That was so significant, because Gia once made a comment to me like, “Why’d you sign the papers?” And I said, “Why’d I sign them? Because that’s what you do. You sign things that your husband gives you. You trust your husband.” That’s exactly what I did, and I learned the hard way. I think she gets it now.
The funny thing is that the girls think Joe can do no wrong. I mean, granted, he didn’t kill someone or rob a bank, but his actions still weren’t right. After we left, they all said, “We don’t care what he did. We just know that we love him. He’s our dad,” which is exactly the way it should be. They didn’t even cry, even though I did when we were talking about my mom. Joe was saying, “I can’t believe your mom isn’t here anymore.” Then he started crying, and I started crying, too, and he hugged me, because I know he loved my mom so much. It sucks. I could tear up at any moment just thinking about it.
The girls were very excited to wish Joe a happy birthday, especially Milania—they’re so close; it’s very sweet to watch. The next day she posted this message on her Instagram with a stunning photo of her and Joe dressed in all white on the beach:
OMG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DADDY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! YOU ARE THE BEST DAD EVER! YOU ARE SO AMAZING! YOU ARE SO CARING, NICE, AMAZING AND THE MOST GREATEST DAD EVER! DAD YOU TEACH ME HOW TO DO EVERYTHING! YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU! EVEN THOUGH I AM A PAIN IN THE BUTT I STILL LOVE YOU TO THE MOON AND BACK! YOU REALLY CANT EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I CARE AND LOVE YOU! YOU HAVE A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!
Gia also posted a picture of her and Joe with the caption:
happy birthday daddy love and miss you so much can’t wait for you to make me endlessly laugh everyday xoxo
It was really nice to see Joey and Joe together, too. They have a pretty good relationship now, which makes me happy. My brother cracks me up. When he first saw Joe, because he hadn’t seen him in over a year (I could cry about that, too, since they were once so close), he kept saying, “You look so pretty! You look so pretty!” I swear Joe looks thirty years old. It’s amazing what being in prison can do for your physical appearance.
I mean, listen, I wish none of this would have happened. It’s been a fucking nightmare. But Joe may never have had the opportunity to turn his life around otherwise. This was his wake-up call. He had hit rock bottom with all the financial troubles and then the excessive drinking. We all did. Obviously I wish this would’ve happened when the kids were younger, if it had to happen at all. At least then the older ones wouldn’t have been able to understand what was going on. It’s embarrassing for them. Imagine, at their ages, having your friends and strangers ask you about your parents going to prison. People are so fucking rude, especially on the Internet. They don’t even stop to think about how their words might hurt my girls. They just hide behind their computer screens and write whatever they want without even knowing us. My daughters are extremely resilient—they’ve had to be—but they’re still kids. Even Gia. They didn’t deserve any of this. And I hate the fact that they’ve had to endure so much, even more than I hated being in prison. And prison is no walk in the park, believe me.
Joe can’t stand being in there any more than I could, but I’m sure he’ll be fine. He works out a lot, which is good. He also takes classes, because he dropped out of high school and even though he earned his GED, for some strange reason we can’t find his diploma. So I said to him, “Who cares? You have nothing in there but time. Do it again.” I’m very into school now. I think it’s so important to graduate from high school and college. Back when Joe was in high school, it wasn’t that big of a thing. He was really successful, so he struck out on his own. That’s what turned me on to him in the first place. He owned two homes and worked really hard. I tell my daughters, “Make sure you marry a guy who goes to school and has a strong work ethic.”
When Joe comes out, I want him to have a fresh start. I want him to look good, to feel good, and to stay on the straight and narrow and get a job. I don’t know if he’ll be able to go back to construction or if he even wants to, but he definitely needs to start working again and make money, so everything won’t be on me. I just get anxious about it. That’s what I think about when I can’t sleep at night. I say to myself, Oh my God, it’s like we’re starting all over. That’s what bothers me. It better happen right away, because it’s a lot to handle on my own. I want to have faith in him because, like I said, at one point he was really successful, and everybody looked up to him. Then I don’t know what happened. The economy crashed, and I think it took a toll on him. I just didn’t know it at the time.
He’s not the kind of guy to walk around depressed. He’s always happy, happy, happy, at least on the outside. That was another thing I loved about him. He had such a positive outlook on life. He was always trying to come up with ideas for new business ventures. He says he can’t wait to come out and start working. And I say, “Yeah, you better!” I’m not kidding. He better get his ass in gear on day one. Maybe he’ll write a book about his experience. He remembers everything; way more than I do, so I could see him doing that.
Frankly, I don’t care what the hell he does, as long as he does something, and that something makes a lot of money.
I don’t want to have to worry or shoulder the burden of being the sole breadwinner anymore.
I’m so over it.
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MY GIRLS
As a result of the mistakes Joe made, I always tell my daughters, “Even if you marry a rich guy, you need to know that you can support yourself if things don’t work out the way you expected.” I learned that the hard way, and I don’t want them to have to do the same. I have very high hopes for my girls, and they have high hopes for themselves, too, which makes me extremely proud. They’re all smart, motivated, and mature beyond their years.
Gia says she wants to get into law. She’s not sure exactly which area of the field she’s interested in yet, but she says her desire stems from everything we’ve been through and all of the injustices we’ve been forced to tolerate. I’m sure she wants to help people like us. People who got in trouble but didn’t know they were doing anything wrong. Well, at least I didn’t. And, if that’s one positive thing that comes out of all of this, I’ll be thrilled. I’d love to have a lawyer in the family—in whatever capacity it ends up being! Everyone says how intelligent and responsible she is. I have to say they all are. But, if I’m being honest, Gia is the best at arguing her point. It’s almost impossible to say no to her! That may be because she’s the oldest, although she’s always been very articulate and into her studies. She’s so thorough when she’s doing her homework and stuff like that, and I know you have to be able to concentrate and work really hard in order to pass the bar exam and practice law.
We have a few friends who are lawyers who’ve offered to let her shadow them for a day or two to see what she’s most interested in pursuing. Then maybe she can do an internship to really narrow it down. She’s also very into forensics, which I think is so fascinating. I’m not entirely sure where that came from, but she does watch those crime dramas on television sometimes. Recently she was watching that show Prison Break and she was totally into it. Then she got Milania into it, too, and Gia was getting annoyed at her because Milania was trying to tell her what happened and Gia didn’t want to know the ending until she saw it herself! Sisters will be sisters!
If you ask me, I think Gia will get married, have kids, and have a very successful career, in whatever field that ends up being. If it’s law, that’s great. If it’s forensics, that’s great, too. I don’t care what it is. I just want her to enjoy life. I think that’s what every parent wants for their kids.
Gabriella also has a great head on her shoulders and she’s very athletic. She tells me often that she wants to be a professional soccer player. How amazing would that be? I go to her games all the time, and she’s really talented. Sh
e’s so driven. She plays forward, and when I watch her, I can tell that in addition to being strong physically, her mind is always on the game. She’s always calculating her next move before she makes it, which I think is a big part of being a professional athlete and a big part of being successful in general. This season, she asked to switch soccer teams because she felt like she wasn’t reaching her full potential. She thought she wasn’t being challenged enough. Isn’t that awesome that she recognized that on her own? She knows what she wants and she goes after it. Even her coach says how much he loves her and how determined she is. I’m so impressed!
Gabriella brings this enormous energy to everything she does. She’s a hard worker and she’s at her best when she’s being challenged. I can tell that she doesn’t just do something because she enjoys it; she does it to get better at it. She’s constantly trying to improve her skills, which I admire. She has this unbelievable passion for the game; she says it makes her feel powerful when she’s out there on the field doing her thing. I love, love, love that! Feeling powerful is so important, especially as a woman.
In addition to being a soccer star, Gabriella is also a phenomenal writer. She’s even in honors writing at school. Who knows, maybe she’ll combine the two and become a sports reporter. I’ve heard they need smart, outgoing women in that line of work. That would be so great because she loves sports and she’s confident in front of an audience. In fact, just the other day, these people came to her school to tell their stories about what happens when you text and drive. One of them had lost their parents that way. The teacher asked Gabriella if she would be interviewed by the reporter who was there to cover the story because she’s very well spoken, just like Gia.
Of course the craziest one is Milania; she always makes us laugh. I could totally see Milania on TV in some capacity. She keeps telling me she wants to be in the movies. Can you imagine? I can! She loves to act, even though she thinks she’s a terrible singer (she’s not!). I’m going to sign her up for performing arts classes in the fall. She has the personality for the small and big screen, but she definitely needs a little training if she’s serious about chasing that dream. She said to me the other day, “You know being in the movies is hard. You don’t just become a star overnight. It may never happen.” But I tell her she can’t think that way. If you want to make something happen you have to think affirmative thoughts and you have to roll up your sleeves and put the time in. That’s what I do every day.
I actually took her for an audition a while back and I think she got discouraged because the casting director wanted her to read the script a certain way and that wasn’t the way she read it. She didn’t know exactly what to do because no one’s ever told her. But when you go to acting school, they teach you how to read. One of her friends just got a commercial after going to the performing arts school for five years. It just takes patience and practice. For example, I had a part in a recent production of The Vagina Monologues at the Andiamo Celebrity Showroom in Warren, Michigan, and I had a coach who helped me. He told me things like which lines and sections to emphasize and so on. I really listened to his suggestions, and everybody said I rocked it. I know Milania will be able to do the same. She’s outgoing and poised, just like her mom!
And if acting doesn’t work out, Milania is interested in the law as well—same as Gia—she wants to help people with their problems. My kids are like that. They’re very compassionate.
As for Audriana, she’s only seven, but she says she wants to be a contortionist! I didn’t even know she knew that word. She loves dancing and gymnastics and all that kind of stuff, so anything is possible! As soon as she got into it, we knew she’d found her calling. In addition to doing dancing and gymnastics as extracurricular activities, she practices around the house and in the backyard all the time! Sometimes, out of the corner of my eye, I’ll see her do a cartwheel in the living room! I just bought her a gym mat and this big roll thing that she can use to improve her back handsprings. She’s totally into it, and she’s so good! I can’t believe how flexible she is. Even with all my yoga, I’m not that flexible. Maybe one day!
Toward the end of the school year, they did this “wax museum” project. The idea was that everyone had to pick someone they wanted to grow up to be like, and replicate that person. They had to dress like them and write an autobiography, as if they were that person, and then present it in the cafeteria in front of an audience. As soon as she got the assignment, Audriana immediately said she wanted to be the gymnast Laurie Hernandez. Laurie was part of the US women’s gymnastics team that won the gold medal in the 2016 Summer Olympics. And she also got a silver medal on the balance beam. Once Audriana had decided on Laurie, I went out and bought her a book about her and she dressed up in a leotard for her performance. It was so cute!
I also spoke to her teacher that day, who said that sometimes Audriana will just be sitting in class and all of a sudden one of her legs or feet will fly up in the air. Isn’t that so funny? She practices in the middle of school without even being aware of it! That shows me how passionate and dedicated she is.
Honestly, all my girls are that way. And I want them to pursue their dreams, no matter what they are. I’ll be supportive of them in every single one of their endeavors.
Naturally, I would love for them to go to college. To me, that’s very important. Listen, I know you can make money without it, but I just think it’s a very competitive world we live in. And I want them to go to good colleges, so they can get a well-rounded education. It’s something that they need in their lives. I would even be okay with them going to a university farther away from home for the experience, because I wasn’t allowed to do that. My dad was very strict with me, so I ended up getting my associate’s degree in fashion and marketing management from Berkeley College in New Jersey, but I’m not as protective of my kids as my father was with me. I want them to spread their wings and fly. I know they can do whatever they set their minds to. As I said, if they want to marry rich men, great! But even if their husbands have all the money in the world, I want them to have something that defines them. Something that makes them their own individuals and makes them interesting.
I’m sure they’re going to lead very happy, full lives. I just hope that after college they always stay close by, because we’re very into family. I would love to all move to California together one day. I really would. I’m not kidding. That’s my dream.
What? I hear surfing gives you great abs!
19
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WHAT LIES AHEAD
These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about where I came from, how much I’ve endured, and what my life is going to be like moving forward. I often wonder to myself what life would be like if I’d taken a different turn at some point in the road. What if I’d made a different decision? What if I’d never listened to Joe and been naive enough to believe that the choices he made were smart? Because they weren’t. They were stupid. And, as I said, I’m pissed as hell.
Looking back, I realize that there were a lot of things that Joe did that weren’t right. I’ve never told anyone this, but before we had Audriana—our fourth daughter—Joe and I did in vitro fertilization with the intent of gender selection, in order to try for a son. It seems like another lifetime ago, but it’s true.
Joe came to me one day, out of the blue, and said, “I’d like to see if we can have a boy. Isn’t there a way to do that?” Of course he loved our daughters beyond anything, but I guess he’d read something about it or seen something on TV and figured, why not give it a shot, with so much modern technology out there that makes it feasible.
I was definitely shocked and not sure what to say at first. I’d never had trouble getting pregnant the natural way, so I wondered whether it was right to try to control the process, if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. It seemed like trying to play God for no good reason. I’d also heard that going through IVF was extremely difficult, with all of the shots and hormones and then the retrieval and transfer. I wa
sn’t sure if I wanted to put my body through something that strenuous if I didn’t have to.
Still, I knew I wanted a fourth child. I felt like three was an uneven number. I assumed that when they got older it might be harder for three of them to get together, so it would be nice to have two and two. Also, with three, two can gang up on the other one! So there was that. But still.
I thought about it for a long while. I weighed the pros and cons. Then, eventually, I said to myself, if this is something my husband really wants, then I should at least try it for him. Right? That’s what spouses do for each other. They sacrifice to make the other one happy.
So, a few weeks later, I went to my gynecologist and asked if she could recommend a fertility specialist in New Jersey. She was pretty confused initially, because I was so fertile on my own, but I explained to her how Joe was feeling and that I wanted to be able to give him a son if that was what he wanted. She understood that and said she’d find the right person for us, which she did.
Standing Strong Page 15