To be honest I didn’t lose control when she spun and tangled her legs around that pole. I didn’t yearn to take her into the back booth and pay for her to dance in front of me. All I wanted to do was spend time with her; a lot more time than one four-minute song would allow.
It took her a few moments to emerge from the back, and while I waited I wondered if she was purposely avoiding me. Realizing that I’d come across as a creeper, I stood up to exit the building. Screwing this up would result in my dismay, and I wasn’t in the position to be disappointed again.
I’d made it to my vehicle before hearing my name being called. “Jax.”
I turned around to see her coming from the entrance. “Hey, I was just leaving.”
“What are you doing here? I thought you were having a party.”
I shrugged. “I wasn’t really in the mood to be close to my brother. He’s relentless, and I know he’s not going to leave until he’s sure I’m going home. To be honest, I just needed to get away for a while, and I didn’t have any other place to go. I guess I had it in my head that we could talk some more. I know our conversation was short, but it was the most decent thing anyone has done for me in a while. It’s nice to have an outsider offer advice.”
“You don’t have to leave. I’m just filling in for someone. Technically I don’t have to stay. We only stick around to make extra tips. That’s not as important as helping out my new friend.”
Friend.
I’d heard it clearly.
This appealed to me. Reese was my last friend that was female, and even though it ended terribly, I liked connecting with her that way. I felt like we were on the same page, and maybe that’s what led me to put my guard down.
Then I started imagining what she must think of me coming to see her strip. “Your eyes are beautiful,” I blurted out.
“Thanks.”
“I didn’t come here to watch you take off your clothes. I mean, I’m not going to lie and say that I don’t like what I see. You and I both know I’m attracted to you. It’s just that somehow I know I need a friend more than a friendly fuck, ya know?”
She nodded and smiled. “Wait here for me. I’m going to grab my purse and then you can follow me out of here.”
“Do you want to go out? I don’t feel like going back to my place. Jake is there and he’ll make my life hell if I show up with you.”
Amber snickered as she began backward stepping away. “I’m hungry. Let’s get something to eat.”
My mind went all over the place when I thought of food and Amber. If I closed my eyes I’d be able to picture eating an assortment of desserts from her naked skin. “Yeah, that sounds great.”
I followed Amber for about five miles down the main highway. We parked in front of this little diner, and she met me at the front door. “This place has amazing pancakes.”
Once again she was winning me over. “You like pancakes?”
“I love them. I could eat them three times a day.”
I smiled and looked down at the ground to hide my excitement. “Yeah, me too. It’s kind of family thing.”
“Your aunt makes the best. The first time I had her pancakes I asked if I could move in.”
Mentally I made a note to learn her magic ingredient so I could make them for Amber later. “She does. There’s nothing like waking up Christmas morning and having them.”
A hostess seated us in a booth at the far end of the establishment. Just as we sat down a waitress walked over to greet us. “I’m Patty. Can I get you some drinks while you decided on what you want?”
“I’ll have a hard cider,” Amber announced before looking in my direction.
“Me too.”
The waitress looked at both of us. “Can I see some ID?”
After proving we were both over twenty-one, she came back and served us with two frosty glasses. She took our orders and finally left us to be alone. Amber sipped at her drink first. “I love this stuff. It’s so good with apple pancakes. I can’t believe you ordered the same thing.”
“What can I say, it sounds delicious.”
“It is. I promise. I especially like the whipped cream on top.” She giggled. “I need to remember who I’m talking to. You probably hear the mention of whipped cream and think about sex.”
I almost spit my drink all over her. While sitting it down and wiping off my nose, I thought of a witty comeback. “I’d say you were the one with the dirty mind. I was just thinking about dinner.”
She balled up a napkin and tossed it at me. “Oh my gosh. Don’t turn that around on me. You forget that I’ve been with you at the dinner table. You’re an instigator.”
I grinned. “Yeah, maybe. I can’t help it. I enjoy making people smile, especially beautiful women with bright blue eyes.”
I could tell she was taking my words in and churning them around in that gorgeous mind of hers. “Jax, I think we need to make some rules for this friendship. If there aren’t boundaries I won’t be able to spend time with you.”
I leaned forward, hoping to get a rise out of her. “You keep saying that, but deep down I can tell you’re attracted to me. I respect your work rules, and I’ll keep my distance, but I’m not going to sit here and pretend that I wouldn’t like to explore every inch of you.”
Amber looked uncomfortable. “I appreciate your honesty.” She looked down at her drink when she spoke again. “You are attractive, Jax. You know you are. That’s part of the reason why I can’t like you that way.”
“Because I’m over-confident?” I inquired.
She finally looked up into my eyes. “Basically. Look, I can’t get into it, but I’ve had bad luck with guys in the past. I’m attracted to people that think they can control me, and I won’t go through that again.”
I could have reached across the table and promised I wasn’t the guy she was describing, but I’d always been the one to make decisions in my last relationship. “You’re right. You have me completely pegged. I’m a conceited douche bag that likes to fuck hot chicks.” While she backed away and tried to dissect my words, I continued. “But I’m also a lonely guy who really needs someone outside of my family to be my friend. I’ve never been in this position. My brother’s always there for me. Now that he’s my problem I don’t know where to turn, or who to talk to. I got them back together, but every day I hate myself for it. She was the first woman I’ve ever loved, and now she’ll probably go off and marry Jake. They’ll have two point five kids and a dog named Alfalfa. He’ll build her their dream home, and they’ll sit on the wrap around porch sipping coffee while the kids play in the drizzling rain.”
Amber let out an air-filled laugh and finished off her beverage. “Jax, you’ve put way too much thought in your brother’s future. You can’t do that and expect to move on.”
“I know.” I wiped off the condensation on my glass. “It’s the only way I know how to cope. I keep thinking that if he’s happy I could somehow be able to appreciate it. I get that it’s stupid.”
“You’re not stupid. You’re human and you’re hurting. Frankly I don’t blame your family for not wanting to get in the middle of it. They love both of you. They want you to be happy. So while Jake is starting a new life with Reese, and they’re happy for him, they’re saddened that you’re hurting. It’s a lose-lose situation.”
The waitress delivered us two more frosty drinks and I thanked her before addressing her statement. “This is why I like hanging out with you. You tell me like it is.”
“I only speak the truth.”
“This friendship…what does it entail?”
Amber folded her hands and took a deep breath. While I waited for her response, I admired her hair up in a messy bun and the smoothness of the skin on her neck. She had one freckle right under her ear, and I could picture kissing it as my nose glided up to her lobe.
“I’ll be there for you until you figure things out, but only if you stop coming to the club. I don’t like to mix business with personal. When I’m there I b
ecome someone else. It helps to perform better. I don’t like to be Amber when I’m on that stage.”
This was going to be harder than I expected. “Well if I can’t go to the club how will I get to see you naked? Can we go naked camping just as friends?”
She covered her face to contain her laughter. “Jax, you’re crazy.”
“What? I’m being serious. How about it? I’ll pitch a tent and when it’s dark we’ll strip down in front of the fire, across from each other, of course. Then we’ll spend the whole night talking about our fears. If you force my hand I’ll play truth or dare, but I draw the line at naked tree climbing. The bark gives me splinters on my balls, and I don’t want to experience that ever again.”
I could tell she was entertained.
“Don’t laugh at me. It took three weeks to get them all out.”
Our food delivery ended our moment. Right away I watched Amber cutting up her pancakes and making sure syrup and whipped cream covered every bite. She stuck a fork full in her mouth and closed her eyes, savoring the taste. “This is amazing,” she said with a mouth full.
“You have terrible manners.”
Amber opened her mouth and began laughing. She was cute when she responded to my humor, and it was another reason added to the list of why I wanted her to be mine.
Chapter 10
Amber
This wasn’t how I saw my night going, but in all honesty it was the most fun I’d had in forever. I just hoped that Jax was okay with a friendship label. Being around him made me feel things, but I’d been in this position before. I’d let myself fall for someone that took my breath away, and it turned out to be terrifying. I held onto that each time Jax said something funny and made me smile. My mind was fighting my heart, and I prayed that it would win the battle.
We sat there for hours once we’d finished our food. After talking briefly about his circumstance, we began getting to know each other better. He told me all about his childhood, and the endeavors that he and Jake got into when they were younger. I valued their relationship so much, because I’d been there with my own sister.
After some time our waitress stopped coming to ask if we needed anything. By midnight another rush of people had come in, and it was obvious she needed her table back for the next paying customer. Reluctantly we paid our check and walked side by side to the parking lot. When we reached my car Jax stopped with me. He gave me this look, and I knew what it implied. “Thanks for sharing a meal with me, Jax. I had a lot of fun.”
“You’ve had a lot to drink. Let me drive you home.” He crossed his heart with his hand. “I swear I won’t touch you. I’m just trying to ensure that my only friend gets home in one piece.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. Even standing there I could tell I was dizzy. I thought that I’d spread my drinks apart enough.
“I insist.”
“What if you just follow me? Once you see me park you can head on your way. I’ll need my car in the morning, and it’s out of your way to pick me back up.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“I don’t live far. It’s a country road. Just follow behind me. If I start to sway flash your high beams and I’ll pull over.”
When he’d agreed, we got into our vehicles and started on our way. With him behind me I had time to process the evening. Sure, I’d promised to show up for his party. We probably would have ended up spending the same amount of time together, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a mutual connection between us. As exciting as it was to feel something for a guy after a whole year had passed, I still had to keep the wall up. I wasn’t ready to accept that he wouldn’t do the same thing to me. I’d seen him being aggressive with his brother. He had an angry side to him, which I’d have to keep reminding myself in order to keep him at a distance.
I drove slow, but made it to the parking lot in one piece. Figuring Jax would keep driving, I grabbed my purse and headed to the door.
Him jumping out scared the daylights out of me. I screamed and covered my mouth so that my neighbors couldn’t hear me.
He touched my shoulder while laughing hysterically. “Holy shit. I thought you saw me.”
“No. I thought you left.”
He dropped his hand and looked directly into my eyes. “I wanted to say goodbye first.”
“Jax, we talked about this.”
Before I could argue my case on why we shouldn’t kiss, he leaned forward and put his lips against my cheek. For a second I closed my eyes and accepted the affectionate gesture.
“Thanks for hanging out with me, Amber. It was a lot of fun being myself again.”
I watched as he began walking in the direction of the parking lot. This was where I should have unlocked my door and went inside without looking back. It was where I made sure every window and entryway was fastened tight before going to bed. This was the part that I’d taught myself to avoid at all costs.
“Jax, wait.” He turned around halfway between me and the lot. “I have a couch if you don’t feel like driving back to ranch. It’s not comfortable, and I’m not sharing any of the pillows on my bed. I’m locking my room, and I won’t answer even if you tell me the place is on fire, but you’re welcome to stay.”
My hands were shaking after I’d said it. A part of me wanted to retract the statement, run inside, and pretend he wasn’t standing on the opposite side.
“Jake would freak out if I didn’t come home. I’m in.”
Before opening my door, I wanted to reiterate the rules. “I’m serious about what I said. I don’t let people in my house.”
“Do you want to blindfold me and tie my hands behind my back? I can’t promise that I won’t like it, but I’d do it to prove I’m not a creep. I’ve already seen you naked without effort. We had fun tonight, and to be honest, I don’t want to fuck that up. If inviting me in makes you feel weird I’ll go home.”
“No.” I whispered. “I trust you.”
Did I really trust this guy? Seth had been the same way to me at first. What if history was repeating itself and I was setting myself up for another assault?
Without speaking about my concerns we entered my place. I tossed my keys into a basket and kicked my shoes in the coat closet. Jax followed me into the living room and pointed to the couch. “Is this my bed?”
“Yeah. Is it okay?”
“It’s fine. Do you have extra blankets or a bath towel I can cover up with? It’s cold as shit in here.”
“I keep it cool so I can cuddle under my cozy covers, and no you’re not sleeping with a bath towel. I’ll get you a blanket, and if you sit there quietly I may even share a pillow.”
He folded his hands together and smiled. “I’ll be like this when you get back.”
When I walked into my room I closed the door and leaned against it. My heart felt as if it were going to beat out of my chest, and I was sweating like a pig.
While rushing to put on some more comfortable sleepwear, I settled for a one-piece footed monkey themed ensemble. It was hideous, and the less sexy I felt the least threatening Jax would be.
I pulled a blanket off my bed and fetched a pillow before joining him in the living room. If I felt sweaty before I was now boiling in the full body suit.
Jax covered his face and began shaking his head. “What the fuck do you have on? Please tell me you’re not wearing that to bed.”
“I am. I also have a lock that keeps the zipper from moving down. So even if you have a way to pick locks, you won’t be able to get into my pants.”
Jax caught me off guard when he stood up right in front of me. “You keep talking to me like I’m going to attack you. That shit happened to my cousin. I take it pretty serious. If her situation has made you worry about me, you can stop. I said I wouldn’t touch you and I mean it. You don’t have to dress like a jungle animal to keep me away. I’ll have you know that female apes are sexy.”
I shoved him back down on the sofa. “Shut up. I have every right to be weary. You did co
me to watch me strip two days in a row.”
He put his palms up. “For the record I showed up tonight for the company. You and I both know I wasn’t watching what you were doing, though it’s hard to not notice a body like yours.” He looked right into my eyes. “What can I say to make you feel more comfortable around me?”
I sat down on my coffee table and looked at Jax. In this moment he seemed harmless. If only I could tell him why I was scared to be close to him. “Tell me you don’t want me.”
“I can’t.”
“Do it anyway. Please.”
He reached over, but I backed away before he could touch me. “I’m not going to lie about it. I want you.”
I stood up and backed away from him. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
“I’ll be here, on the couch, all alone. If you need to cuddle, or that suit isn’t warm enough just let me know.”
When I closed my door I hesitated locking it. Sure, I’d put myself in harm’s way, but I was ninety-nine percent sure I wasn’t in danger from Jax, not physically. The trouble I was worried about was the emotional kind. He wasn’t just a handsome face. His sense of humor, combined with his ability to not give up left me desiring him. I had to lock my door, because it was taking everything I had in me to not go back out there and tell him we were on the same page.
The pajamas came off before I climbed into my bed. In the distance I could hear faint snoring, and unlike the fear that overwhelmed me most nights, I felt safe with him there. For a while I laid there listening to him, and the constant pattern of his breathing. Then, I climbed out of bed to peek. With my door cracked open I peered out to see him sleeping. The blanket had half fallen off of him, and even though I knew it was a bad idea I made my way over to cover him up. In nothing but a tank top and a pair of shorts, I crept quiet making sure not to wake him. When I placed the blanket over his body he startled me by touching my leg. I screamed and fell back into the coffee table, feeling it collapsing beneath me. Jax was already pulling me to my feet when he realized what had happened. “Holy shit. Are you okay?”
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