“Deserving and wanting are two separate things, bro. I hope you’re wrong, because if anyone can fix you it’s her.”
“I cracked my skull, dude. She’s not a miracle healer. Besides, in the next month she’ll be preparing to move to back to Ohio to start medical school. I can’t change that.”
Jake shook his head and laughed at me. “You’re stupid. It’s not your head that needs fixing. It’s your black heart.”
“Suck my dick, and get out of my face.”
My brother leaned down and kissed me on the forehead. “I love it when you try to act tough, little brother. You’re so cute.”
He left me there feeling annoyed, but not before reminding me that I was giving up without trying.
That night I didn’t get much sleep. My head pounded, probably because my brain was in overload. This visit from Amber could be nothing but a kind act of friendship. She probably didn’t want to spent thanksgiving eating a microwave dinner alone in the trailer. No matter what the reason, she wasn’t coming to be with me. The facts were as plain as day. I’d just have to do my best with being okay about it, because even a little visit from Amber was better than none at all.
Amber’s visit had me going insane. For two days I anticipated her arrival, and what I could do to convince her to hear me out.
Since I stayed up late worrying about life in general, I was surprised to wake to commotion outside my room. My door opened as I sat up in bed and there she was, walking toward my bed. Wearing a cute sweater and a pair of slim jeans, Amber approached me, stopping only when she was inches from my mattress. “It’s good to see you, Jax.”
I smiled, but stayed still instead of reaching for her hand. “You look great, Amber. How have you been?” She was stunning, as usual.
“We can talk about that later. How are you?” She reached her hand forward and ran it over my head. “Does it still hurt?”
I shrugged. “It’s like a terrible headache that won’t go away. Some days are better than others. Because of the extent of the concussion I’m not supposed to use electronics, but it’s sort of impossible to avoid.”
“I was worried about you. When Christian called I thought the worst. Actually I freaked out.”
“I’m surprised she didn’t drive over to the trailer to tell you.” I wasn’t trying to pry into her social life, but wondered why my cousin wouldn’t want to talk to Amber face to face. They obviously saw each other every day.
“I was out of town.”
“Visiting your parents?”
She tapped on her jeans as she spoke to me. “No. I went to see them afterwards.” She sat down beside me on the bed, and I scooted over to give her more room. “There’s something you need to know, Jax, and I should probably wait until after we celebrate Thanksgiving to tell you, but it wouldn’t be fair to keep it a secret that long.”
“What is it?” Had she met someone already? Had someone taken her out of town to win her over?
“Something happened about a month ago.”
“I already know. Just tell me he makes you happy, Amber. That’s all I could want for you. I won’t act bitter about it. I know I should have stayed in Kentucky when I had the chance.”
“What are you talking about? You think I’m seeing someone?”
“Aren’t you?” I was confused. What was this big secret?
“Wait. You’re not pregnant are you?” For the first time in my life that didn’t scare me. The idea of her carrying my child meant she’d be in my life. We’d have to stay close for the child.
“I’m not pregnant, Jax.” She reached out and put her hand over mine. “I’ve been signed by an agency to star in all of the videos for Shalan’s next album.”
“Seriously? Are you screwing with me?” She had the talent, and the looks. That’s not what I was surprised about. “What about medical school?”
“That’s what I wanted to tell you. I’m not going to medical school, Jax, and I’m definitely not moving to Ohio.”
“I don’t understand. What happened?”
Amber looked away for a second, and when she faced me again a single tear fell down her cheek. “You happened, Jax. You came into my life and loved me. Do you know how long I’ve waited to feel that from someone; from anyone? I finally felt alive for the first time in forever. Then you went away, and it was like the walls were closing in on me.” She wiped her face and sniffled. “I don’t blame you for following your dreams. I wouldn’t have forgiven you if you stayed behind for me.”
“It doesn’t matter now. My dreams are destroyed.” It was my pathetic reality. “I’m happy for you though. I can’t wait to be able to say that my ex is the hot babe dancing around on the television.”
“You know what would be even better?” She asked.
“What?”
“If she was the person you live with.”
It took me a second to understand what was going on. “Wait a minute. You’re messing with me.”
Our hands laced together and she smiled through happy tears. “Please forgive me for me walking away from us, Jax. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I was so wrong. I think I love you more now than ever before. It’s crazy, I know.”
“It’s not crazy. I still love you too. God I miss you so much it hurts, but I didn’t have the guts to do something about it. I thought you’d reject me again, and I couldn’t take that.”
“I signed a lease on a place about four miles from here. It’s some house that’s probably haunted by the old lady that died in it, but it was all I could find on short notice. I’ll be home except for when I’m shooting, and it’s usually just one or two weeks out of the month. I know you still have a semester left after this one, but I wanted to be close enough so you could stay with me if you wanted.”
I couldn’t even speak. She’d left me speechless.
“Oh god. I jumped the gun didn’t I? I should have asked you first.” She was panicking.
I sat up abruptly, ignoring how my equilibrium was still off. “I’m not going to be staying with you sometimes, Amber. I’ll be there every night.”
I pulled her against my chest, taking in the way it felt to have her close to me again. “If my head wasn’t so fucked up I’d already have you naked.”
“So you’re not mad at me?” I couldn’t believe she thought that.
“No. I’m not mad. How can I be mad when I have you in my arms again? Baby, I’ve missed the shit out of you. I can’t even tell you how happy I am right now.”
“I can’t believe this is happening. I mean, I had hopes, and your parents told me it was great idea, but I wasn’t sure you’d go for it. Jake said you were being stubborn.”
“Jake’s a douche. Don’t listen to him.”
Amber brought her whole body up and rested it over mine. “I missed this so much.”
Words couldn’t describe how lost I’d been without her, and I don’t even think I realized how horrible it was until she was back in my arms again. “Hold up. Before I start taking off your clothes and letting you have your way with me, I need to be sure you’re not going to leave again. How can I be sure that you’re not going to get scared and give up on me again?”
“Because everything I could ever want is right here in this room. Jax, I’m ready to fall head first into this. The only thing stopping me is you.”
“So, do we get to have sex now, or do I have to wait a little while for it?”
“You’re so bad.” She slapped my chest. “You’re family is in the living room waiting for us.”
“My family? You mean my parents?”
Amber shook her head. “No silly, your whole family. They were all in on this. Even your brother knew about it.”
“You sneaky little woman. What am I going to do with you?” Amber brought her leg over my body and sat up straight. Right away I reacted to her being so close. When she came down to kiss my lips I turned to the side, speaking loud so all of the people in the other room could hear. “We’re going to need some
extra time in here. My girlfriend owes me a little TLC, and we’re about to get naked. Go on about your day as if we don’t exist.”
Amber giggled when I turned my attention back to her. “Where were we?” She asked.
I leaned forward to feel those puffy lips pressing over mine. I had my girlfriend back in my life. She’d changed her future to be with me, and even though only time would tell what we’d face next, I knew we’d do it together, because this time I wouldn’t let her slip away. Just when I thought I’d lose everything I realized that not only did I have the woman I loved, but she’d helped me find peace with my brother. I was luckiest man alive.
Epilogue
1 year later
Jax
“Baby, have you seen my snow boots?”
“I used them this morning to check the mail. Guess what came?” Amber entered the kitchen in a pair of shorts and my old hoodie.
“You’re degree?” She’d been taking online classes to finish up, in between her busy modeling career. Even though photo shoots only lasted a day or so, everyone seemed to want a piece of her at the same time. Shalan’s first video got Amber out there, and now she was getting other offers left and right.
Unfortunate for them, Amber wouldn’t be shooting anything for at least the next eight months, unless they wanted her on the cover of a maternity magazine. Now four and a half months along, she could still hide it, unless she was naked. I could see the little bump forming, and knew it was only a matter of time before it looked like a basketball.
Amber waved the paper in the air. “Finally, right?”
“I don’t know why it was such a big deal. You’re making way more money than you would being a shrink. Besides, you get to travel, and spend time at home with your sexy man.” I reached around the front of her and kissed the side of her neck.
She turned and pressed her lips to mine at the same time the front door came flying open.
Jake and Reese walked right in, kicking off their boots to prevent tracking in the mud. It had been snowing for two days. Our appointment to learn the sex of our child was in an hour, and Amber and I were determined to be there. We’d waited this long, and I could hardly contain my excitement. We’d asked Jake and Reese to go with us, because they would essentially be the God parents. Ever since Amber and I moved into this old house, the four of us had become close. I even got along with Reese, when she wasn’t cutting me down to try and be funny. She and Amber hit it off, especially after we’d gotten back together.
Jake and I put the past behind us, and it was nice to have my brother back. After my injury he continued playing football, and was offered a position to play for Oakland. He turned it down, like we all knew he would. Nothing would take Jake away from the farm, not even a half-decent deal to play in the NFL. I think truthfully his leg still bothered him enough to know he wouldn’t make it very far.
“Mom told me to tell you that you better call during the test, so she can know as soon as we do.” My brother was looking down at his phone as he spoke.
Unlike Amber and myself, he and Reese were always early for everything. They took one look at my girlfriend and knew it was going to be a while before we went anywhere. “Dude, seriously, you said you were getting ready an hour ago.”
Amber and I separated and both laughed. “We got sidetracked,” she announced.
“I bet,” Jake rolled his eyes. “You’re already having a baby. Can’t the fornicating wait until later?”
“Bro, come on, I never turn it down, especially now. I never know when she’s going to get all hormonal and try to chop it off. Hell, you better watch yourself. Just this morning she cried because she couldn’t get the hair out of her brush. I’m telling ya, it’s like a volcano up in this bitch. She’s going to blow, it’s only a matter of time.”
I turned and saw Amber with both hands on her hips, giving me a witty stare. “Seriously?”
I threw up my hands. “Okay, I may be exaggerating a little.”
“A lot,” she added.
Reese grabbed a cup out of the cabinet and started pouring herself a cup of coffee. “It’s decaf,” I reminded her. My woman couldn’t have caffeine, so we removed it from the house. If I wanted something strong that put hair on my chest I could go to my parents and get my fill.
“It’s fine. I’m cold. Are you sure you want to go out in this mess? I think we should all light a fire and stay indoors. Can’t you reschedule the appointment?”
“No!” We both answered at the same time.
“Geesh, okay. I just thought I’d ask.”
“It’s a ten minute drive, Reese. We’re taking the truck with the plow. Nothing is going to stop me from winning the bet.” If it was a boy I got to do whatever I wanted to Amber for twenty-four hours. If it was a girl, I was in for another night of pedicures and makeovers.
“Jax, it’s a girl. We all know it is,” Jake teased.
“I hope it’s not. Maverick isn’t a good name for a little girl.”
“Skippy, don’t go there. We’re not naming our child Maverick.” She only called me that when I was annoying her.
“Woman, I will crazy-glue my pubes to your hairbrush if you don’t stop it with that name. I hate it.”
“I’m telling you Jax, it’s a girl.” She kept at it, ignoring my comment.
I rolled my eyes, imagining what being a father to a daughter would be like. Knowing all of the things I did to women, I feared that I’d be in big trouble. “Go get dressed. I can’t wait any longer.”
While Amber headed upstairs with Reese following, I sat down on the couch with my brother. He and Reese spent half of their time at the farm, and the other half at our place. The guest room was basically for them. When other family members came to visit they slept on the sofa bed. “I still can’t believe you’re having a kid.”
“I know. I’m not even freaked out about it.”
“Why would you be? Your girlfriend is pretty much a famous model, and she’s crazy about you. It’s cool that you’re going to be a family. I just wish you’d give her the damn ring already. How long have you had it hidden in your sock drawer?”
“Shut up. I don’t see you putting a ring on it.”
“That’s because we’re going to go to the court house. Reese doesn’t want a fancy diamond. We already talked about it. Unlike you, I wanted to keep my savings for a house.”
“Well, we’ve got a house. It still needs work, but it’s ours.” Amber had purchased the place after renting for six months. The old owner’s children wanted to get rid of it, and we were happy staying. They cut us a deal we couldn’t refuse, including the eight acres that backed up to my family’s property. Even if Amber didn’t buy it, my father would have, and rented it back to us.
“Just give her the ring. What are you waiting for?” Jake had a point. He knew I was stalling because I was nervous. Even though the ring I’d gotten was pretty expensive, Amber was making more than I paid for it in only a month. I felt like she’d be disappointed. A woman who travels the world, and is admired by many, deserved something lavish.
“I don’t know. I want it to be epic.”
“You’re afraid, aren’t you? She’s not going anywhere, Jax.”
He was right. Amber deserved to know that I wanted to marry her, before our child was born. “Two years ago I would have laughed in your face if you said I’d be having a kid and getting married.”
“Do you regret it? Jake inquired.
“No. I can’t imagine my life without her in it. She makes me crazy, but I love her to death. She’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“I’m going to go gag now. You’ve turned into such a pussy,” he teased.
I shoved him. “Shut the fuck up. I’m still me. I just have a sidekick.”
When the girls came downstairs we stopped messing around. I didn’t want Amber to know that I’d been hiding a ring and been afraid to share it. She’d feel like I was having doubts, and that wasn’t it at all. Before leaving, I
ran upstairs and grabbed the ring. It didn’t matter if it was a boy or a girl. This was going to be a perfect moment for us, and I knew it was as good of a time as ever to pop the question.
It took us twenty minutes to make it five miles down the road to the doctor’s office. When we were called to the back, Jake and Reese stayed behind until Amber was situated. While I helped her up on the table she kept giving me this strange look. “What?” I asked.
“I have something to tell you.”
“Am I going to like it?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. You might freak out.”
“Yeah right. Are you messing with me?”
The doctor came in before Amber could tell me. He’d brought Jake and Reese along, and began getting the machine ready to determine the sex of our baby. Amber had been lucky enough to experience the heartbeat at her first appointment, when she’d been away and gotten sick, only to discover she was ten weeks along. This was my first real appointment where I was not only going to see my child on a screen, but also know what we were having.
The five of us in the room looked at the small screen, desperately trying to figure out what we were seeing. He made a couple measurements before speaking. “It looks like this little one is a girl. Do you see that right there?” I assume the little speck was a vagina. Amber smiled at me, while it all sunk in. Right as I was about to lean down and celebrate with her, he said something else that shocked me. “And this one here in the back is also a girl. Congratulations, folks.”
The room started to spin. All I noticed was that Amber didn’t seem surprised. I knew right away why. “You knew didn’t you? You knew it was twins?”
She nodded. “They heard two heartbeats.”
I had to sit down. Jake leaned over and hugged Amber, while I sat there in shock. “There’s two,” I repeated.
Reese got close. “Two girls, Jax. Can you imagine?”
The doctor patted me on the back. “This happens a lot, son. You’ll be fine. I remember when your mother was pregnant with you two. She had that same look on her face when they came in for their sonogram.”
I had to put my fears aside for a second. “Are they healthy, doc? Does everything seem good so far?” Amber’s miscarriage was scary for us. Now that she was out of the first trimester it was easier, but we still worried.
Jax Mitchell Page 30