by RM Walker
“Please, yes.” She wanted his hands on her, she wanted to climb inside him and never leave.
He pulled back, not enough to dislodge her from his shoulder, but enough to slide his hands around her sides agonizingly slowly. His thumbs brushed over her nipples and she cried out into his neck.
“Kiss me.” It was a demand and one she obeyed eagerly. It wasn’t gentle or tender. It was possessive, passionate. His kiss was a needy fire which fed her own; making her match it, revel in it.
He pulled away and she cried out in loss, but he gripped the edge of her shirt and in one swift motion dragged it over her head. He tossed it to one side, his gaze searing her bare breasts. Insecurity shot through her, and she automatically lifted her arms to cover herself.
“Oh my god, Lily. I shouldn’t have, I’m sorry.” He jumped from the bed and grabbed his t-shirt. “I’ll go. I’m sorry. I never meant to...oh, fuck me, I’m such a fucking moron.” His movements were jerky as he tried to get the shirt over his head.
“Don’t go!” Lily pulled the shirt from him and dropped it onto the bed. “I’m sorry, I guess I was just a bit...No one has seen me naked before.”
He groaned and tried to push up glasses that weren’t there, poking himself in the eye. “Ow! Ow!” He covered his eye, bending over in obvious pain.
“Oh my god, are you all right?” She shot from the bed, her hands flitting around his shoulders. “Let me see.”
“Lily? Are you okay?”
She froze at her mum’s voice and then scrambled into action. She threw the t-shirt on as she jumped off the bed. “I’m okay, Mum. Just dropped something.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, sorry.” She heard the bathroom door open and shut. She waited by her door until she heard it open again, and she peeped out.
“Try and get some sleep.” Her mother shuffled her way back to her room and shut the door behind her.
Lily closed her door and rested her forehead on it, her heart hammering. She locked the door, something she never did, and turned to Nate.
He sat on the bed, bare chested still. One eye looked red and watery as he stared at his hands.
“Are you okay?” she whispered, not moving from the door.
He looked at her, groaned, and fell backwards onto the bed, his hands covering his face.
“Do you need Matt?”
“No. I need a cold shower. You look sexy as hell in just my t-shirt.”
Her mouth fell open as it dawned on her she’d put his shirt on in panic and not her own longer shirt. It just reached the top of her thighs, giving him a full view. She took a pair of panties from her drawer and put them on, aware he’d turned his head to watch her every move. Her cheeks burned, and her stomach contracted at the thought of him watching. Standing up straight, she tugged the t-shirt down and he caught her gaze.
“Are you okay?” he whispered.
“Yeah, you?”
“Better than okay.”
Climbing onto the bed with him, she sat back on her heels. He leant on his elbow and traced a pattern on her knee.
“That was close,” she whispered.
“What would she say?”
“I’m not sure. She knows it’s in the cards,” she hesitated. “Just not with you.”
“She’d expect it to be Matt she found in here.” He drew an infinity sign on her knee with his fingertip.
“Yeah. She told me to make him wear a condom.”
His eyebrow arched over his sore looking eye. “She said that?”
“Yeah, she’s always been open with me. There wasn’t anything she didn’t talk—” There had been something she hadn’t talked about.
He stroked her leg and sat up to face her. “I’m sorry. I dragged your shirt off like some sort of pervert. I never meant to scare you.”
“You didn’t scare me. I wasn’t scared. I was just surprised, and I wasn’t ready for how it made me feel. I didn’t want you to stop, though.”
“I thought I’d gone one step too far, just ripping it off you.”
“No.” She shook her head. “Now I know what to expect I won’t frighten the hell out of you when, I mean, if, we do this again.”
Squeezing her hands, he stole a quick kiss. “C’mon, you’re gonna fall asleep tomorrow if I don’t let you sleep now.” He let go of her hands and picked up his jumper.
“Do you want your shirt?” she asked as he dragged it over his head.
“I like seeing you in my stuff.” His muffled voice came from inside the material. “Although”—his head popped free and he tugged it down—“if it means I get another look at you, then, hell yeah, I want it back.” He wagged his eyebrows.
Biting her lip, she took hold of the hem. Things were going to progress with him, with all of them. She hadn’t even considered it with any other boy, never been ready to show her body, let alone let someone touch it. But with her boys? With Nate? It was terrifying and overwhelming and exciting all at the same time. Was she ready? Was she ready for where this could possibly end? There was one way to find out. Taking a deep breath, she began lifting her t-shirt.
“Lily, you don’t have to do anything,” he whispered, cupping her cheeks with his hands. “This goes at your pace. You decide when you’re comfortable.
“This is a relationship, isn’t it? You and me? We’re going steady, boyfriend, girlfriend, committed, whatever label you want to put on it. Yes?”
He nodded, a frown between his eyes.
“Then it moves at our pace, Nate. You have as much say so in this as I do.”
“Sweetheart, baby. I’m male, we’re born ready.”
“I doubt that.” She chuckled, and he rolled his eyes at her, smiling.
“Okay, maybe not born ready, but certainly since hitting puberty. I want to have sex with you. I have since the moment you stood up to me in the canteen in college.”
“You couldn’t stand me,” she reminded him.
“I was suspicious of you,” he corrected her. “But it didn’t stop me from lusting after you.” He kissed her. “Yeah, this is a relationship, and physically I’m already there, but you’re not, are you?”
It was a rhetorical question, and she knew it. She also knew he was right; deep in her heart she knew it was too soon. She loved him, yes, but waiting until she didn’t question herself was the answer. If she was questioning it, she wasn’t ready.
“Besides, I don’t want our first time to be like this. Rushed, or worried Lynda is going to walk in on us. I don’t want to be quiet with you. I don’t want you to be quiet. I want to hear you, I want to try and make you lose it, so you aren’t even thinking, let alone keeping one eye on the bedroom door.”
“Nate, that’s...” She swallowed, he cared for her, she had no doubt.
“It’s the truth, baby,” he whispered. “I’m not adverse to some heavy petting, a bit of making out. But you’re not ready to take it further.”
“I do want you, Nate, but not yet and not here like this.”
“I know, babe.” He grinned at her and moved back, pulling her covers down. “This got hot and heavy quick, but it was an important conversation.” Standing up, he indicated for her to get into bed. “C’mon, lie down.”
She scooted up the bed and lay down, making room for him to lie beside her. She turned onto her side and he spooned her from behind, wrapping her in his arms.
“Go to sleep, sweetheart,” he whispered into her hair.
Jealousy
Her phone dragged her unwillingly from a deep sleep. Nate had left when false dawn crept through the window. He’d kissed her, waking her enough to whisper he was going. She’d fallen back to sleep almost immediately and would still be asleep if her phone wasn’t ringing insistently.
She fumbled for it, her eyes still closed, and managed a grunt.
“Wake up, lazy bones!” The combined voice of the twins resonated too loudly in her ear. She groaned, covering her eyes with her arm.
“You’re not ill.” Josh sn
orted. “You’re just being lazy.”
“I’m awake,” she grumbled. “Besides, how do you know I’m not already up?”
“Because we’re downstairs. Matt is on his way up with some water.” They laughed and rang off.
She frowned, trying to make sense of their last sentence.
“Hey, can I come in?” Matt’s voice came through the door.
“Yeah.” She scrubbed at her face, still trying to shrug off the heavy feeling of not enough sleep. He came in, a small cup of water in his hands.
“Still in bed?”
She heard the twins laughing from the stairs.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“Waking you up. It’s after ten.” He dipped his hand into the water and flicked it at her, laughing.
She gasped, sitting straight up.
“Wake up the Crowder—” He stopped abruptly. “Get dressed, we need to pick up Nate. Seems he’s overslept too.” He was shutting the door behind him before Lily could process anything.
“What the hell?” She brought her shirt up to wipe her wet face.
Nate’s shirt.
She had Nate’s shirt on, and Matt had seen it.
She collapsed onto the bed, covering her face with her hands. His whole demeanour had changed from being upbeat and teasing to closing right down. He knew Nate had been with her last night, and he wasn’t happy with it.
They’d been so adamant it was perfectly fine sharing her. They’d been fooling themselves. It wasn’t natural to share your girlfriend with your best friend. They’d been idiots to think otherwise, herself included.
Her stomach sank, and a lump formed in her throat. This wasn’t going to work. They’d end up hating each other and hating her.
She didn’t want to face Matt, didn’t want to face any of them. She had no idea what she was going to say, but she wasn’t going to apologise; she hadn’t done anything they hadn’t agreed to. But his reaction had made her feel guilty, as if he’d caught her cheating on him. It was an impossible dream that had come crashing down.
THEY WERE TALKING TO her mother when Lily came down. Matt saw her first, and she caught his gaze. His face was closed, and the shuttered look in his eyes cracked her heart.
“About time,” Josh announced.
Matt walked over and dropped a brief kiss on her forehead before moving away. It was perfunctory, expected of him, but it was reluctantly done and what was left of her heart shattered.
“Lily, can I have a quick word.” Her mother didn’t wait for an answer and walked into the kitchen.
“We’ll get Nate, pick you up on the way back.” Matt didn’t look at her as he headed to the door.
She couldn’t look at the twins, and dashed into the kitchen, closing the door behind her. She leant back against it, covering her face as tears flooded her eyes.
“What’s happened?” her mother asked.
“Nothing, it’s okay, it’s nothing.” She tried hard to stamp on the tears.
“Tears are generally not nothing.”
“He’s just upset with me.”
“What on earth could have caused that in the twenty seconds he was up there?”
Lily closed her eyes, not able to tell her the truth. “It’s fine.”
“Well, obviously it’s not fine.” Her mother got a tissue and handed it to Lily. “Has he forced you to do something you didn’t want to do?”
“No. No, it’s nothing like that.” Lily shook her head and blew her nose.
“You should talk to him then. Men don’t speak the same language as us, he’s probably misunderstood something you’ve said.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” It wasn’t that, but there was nothing more she could say and not give the game away.
“There’s something else, something more important.” Her mother folded her arms.
“What?”
“You’re not taking your tablets. You’re going to have seizures again, or worse your magic will show. How are you going to explain that?”
Lily opened her mouth, but her mother held up a hand.
“Lily, they can’t find out. Not ever! No one must ever find out.”
“It’s okay, I haven’t had one since I stopped the tablets.”
“And what happens if you lose control like you did in the hallway?”
“I won’t.”
“You won’t be able to stop yourself.”
“It’s going to be all right, Mum.”
“You’re so naïve, and it’s my fault.” Her mother rubbed her forehead.
“What?”
“You don’t know anything. How much danger you’re in. You have to take the tablets again.”
“No. I’m fine, honest. Drew is—”
“Don’t,” she snapped, turning away from her. She gripped the edge of the counter and looked at her sideways. “Don’t mention him in my house.”
“I’m not taking the tablets. They made my nose bleed.”
“Rubbish.” She smacked her hand on the counter. “This is my house, Lily. You will do as I say while you’re under my roof.”
“I can’t take them, you don’t understand,” Lily cried out.
“Don’t tell me what I do or don’t understand.” She rounded on Lily, her voice rising. “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I will move us if you do not take them.”
Anger rose in Lily. “I know nothing because you lied to me. I don’t understand because you won’t explain it to me. Your excuses for keeping it quiet from me? For deceiving me? For keeping me from my father? They aren’t good enough.”
“I had my reasons and keeping you safe was one of them. You’re a witch. You have this evil, unnatural side to you. I’ve kept you safe from that. Kept you safe from him, all of them,” she shouted, pointing at Lily.
“You think I’m evil?” Lily lost her breath, it was like someone had punched her in the stomach.
“No. Yes. No.” She shook her head. “Locked away inside of you, or at least it was locked away, you have this evil, unholy ability. Lily, how many people can make a wind blow like that? Break the mirror with just a thought? How is that natural?”
Tears burned in her eyes, her fisted hands shaking by her sides as she stared at her mother.
“Take the tablets. We can forget all of this. We can move to Ireland, start afresh, just the two of us.”
“He’ll follow me.”
“Not if you tell him you don’t want anything to do with him. You’ve not needed him all these years. Haven’t I been enough? Didn’t we have fun together?” Her mother’s eyes filled with tears, and it tugged at Lily’s heart.
“Of course, Mum. I’m not saying that, I just...I want to know him too,” she pleaded, trying to make her understand.
“He’s not a good person. He’s going to darken you, drag you down. Don’t let him,” she begged.
“You don’t know that.”
“Of course, I do.” Her voice rose again. “He did the same to her. He killed my sister.”
“She was hit by a car. He wasn’t driving the car, was he?”
“He might as well have been.”
“That’s crazy. The driver was responsible, not Drew.”
“I’m trying to protect you,” she shrieked. Her face twisted with anger, her hands clenched into fists, and for the first time Lily was frightened of her.
The doorbell rang, and Lily dragged in a deep breath. “It might be the boys.”
“Lily, please,” she begged. All traces of anger were replaced with desperation. “Don’t throw away the sacrifices I’ve made for you all these years.”
“I’m not. I don’t...” It was tearing her apart. “I need to know, Mum. I need to know what I am, what I can do. It’s part of me.”
“It doesn’t have to be.”
“Yes, it does.” Lily opened the kitchen door. “I can’t go back now that I know. I don’t want to go back.”
Her mother closed her eyes, her shoulders slumping. “Wasted,
it’s all been a complete waste of time.”
“Not if you can accept me for what I am. Can you?” Lily held her breath, studying her mother’s face. Everything balanced on the knife edge of her reply.
“Go on, Lily. Don’t keep them waiting anymore.” She turned away to switch on the kettle.
Lily’s breath left her, and she stumbled from the room. She had her answer.
Lily grabbed her jacket and bag. A heavy throbbing pounded her temples, her eyes still gritty from crying. A part of her died inside. Everything was collapsing around her.
Opening the front door, her misery was compounded when only Jake was there.
He gave her a strained smile. “You ready?”
No, she wasn’t. But there were only two options: stay or go with him. Either way was going to be painful.
He beckoned her to come out, his smile faded. “Come on, Lil.”
She stepped out, closing the door behind her. “Where’re the others?”
“Matt and Nate had something to talk about, and Joshua stayed behind. Lazy bum.” He tried to sound upbeat but failed.
“They’re fighting, aren’t they?” Tears gathered again. She stuffed her hands into her pockets and kept her head down as they walked.
He was silent for a few seconds before he swore and slung his arm around her shoulders, pulling her into him.
“Jake, someone might see.”
“I don’t fucking care,” he growled.
They reached the turn in the road, but instead of going towards Nate’s he directed her onto the green. They crossed to a bench by the duck pond and sat down, his arm still around her shoulders.
“They were fighting.” He brought his ankle to rest on his other knee.
“Do you know why?” she whispered, staring at a lone duck as it swam in circles.
“Yeah. Well, sort of. Matt started hollering that Nate had taken advantage of you by pushing you into having sex with him too soon.”
Her cheeks heated, and her throat went dry. “He didn’t. I mean we didn’t.”
“That’s what Nate yelled at Matt after he punched him.”
“I can’t do this, Jake.” She pulled from his hold to lean her elbows on her knees, her face buried in her hands.