Only Mine

by Susan Mallery

  “I would say it’s a miracle,” she told her patient. “Or is this not good news?”

  Dakota took a deep breath, trying to clear her spinning head. The home pregnancy test she’d used the previous evening had confirmed what she’d begun to suspect. Driving to the next town to buy it had taken more time than waiting for the results. As she’d played with her daughter, she’d watched the time, then had read the clear message.

  Pregnant.

  A single word that was difficult to misunderstand, although she was having a whole lot of trouble absorbing it. Pregnant? Impossible. And yet, she was.

  “It’s good news,” she said slowly. “Of course I want more children.” Hannah and her sibling would be close in age. But now? “I just didn’t think…”

  “You didn’t think it would happen,” Dr. Galloway told her. “That’s life. I’ve seen it many times in my office. Although I should lecture you on the foolishness of not using a condom, young lady. Pregnancy isn’t the only reason for protection.”

  “You’re right, of course.” Dakota wanted to grab her head and scream, more from the surreal nature of the conversation than because she was upset. “You’re really sure?”

  “I’ll do a blood test to confirm, but I’m sure. Based on my exam, I would say you’re about six weeks along.”

  Dakota opened her mouth, then closed it. Six weeks ago? That would mean it had happened the first time she and Finn had made love. They’d been so frantic for each other, so lost in passion. If any event was going to defy the odds, it made sense that was the one.

  “I’m in shock.” She shook her head, wondering if she would ever feel normal again. “I didn’t think this could happen. I thought if I were to get pregnant I’d need medical intervention.”

  “So did I. When I said it was unlikely for you to conceive naturally, I was being kind. I thought it was impossible. Yes, there was the smallest of chances, but I never thought I would see it happen.” She smiled. “Your young man must have impressive swimmers.”

  “I guess.” Dakota looked at her. “I just adopted a baby girl. She’s six months old.”

  “Good for you. This is excellent news. I’ve always thought siblings should be close in age. Harder for the parents, but better for the children.” Dr. Galloway wrote on a pad. “What about the father?”

  “I have no idea what he’ll think,” Dakota said honestly, wondering if the swirling she felt in her stomach was nerves, panic or hormones. “Finn isn’t looking to get involved seriously or to take on more responsibility.” He’d nearly gotten his brothers on their way. A baby would completely freak him out.

  “Men often talk that way, but when faced with a child of their own, they come around. You’re going to tell him, I hope?”

  “Yes.” Eventually. First she had to be able to grasp the information.

  Even now, sitting in her doctor’s office, naked from the waist down after peeing on a stick and having a pelvic exam, the information wasn’t real to her. She could say the word pregnant, but she couldn’t feel it in her heart.

  Dr. Galloway opened a drawer and pulled out several brochures. “Some information to get you started. Pick up some sample prenatal vitamins and a prescription for more on your way out.” She rose. “You’re a healthy young woman. The problem was never about your carrying the baby. Now that you’ve conceived, we’ll do everything we can to make sure you have an uneventful pregnancy. Enjoy your blessing, Dakota.”

  “I will.”

  Dakota waited until the doctor had left to stand and then reached for her clothes. She set the paperwork on the exam table and drew on her bikini briefs. As she picked up her jeans, her gaze fell on a drawing of a pregnant woman. The side view showed a sketch of how the near-term baby was positioned inside of her.

  As she studied the simple picture, she touched her own still-flat belly. Her heart began to beat faster, and her breath caught in her throat.

  She was pregnant! After all the pain and heartache, after thinking she was broken and could never be like anyone else, she was pregnant.

  She stood in the center of the examining room and laughed, then felt tears burning her eyes.

  “Happy tears,” she whispered. “Happy, happy tears.”

  She dressed quickly, eager to tell her mother, who was watching Hannah. Denise would be thrilled. Dakota hung on to the happiness, knowing the freak-out at the thought of being a single mom to two small children would hit her any second.

  Could she do it? Handle it? Did she have a choice?

  There was so much to think about, to consider. She had to go by the airport and…

  And what? Tell Finn?

  She sank onto the edge of the examining table and shook her head. This wasn’t going to be good news for him, she thought sadly. There was no way he wanted to take on a baby.

  Sure, he was good with Hannah and very supportive, but not in a way that meant he was interested in more than a temporary “uncle” relationship. He enjoyed the baby, but being a guy who liked kids did not a father make.

  Finn had been clear about what he wanted from the first second they’d met. He’d never tried to convince her he was interested in anything but getting gone. If she wanted more, then she was only fooling herself.

  Thinking that made her remember the name of the show. True Love or Fool’s Gold.

  She knew which she wanted. That was easy. But finding it was more complicated. As for the fool’s gold—an artificial and unsatisfying substitute for the real thing—maybe she’d accepted a little of that, too. Allowing herself to believe there was more between her and Finn than there really was.

  He was a great guy, and she knew she was in danger of losing her heart to him. But she also knew he’d been honest with her, and that, when he said he didn’t want to stay, he meant it. Which left her in an uncomfortable dilemma.

  How and when did she tell Finn she was pregnant?

  She didn’t think he would believe she’d lied about her condition to trick him, at least not when he’d had a chance to think about it. But she wouldn’t be surprised if he went there at first, so she had to be prepared.

  There was also the issue of coparenting. Did he want to? If so, how would they manage? Would he fly in from South Salmon? What about the winter, when the small town was practically cut off from the world? What would happen later if one or both of them fell in love with someone else? It wasn’t anything she could imagine for herself, but Finn was the kind of man nearly every woman would want.

  Too many questions, she told herself as she stood and picked up her purse. She took a cleansing breath. They didn’t all have to be answered today. She was about six weeks pregnant. That meant she had months and months before any decisions had to be made. She could take her time and figure out the best way to tell Finn what had happened. As for his part in raising their baby—if she had to do it alone, she would. She might not have a life partner, but she had family and a town, and they both loved her.

  Sensible words, she thought as she walked toward the reception desk to pick up her samples and prescription. Words that should have made her feel better and stronger. Instead there was an emptiness inside, a sense of longing for the very thing she couldn’t have.

  Finn.

  SASHA LEANED BACK on the bench. “I thought I’d hear from an agent by now,” he grumbled. “What if none of them are watching the show?”

  Lani sat on the grass in front of him. She looked up and smiled. “They’re watching.”

  “You can’t know that.”

  Most of the time Sasha liked Lani. She was easy to get along with, and, because neither of them wanted to sleep with the other, there was none of that tension between them. It was like hanging out with his sister. If he had one.

  But sometimes she really bugged him. Especially when she acted as if she knew everything about being on TV and he knew nothing. Maybe he hadn’t been to Los Angeles for pilot season, but that didn’t mean he didn’t read and talk to people. He’d studied a lot on the inter
net.

  Lani rolled onto her stomach. Her long, dark, wavy hair brushed against the grass. She was beautiful and all, he thought. But not his type.

  “I told you,” she said, her voice sounding smug. “I sent notices to all the best agents in L.A. Well, to their assistants. I suggested they watch us.”

  He’d forgotten about that. “You don’t know that they’re watching.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Don’t be so negative. You have to believe. You have to see what you want in every detail and then do the work to make it happen. That’s how we’re going to become stars. Do you think I like being on this stupid show? It’s a great concept, but Geoff’s a pain in the ass. He has no vision. But it gets me in front of people. It gets me seen. That’s why I’m here.”

  Lani was so sure of herself, Sasha thought. She had a plan. All he had was a dream and the need to get out of South Salmon. That was the difference between them, he realized. Instead of complaining about her, he should learn from her.

  “So what do we do now?” he asked.

  “Close your eyes.”

  He looked at her. “I don’t think so.”

  She pushed up into a kneeling position. “I’m not going to do anything bad. Trust me. Now close your eyes and start breathing real deep. Like from the bottom of your stomach.”

  He did as she instructed, leaning back against the bench and closing his eyes. He consciously slowed his breathing and felt himself start to relax.

  “Okay. Now picture your dream house in L.A. It’s on the beach right?”

  “Malibu,” he said with a smile, still keeping his eyes closed. “I can see the ocean.” What he could see was girls in bikinis, but he didn’t say that to Lani. “And I know how to visualize.”

  “You know how to daydream,” she said. “There’s a difference.”

  He wanted to push back but reminded himself she wasn’t playing at any of this.

  “Okay,” he said, his eyes still closed. “Go on.”

  “Now imagine your house has a deck and there are stairs down to the beach. Ten stairs. They’re wood. Your feet are bare. It’s warm and sunny. You can feel the railing in your hand and you can feel the wooden deck below your feet. There’s a light breeze.”

  Sasha was surprised to realize he actually could feel the deck. The wood was smooth and warm from the sun. He could feel the loose sand under his toes. The light breeze she described blew against his face. He felt his hair move.

  “Now imagine yourself walking down the stairs,” she said, her voice low and soothing. “You’re getting closer to the beach. You can smell the ocean and hear the sound of the surf. You can see people on the beach.” She laughed. “Let’s change that. You can see girls on the beach.”

  “Maybe just a couple,” he said with a chuckle. “Okay. I’m walking down the stairs.”

  “Go slow,” she said. “Imagine everything about it. The railing. Don’t forget that. You’re walking down and down. There’s only one more step and then you’ll be on the beach. So stop at the last step. Can you see yourself there?”

  He nodded. He could see everything, and he could feel it, too. The moment was so real, he could taste salt on his lips.

  “Now step onto the sand,” she said. “Feel the warm sand. It’s just the right temperature. Not too hot, but warm on top and cooler underneath. Three of the girls see you. They whisper to each other and then start running toward you. They know exactly who you are and they are so excited to meet you. Because you’re on their favorite show. One of them is holding a copy of People magazine. And you’re on the cover.”

  Sasha grinned. Everything about it was real, right down to the picture of him on the magazine. With his eyes still closed, he squinted, then laughed. There it was, in bold print. Sexiest man alive.

  He opened his eyes and looked at Lani. “That was great. How do you do that? I want to do it more.”

  “You’re such a baby. Why aren’t you visualizing every day? It’s the best way to get what you want. Sure, you have to do the work, but this allows you to be in the right place at the right time. When you visualize and practice, you prepare yourself for success. I’ve been visualizing myself winning an Oscar since I was fourteen years old.”

  She stood and walked over to the bench, then sat next to him. “I don’t know anyone in the business,” she told him. “I don’t have a lot of experience or friends I can ask. I’m doing this all on my own. This is how I make it real. This is how I get through the day. If you want it, Sasha, you have to believe in yourself. Most of the time no one else will believe in you.”

  “I get it. I need to come up with what I want and then imagine it already happening.”

  “Yes. But do it every day. That’s what makes it powerful.” She sighed. “I imagined myself on a reality show. I should have been more specific. I can’t get anyone to tell me ratings numbers. Have you heard anything?”

  “What are you talking about?”

  She groaned. “How is the show doing? Are the advertisers happy with the number of viewers? That kind of information is important. We want the show to be successful.”

  “What does it matter if it isn’t? We’ll be gone.”

  “It’s important because if we’re going to put it on a resume somebody has to have heard about it. There is no point in claiming stardom on a show no one saw.” She stared at him. “You make me crazy, and not in a good way.”

  “Part of my charm,” he told her and grinned.

  “You are not all that.” She looked past him. “For all we know, one of the camera guys followed us. We should probably make out for a little bit just in case.”

  While there wasn’t any chemistry between them, kissing a pretty girl was never bad. But instead of thinking that he wanted her, he found himself remembering her lesson on visualization. He would get started on that right away. The first thing he was going to visualize was his big brother flying back to Alaska and leaving him the hell alone.

  FINN PICKED UP his two bags and left the grocery store. He barely made it onto the sidewalk when a tall older woman stopped him.

  “You’re that man,” she said, peering at him. “The one dating Dakota.”

  He wasn’t sure if she was telling him or asking a question. Either way it wasn’t her business. Except this was Fool’s Gold and he’d learned that people got involved whether you wanted them to or not.

  “I know Dakota,” he admitted.

  “How is she doing? Her baby is just so precious. Hannah—that’s her name, right?”

  “Um, yes.” Finn wanted to hurry her along to ask her why they were having this conversation, but he knew better. This stranger would get to her point when she was good and ready. His job was to wait and listen.

  “Do you know if she still has a lot of food in the freezer?” the woman asked. “I always prefer to wait before bringing over a casserole. In the beginning of any family crisis, everyone rushes in with food and it all has to be frozen. It’s never as good when it’s thawed and heated. I think we should make a schedule. People could sign up and bring food on an ongoing basis. But no one listens. So I do it myself. I wait a couple of weeks and then bring by food. So do you know if she has enough?”

  “Olivia.”

  Finn turned and saw Denise, Dakota’s mother, approaching. Her smile looked amused rather than friendly, as if she knew he were trapped and she was trying to decide if she was going to help him escape. As he had been practically naked in her daughter’s house, he understood her need to make him squirm. He could only hope that in the end she helped set him free.

  “Hello, Denise,” the older woman said. “I was just talking to Dakota’s young man here to find out if I should bring over a casserole.”

  “Olivia is known for her casseroles,” Denise told Finn.

  “She’s a member of another of the founding families here in Fool’s Gold. Olivia, this is Finn.”

  “We’ve met,” Olivia announced. “He doesn’t say much, does he? I can respect that. I, too, enjoyed
a quiet man. I assume he has other attributes that recommend him.”

  Finn couldn’t remember the last time he’d worried about blushing. He figured he had to have been in his teens. But here he was, standing on the streets of Fool’s Gold, trying not to turn red.

  Denise’s brown eyes danced with amusement. “I’m sure he does. Not that Dakota discusses them with me. Perhaps if you ask one of her sisters.”

  Finn nearly choked and started to inch away. Denise grabbed him by the arm to hold him in place.

  “Perhaps I will,” Olivia said. “In the meantime, if you think she would enjoy something to eat, I’ll take Dakota a casserole.”

  “I wish you would,” Denise said. “I know you’ll enjoy meeting Hannah. She’s wonderful. An adorable little baby girl. She was small for her age when Dakota got her, but she’s growing fast. She’s starting to eat solid food.”

  “I remember what a mess that was,” Olivia said with a smile. “All right. Thank you for the information. If you see Dakota, please let her know I’ll be by later today.”

  “I will,” Denise promised. She waited until the older woman had walked away, then turned to Finn. “I wasn’t sure you were going to make it,” she said.

  “I respect your need to torture me.”

  “A mother’s prerogative. But it really wasn’t that bad. Most everyone in town is nice, if a bit inquisitive.” The dancing humor was back in her eyes.

  He found himself smiling. “People don’t go through many things alone around here.”

  She took one of the bags from him, and they started walking toward his rented room.

  “We don’t believe in self-sufficiency,” she told him. “But you grew up in a small town, so you under stand.”

  “We were always ready to help a neighbor, but we were expected to manage pretty much on our own.”

  “When I gave birth to the girls, I had some complications.” Denise shook her head. “I was pretty sick. I don’t remember very much. My husband, Ralph, didn’t want to leave me alone in the hospital. But he had three little boys at home and a business to run. Not to mention triplet infants and it was Christmas. It was a stressful time. When I finally came home, I was weak. It took me a couple of months to recover. The women in town took care of us. Someone was in the house every single day for the first six months. I don’t think I changed a diaper until the girls were at least three months old.”