know you think I betrayed you, but I didn’t. You think I don’t know how you feel, but I do. You have to forgive yourself, otherwise this …’ She looked around the little storeroom. ‘This will always be with you, a prison where you hold yourself hostage using your guilt as the key.’

  He didn’t say anything to that, couldn’t say anything.

  She turned and walked away, leaving Malan to quietly shut and lock the door behind her.

  ❄

  ‘Was everything all right in there?’ Malan asked as he came up beside May who was standing, staring into space in the middle of the passage. ‘Those were harsh words, May.’

  ‘He needed to hear them,’ she said absently.
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br />   ‘Yes, but now?’ he asked carefully. ‘While all this is going on?’

  She drew herself out of her thoughts and turned to him. ‘All this is going on because he won’t let it go,’ May said, cocking her head at him. ‘Do you know who David was?’ she added rather forcefully.

  Malan raised an eyebrow at her hostility. ‘No,’ he said.

  She looked away, her lips compressed. ‘He was one of the best cardiovascular surgeons in the country,’ she began. ‘He put himself through medical school at Stellenbosch and then went on to specialise overseas where he qualified top of his field. When he came back to South Africa every hospital in the country begged him to work for them, that’s how good he was.’

  She was staring off into the distance again.

  ‘What happened?’ Malan prompted.

  She seemed to take a breath, some of the anger leaving her. ‘He met his wife and moved to Jo’burg to be closer to her family,’ she continued.

  ‘He sacrificed his career for her?’ he asked.

  May turned to face him. ‘He sacrificed everything,’ she said. ‘Their daughter was born not long after they settled in Jo’burg, and she was diagnosed with leukaemia almost straight away. He threw himself into research, into trying to find ways of fighting it, of treating it …’

  She stopped there, hesitant.

  ‘But instead he killed her,’ Malan interjected.

  May glanced at him sharply, the anger flashing in her eyes. ‘You were listening to us?’

  Malan nodded. ‘I’m sorry,’ he explained. ‘It was difficult not to.’

  May frowned, then sighed again. ‘It doesn’t matter, not now, anyway. But you’re right, he performed euthanasia on her,’ she explained. ‘And was charged with culpable homicide. His wife divorced him and went to live in America, and he went to prison where he spent two years punishing himself for what he did …’

  ‘And then he moved here?’ Malan said, finishing the story for her.

  May nodded.

  ‘And you know all this because you were reporting on the trial …’

  May glanced sideways at him. ‘I followed the trial out of professional interest, and because it was a big case. His trial was unusual because he wouldn’t admit his remorse. As you heard …’ She narrowed her eyes at him as a thought came into her head. ‘Malan? Did Du Plessis ever tell you about David? About his past?’