Memories of a Highlander

by Susan Bella Ikin

  Finally I allowed Eleanor to slide down my body, placing her feet on the ground and stepping back from the edge of the water. Our little game had put a light in her eyes that I hadn’t seen there before, and I liked it. It was an absence of fear, and I wanted to see it there all the time. All of a sudden I knew I needed a swim in the loch, and not just because I was still hot and sweaty. I started peeling off my tunic, talking to Eleanor as I did.

  “I need to wash the sweat off from training. Ye can turn around if ye wish, but ye mustn’t go anywhere. I will let ye know when ye can turn around.

  Her creamy skin aflame, Eleanor turned her back. I slipped into the water and moved far enough from the bank that my body was not clearly visible. There was a part that I did not want her to see, I did not want her to see how our game had affected me.

  “Ye can turn around now, I am in the water”.

  Eleanor turned around, and then plopped down on the ground and began running her fingers through the grass. I could tell she had something on her mind, so thought if I waited, she would speak, and I wasn’t wrong.

  “Donald, can I ask you something?”

  “Anything Eleanor, ask away”.

  “When ye married me, did ye expect that we will ever share a bed for more than sleep?”

  Phew, she did not waste time getting to the point, that was for sure.

  “One day. When ye are ready. Why?”

  “Well, I just wondered whether ye thought about being married before ye offered for me. I mean, if I never let ye near me, what would ye do? Would ye seek out other women?”

  “Eleanor, look at me.” I waited until she did. “I married ye, and ye alone. Whatever we make of our marriage is what will be. I am a patient man, and I don’t think ye are repulsed by me, so I think that one day ye will lose yer fear of me and then we can start our marriage for real”.

  Eleanor looked at me in amazement, shaking her head.

  “Donald, what did I ever do to deserve a such a good man? Ye are right, I do find ye attractive, and I do wonder what it would be like, but ye are so big and powerful, that I worry about what could happen if ye forget yerself”.

  “What do ye mean, Eleanor? Do ye think I might get too rough with ye? Because I don’t think I would, but if I did and ye asked me to stop, I would stop, I would never want to hurt ye.”

  “It’s not just that. I mean, look at how tall and broad, and how strong ye are. Lachlan was much smaller and not as strong as ye, but yet he overpowered me so easily, and I felt so powerless and afraid. I know ye would never mean to hurt me, but ye might without meaning to”.

  “That brute caught ye by surprise, that’s how he was able to get control of ye so quickly. If ye want, I can teach ye some tricks to break a man’s hold, I’ve used them in close fighting, and it might make ye feel more in control if ye realise how much ye can do, even if ye are smaller than yer opponent”.

  Eleanor looked at me with eagerness, but although I hated to do it, I had to warn her about the unpleasant aspect of fighting training.

  “Ye would be surprised how much ye could learn, Eleanor, but remember that the only way to learn how to fight, is to spar with a partner, like we do in the lists. I will be yer partner, but ye might not like it, and I don’t want ye to be frightened of me, but when I come at ye, I won’t be gentle, or ye won’t learn”.

  “Would ye teach me some things now, Donald? Do ye have time, or do ye hurt too much from getting beat by everyone?” she asked, smiling.

  I growled. “Ye had better turn around woman, because I’m coming out of the water, then ye might regret teasing me like that”.

  Eleanor laughed as she turned around and waited while I pulled on my clothes over my wet body. I led her to a flat section of the meadow, where the grass was soft. I turned her to face me.

  “Now, where do ye want to start? When someone comes at ye from the front, or behind?”

  Eleanor shook her head.

  “No. What I want to know, is how to keep on my feet. When he came at me, he picked me up without any effort, and then I was helpless, I couldn’t get away. If I had known how to get down, maybe I could have run away”.

  As she was telling me this, all manner of vile images went through my head. What Eleanor was describing would be difficult to overcome, and I knew what she wanted to know. How could she, who would probably be smaller and lighter than her attacker, not fall victim to brute strength? And how could I teach her without frightening her more than I needed to?

  “Well then, I didn’t see what happened, but I suppose the first thing ye should learn, is how to read from someone’s eyes, where they are likely to put their feet. If ye can anticipate his moves, ye might be able to avoid them. Watch me and see if ye can work out where I am going to step next.”

  I watched her as I demonstrated, taking care to move slowly, but I could see from the look in her eyes that she was still terrified. But for the next couple of hours, I tried to teach Eleanor how to read a man’s tells, to work out where he was likely to put his feet next, how he was likely to move his body. I also taught her that if she got the chance, she should always try to inflict the maximum damage, such as by going for a man’s eyes, or box his ears. I also reminded her that men were very vulnerable to a knee between the legs, but that they were always very protective of this area. At first, Eleanor was very wary of me, but as the lesson wore on, she grew more comfortable as she grew more confident. When I thought she had enough, I suggested that we stop for the day. By now we were both hot and sweaty again, and both eyed the loch with eagerness. I turned to Eleanor.

  “I will turn my back on ye, and ye can turn yer back on me, and we should both jump in together. Are ye ready?”

  This time I slipped off my clothing quicker than the last time, wanting to be the first in the water, and I was. I head the splash behind me and turned to see Eleanor spluttering as she came up for air. I smiled as I watched her try to keep her shoulders under the water, deciding that maybe it was time to push the limits of her comfort a little. I paddled a little closer, Eleanor watching me warily, unable to keep her hands in front of her to shield her breasts from my gaze while using them to keep paddling so that her head stayed above water.

  I grinned as I watched her struggles, then she finally gave up her modesty and decided to spend her energy on paddling instead, trying to give me a haughty look designed to put me in my place, but I let it wash over me.

  “Come now Eleanor, there’s no harm in looking is there? If I promise not to touch? I don’t mind if ye look at me – just say the word and I’ll move to shallower water, I’m not bashful”. I had a plan to make Eleanor comfortable around me by letting her let go of her fears little by little. If it took exposing myself to her gaze while she hid from me, then I was prepared to do that. There was just one thing I had to warn her about.

  “Ye just have to remember something and not judge me too harshly. This water is very cold, and that makes me shrink, do ye know what I mean?”

  Eleanor shook her head. I hadn’t thought that she would. I paddled closer to her, so that the water displaced from her efforts at paddling brushed against my body.

  “What I mean is, cold water makes my shaft much smaller than it is usually. So don’t be disappointed with what ye might see”.

  Eleanor’s eyes flicked downwards, trying to peer through the water, then just as quickly her eyes flicked upwards, and it was clear she was embarrassed at having been caught trying to look.

  “It’s only natural to be curious, Eleanor. Just say the word and ye can look all ye like”.

  With her bottom lip pinched between her teeth, Eleanor nodded. I smiled and turned to paddle to the shallows, eventually wading out and laying on my side on the grassy bank, leaning my head on one hand and watching my wife’s eyes roving up and down my body.

  Unfortunately, what had started as a gentle experiment soon became an erotic experience for me. I felt the water steam off in the sun, and my body begin to heat, not from the sun bu
t from the knowledge that my beautiful Eleanor had not taken her eyes off me since I stepped out of the water. Unbidden, my shaft began to swell, and I saw the moment she noticed it, when her eyes widened and she paddled back further into the loch. I decided that enough was enough, and turned to put my clothes on. I heard splashing behind me, and became aware of Eleanor putting her clothes back on. What she said next surprised me.

  “Thank ye, Donald, for putting yerself on display for me. I know ye did it to try to ease my fears and it did, a little. Ye were right, ye are a patient man. Thank ye for the sparring practice as well, I do feel better about myself now”.

  I gently put my arm around her.

  “Anything for ye, Eleanor, remember that. Just tell me what ye want me to do, and if it is within my power, I will do it. We should start to get back I think, we might want to get changed out of these damp clothes before dinner, and let everyone know that we haven’t vanished”.

  “Can ye tell me one thing, Donald? It’s a mite embarrassing, but there are things I don’t understand. I know ye said it shrunk in cold water, but was it growing because ye were warming up out of the water?”

  I threw back my head and laughed, and wondered how I was going to tell her the truth.

  “No, it was growing because ye were looking at me the way ye were, Eleanor. I will not lie. I was responding to ye as a man responds to a woman, and my shaft was growing because I was thinking about making love to ye”.

  Eleanor blushed again – she did that a lot – and although I was afraid she would pull away she did not. As we entered the keep, a few people turned our way when they saw our wet clothes and hair, but I scowled at them and nothing was said. Once we got to our room, I retrieved some clothes from the chest, and went to turn my back on Eleanor so that she could change but she forestalled me.

  “No, Donald, we cannot keep acting like strangers. If I am ever to be comfortable enough to lie with ye, then I need to get used to seeing ye, and having ye see me. Do ye mind?”

  I shook my head, unable to speak. Was she serious? Did I mind having the opportunity to look at her naked body? The only problem I had was that I knew she wasn’t yet ready for me to touch her, I just had to keep reminding myself that each journey started with the first step, and this was the first step for her. I was quick at removing my clothing, having lost my shyness around her, and even though I took my time putting on fresh clothing, I was still almost finished by the time Eleanor had removed her shift. I thought that perhaps she was very shy at disrobing, but I refused to look away, wanting her to know how much I desired to see her naked body. Eleanor slowly pulled her shift over her head, and when it lifted up over the curls at the apex of her thighs I let a little groan escape. It must have been too much for her as she turned her back at that point, but that only had the effect of presenting me with her perfect little arse, which my hands itched to grasp, then as she pulled her shift over her head, I gasped to see the livid bruises on her back. I crossed to her in two quick strides, grasping her shoulders, even though she flinched as I touched her.

  “Did he do this?” I demanded angrily, knowing that he must have, even as I said it. The colour looked about right for fresh bruises.

  Eleanor nodded, and I cursed violently, then realised that she was trembling. I put my arms around her waist and pulled her back in close to me, hugging her and rocking her. At first she resisted, then she melted into my arms, accepting the comfort that I offered. We stayed like that for a long time, until Eleanor realised she was still naked and dressed hurriedly. I watched her, not now because I wanted to see her body, but because I worried about her. She had not told me about this bruising, and I knew that she must be still hurting. I cursed myself for the other day, for making her ride all day, and then taking her straight into dinner without allowing her to bathe. The warm water might have helped. Eleanor began struggling with her hair, trying to comb the tangles before rebraiding it, and I moved quietly to her side, holding out my hand for her comb. Eleanor looked up at me, then put the comb in my hand, and as gently as I could, I teased out the tangles. Finally it was a sillky curtain running down her back, red-gold waves glinting like fire. I lifted a tendril, slowly smoothing it back down and then realised that I could go no further.

  “I don’t know how to braid hair. Shall I get one of the maids for ye?”

  Eleanor nodded quietly, but in the end it was Mary who went in to help her, all the maids were busy preparing the hall for the evening meal. I went and found myself a drink, angry and impotent in my rage, wanting to throttle the bastard who hurt Eleanor, but not knowing where to start looking for him. It was in this mood that Liam approached, flanked by Ian. These days Ian was always shadowing one or the other of us, trying to learn what he needed to know in order to be a warrior. After discovering the hard way last year how easily a man could be stuck by a sword, he had vowed to learn how to fight, and he was doing well. Shortly after Ian, Stewart also turned up. I looked at him, realising that my baby brother was not far from manhood now, although he was still a boy. It must be difficult, I thought, trying to imagine how it would feel being a boy surrounded by men, wanting to be like his older brothers, but not quite old enough yet. I looked at my three brothers with pride, my parents had raised good men, and I counted myself amongst that number. There was not a one of us who would raise a hand against a woman in anger, or willingly fail to protect those weaker than ourselves. I looked into the bottom of my cup as I thought that I had failed Eleanor, and filled my cup up to try to drown out my thoughts. Just as I tipped it to empty the wine down my throat, Liam’s strong hand prised it from my grasp and set it aside.

  “A bit early in the marriage to be drowning yer sorrows, isn’t it? Eleanor doesn’t strike me as the type of woman to drive a man to drink, so there must be something else bothering ye”.

  “Eleanor has bruises all down her back, where that bastard threw her to the ground. I wish I had killed him when I had the chance, but I don’t know where to find him. I’m sure her family know, but they aren’t likely to tell me, are they?”

  Liam looked at me quizzically, then drew me aside, and spoke quietly so that Ian and Stewart would not hear.

  “How is it that ye are just noticing her bruising now? Have ye not seen yer wife without clothes yet?”

  I looked back, but our younger brothers had now started wrestling, and had forgotten us.

  “She is afraid Liam, she needs to come to me when she is ready, and I won’t rush her”.

  Liam regarded me a while longer, then clapped me on the back so hard I took an involuntary step forward.

  “Well, maybe we should send out some riders to see what people around about are willing to tell us. We should know where the trouble might come from, shouldn’t we now?”

  Liam was on the point of going upstairs to look for Mary when I told him that she was with Eleanor, so instead we stepped over to Ian and Stewart to pull them apart before Ma caught them wrestling in the hall.

  At dinner that night I was a little subdued, although Eleanor seemed in better spirits. Talking with Mary must agree with her, I thought, or maybe it was because she got to play with the baby while Mary braided her hair. I stole a glance at Eleanor, wondering if she would ever consent to have a babe of mine, and once the thought was in my head, I could not get it out. I imagined our child would have red hair, as we both did, but wondered what colour eyes it would have, would they be green like mine, or blue like Eleanor’s? I must have had a strange expression on my face, as Eleanor caught me looking at her and leaned in close.

  “Do I have something in my teeth?”

  I shook my head no, stilling as Eleanor’s warmth reached me as she leaned in so near.

  “What’s wrong then?” She asked, still trying to whisper.

  I debated with myself whether to tell her, but decided there was no reason not to lie. Although I was willing to wait for Eleanor to decide she was ready to explore the physical side of our union, there was no reason not to discuss it.
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  “I was wondering what our babe would look like, if we were to have one”, I said, and my breathing quickened while I waited for her reaction.

  Eleanor sat back a little and looked at me, then looked down at her plate, whispering quietly.

  “What if I’m never ready to have one? What will ye do then?”

  I covered her hand with my own. I doubted she would never want to be with me, but worried that it might be a long time away.

  “Ye will, one day. We just have to wait and hope that it is sooner, rather than later”.

  That night in our room, Eleanor was back to her shyness while around me. However I had decided that unless she insisted, I would not turn my back anymore, so I readied for bed while watching her slow movements. After I took off my clothes, and climbed into the bed naked, Eleanor froze, staring at me. I rolled to my side to face her.

  “Donald, aren’t ye going to put something on?” Eleanor asked with a slight tremor in her voice.

  I tried smiling reassuringly, and then yawned, trying to convince her that I was tired and would probably go to sleep soon.

  “No. I usually sleep like this, I only wore clothing last night because I knew everything was new for ye and ye were scared. What is troubling ye about me? Ye saw everything I have today, surely ye aren’t bashful now?”

  “But, looking from a distance, and sleeping next to ye like that are two different things, Donald, surely ye can work that out for yerself?”