by RM Walker
“Not that either. Do you remember Nate upending you over his shoulder? Or more to the point, do you remember what you called him?” Josh asked.
She had to think for a minute, but it came back with a sinking feeling. “Oh lord, I called him Iggy. Why am I still alive?” She groaned, shaking her head.
“Because he loves you,” Josh said. “Thing is, we noticed he secretly liked it when you called him that.”
“We think it might, y’know, bring you both closer together if you called him Iggy occasionally,” Jake added.
“He’ll bluster over it, because he won’t want us calling him that. But secretly he’ll love it when you do,” Josh finished.
Lily had zoned in on the ‘loves you’ part. Had he told them? Or was it a figure of speech? The guardians had told her she held their hearts, but it all seemed so fantastic, so unlikely that all of them would love someone like her.
She looked at Matt and Nate ahead, visible in the dancing beams of lights. They were walking close together, deep in discussion. Maybe about Jonas, and what they might have to face. It made her heart hurt. She didn’t want to see any of them hurting. Did she love him? Did she love all of them? Did she even know what love was?
She twitched her nose and blew out a breath. She knew she was happy in their company. She knew they were annoying at times but so was she. She tried to imagine how she would feel if they were no longer around and the pain it brought made her tighten her fingers into her palms, her nails biting into her skin. She knew she’d do anything to protect them. If that's how love felt, then yes, she loved them. All of them.
“Lil?” Jake caught her attention. “What’s up?”
She looked at him, and her heart flipped. He was gorgeous, his dark untidy hair falling into his eyes as he looked at her, but it was more than his looks. It was the concern he showed her, the gentle way he teased her, the way he looked after her. How they all looked after her. Yeah, she was in love with all of them, and it made her smile widely at him.
He grinned at her. “So, what do you say? Fancy trying to bond with Nate with his special nickname just between the two of you?”
“Do you two realise how full of bullshit you are?” she asked. “You just want to wind him up. He’s going to hate it.”
“Lilith! Joshua, how could she think that of us?”
“Your guess is as good as mine, Jacob,” Josh replied. “But she owes us some money now. She swore.”
“So she did. C’mon, cough up,” Jake instructed her.
“I refuse to fund your piggy banks when you two swear like sailors.”
“Ah, Jacob, what are we to do?”
“Well, I suppose money isn’t the only thing she could pay up with, Joshua.”
“Guys!” Lily warned them. “I know where your minds reside most of the time. Don’t go there.”
“She doesn’t have a very high opinion of us, Jacob. We’re offended and confused. How could this possibly be?”
“Hysteria, Joshua,” Jake replied. “It happens to a lot of women upon reaching maturity, according to the medical profession.”
“Ah, yes, of course. We believe Victorian doctors implemented a certain way of dealing with female hysteria.”
“If you dare say the device they used to prescribe I shall not be impressed.” She tried to be stern but ended up snorting with laughter.
“Device?” Jake sniggered.
“She means a vibrator, Jacob. Such a dirty little mind, she has,” Josh teased. “We were thinking of cool cloths across your forehead.”
“Yeah, right.” She snorted, not believing that for one second.
“You guys okay?” Matt called back as they reached the edge of the forest.
“Yeah, we were discussing female hysteria and—ompf!”
Lily sent her elbow into Josh’s stomach. “Don’t you dare,” she hissed.
Jake went into peals of laughter, and Matt and Nate shook their heads before carrying on.
“Well, just remember we offer our personal services should you find that hysteria starts to become a problem,” Josh said.
“In fact, we wouldn’t even want you to get to that stage. If, at any time, you find yourself feeling the slightest of stirrings, we’re only a call away,” Jake said.
“It’s something we would love to help you with,” Josh finished and kissed her temple.
Their voices were low and husky, sending a responsive shiver through her as warmth pooled low in her stomach. She didn’t know how to reply to that, and she wasn’t sure she could trust her voice anyway.
They stopped, and she was enveloped between them, their mouths by her ears.
“Just tell us to shut up if we’re too much,” Josh whispered against her skin. “We absolutely adore you, Lily, and we always will.”
“But if we move too fast, let us know,” Jake added.
She was unable to find any words at all. She knew they wanted to step up their relationship with her, but she wasn’t sure whether they loved her or not. Adore wasn’t necessarily love.
“Lily, have we upset you?” Josh’s quiet voice stirred the hair against her neck.
She shook her head, brushing her cheeks against the sides of their faces. “No, you haven’t upset me.”
“We talk too much. We know we do,” Jake said. “It started as a joke and got serious quick. And we are serious, Lily, we’re not stringing you along here. You are it for us.”
“But we’ll wait as long as you need,” Josh whispered. “We don’t ever want to lose you.”
They kissed her cheeks gently, and she held onto them tightly, the shimmering warmth of their shared magic in her blood. She wanted this, wanted to bind her magic to them.
“But, please, just consider calling him Iggy. Just once. When we’re there to see his face.”
She laughed and as they carried on walking. She might just do it.
Nate
The bedside lamp gave her room a warm glow. Sleep was impossible with so many thoughts racing through her mind. Lily was stuck firmly on the fence about Jonas. She didn’t have any preconceived notions about him. And to some extent it gave her the ability to look at it with an open mind. If Jonas had betrayed them but his motivation was good, it would still never be the same for them. Once trust was broken it was hard to go back.
She turned onto her side, staring at the green digits of her clock.
And if Drew let her down? She’d be disappointed and hurt, but the devastation wouldn’t be as severe for her as it would be for them. She didn’t know Drew; she hadn’t had the years to build a relationship with him like they’d had with Jonas. He was like a second father to them, especially Nate. Maybe because they were both fire fae.
They’d all seemed happier after they connected the circle and by the time Matt dropped her at home, Nate had seemed okay. She knew that if he needed them, they’d be there for him in a heartbeat. But she needed him to know that no matter who was lying—Jonas or Drew—she’d always be on their side, on his side.
The digital numbers flicked to two a.m. and she rolled onto her back. Was he as sleepless as she was? She reached for her phone, sat up, and scrolled to his name. She’d send him a message—if he was asleep it wouldn’t disturb him.
Seconds after sending it her phone rang.
“Did I wake you?” she asked.
“No, I wasn’t asleep. Are you okay? Has something happened?” The concern in his voice had her smiling stupidly at the ceiling.
“No, I’m fine. I’ve been thinking. I know you have Matt and the twins, but you have me as well. Y’know...” She let it hang, not wanting to upset him.
“If Jonas knows more than he’s told us.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s...” He hesitated.
“Rug pulling,” she supplied.
“Yeah, I’m off balance.”
“Even if he has lied to you, there’s probably a good reason. Keeping Matt safe from people who could harm him is a good reason, an excellent reason.
”
“I know. I’m realising why you liked to hide your head in the sand,” he admitted.
“It’s safe and comfy.”
“I never meant to be hard on you. You drove me up the bloody wall with denying what you were, but I guess I can see why you were doing it now. I’m sorry for being a git.”
“You had my back,” she whispered. Her throat ached at how defeated and hurt he sounded. “You didn’t give up on me. I needed you to kick my butt.”
“I will never give up on you, sweetheart. And I’ll kick your butt anytime you want.” There was a trace of humour in his voice.
“I’ll kick your butt too, favour returned,” she teased him, beaming when he laughed happily.
“We should’ve done a sleepover at Matt’s.”
“Maybe we can do one tomorrow night?”
“Yeah, good idea. We’ll sort it out.” He hesitated for a few seconds. “Are you sleepy at all?”
“No. I can’t stop thinking.”
“Neither can I,” he admitted. He went silent for a second before speaking again. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes.”
“Open your window and give me ten minutes.”
He ended the call and she opened the window before snuggling back under the covers, watching the clock. Six minutes and several seconds had passed when she heard rustling outside. She looked out and saw a dark figure jog up the lawn, stopping under her window.
“Hey, Rapunzel, let down your hair,” Nate whispered.
“No way, Romeo, I like my hair attached to my head.”
“You’re no fun.” He stretched, caught a hold on something, and climbed up easily. She moved back as he clambered over the window sill, narrowly missing hitting his head on the wooden frame.
“What are you, Spiderman?” she whispered as she shut the window behind him.
“I wish.” He crawled over her bed and sat on the edge, a carrier bag in his hands. “We’ve been climbing in and out of these places for years. We can’t at the twins ’cause they had the conservatory built. We reckon they got it to stop the twins from getting out. Aunt April can hear them open their door, but she could never hear when they climbed out the window.” He kept his voice low as he spoke.
She stood in front of him and his gaze dropped to her legs. She’d forgotten she was wearing a mid-thigh length t-shirt and nothing else. She got into bed, sitting cross legged with the covers over her.
“Is your mum a light sleeper?” He turned to face her on the bed, one leg bent under him.
“No, not really. If I fall she’ll hear, but if we keep whispering she won’t hear us.”
“I was going to give this to you earlier, but I forgot.” He held the bag out to her. “It’s wrapped properly inside. I just didn’t want it getting ruined on the way over.” He pulled it back before she could take it and opened the bag, taking out a flowery package that looked as if it had been wrapped by a one-handed blind man.
She loved it already.
“I don’t know what your favourite colour is,” he said as she took it from him.
“Thank you.” She smiled at him. “You didn’t have to get me anything.”
“Of course I did, it’s your birthday.”
“You took me out to dinner,” she reminded him as she tried to find a spot to start opening it. He must have used an entire roll of wrapping paper and at least two rolls of tape. It made her heart flip. He was an absolute genius in some things and clueless in others. She finally found an area he’d missed with the tape and opened it. He’d given her a beautiful emerald green, cotton scarf. It was double wide with fringes on either end.
“It’s beautiful, thank you.” She rubbed her cheek into the softness of the scarf. “You were right.”
“I was?” He lifted his eyebrow at her. “I mean, yes, probably, but what am I right about this time?” He winked at her.
She pushed his shoulder gently. “Your ego is only surpassed by your bossiness.”
“I’m wounded.” He pushed his glasses up his nose.
“You’ll get over it.” She leant forward, her mouth beside his ear. “Green is my favourite colour.”
She expected him to act cocky, not groan, turn his head, and capture her lips with his. His hands hovered by her shoulders as if he didn’t know if he could touch her. He drew back, licking his lips, and pushed his glasses up his nose. There was a hint of a flush across his cheeks, and an uncertain look in his eyes.
“It’s okay,” she whispered.
“I don’t want to, I mean, I do want to kiss you, but I don’t. I mean, we’re alone.” He pushed his glasses up, just to take them off and begin cleaning them with his jumper. “I’ve been alone with you before, of course. But you’ve, we’ve, I’ve... Yes.”
She dropped her forehead onto his shoulder, hiding her smile. She’d never seen him so unsure of himself, and it made her fall for him even harder.
“Lily?” His voice was husky and uncertain.
She lifted her head and cupped his cheeks. Strands of dark hair fell into his eyes. His pupils had contracted to pinpoints, the blue of his eyes so intense she caught her breath.
“I want—” His voice squeaked and the flush on his cheeks darkened as he cleared his throat. “I want to kiss you, but you’re in bed.”
“Would it help if I got out of bed?” She didn’t wait for an answer, just scrambled out of bed and sat beside him. “Is that better?”
His eyes dropped to where her shirt ended several inches above her knees. “Frankly?” He put his glasses on. “No.”
“Do you want me to get dressed?”
He caught her gaze and her stomach dropped away. Something in his eyes had changed, the uncertainty was there, but there was a predatory look and it called to something deep inside her.
“What I really want, Lily May, is to help you take that t-shirt off. I want to see what you’re wearing underneath it, and then I want to take that off too.”
Heat pooled low in her stomach. His words made her groan and shift on the bed as the heat slid lower.
“But no matter how much I want to do that, I can’t,” he whispered.
“Why not?”
“Jesus, Lily, you’re not making this any easier.” His hands shook slightly as he removed his glasses to clean them again.
“I trust you, Nate.” She took his glasses and put them on the side.
“Makes one of us,” he whispered before closing the distance and kissing her gently.
Threading her fingers through his hair, he groaned sending shivers over her skin as he deepened the kiss. Opening her mouth to him, the tip of his tongue met hers, and she tightened her hold in his hair. He clutched the back of her head, and her entire world narrowed to just him. Tugging her closer, he rested his forehead against hers, breaking the kiss so they could breathe.
“Bloody hell, I could lose myself in you.” He cupped her cheeks with his palms.
“You make me feel funny inside,” she whispered, her hands drifted from his hair to his arms. “I’ve never felt this way before.”
“I feel it too.” He kissed her again.
“I don’t want to hurt you either. I mean, I don’t want to lead you on, but you’re addictive.”
“You’re not leading me on, baby. This is new territory for both of us.” He kissed her forehead. “I want to touch you, kiss you, but I don’t want to ruin this either.”
“Ruin it?”
“I don’t want you to regret it tomorrow. I don’t want any regrets between us at all.”
She buried her face in his neck. “I don’t think I’ll ever regret anything we do together.”
Holding her close, his fingers traced up and down her back. He grazed the skin of her neck, and she shivered.
“Tell me when to stop.” His voice was a husky whisper, and she groaned as tingles rippled through her lower stomach. Goosebumps rose on her skin as he tugged her t-shirt from where she was sitting on it.
“Take your jumper off,” she w
hispered, her fingers clenching into the material at his waist.
He shrugged out of it, dropping it on the floor, and she couldn’t help the laugh that left her lips.
“What?” He frowned.
“Your t-shirt is inside out.”
Pulling it off, he dropped it on the bed beside him. “I was in too much of a hurry to see you. I’m not even sure my socks match,” he said and cut off her laugh with his lips before pulling back.
Her fingertips touched his wrists, and she caught his gaze, silently asking for permission. He nodded, his breathing hitched. Dark hair covered his lower arms, growing less as she trailed her fingers up to the hairless skin of his upper arms. His biceps were defined, a contrast of hard muscle and soft, warm skin. Tracing her fingertips across his shoulders, she revelled in the way he shivered beneath her touch. His breathing hitched, and she bit her lip, his reaction turning her on.
Groaning, he gripped her face, bringing his lips to hers. Their kisses grew deeper, more desperate. She shifted closer to him, her tongue chasing his as she sank into the kiss with an urgency, a need to touch and be touched.
Exploring his chest, ghosting her fingertips over his nipples, she discovered that his body responded the same as hers did. The way he felt under her fingers, the hard plane of muscles that led down to his jeans was more than she dreamt of. She traced the edge of his jeans, and he wrenched his mouth from her, burying his face into her neck. Pushing his hands under the hem of her shirt he stroked over the bare skin of her back. The intensity of his touch made her groan into his shoulder. Pressing her palms into his chest, she moaned as his fingers explored the skin of her back.
Flicking his tongue out, he licked the skin under her ear. “You feel so good,” he whispered. His hands inched around her sides with every sweep of his fingers, and it made her cling to the waistband of his jeans, her eyes closed, breathing ragged against his neck. Anticipation grew as his fingers edged nearer, until his thumbs grazed the sides of her breasts. She gasped at the sensation and pressed her face into his neck. She stroked her hands up his back to grip his shoulders, clinging to him as sensations curled through her.
“Lily,” his voice cracked, and he cleared his throat.” I want to touch you.”