Love's Sweet Surrender

by Love's Sweet Surrender (lit)

  “I think we should find shelter for a while.” He eyed the coming rain. “Otherwise, we will get caught in the storm building over there. There is a line shack not far from here. Let’s head there.”

  “All right.”

  * * * *

  Seth kicked his horse, and they sprinted across the grass at a fast clip, attempting to beat the rain. When it started coming down, they had just made it to the shack and were able to get inside, before getting soaked to the skin.

  “We’ll just have to find something to keep us busy for a while.” He flashed a sexy grin and wiggled his eyebrows, and she laughed while he followed her around the table, almost stalking her.

  “Um… I’m sure we could think of something. Let’s see, checkers?”

  He shook his head, and she giggled and threw out another suggestion: “Cards?”

  Again, he shook his head while the smile on his face grew bigger. He slowly continued to follow her around the table.

  “I’m sorry, Seth, but I’ve run out of ideas,” she said while he closed in.

  “I have a suggestion.” He scooped her up and laid her back on the table and began to kiss her neck while he slowly unbuttoned her shirt.

  “You may have to explain this idea you have to me a little better. I don’t think I understand,” she whispered. He reached the bottom button and pulled it from the waistband of her trousers.

  “Let me see if I can give you some idea,” he murmured against her skin before his mouth closed over her nipple and his teeth grazed it. She moaned and arched her back. The rain continued to patter on the tin roof while they slowly made love on the table in the small cabin.

  A little later they moved to the bed to snuggle together while they listened to the rain, and she could hear the beating of his heart beneath her cheek. “How long do you think the rain will last?” She traced little circles on his skin.

  “Mmm… not long enough, I’m afraid.” He nuzzled her hair and kissed the top of her head.

  “It sounds like it’s slowing down a bit. Shall we get up and see if the horses are still nearby?”

  She started to move away, but he pulled her back to his side. “No, I think we should just stay here and make love again.”

  “You are terrible, Seth Sanford. Have you always been this way?” She giggled and pushed against him.

  “Nope. Only since you came along.” He gave her a devilish smile while he tried to pull her back next to him, but she managed to wiggle free and rise from the bed.

  “We really need to get moving, Seth,” Lily insisted. “We can’t spend all afternoon in this cabin making love, you know.”

  “Why the hell not?” He rolled over and propped himself up on his elbow while he watched her dress.

  “The children will be expecting us back for supper.” She inhaled sharply when he rose from the bed, completely comfortable in his male glory.

  “That they will, sweetheart, so I’ll give in to you and get dressed, but only after…”

  He lunged for her, and she laughed as she dove under the table. He grabbed her ankle and started to pull her toward him, causing the table to bang against the wall. Lily saw a loose brick fall to the floor near her hand.

  “Wait!” She could see papers stuffed in the hole where the brick had fallen. “What’s this?” She pulled them from the opening and handing them to Seth.

  He took the letters in his hand and turned them over. After a moment he set them down and moved to pull his pants on while she climbed out from under the table.

  “I don’t know. They look like letters.”

  He returned to the table and picked up the letters again before he untied the faded yellow ribbon holding them together. Lily looked over his shoulder, shocked when he dropped the letters as if they burned his fingers. His face turned ashen.

  “Seth? What is it?” The look on his face frightened her. “Do you know who wrote them? Lily turned them over in her hand. “Look. There is a name on them… it says… Daniel?”

  “Yeah, I know who wrote them. That’s Victoria’s handwriting.”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Lily's voice reached him as if he were in a fog. “But why would there be letters in here, of all places, with her handwriting? That doesn’t make sense.” She moved next to him and took his hand in hers. “Do you want to open them?”

  “I don’t know what this means, or why they are here, and no, I don’t want to open them,” he whispered, obviously terrified of what this meant.

  I can’t do this. I don’t want to know why my wife was leaving letters in this shack. He wanted to go home now and leave the mocking letters on the table. I can’t look. I won’t look. He methodically buttoned up the front of his shirt.

  “Let’s go home, Lily.” He sat down on the bed and pulled on his boots.

  Lily rose from the chair where she sat and silently pulled on her boots. She picked up the pile of letters on the table, neatly stack them back together and retied the ribbon around them.

  “What are you doing?”

  “We need to take these with us, Seth.” She tucked them into her shirt pocket.

  “No, we don’t. I don’t want to know what’s in them,” he snapped.

  “Someday you might.”

  He walked over to her, pulled the letters from her pocket and laid them back on the table. “No, I won’t.” He searched her face for a moment before he turned on his heel and walked out to find the horses.

  * * * *

  Lily stood for a moment looking at the letters, wondering if she should go ahead and bring them anyway. She suspected she knew what was contained there as she started to piece the puzzle together. She also was quite sure Seth wouldn’t want to know. He wasn’t ready to hear his precious Victoria had been having a relationship with Daniel, obviously for many years, if she had interpreted the two boys’ parentage correctly. The day Daniel had stood near the boys flashed through her mind, and she knew he had to be their father. She wasn’t certain how Seth would feel about the boys if he knew. She really didn’t think it would make much difference in his love for them even if they weren’t his by blood. He loved them.

  For now she would leave the letters in the cabin. Her relationship with Seth was still very new, and she didn’t want to do anything to harm that.

  She followed her husband outside, closing the door softly behind her.

  They rode home in silence, lost in their own thoughts. The revelation of the letters in the shack caused an uncomfortable silence between them.

  “Seth,” Lily said, breaking the silence while they continued to ride side-by-side.

  “Yeah,” he replied, not turning to look at her, but instead keeping his eyes fixed on the scenery in front of him.

  “I love you.” She wanted to assure him she would always be there, no matter what they found in those letters.

  Stopping his horse for a moment, he turned to look at her as she stopped beside him. He reached over with one arm, pulled her into the saddle with him and kissed her. She melted against his chest while his lips played on hers. When he lifted his head, he looked deeply into her eyes. “I love you, too. Please don’t ever think I don’t, all right?”

  “I won’t. I know you are upset about what we found in the cabin, but it will be all right. Please don’t let it ruin what we have.” Terror gripped her insides.

  “Not on your life, woman. I just found you, and I’m not letting you go that easily.” His lips settled on hers again, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, hanging on for dear life.

  After their long, passionate kiss, he finally lifted his head, and he gave her that sexy smile he saved just for her. When he settled her back onto her own horse, they headed for home.

  They rode into the yard, and Anne came bounding out of the house to greet them. Now that the child was comfortable with the fact that Lily wouldn’t be going anywhere, she was a chatterbox again. In rapid succession she fired questions off at the adults before they could even dismount their horses. She want
ed to know where they went, what they did, if they saw any animals, did they get caught in the rainstorm, what was for supper, and what games they would play tonight. Lily smiled at the little girl while she tried to answer each question. She finally laughed and gave up. “Sweetheart, I can’t answer your questions as fast as you’re asking them. Let’s go inside while you father puts the horses away.”

  * * * *

  Seth took the horses to the barn, smiling when he watched his wife with their little girl. He just couldn’t believe he was so fortunate to have found two loves in his life, and he marveled at how easily Lily had filled the void Victoria’s death had caused.

  Victoria. The smile slid from his face, and fear of the unknown clouded his mind. He knew sooner or later he would retrieve the letters from the line shack. He didn’t have a choice now that he knew they were there. He didn’t want Lily to know what was in them until he’d been able to read them himself. His mind whirled at the possible contents, and he knew this was something he couldn’t share with Lily, not yet.

  That night while he lay in the silent room, his mind drifted back to those mocking pieces of paper. He had just made passionate love to Lily, and she now lay sleeping soundly on his chest as he traced little circles on her arm. He loved her, God how he loved her. She was everything to him, but terror filled his heart at the betrayal he feared those letters held. The information could create a void between him and the love he held for his precious new wife. It might be something they wouldn’t be able to broach.

  Tomorrow. Tomorrow he would retrieve the letters, and he would visit Victoria’s grave. He had to find out what secrets those sheets of paper held that could possibly change his life forever.

  The sky turned purple, then pink as the morning sun rose in the sky, and Seth slipped silently from the bed without waking Lily. He quickly dressed, picking up his boots and treading quietly from the room before he pulled the door closed behind him.

  He stopped in the dining room to slip on his boots, but was startled when a voice behind him asked, “Where are you off to so early this morning?”

  “Carmen, you scared the devil out of me,” he whispered. “What are you doing up so early?”

  He didn’t want to have to explain himself to his housekeeper, but he could tell she had more insight into his movements than was good for him.

  “I’m always up this early, Mr. Seth, but you ain’t. And someone needs to scare the devil out of you if you are leaving that pretty wife of yours in your bed while you sneak off.” She tapped her foot and reprimanded him with her hands on her hips.

  “I’m not sneaking anywhere, Carmen.” He gave her an innocent smile, but he didn't think she bought it. “I have a couple of errands to run in town, and I wanted to be up and gone early to get them done before church.”

  “Is that right? You sure become a God-fearing man lately.” Her gaze raked him from head to toe.

  “I suppose so,” he replied when he finished putting on his boots. He grabbed his hat and headed out to the barn to saddle his horse.

  Seth rode up to the front of the line shack and sat for a long time on his horse, scared to go inside. The letters were there, mocking him from the interior of the cabin. He finally swung his leg over the saddle and settled on the ground. He tied his horse to the porch, and terror gripped his heart while his hand froze on the doorknob. I have to know. He finally turned the knob and walked inside.

  In the dim light of the morning, he could see the bundle of letters still sitting where they had left them. How many times had she come here to put a letter in the hole? How long had this been going on under his nose? How could she betray him like this? Thoughts scattered across his mind as he slowly made his way to the table, picked up the bundle and sank into the chair. He was scared to open them. He pulled out some matches he’d brought and lit the small candle sitting there. Finally, he untied the bundle and took the one on the bottom, pulling the sheet from the envelope. He read:

  “July, 1871

  Dear Daniel,

  I needed to write this. I don’t even know if you’ll ever see it, but I had to. You see, I just found out I’m going to have a baby. A baby, Daniel, can you believe me with a baby? I told Seth last night, and he’s so happy. He wants a child, but I fear one thing: are you the father, or is he? The days we’ve spent in this cabin fill my mind each time I’m with him, and I can’t avoid it. I love him, Daniel, I really do, but the magic you and I create when our bodies come together—-I just don’t know how to explain it. I know you and Seth have been at odds for years. You hate him, I know, because I can see it whenever I mention his name to you. I fear this is all a game to you to see who is better, you or him. I can’t get you out of my mind, so for now, we just have to leave things as they are. God help me, but I don’t know if I want you to be the father of this baby or him. I must go now, because he’ll wonder where I am. He never stops me from my daily rides, so until tomorrow…

  Love,

  Victoria.”

  God! How could I have been so stupid! I trusted her.

  He loved her so much for so long and to know now she had betrayed him, betrayed his love with that bastard, was just too much.

  He dropped the letter and closed his eyes when the birth of Johnny came rushing into his mind, his sweet son, his first-born. He knew it wasn't normal for the husband to be present at the birth of a child, but he'd insisted. He wanted to be there no matter what, and he had been. He'd held her hand when the pain ripped across her body with each contraction, and when the little baby had slipped from her body into Carmen’s waiting hands, he wept like a child.

  He’d never questioned the fact that Johnny had been born with a full head of dark hair. He'd never asked over the years when his boy had retained that dark complexion, dark hair and dark eyes because he loved her.

  Tears sparkled on his lashes as he picked up the next envelope and opened it with shaking hands. He unfolded the next sheet of paper.

  “April, 1872

  Dear Daniel,

  The baby is here. He was born several days ago, and I had to come here. We haven’t seen each other for a while since it has been difficult for me to ride while I carried our child. Yes, our child, Daniel. When he was born it was obvious to me that you are his father. There was no denying his parentage as I held him to my breast for the first time. He’s beautiful, Daniel. You would be so proud to call him your son, but that cannot be. There is no way I can tell Seth he’s not the baby’s father. He would kill me if he knew; of this, I’m sure. I will raise him knowing you are his father, but I can never tell Seth what has happened between us. For now, I will be the only one who knows, and I’ll cherish the thought until we can be together again.

  Until then…

  All my love,

  Victoria.”

  Seth dropped the letter next to the first one and then picked up the third and a fourth, continuing to read each and every letter until all of them lay open on the table, mocking him.

  Daniel was the father of both Johnny and Jarod. It was so obvious to him now. He wanted to kick himself for not seeing it sooner. His sweet little Anne, she was his. His precious little girl, he knew in his heart, was his daughter. Victoria mentioned her birth in the letters, too, and she had said she was certain Seth was the child’s father, much to her disappointment. Victoria’s words told him she and Daniel hadn’t been together at the time of Anne’s conception.

  He sat in stunned silence. Will the fact that Daniel is the boys’ father change how I feel about them in my heart?

  “No! I love them,” he shouted. “No matter what, I am their father!”

  After several minutes he picked up the pile of papers, stood and walked to the fireplace against the wall. He laid them on the grate, struck a match and held it to the paper until the flames licked at the corners. He stared while the flames grew higher and higher, continuing to watch until they were nothing but ashes.

  After the flames had gone out completely, and there were not even ember
s left in the grate, Seth pulled himself up and walked out of the cabin, not looking back.

  He mounted his horse and kicked the animal into a hard gallop. He needed to erase the betrayal of Victoria from his heart. The wind whipped through his hair, drying the tears on his face.

  When his horse was winded and foam had gathered on his hide, Seth finally slowed him to a walk. Seth realized where he was. Victoria’s grave stood haunting him from the hillside, and he slowly walked the horse toward it. Reaching her resting place, he dismounted and dropped the reins in the grass. He walked to her headstone and crouched down, running his fingers over the letters he had engraved there.

  “Victoria Marie Sanford. Beloved wife and mother. Born 1851. Died 1883. Aged 32 years.”

  “How could you, Victoria? I loved you, and I thought you loved me too. You were my life, and you betrayed my love with that bastard! All because he couldn’t give you what I could? I gave you everything,” he yelled wildly, pounding his fist on the headstone in anger. The rage, the betrayal, the hurt all welled up inside him like a dam ready to burst.

  “Were you headed to meet him the day you were killed? Each and every day you went riding, was it to meet him? I held you while you lay dying in my arms, and all the while you were headed over to betray me again. You faithless bitch!” He stood up and kicked her headstone, breaking it in half. It toppled over and lay silently on the ground beneath the tree. He spun around, grabbed the reins of his horse and mounted swiftly, kicking him in the sides as they tore off, headed for home.

  * * * *

  Time came for the family to leave for church, but Seth still hadn’t returned. Luckily, Johnny knew how to hitch the team to the wagon, which he did with quiet efficiency.

  Lily looked over her shoulder in the direction she knew Seth had taken that morning before she snapped the reins and the wagon lurched forward. The thoughts running through her head while they bumped along bothered her. What would happen between them when he read those letters? How would he feel knowing his precious Victoria had possibly betrayed him? She so wished he had come home before they left. She knew in her heart he needed her, but she also knew he would have to deal with this in his own way.