Living with Regrets (No Regrets book 2)

by Aimee Noalane

  I sighed.

  “I need to ask you something about Oliver and me.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “Do you think that two people who were in love with each other can still be in love after six years of separation? Is it possible that feelings of love can supersede the time they’ve spent apart?”

  Given that she and I rarely shared much, my mother looked at me curiously. Asking for her opinion about my life was beyond out of character for me. She shrugged with a warm smile. “I don’t know, sweetheart, but I can tell you one thing: the relationship between you both hasn’t changed. Over the few days Oliver was here, you two acted exactly like you did when you were teens: the looks, the jokes, the teasing, the smiles… everything. Watching you made me realize that regardless of the time, whatever you two shared in the past remained intact. I can’t tell you about love, Abby, but your friendship has no boundaries.”

  My mind kept going back to his grin every time I got mad or annoyed at him over the few days he was home. They were the same faces he made when we were younger. I smiled.

  “Here,” she said handing me an envelope.

  “What is it?”

  “A letter from Oliver. He asked me to give it to you when I thought you’d be ready. I don’t know what’s in it, but something tells me some of your questions might be answered.”

  I took the envelope from her and examined it closely, lost in my own thoughts. “I think I still love him.”

  “I know.”

  “But it doesn’t make sense.”

  “Love doesn’t always need to make sense, Abbygail.”

  “What if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

  “You’ll never know how he feels if you constantly hold back out of your own fear. It’s okay to hurt sometimes. If you don’t take the risks and follow your heart, you’ll live your life wondering what could have been.”

  She stood and handed me another envelope.

  “It’s an open ticket to fly to BC.”

  I looked at her curiously.

  “Stop living in fear and go run after what you want, sweetheart. Go find what makes you happy.” She bent over and kissed my cheek before walking inside. “Merry Christmas.”

  The Letter

  Dear Abby,

  I have no idea when you’ll be reading this letter. I hope it will be tomorrow, but I know you well enough, and I’m pretty sure it will take longer than that. The only thing I hope is that it doesn’t take another six years.

  This morning when you went back to your house, I met Cole. In the middle of our conversation, he handed me a box that was in your old room. On top there was a picture of us at the fair together. He told me to look at what was inside and to realize what I chose to leave behind. It didn’t take much snooping to understand that whatever was inside was our life boxed up into one place.

  When I opened the lid, I was relieved. I was told you’d trashed our memories; I thought you’d erased me from your life, Abby. I’m so happy you didn’t, but the whole thing made me think about our past, about everything you and I had ever been through. Within a minute my mind stalled on one particular day.

  Fourteen years ago, when I gave you your first orchid, I made a promise to you and I broke it. So tonight, I’m going to make a different one.

  Abbygail Evens, you are the most amazing and beautiful person I know. You were the best friend I ever had, and I left you. Tonight, I vow that from now on, I will do my best to never hurt you again, but in case I do, because I know I can be stupid in that way, I promise that I will spend my entire life making it up to you.

  Tonight, a teen I barely know showed me how broken you were because of me, and I had to see your pain through his eyes. Cole accused me of choosing to leave you behind. Do you know what the hardest part of that conversation was? I had to accept that he was right. When my dad died, I ran away.

  You never realize how lucky and happy you are until life decides to pull one string from under your nose and make your entire world crash into pieces. My life swerved when he passed away; my world shattered when I decided to leave the one girl I ever cared for behind.

  I’m sorry I turned my back on us, Abby.

  So here I am sitting in your old house while you’re sleeping in mine. I’m looking at our willow tree, and everything is mixed up in my head right now. Yes, Abby, it’s OUR tree, not just yours!

  Anyway…

  Have you ever taken the time to feel a memory? Because that’s what happens when I think about you and me. Sometimes, I get lost in them. I remember every detail and feel every emotion exactly like they happened.

  If I think about your smile, I smile.

  If I think about your laughter, it makes me happy.

  When I think about your anger, I laugh because you were always mad at the most ridiculous things.

  But when I think about your pain and your sadness, I feel helpless and want to hold you and want to make your tears go away. It lingers in my mind over and over again, and there is nothing I can do about it. You aren’t a part of my everyday life anymore, and accepting that is hard. But what fucking hurts is that it’s exactly why you’re heartbroken in the first place.

  I remember this one night a few months into my first semester of university, and I was thinking about you. I missed you, but I especially missed talking to you. I swear I must have been having a really shitty day because most of the time I forbade myself from thinking about you at all.

  That night, honestly, had I found the courage, I would have called you, but I didn’t and I opened the school’s social media group instead. Going through the feed I read something a girl I didn’t know posted.

  Here’s what it said:

  Best friends don’t need to talk on a daily basis, or spend all their time together to know the true value of their relationship.

  Best friends live in each other’s heart and what makes their friendship unique is that the moment they do come together, it will be like they were never apart.

  I’ve always wondered if it was true…

  Can two best friends not talk for six years and still be best friends?

  Could the connection between us be so strong that no matter how long and how much we pretended to hate each other, one day we could still be who we used to be?

  Before you walked into your mother’s house last Wednesday, I kept trying to picture what our first encounter in six years would be like. Did you know that? But nothing could have prepared me for what happened.

  The second you put your finger up in my face, that’s when I knew. You might have been pissed off at me, but your eyes told me everything I needed to know. Best friends, Abby. That’s who we are. And no matter the arguments, the fighting, the time apart, nothing and no one could convince me otherwise.

  And do you know what’s funny? As I’m writing to you about friendship, I can already see your eyes rolling at me. I swear I can hear you telling me to quit the sappy shit and ask me to get to the point.

  My point is this: what if the feelings you have for a person you lost touch with go deeper than friendship? What if you were in love with that person? Are you just attached to how that person made you feel in the past? Can you really still be in love with someone you haven’t seen or talked to in years? Am I making any sense? Because I’m kind of feeling as though I’m not…

  But here’s what I do know. When you kissed me tonight, under the willow tree, you asked me if I felt “it”. I didn’t answer you because I did, and it scared the hell out of me. Abby, I felt every little fucking bit of “it”, and it was the most amazing and terrifying feeling in the world.

  Abs, I don’t know what tonight was, but I can tell you that I haven’t felt like this in a long time. Having you back in my life makes me feel alive all over again. Tonight, when I held you in my arms, I realized how much I missed who we were together, and that’s what scares me because I can’t tell what’s real anymore. We’re supposed to move forward, not go back in time.

  So here’s what
I really want to say:

  Abbygail, I want you to live your life, and I want you to be happy.

  I want you to find love and let yourself be loved by a person that deserves your heart.

  If I had one wish for you, it would be for you to stop holding back.

  I want you to make your life complete.

  I want you to live your life with no regrets as I try to live mine every day.

  Abby, I may have disappeared from your life, but I swear that I never forgot about you. Our memories will never fade away because nothing I ever shared with you was less than breathtaking.

  Take care of yourself, and please be happy,

  Love,

  Oliver xxx

  Unexpected

  Abbygail

  “Hey, Mom.”

  “Hi, sweetheart. How are you?”

  “I’m good. I just called to let you know that I made it to Oliver’s.”

  “Great! How did he react when he saw you?”

  “He hasn’t seen me yet.”

  My rental car was sitting on the curb of Oliver’s driveway, summoning up the courage to knock on his door. He didn’t know I was coming, and seeing the three cars parked in his driveway, I was starting to fear I might be interrupting something I didn’t want to see.

  A lot had happened in the few days following my reading of Oliver’s letter.

  I called Dylan and asked him for a few weeks off work. I told him I’d be going to BC to visit a friend. He found that pretty hilarious, and sensing there was more to my trip, he told me he’d call his friend Chris, North Vancouver’s CPS director. He said he let him know I’d be in the area and suggested I give him a call if I ever decided to stick around for more than two weeks. He also asked that I say hello to Oliver on his behalf, though I wasn’t sure if the conversation was being derailed because of my mother’s blabbing. He seemed a little too enthusiastic about me going to BC.

  I also went to my medical appointment, which turned out to be a total waste of time. Dr. Pearson wasn’t even at his office. He had another doctor fill in for him while he left on an unplanned trip for New Year’s Eve with his family. Unfortunately, when I made it to the office, they realized that my medical file wasn’t up to date so doing my check-up that day would have been pointless. His replacement offered to reschedule the following week, but I made the mistake of telling her I wouldn’t be in town because I was flying to BC. Her reaction wasn’t one I appreciated. Aside from highly recommending that I not travel, she was extremely unpleasant, telling me I was being very irresponsible with my health.

  News flash, lady: I really don’t care what you think.

  The last thing I did before boarding my flight was walk into the police department. I wanted to talk to the detectives about Nancy’s charges. I decided that I didn’t want her to spend her life in jail. I wanted her to pay for her offences and agreed that she needed to be punished for the assault, but the accusations for attempted murder were an entirely different story. What I really wanted was for her to get rehabilitated for the sake of her son. Unfortunately, the decision wasn’t entirely up to me, and recalling my conversation over the phone with Tyler, he and I didn’t really see eye to eye on the matter. We’d need to eventually talk about it more, but he was pretty stubborn. I doubted he’d see things from my perspective.

  “Uh, Mom?” I asked stepping out from the vehicle to shake off my tired legs. “Do you know why there is a For Sale and Sold sign in front of Oliver’s house?”

  “Oh, yeah. Shoot! I forgot to tell you. Jacob and I bought Evelynn’s house.”

  “What? How in the hell could you possibly forget telling me something like this?”

  “First of all, watch your tongue, young lady—I’m still your mother—and second of all, my daughter woke up from a three-day-long coma last week and it kind of slipped my mind.”

  Touché!

  “So you bought Oliver’s house.”

  “Technically, yes.”

  “What do you mean technically?”

  “It’s kind of complicated, but basically Evy put a clause in her will that mentioned that Jerry and I needed to okay the sale of her house without Oliver’s knowledge.”

  “So you bought his house because you don’t want him to sell? You’re not moving to BC, Mom. It’s a stupid reason, and Oliver is old enough to make his own decisions.”

  “Abby, relax. I’m not moving to BC, and Oliver won’t be selling his house. Well, not now, anyway. The thing is that I need you to find out why he put it up for sale.”

  “Why?”

  “Just because, Abby. Can you just do this for me without asking so many useless questions?”

  I rolled my eyes.

  “For fucks sakes Freckles, can you stop barking? There is no one out there.”

  I froze at the sound of Oliver’s voice. It was a good thing it was dark out. I knew he wouldn’t see me because I was parked far enough from the house, but I just wasn’t ready to see him yet.

  “Whatever. Listen, Mom. I have to go. Oliver’s dog keeps barking, and it’s because of me. I’ll call you in a few days.”

  “Okay, sweetheart. Don’t forget to look for a doctor while you’re there.”

  I started the car. “I will. Love you.”

  “I love you, too. Say hi to Oliver for me.”

  The dog growled at my car loudly once I parked it and turned off the engine. I was surprised Oliver didn’t notice the change in her behavior. Or maybe she had been barking for so long that he didn’t pay attention anymore.

  “Hey there, Freckles!” I said opening the door.

  She stopped and looked at me curiously, cocking her head to the side. I stepped out and kneeled to her height.

  “I kind of need you to stop yapping at me!”

  She walked over warily to me. She was really adorable. I’d never been much of a dog person, but I instantly fell in love with Freckles, especially when she started to slobber all over my hands and face. After getting acquainted with my new friend, I got closer to the house and heard two people talking through the cracked window. I paused, ready to back away. Unfortunately, my new furry friend had other plans for me as she decided to let out one loud cautionary bark.

  “What’s with your dog tonight?” I heard the woman’s voice say.

  “I don’t know, but can you let her in? I need to take dinner out from the oven.”

  Arriving here unannounced has got to be my stupidest idea ever…

  Freckles left my side and walked inside her home as soon as a beautiful blond girl that seemed vaguely familiar opened the door for us.

  “Hi!” she exclaimed.

  I replied with a nervous smile.

  “Holy shit, it’s you!” She gestured for me to step inside as if she owned the place.

  The house was beautiful. Everything from the cream-colored walls to the exotic decorations screamed Evelynn. I felt a pang in my heart. I really missed her.

  So many years without seeing you over anger, and now it’s too late. God, do I suck.

  “Wow.”

  “I know. Right?” the blond girl responded. “She had great taste.”

  “Hey, Lane?” Oliver called as he walked out from the kitchen with two bottles of wine. “Are we having white or—” His eyes rose from the bottles to meet my stare. “Red?”

  I waved shyly at him, waiting for some sort of acknowledgement, but the only thing I got was his dark stare that felt all too familiar.

  “Abby?” he questioned. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  “Well, hello to you, too, Oliver.” I couldn’t help quoting his words from a month ago, except, they didn’t come out as mockingly as I wanted them to, and to be honest I was kind of hurt.

  The blond girl, who quickly became the third wheel in our staring competition, extended her hand. “Hi, Abbygail. I’m Laney. You know, the girl who’s unfit for Oliver?”

  My eyes grew wide. “You told her I said that?”

  “I tell Laney everything.”
>
  “It was six years ago!”

  “I guess it stuck. Abbygail, meet Laney. Laney, meet Abbygail. There. Official presentations done. Happy?”

  I gave Oliver an evil stare. “You’re an idiot.”

  “Okay, you two, that’s enough,” Laney laughed. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Abby. Come in. We were just about to eat.”

  “So, Abbygail,” Laney asked while I quietly enjoyed the lasagna Oliver had baked. It tasted exactly like his mother used to make it. “Oliver says you’re a social worker?”

  “Mm-hum,” I answered with my mouthful. Not that I would have answered differently if it wasn’t. My presence was beyond awkward and very uncomfortable.

  “He said you got attacked by the mother of the guy he went to defend in court last week.”

  I nodded.

  “How long were you in the hospital?”

  “Six days.”

  “So, basically, you just got out like what, three, four days ago?”

  “Basically.”

  “And you got cleared for air traveling? Isn’t that a bit odd?”

  Why the hell do you care?

  She grinned when I shrugged. Oliver wasn’t kidding: Laney was different.

  “How’s Tyler?” he interrupted.

  “Better.”

  “Good.” There was something offbeat and bitter in his expression. “When did you get here?”

  “Late afternoon?”

  “How was your flight?” he grilled.

  “Long,” I answered briskly. I was really starting to wonder what had run up his ass.

  “Wow,” Laney teased. “She isn’t much of a talker, is she?”

  “Don’t get used to it,” Oliver responded. “I’m actually enjoying this. Abbygail isn’t usually the silent one in a conversation,” he mocked.

  “Shut up Oliver,” I replied a little too harshly, and they both started to laugh.

  “I like her already,” Laney said looking at the time. “Okay, babe, I really need to head out. It’ll give you two some time to catch up.”

  “Please don’t leave on my account, Laney. I was the one who interrupted your plans tonight. I’ll come back some other time.”