Promise of Redemption

by Ellie St. Clair

  Tears burned her eyes and she fought to keep them at bay as she stumbled back to her own room. Woodward entered soon after, startling as she had been expecting her maid.

  “Woodward,” she said, blinking back tears as he set the tea tray down on the small table, suddenly glad that he was here so she could make her preparations. “Will you send for my maid and ready the carriage? I must be going — and quickly, before Lord Ravenhall returns.”

  He looked up, concern written on his features.

  “May I ask where you are going my lady?”

  “To the countryside for now,” she said. “At least, until I determine what to do. It seems I … I cannot stay here any longer.”

  “But my lady,” he said, a look of astonishment coming over his face, “Your husband will be very displeased.”

  “That no longer matters,” she said, hearing the tension in her voice as the tears threatened to fall once more. “I cannot stay here with him any longer.”

  “My lord has done everything for you. He killed a man for you! The man who meant to steal his first woman away from him, and threatened your life. Why would you not be loyal to a man who would do such things for you?”

  Christina was surprised at Woodward’s sudden display of passion, but she knew the man had been with Daniel his entire life. Of course, he would be upset on his behalf.

  “He well knew I never wanted it to end like that, Woodward,” she said, feeling the misery deep in her soul. “His soul is blackened, and I’m not sure I can live like that. And I— Woodward, what do you mean, the man who meant to steal his woman?”

  When Christina looked up, she was shocked at the look that had clouded his face, the wrinkled lines around his mouth and eyes hardening in anger. The circumstances surrounding Miss Churston’s death sprang to her mind. Woodward had been the only one to claim to see Lord Northcliffe commit the murder. He had noted Northcliffe’s entry and departure. Christina thought back to her conversation with Lord Northcliffe. So much was difficult to remember due to her focus on getting away from him, but he had seemed convincing when he stated that he hadn’t killed Miss Churston.

  She looked up at Woodward now, her astonishment overcoming all other emotion.

  “Why?” she breathed. “Why did you do it? Kill an innocent woman?”

  “She was no innocent,” he snorted.

  She could hardly believe the transformation in him as he glared at her, and her heart quickened.

  “Why, the woman had been spreading her legs for Northcliffe, all the while stringing along my lord. I have known Lord Ravenhall since he was a child, seeing him run around his father’s estate. I swore my loyalty to him. My niece worked at the estate of Miss Churston’s father. She heard from Miss Churston’s lady’s maid her plan to confess to Lord Ravenhall and then run away with Lord Northcliffe. I couldn’t have it. I didn’t want to see my lord thrown away like that. He is a good man, and didn’t deserve to be treated with such disregard.”

  “So you killed her?” Christina asked, still unable to believe this elderly man, who had looked upon her with such kindness, could be a murderer.

  “It was not my first kill,” he said with a shrug. “I fought in the wars, found it difficult to find work when I returned. The Duke of Ware gave me my position, and I vowed undying loyalty to the family from then forward. The woman deserved it.”

  His look changed to one of pity and regret as he tilted his head toward Christina and sighed. “I had thought perhaps you would bring my lord happiness. But it seems you cannot accept him for who he is, and you are determined to leave him just as Miss Churston did. I tested you, my lady, and you failed.”

  “What are you talking about?” Christina asked, as her pulse raced wildly. Realization struck that she was in just as much danger as poor Miss Churston had been those many years ago. But she had the upper hand now, she thought. Woodward was older, and she knew his intentions, knew how he had killed the other woman. Her hands waved wildly behind her as she sought what she was looking for, trying to keep the conversation flowing as she did. “What sort of test could you set for me?”

  “The note,” he said with a sneer. “I wrote it, to see how you would react, to see if your love was true. And, my lady, I have found you wanting.”

  Finally, her fist closed over the candlestick, just as Woodward advanced toward her, rolling up his sleeves.

  23

  “Christina!” Daniel bellowed as he raced into the house, rushing from one room to the next, finding each empty but for a startled maid or footman. He cursed as he regretted the time he had wasted traveling to her father’s townhouse. He hadn’t been sure where to go first, and he had taken the chance that she had done as she said and visited him before leaving for the country. He could only hope that she hadn’t told Woodward of her intentions, for it seemed the butler took his loyalties too far.

  “Christina!” he called again, hearing the desperation in his voice as he bounded up the stairs two at a time. Finding her drawing room empty, he rushed down the hall to her room, pausing for but a moment when his eyes lit upon her.

  His heart stopped as he saw the blood on her pale green dress, and for a moment, another memory came rushing back to him, the memory of Laura Churston lying in a pool of her own blood. But now, the emotion that filled him was not the rage and injustice that had ruled him for so long, but a desperation that his own wife might suffer the same fate.

  “Christina!” he repeated, more gently this time, and when she finally lifted her face to him, it was a sight he would never forget for the rest of his life. Her eyes were wide and staring, unfocused on anything, including him. She held her hands out in front of her, like Lady Macbeth in tableau.

  “Daniel?” she said, her voice reedy thin, and he slowly moved toward her, noting Woodward lying on the floor. He didn’t stop at the man, however, but rather moved to his wife, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her in tightly toward him. He knew he should loosen his grip, but he couldn’t let go of her, so overcome he was with the fact that she was here, alive, unhurt. The love he held for her washed over him, flooding through his body like rays of sun on a hot summer day. His relief quickly vanished, however, when he felt her trembling in his arms, and as much as he wanted to keep her tightly against him, he slowly pulled back to look at her.

  He caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger and tilted her face toward him. “Christina, love, are you all right?”

  She shook her head, a haunted look filling her gray eyes.

  “I think I killed him,” she said, her words but a whisper as she pointed at the floor. Daniel let go of her then, crouching down beside his butler. He noted the gash in the man’s temple, but as he placed a hand on his chest, he felt the rise and fall of breath, and he turned to Christina, shaking his head.

  “He’s alive, love,” he said

  “Oh!” She released a sigh of relief and sank to her knees beside him. “Thank God. Can you — can you get help for him?”

  “Of course,” he said. “But come, let us clean you up.”

  He began to lead her from the room, sensing she was still in somewhat of a daze when Lord Hudson arrived.

  “Ravenhall— Good God!” he said, taking in the scene in front of him. “Are you all right, Lady Ravenhall?”

  “Yes,” she said, though her voice was still too strained for Daniel’s liking. “I’m fine.”

  “Woodward needs medical attention,” Daniel said to his friend, giving him an imploring look, which Hudson seemed to understand as he nodded back at him, and Daniel led Christina out through the door and into his own bedchamber. He knew he should call for her maid, but he found he did not want to leave her presence, preferring instead to see to her himself.

  As she sat on his bed, the life seemed to come back into her face, for which he was vastly relieved. The color returned to her cheeks, and when she looked at him, her gaze was much sharper and focused.

  “Christina,” he said, smiling gently at her and picking u
p her hand. “I am so glad you are all right. After I confronted Lord Northcliffe, we ascertained what had happened — that Woodward had killed Laura, and might possibly be after you, were he to think you meant to do me any harm. Are you — are you truly all right?”

  “I am, now that I know he’s alive still,” she said, her breath coming much more evenly now, though she sat back, away from him. “Thank you.”

  “What happened?” he asked softly.

  “Apparently he set up a test for me. He sent a note making me believe you killed Northcliffe. I — I’m sorry, Daniel, but I decided I had to leave because of that, for the time being at least. Woodward felt that I was no longer good enough for you.”

  “It’s all right. I think I understand now,” he said, determined now to put all to rights. “You must know that I did not shoot Lord Northcliffe. He is likely under lock and key, being questioned as to his breaking into my home and threatening my wife. Woodward will be dealt with accordingly. But what matters most is that I have determined my ways of the past, some of the things I have done, that I meant to continue to do … they are over now, Christina. You have taught me what it means to be good, to be true to oneself, and I cannot thank you enough for that.”

  He stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers, eliciting a tremor. “It is all over now, love,” he finished, still looking into her eyes. “We have nothing to burden ourselves with any longer.”

  Christina looked back at him steadily as a single tear fell to her cheek.

  “Is that so?” she asked with a sigh. “I am so very glad Daniel, that you didn’t kill Lord Northcliffe, whether he was innocent or guilty. You are a better man than that, and I am happy you have come to see it for yourself. But Daniel — I have realized something. I cannot live like this. I will not live like this. I know you hold an affection for Laura still, and I understand you always will. I can share your heart with her. But I cannot be pushed to the side, treated with disdain, made love to, and then discarded.”

  He was stunned at her words. She had said she loved him. He thought they would move on, that all of this was behind them.

  “B-but Christina,” he stammered. “That is all finished with. I have put that part of my life behind me.”

  Daniel stared at his wife for a moment, taking in her tears and her agonized look, before dropping his gaze. She was right. Despite the fact that Laura had meant to marry another, he had cared for her, and he always would hold onto that with a piece of his heart. But he finally realized there was no need to feel any guilt over the love he now had for his wife. His memories would stay as just that — memories — while he found love anew.

  “Do not run from me, Christina,” he begged, grasping her hand as she stood. “I cannot allow this conversation — this marriage — to come to an end, not when there is so much that needs to be said, so much that needs to be explained.”

  She turned away from him, sitting down in a chair and putting her face in her hands.

  “I cannot stay here, for the moment at least,” she said with such stoicism, it nearly broke his heart. “I cannot be here, not when each day is an agony. I must live with the knowledge that the love I have for you will never be returned, and I cannot do that when I must be in your company every day of my life. It is too much.” Tears began to fall from her eyes.

  Daniel stared at her for a moment, his heart slowing down as he took in what she’d said. He did not know how to answer her, finding her revelation both astonishing and yet wondrous. Whether she’d meant to reveal it to him or not, she’d shown him her heart, and her heart was filled with love for him. A love he did not deserve and had not been able to speak aloud — not until today.

  Carefully, Daniel knelt in front of his wife, cradling her hands in his and refusing to move, not even when she flinched at his touch. She had to know that he was here, had to know that he was not about to leave her side until he’d told her all he had to say.

  24

  “Christina,” he said, slowly. “My love for you has been growing steadily in the depths of my heart and I have simply refused to allow myself to see it. I hid it away, drowned it as best I could and yet still, it remained.”

  She said nothing, simply stared blankly at the fleur-de-lis pattern on the wall across from her.

  “I must tell you the truth, love, and I pray that you will listen, for every word is spoken from my heart,” he continued, gently. “Today, I stood in a quiet room with Lord Northcliffe before me, my pistol aimed at his chest — and I could not take the shot. All I could think of was you. My mind and my heart were filled with you. I thought of your voice, your smile, your tenderness and compassion. I thought of what our future could be like together, what I was about to throw away by taking vengeance in my own way. I finally chose to ignore my own desires and think only about you.” He smiled gently as she turned her gaze back toward him.

  “In that moment, I realized that I can have justice for Laura, but that I do not need to carry the guilt with me any longer. I am able to care for another without bringing any shame to my soul.”

  The only sound she made was a soft sniff.

  “My past remains a memory — but it does remain in the past, just as it should,” Daniel continued, reaching out to take hold of one of her hands. “In fact, I think, now that I know love with you, what I felt for her was affection, to be sure, but that was all it had time to develop into. I did not know her as I know you. I let anger take hold of me, and I allowed it to consume me. I became so determined to find justice for her death that I allowed it to take a hold of every part of my being. I refused to allow myself to feel, to love, to move on with my life. I was scared that if I gave you my heart, I would be betraying Laura’s memory, but I realize now that it was not so.”

  “Christina,” he whispered, knowing in his heart that he had to tell her the truth. “I have hidden this from myself and from you, but no longer.” Looking up at her, Daniel felt his heart swell, his mouth curving into a gentle, beautiful smile. “Christina, I love you,” he said, frankly.

  Her eyes widened as she stared at him.

  “I know I have been distant and cold, trying to keep away from you, but that was a ridiculous attempt to prevent the affection I felt growing into anything more.” His smile grew. “As I think you can guess, that did not work particularly well.”

  Seeing the stains of tears on her cheeks, Daniel brushed them away with his thumbs.

  “Christina,” he whispered, as a slight blush touched her cheeks. “I have pretended I feel nothing when the truth is, I am amazed at how much love for you continues to grow. Now that I have been able to see justice done, I feel as though my heart has been freed from its shackles and burst into life, sending a swell of love pouring through my veins. But that is because of you. It cannot be denied. It will not be denied. Oh, Christina, I will love you more with every day we spend together, if only you will give me another chance to prove myself to you.”

  Christina blinked, tears forming on her lashes again although they did not fall.

  “Prove yourself?” she asked, softly, her hands warming under his own. “What do you mean, Daniel?”

  He smiled at her, lifting one hand to brush his fingers down her cheek. “You told me that I was not the man who went out in a murderous rage, and you were right. But, at the time, I ignored your words, I did not heed your advice. I want to prove to you that I will listen to you, that I will respect you and that, most of all, I will love you with all that I have. You will not need to fear our future, for it will be one where affection and trust abounds. I want to prove that I am not the distant, cold husband you have known, but that I can change into the husband you deserve.”

  His throat ached with a sudden sharp pain as he looked at his wife’s face and took in her loveliness, almost overwhelmed by the depths in her eyes.

  “I don’t know, Daniel,” she said, her words nearly breaking his heart. “I gave you my love willingly, without condition, and yet you seemed determined to push me aw
ay. I know you had demons — we all do — but I just wish that you had seen fit to trust me with your burdens, to share your life with me and allow me to be there with you. If something else threatens you or angers you, how do I know you will not shut me away again? And will you continue on this path of justice for others?”

  “I understand what you feel,” he said with a sigh. “Sometimes with all that I see in the world, it is difficult to have hope that all is not in darkness. I realize that. And I know, from the women I have helped, that it can be difficult to find that light again when it has been dark for so long. I promise that going forward, I will turn my focus solely on bettering lives of those who need it, and not on a quest for revenge.” He paused, a thought coming to him. “Can I show you something? We will have to go for a carriage ride — but only if you feel well enough.”

  She hesitated but nodded, and went to call for her lady’s maid, but he shook his head. Woodward had dismissed all of the house servants for the day for his test of Christina, but he didn't want to return to that topic at the moment. Daniel returned to her room, relieved to see Hudson had already removed Woodward, hopefully to a hospital. With little effort, he found what he knew to be her favorite day dress in the armoire and brought it to her. He untied the back of her gown, slipping it off her shoulders, marveling anew at her form.

  As he helped her into the pale blue dress, she looked up at him, some wonder in her gaze. “How did you know—”

  “That you would want this dress?” he finished. “I’ve seen how often you wear it, especially when you are reading or taking time to yourself. It is rather soft fabric, as well, and I thought something comfortable would be a good choice. Come now,” he said, leading her to the hallway and down the stairs, halting at the bottom as he realized he had no butler to inform the stable master that he needed the carriage readied.