by RM Walker
“Oh, fuck. We thought you’d say that.” He leant forward, wrapping his arm around her again.
“It’s not fair on you, on any of you. You say you’re okay with sharing me, but that’s just words. Reality isn’t so easy. I can’t be with any of you. I can’t split you up.” She didn’t lift her head, tears dripping into her hands.
“You won’t,” he whispered it urgently, his mouth close to her ear. “You aren’t splitting us up. Those two morons are the problem, not you. They’ve never had to share anything, not space, not toys, not clothes, they don’t know how to share.”
“Sharing me and sharing toys isn’t exactly the same thing.”
“No, of course not. We didn’t mean you’re a possession to us. What we meant was they aren’t seeing the bigger picture yet. Matt is focusing on something which, to be frank, is none of his business.”
“It is his business. I’m his girl too, or I’m supposed to be.”
“No, it’s not. When you’re with Nate, you’re with Nate. When you’re with us, you’re with us, not them. They need to respect that.”
“Jake, answer me honestly, please.” She turned her head to watch his eyes. “How would you feel if I told you I had sex with Nate?”
Drawing a deep breath, he lifted his hand to touch her cheek with his fingertips. “We, I wouldn’t think about it.”
“But if you did?”
“I wouldn’t.” He held her gaze. “Yeah, I want to be your first. So does Joshua, we all do. Obviously, that isn’t going to happen, but you’ll still be my first.”
“I don’t think this is just about firsts,” she whispered, another tear dripping down her cheek.
He wiped it away. “Please, don’t give up on us yet. Let them get their heads on straight.”
“It’s because their heads are on straight that they have a problem. If I was to reverse this, put myself in their position? If I had to share you with another girl? I couldn’t do it, I’d want to kill her.”
“You can’t reverse this.” Josh crouched in front of them, startling Lily. She hadn’t seen him coming up to them. “You can’t reverse this because you don’t have what we have. You don’t have another part of yourself. You haven’t grown up glued to your cousins. You don’t have a sister, Lily. You can’t even begin to imagine the bond between the four of us, because you’ve never had it.”
“But they’re fighting.”
“Well, not now they aren’t. Matt has stomped off to sulk at his place, and Nate has locked himself in his room,” Josh said.
Lily groaned unhappily. “See? This isn’t going to work. I’m coming between them.”
“You aren’t coming between them. This isn’t the first time they’ve argued and it sure as hell won’t be the last. It’s not the first time Matt has sulked or Nate’s stomped off. Hell, even we’ve argued with them a few times. We argue, Lily, we’re bonded, not fucking perfect.”
“Oi! Speak for yourself,” Jake said.
“Well, yeah, we’re perfect, but they sure as hell aren’t.”
Lily chuckled despite herself, and Jake kissed the side of her head.
“They need to talk this through and that won’t happen until Nate descends from his high horse and Matt stops sulking. But they will.”
“And if they can’t agree?”
“Won’t happen,” Jake insisted. “They always sort it out.”
“They’ve never had something like this before,” Lily pointed out.
“No, but they know what’s at stake. They’re idiots, no denying that, but they aren’t complete imbeciles.” Jake snorted.
“What’s at stake?”
“You.” Jake shook her shoulder gently.
“They know if they want to keep you, they have to work it out,” Josh added.
“But they shouldn’t have to!”
“You don’t think much of yourself. And you think way too highly of them.” Josh moved to sit beside her, wrapping his arm around her waist.
“We’re right,” Jake agreed. “You are worth it. We knew this was going to happen, we even warned them but, well, you know what an arrogant asshole Nate can be. And Matt’s a dreamer, head in the bloody clouds.”
She leant back, breaking their hold on her. “It’s just too much. Everything is in the air with Jonas and Drew. Mum’s going ballistic because I won’t take the tablets or stop seeing Drew. Now this has happened.”
“C’mon, let’s go out. Just the three of us. We’ve got your present anyway. We’ll leave them to it. They’ll come around, Lil, you’ll see.”
“Will you borrow the Land Rover?” She wasn’t sure it was a good idea to ask Matt.
“Nah, we’ve got better transport than that old banger. C’mon.” Josh stood up and held out his hand. She took it and let him pull her to her feet. Jake got up and took her other hand.
She wasn’t sure it was going to be okay. She wasn’t sure of anything. Her heart hurt. Her head throbbed. Her mother thought she was evil. Her father could be lying, and she was about to lose the best thing to ever happen to her. Her boys.
Dozmary Pool
Lily gripped Josh’s waist, careful not to hang on too tightly. The thrill of the speed, the rush of air, and the sense of freedom lifted her spirits, sweeping away the devastation of the morning.
When the twins brought motorbikes out of their garage, she’d been surprised. But as it dawned on her this was the mode of transport the surprise changed to horror. She knew nothing about bikes, except there were only two wheels, no seatbelts, and nothing between her and the hard road. She’d feigned an interest she didn’t have, and they’d named parts, and pointed at things that went right over her head. But it had given her time to plan how she was going to break it to them there was no way on earth she was getting on the back of one.
She’d finally decided on distraction as an escape when they’d handed her their present. A black helmet with orange and red flames, identical to theirs. The apprehension in their eyes when they gave it to her made her make a split decision. She’d kissed them both, stuck it on her head and asked where they were going to take her. It had been the right move; the look on their faces was worth every inch of fear that swamped her.
They’d leant her their mum’s leather jacket, made sure the helmet was secure, and talked her through how to follow Josh’s lead on bends. Then they’d helped her on and she’d spent the first couple of minutes with her eyes closed, an iron grip on Josh’s waist, and praying to any god that would listen.
Now, half an hour later, and out onto the main road she had both eyes open, a more relaxed grip on Josh and a big, stupid grin. There was nothing like zipping along on the back of a bike with nothing between her and the air. Cars were fun, but Lily knew she’d never love riding in cars as much as she loved riding behind the twins on their bikes. She’d never learn to ride one, she was content to ride pillion. Matt could keep his car.
Matt.
No matter how much she wanted it to work between them, it wasn’t going to. She knew the twins meant what they’d said, but they weren’t Matt or Nate. Matt had been cheated on before. Seeing her in Nate’s shirt must have been too close to home. She’d hurt him, and there was nothing she could do to make it better.
But it wasn’t just them, there was her mother as well. Her mother had made it clear she would never accept her magic, and Lily had made it clear she wouldn’t block it again. They were at a stalemate, and she was terrified where it would take them.
Her mother could enforce her right for Lily’s compliance while she lived with her. And if she did, Lily would have to make a choice, one she didn’t want to make. Anger and betrayal coursed through her. She’d never doubted her mother’s love before, but now she wasn’t so sure. If her love was conditional on Lily denying who she was, then it wasn’t real love.
Josh tapped her knee and pointed to the left. She pushed it all to the back of her mind. There was nothing she could do, except enjoy her time with the twins. It might be the last t
ime she was able to be with them like this. Unhappiness swamped her, and tears blurred her vision.
She stamped hard on her emotions, blinking to clear her vision. This must be Bodmin Moor. It reminded her of the moor around Trenance, with its wild rugged landscape of gorse, heather, and moss-strewn stones. Tors rose high under a cloudy sky. Tall stone chimneys of old mine workings were dotted around, and she spotted a large pool of water in a disused quarry pit. She wondered if people swam in it, like they did back home.
Home. Trenance was home. She’d never felt so strongly for a place, but it wasn’t just the area, it was the boys who were her home. The tears returned, and she let them run down her face. She couldn’t lose it all now. She just couldn’t, she’d never be the same again.
A strange warmth tingled from her fingertips and up her arms. It travelled through her, soothing her, bringing her breathing and panic levels down until she was serene again. It was the weirdest feeling, and it confused her as much as it settled her.
They turned off the main road and swept around a bend onto a long, straight stretch. A dense pine forest dominated the left and open moorland the right. The road was narrow in places, but she trusted Josh, and remembered to lean with him on the bends. Through the trees, she caught glimpses of water that revealed itself to be a large lake that seemed to stretch on for miles. Jake was leading the way and although they passed a few parking spots, they didn’t stop.
Eventually the lake was hidden behind farming land with fields full of sheep and fluffy brown cows. She watched them as they shook their great heads, massive horns curling behind their ears. She lost sight of them as the wire barriers gave way to high hedges either side of the road. Josh slowed as Jake took a right turn into what looked like a farm track. It was narrow, muddy, and riddled with potholes, and she had to hang on tight. Josh finally rolled to a stop on a clearing. He put his feet down, switched off the engine and took off his helmet.
“You okay?” He turned to look back at her, concern in his eyes. “You were so sad.”
“How do you know that?” she asked in surprise, lifting the tinted visor on her helmet.
“We were touching, and it came through the bond.”
“Oh damn, I’m sorry.” She didn’t want them knowing her every emotion, it was invasive, unsettling, and not fair on them. “How do I stop it?”
“You can’t.” Jake came over, putting on the backpack that had been strapped to his bike.
“We formed the circle last night and, like we said, we were touching, there’s little you could do. Ordinarily, we wouldn’t pick up on it unless you deliberately wanted us too, or it was incredibly strong.” Josh held out a hand to her, and she took it. “Just put one foot down and swing your leg over the back, Jake will catch you if you fall.”
Doing as he said, she managed to get off, even if it was a bit ungainly and Jake had to support her weight as she hopped backwards to get her foot free.
Straightening she groaned loudly as the muscles in her thighs burned, making her legs shake. “Oh, my legs, my legs!”
Josh chuckled as he got off and kicked the stand down. “You get used to it after a while. Keep moving and you won’t seize up.”
“I feel ninety,” she wailed. “I’m never walking again. They hurt too much.”
“You have to move, or you’ll feel it even more.” Josh helped her unstrap her helmet.
“There is no more, this is it, this is agony,” she exclaimed. “Even my bum hurts.”
“C’mon, let’s keep moving, you’ll be okay soon.” Jake chuckled, taking her helmet and locking it to handlebars with theirs.
“Where are we moving to? I don’t see anything.”
“You will. We’re at Dozmary Pool.” Josh led the way up the lane.
“Pool? But the lake’s behind us.”
“That’s a man-made reservoir, it’s not a natural lake. The pool is special,” Jake said.
“Why?” She pulled a face as she carefully picked her way around the muddy potholes.
“King Arthur rowed out to the Lady of the Lake here, and she gave him Excalibur,” Josh replied. “It’s also where Bedivere returned Excalibur when Arthur was dying.”
“Really? Is that true, or just a legend? I know you said Merlin and Arthur were real.” Excitement sizzled through her.
“Yeah, it happened,” Jake said. “We’re nearly there. There’s a stile up ahead. It’s just down another lane then.”
“Have you seen her?”
“No, she only shows herself to the kings and queens that are fae or witch.” Jake touched her lower back and indicated an old wooden farm gate set in the hedge.
“Who was the last monarch to see her?” she asked.
“We don’t know for definite, but Jonas doesn’t think there’s been a magical monarch since Henry the Sixth.”
She saw the flicker of uncertainty in Josh when he said Jonas. Jake slung his arm around his shoulders.
“I’d love to see her,” Lily said, trying to break the mood that had fallen over them. “Who knows, maybe I’m the next British queen and we’ll see her today.”
“Queen Lily?” Josh laughed, the sparkle back in his eyes.
“Queen Lilith.” She held out her hand imperiously. “You may kiss my hand.”
“Oh, really?” Jake caught her hand and bent low. He puckered up his lips and at the last minute licked her, making her laugh.
“We’d be your royal consorts.” Josh kicked at a stone sending it into the grass verge.
“I’ll knight you. You’ll be Sir Joshua and Sir Jacob Nethercott.”
“There’s always the chance we’re the future monarchs and it’ll be us she appears to,” Jake pointed out.
“True. What would I be? You can’t knight a girl.”
“You’d get a damehood instead of a knighthood. You’d be Dame Lilith.”
“I don’t know. I’m not feeling it, boys. Dame Lilith?” She screwed her face up and shook her head. “Queen Lilith has a much nicer ring to it. I think we’ll stick with me being queen and you my lowly but faithful servants.”
“Well, Queenie. Can you climb up there or do you want me to throw you over?” Josh teased her.
“You’ll have a soft landing.” Jake pointed at the swath of mud on the other side.
“Thanks, but no thanks.” She pulled a face and then gave them a wide smile. “As my knights, this is where you take your cloaks off, lay them over the puddle and help me across.”
“Thank god, we don’t have cloaks,” Josh replied.
“Cloaks, coats, jackets, I’m not fussy.”
“No, but you are delusional,” Josh said, laughing.
“C’mon.” Jake climbed the stile and jumped, missing the puddle easily.
Lily climbed up after him, wincing as the muscles in her thighs complained. The mud was wider than she first thought, she wasn’t going to clear it if she tried jumping. She hesitated as Josh climbed up and straddled the gate beside her.
“Do you trust us?” he asked.
“Yes.” She didn’t even think about it. She didn’t need to.
He balanced himself, caught her up and without saying a word threw her towards Jake. He caught her before she’d even processed what Josh had done. She caught her breath and wound her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek.
“Much better than a cloak, kind sirs.”
He set her on her feet and kissed her nose.
“C’mon, outta the way, or you’re gonna get splashed.”
Moving back, Lily watched as Josh flung himself from the stile, narrowly missing the puddle. The weight of the backpack pulled him backwards, but Josh caught his arms, stopping his fall.
“Close one, thanks.” Jake slapped Josh’s back and motioned Lily to keep going. “Onwards, Queen Lily Pad.”
Laughing, she headed on to where the track opened out into a field, and she got her first glance of the pool.
“It’s smaller than I thought.”
“Well, that would be wh
y it’s called a pool and not a lake.” Josh nudged her shoulder, and she stuck her tongue out at him.
She watched the steel grey water, there were no ripples, no signs of fish jumping to catch the flies that skimmed low over the surface. The air was still, no birds were singing, there wasn’t even a slight breeze to tease the hedges or the few trees that grew in them. Enchantment held the area in a still silence, watchful, waiting, until need would awaken the magic that lay here.
“Can you feel the stillness?” Jake whispered, his breath hot against her ear.
“There’s magic here,” Josh whispered from her other side. “Magic that’s older than time.”
“Ancient, like the forest.” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath in through her nose and exhaled through her mouth, peace settled over her.
“Most of the moors used to be forests. There are still some left, but this pool was in the middle of a large forest, and it was here King Arthur came.” Josh put his hand on her lower back. “It wasn’t this barren.”
She opened her eyes. Trees surrounded the pool, green and lofty. Their branches reaching, spiralling upwards, forming a wreath for the full moon that hung above. A shaft of moonlight illuminated the Lady of the Lake. She was beautiful, ethereal, with long golden hair and a kind face. Her slim form covered by a diaphanous gown that sparkled and shimmered as she held Excalibur in her hands. Arthur knelt in the prow of a small boat, his head bowed before the Lady. Movement around the pool revealed nymphs, sprites, elves, badgers, foxes, all sorts of creatures. All witnesses to the King of England accepting the sword in the fight for his country.
“I am bloody starving, what did you bring to eat, Joshua?”
The spell broke and only barren moorland remained, the trees cut down long ago by herdsmen for grazing. Loss swept over her, and she wrapped her arms around herself.
“Food, Jacob, food.” Josh winked at Lily. He tugged her to where Jake was spreading out a blanket that had been tied under the backpack.
“You’ve got a picnic?” She took off her jacket and put it with theirs on the blanket.
“Of course.” Jake took some foil packets from the bag.