Impossible Things

by Alexandra McBrayer

  What was she thinking? What was she doing? She wasn’t acting rational at all. She was playing a very dangerous game and losing it meant losing Sam. Was she really willing to do that?

  Just as she was asking herself that question her phone rang.

  It was Lucas.

  She stared at it, unsure of what to do. If she didn’t answer he would get her voicemail so he would know it was her anyway. If she did answer…what did that mean?

  Torn, she stared at her phone and it stopped ringing but less than twenty seconds later it rang again. He wasn’t going to give up. She had to answer it. “Hello?”

  “Why did you hang up?”

  She didn’t say anything and she heard him take a deep breath, “Lucy are you there?”

  “Yes. I’m here.”

  “Why did you hang up?”

  She decided that she was going to be honest. “Because it was a bad idea to call you and I realized that when I heard your voice.”

  “Why is it a bad idea?”

  “You know why. I’m getting married and I love him.”

  There was silence on the other end of the line for a few minutes and then when he spoke his voice was thick and rough. “I’m glad you called. I’ve been thinking about you.”

  She had to close her eyes at that, at the emotions that his words brought up. There was more than lust there though she didn’t know what else it was.

  “Lucy, I’d like to see you again.”

  Her breath hitched. “No.”

  “No you don’t want to see me? Or no you shouldn’t?”

  “No…I can’t. I shouldn’t.”

  “Please?”

  She wanted to see him. She wanted to be with him. She wanted to feel the way he made her feel when she was with him, which was strong, sexy, and competent, like the woman in white walking down the street.

  “Where are you?”

  “Oxford Street.

  “Find a cab and I’ll give him my address.”

  “I can’t. I don’t have enough money for a cab.”

  She heard him sigh again and he said, “I’ll pay for it of course. Get a cab.”

  She stepped out to the street and waved one down. When she opened the door she hesitated because she didn’t know what to say. Finally she settled on, “My friend is going to give you the address okay?”

  The cabbie nodded and she handed him her phone as she got in. Lucas and the cabbie’s conversation was short, and the cabbie hung up before handing her phone back. She was disappointed and relieved at the same time at not being able to speak to Lucas again. Maybe he was afraid that if they did talk she would change her mind.

  She spent the almost twenty minute ride trying to talk herself out of going but knowing that she now had no choice. She couldn’t get out of the car because she had no money to pay for it. Besides, she told herself, she was a grown woman and fully in control of herself. It was possible to see him and not have sex with him.

  But even in her own head she didn’t sound too sure of that last part.

  The cab passed countless stores as the neighborhood changed and then she realized that they were driving beside Hyde Park, and then the cab cut through a part of London that she had never seen before. The houses got larger and the cars on the streets posher. It was not her normal neighborhood and it was even richer than her grandmother’s area.

  The cab pulled up front of a mansion that made Isabella’s seem small by comparison and the butterfly’s that occupied her stomach began a rampage. The house was tall, white brick, with a black iron fence surrounding it, and as she watched the front door opened and Lucas came out, taking the steps two at a time.

  She felt both happy to see him and sick to her stomach at the same time.

  He was quickly at her door and he opened it and helped her out without saying a word. She stood staring at him as he paid the cab driver. He was wearing dark jeans that looked as if they had been pressed and a sapphire blue sweater. He looked expensive all the way from his clothes to the thick, silver watch on his wrist down to the black leather shoes on his feet.

  When he was done paying, he placed an arm on the small of her back, and guided her towards the house.

  She’d known that he had money, he’d had to in order to buy the ring for her, but she had been so wrapped up in the events of the past few days that she hadn’t thought about it. Now she was forced to.

  They passed a sleek red sports car that looked foreign and then they were at the top of the steps. She hesitated and he stopped and smiled at her. “Won’t you come in?”

  He gestured with his free hand and with a deep breath she entered.

  His house was gorgeous. The floor of the entryway was black and white marble and the walls were a dark, elegant wood. It was luxurious and the very air seemed to scream wealth. He stopped to shut the front door and she hesitated. He moved towards her causing her to take a quick step back. He smiled at her as he said, “I was just going to help you with your coat.”

  Feeling foolish she let him help her off with it and then she felt worse because she realized that she wasn’t dressed to be in a home like his. He grabbed her elbow and led her to what Lucy would have described as a living room, but she thought that he probably called it the drawing room like her grandmother did. There were two peach sofas and two chairs in a pretty yellow and green fabric. The room looked feminine and it made her feel even more out of place.

  She heard a sound and turned to see that there was a television in a cabinet and he was watching a soccer game. That small detail made her feel a little better. He was a normal guy in at least one area. He apologized before turning it off and gestured for her to take a seat on the sofa. She did and was relieved when he didn’t sit next to her but sat on the sofa across from her. It felt better with the coffee table separating them.

  “Are you hungry?”

  That wasn’t what she had expected him to say and she must have looked perplexed because he said, “Sorry but before you called I was about to get some lunch. I’m starving.”

  “Oh… Okay. Sure.”

  She was disappointed that they would be going out, because she wanted to see more of his house, to know who he was, but at the same time she was relieved that they wouldn’t be alone. He stood up and went to the door, asking as he did, “Do you like steak?”

  She nodded and he smiled and said. “Good.”

  He left the room and she stared after him for a second before turning to look around her at the room. Now that she was able to see the room better she saw that it was a little messy.

  His black leather jacket, the one that he had worn the first day that they met, was thrown on the back of a chair, and the coffee table had magazines, books, keys and a tie. She recognized the tie as the one he had been wearing the day before and she smiled. Seeing that he wasn’t perfect made her feel better.

  She glanced over at the door, she could hear his voice from far away and she wondered who he was talking to. Being nosey she reached forward and looked at the magazines; they all seemed to be about cars. She heard his footsteps and pulled back just before he came into the room.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Okay that’s done. It should be here soon.”

  “It?”

  He smiled. “Lunch. I ordered steaks and jacket potatoes. Trust me you don’t want me to cook. My specialty is ordering take away.”

  He suddenly seemed normal, or as normal as a gorgeous man standing in a mansion could seem. He watched football, read car magazines and ordered take-away. He was becoming more human to her and less the fantasy lover that was in her head and she didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing.

  He sat down across from her again and they stared at one another. Uncomfortable with the silence she cleared her throat. “You have a beautiful house.”

  He nodded and looked around the room. “Thank you. It was my parents.”

  “It’s fancy.” That sounded stupid to even to her and she cringed in embarrassment.

&nb
sp; He smiled and she felt it in her gut. “It’s too big for just me. I live in only four rooms, which is why this room is such a mess. Sorry.”

  He stood up and started to gather up the magazines and books and she reached out and put her hand on his. He looked at it and then up at her as she said, “Stop. I like the mess. It makes you seem human.”

  He frowned, let the pile drop back to the table and sat back down in his chair. His face looked confused. “I am human.”

  She nodded, again embarrassed, something she was becoming used to feeling in his presence. He moved and she looked up to watch as he sat back in his chair and said, “Tell me about Sam.”

  Wow. Start with something easy why didn’t he? She reached up, brushed her bangs back, and then clasped her hands in front of herself. “I love Sam.”

  She looked up to see his reaction but his face was expressionless.

  Feeling the need to make sure he understood she said it again. “I love him.”

  Their eyes met and she felt that she needed to say more. To explain herself to this stranger that she had been intimate with, whom she had allowed to touch her. “We met the first week of college and we’ve been together ever since. He’s a good man.”

  She coughed and abruptly he stood. “Sorry. Let me get you a drink.”

  She waited, still staring at her hands as he left the room. He was gone a few minutes and when he came back he had a crystal tumbler with ice in it and a bottle of water. He sat it on the table in front of her and she thanked him.

  He sat back down and leaned forward so that his elbows were on his knees and his hands were clasped in front of him. He was staring at her so intently that she had trouble getting the top off the water.

  She finally got it open and took a sip before she continued, “We moved to London for him to go to do an internship and so I could be near my grandmother.”

  “And now what?”

  She shook her head, not understanding his question. “What do you mean?”

  “Now what? You get married, he finishes his internship…those seem like his plans. What are your plans?”

  She looked away. She hadn’t thought about it. Hadn’t thought about anything past the wedding and she hated to admit it to him but she also didn’t want to lie, “I…I don’t know. I haven’t thought that far.”

  She heard a soft sound and turned back to see that he was rubbing his lower face and it made a scratchy sound. It was three in the afternoon and yet he already had a five o’clock shadow. “I’m sorry Lucy. I didn’t mean to quiz you.”

  She shrugged to dismiss it and their eyes met. His green eyes were less than a foot from hers and in the soft light of the room they seemed darker. His dusky skin seemed darker as well and she coughed again out of nervousness.

  The doorbell rang but he didn’t move for a second. He stared back into her eyes and she felt exposed. She looked down at his lips and remembered them on hers, and remembered his mouth on the most private part of her as his tongue had slowly licked her. She felt as if her face had caught fire and she was afraid that he’d be able to see it so she looked away. He sighed, stood up, and walked out of the door.

  He came back a few minutes later but he only took a few steps into the room. “Bring your drink and we’ll eat in the dining room.”

  She followed him back into the entryway and then across the hall. The dining room was papered in a soft gray and the silk curtains that hung at the front and side windows were white with large gray flowers on them. The room was beautiful, steeped in shadows already as the sun began to go down, she wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to sunset so early in the day, and she saw that there was a fire laid in the fireplace.

  He gestured for her to take a seat at the end of the table and she did. He went over to the wall and turned on the chandelier that hung over the table. He adjusted it until she could see the table and him but the outer edges of the room were still in shadow.

  He came back to the table and that was when she noticed the bags on the table. They were black fabric bags with gold lettering and she recognized the name of a famous London restaurant. She probably wouldn’t have been able to get a table there and he had them deliver. Who exactly was this guy?

  She watched as he took containers out of the bag and sat them on the table. There were at least six containers and she wondered what he had ordered. “Sorry to be so informal, would you prefer it if I get us plates?”

  She shook her head. “No. This is fine with me.”

  He smiled and handed her a fork. “Good. This is how I eat most of the time. My mother would kill me if she ever found out but it means that I don’t have a lot of dishes to do.”

  She took the fork and he sat down. He opened one of the silver containers and handed it to her. “I had them make your steak medium rare. I didn’t know how you liked it and I should have asked.”

  She stared down at the steak. The smell of it and the fat, stuffed, baked potato next to it made her stomach growl. “That’s perfect.”

  And it was. The entire lunch was perfect. They ate and talked, but not about Sam, and not about anything important. They talked about an article that he had read in the morning paper, movies they had seen, travel, and finally he talked about himself.

  He had been born in Turin, Italy, his mom was British and his father was Italian. His family has split their time between London and Turin until he had been sent to boarding school at fourteen. That had lasted for only a year before his father died.

  After his father died he and his mom moved back to England, her parents were there and she wanted to be near her family. He had moved to Italy after graduating from University, and now because of business he spent part of his time in London and part in Turin.

  She asked him about his mom, if she had ever remarried, and he said no. She had a lot of male friends but she never wanted to marry again.

  He was easy to talk to. He was funny and he quickly made her forget how uncomfortable she had been. She found herself talking and laughing without hesitation. She told him about her own parents and about growing up in the States.

  It seemed that they talked about everything under the sun except what had happened between them.

  They finished eating and she helped him clear the table. She laughed when she took the silverware to the sink and saw that it was full of at least twenty forks. He smiled and told her not to make fun of him and pulled her away when she turned on the water to wash them. “You’re not here to clean up after me. I promise you I’ll wash them later. Okay?”

  She asked, “You promise?”

  He smiled and held up his hand, “You have my oath.”

  She laughed and followed him out of the room. The hall was dark and he switched on lights as they went. When they got back to the entryway he looked at the living room and then at her, “Would you like a tour?”

  She nodded eagerly. She wanted to see more of his home. More of who he was.

  They went through the downstairs looking at another living room, which he called the sitting room and then the library. It was cold and he apologized, “Sorry. Like I said, I really don’t use most of the rooms, so I don’t turn the heat on.”

  She nodded, and went to move out of the doorway so that he could close the door, when he reached out and touched her hair. She stopped moving and looked at him as he said, “I really like your hair like this.”

  She swallowed and said, “Thanks.”

  He slid his hand down her face and his thumb came up to touch her bottom lip. “And I loved the red lipstick.”

  Her hand went to her mouth and brushed against his. She had forgotten all about the red lipstick. Had he thought that she had put it on especially for him?

  Not wanting him to think that she said, “It was practice for my wedding.”

  She saw his eyes dim and he pulled his hand back before saying, “Well it looked good. You should wear it more often.”

  She moved and he pulled the door closed behind them. She followed him back down
the hall and then up the stairs and as she went her heart began to pound in her chest.

  They saw two bedrooms, an unused nursery and then another small sitting room before he started back towards the stairs.

  She stopped and when he realized that she wasn’t following him he turned, “What?”

  “We didn’t see your bedroom.”

  His hand was on the stairs and she saw as it tightened. “I didn’t want to scare you, or make you think that was all I wanted from you.”

  She looked at him, not speaking, not moving, until he came back to stand in front of her. He looked down at her, and the look in his green eyes made her heart flutter. “Lucy do you want to see my bedroom?”