More Than This

by Jay McLean

  I’m so ready get the fuck out of this place.

  As were heading out the exit, Julie gasps, “I have to go to the pharmacy, I need tampons!”

  I tense, and Kayla kisses my cheek, ”Just amuse her,” she says before taking Julie's hand and leading her to the pharmacy.

  ***

  I haven’t been able to get the sexy underwear out of my mind.

  It’s close to midnight and it’s all I can think about. As soon as we got home, Kayla holed herself up in her room. She didn’t even come down for dinner, said she had job applications to fill out and a bunch of research to do.

  Before I know it, I’m climbing out my window and knocking on hers. She opens the curtains after a few seconds and lifts the window. I climb in and sit on her bed.

  She stays in front of the window.

  “What’s up, Jake?” It’s dark in the room so I can’t see her face.

  “Nothing, just thinking… about you.”

  “Oh.” She hasn’t moved from her spot.

  She’s as far from me as physically possible.

  “Whats up?” I ask her. Something is definitely wrong, she hasn’t been the same since we left the mall. “Did something happen?”

  “No, why would you say that?”

  “Well, normally when I’m around you’re always right next to me, if not on me… now you’re all the way over there.” I try to sound concerned but it comes out sounding more pissed off than anything.

  “Jesus Christ, Jake. Sorry I’m not jumping your bones 24/7. Shit,” she all but yells.

  Something is definitely up and I have no fucking clue what’s going on.

  I try to calm down before I open my mouth again, because if I keep talking I’ll say something stupid.

  I really don’t want to do that.

  “Kayla, if something’s going on, you’d tell me right?” I move to switch on the lamp on her nightstand so I can see her face.

  Her cheeks are all red, her nose is running, her eyes bloodshot.

  She’s been crying.

  Before I can stand up, she saunters over to me.

  She stops right in front and stands in between my legs, placing her arms around my neck. My arms instinctively go around her waist. I look up at her face.

  “I’m okay, Jake. I’ve just had a bad day. I promise. I’m sorry.”

  I drop my head to her stomach.

  I kind of feel like a dick.

  I wish I knew how to help her.

  “You want me to stay with you tonight? I’ll climb back in early, not that anyone would really give a shit.”

  She shakes her head no.

  Something is definitely up.

  I leave her alone in her room and hope that tomorrow will be a better day for her.

  Chapter 25

  *Mikayla*

  “Micky!”

  I drop what I’m holding. It falls to the floor.

  I look up to see Logan walking towards me.

  He stops in front of me, eyeing me.

  He looks at my face, then to the floor, then to the shelf I’m standing next to. Down to the floor again and finally, settling back on my face.

  All this happens in about two seconds.

  To me, it feels like years.

  From the moment I heard my name being called, a thousand emotions overcame me. Panic, regret, sadness, confusion, humiliation, anger and disappointment.

  The biggest one though, was fear.

  I was shit scared.

  Logan picks up what I dropped and stares at it for a second, a minute, a hundred fucking years. It doesn’t matter.

  It will still be a pregnancy test.

  By the time he puts the item back on the shelf, tears have formed in my eyes, a sob escapes me and I fold over myself.

  He wraps me in his arms and leads me outside, whispering comforting words.

  He opens the door of his car for me and I get in.

  Once he’s settled in the drivers seat, he puts the key in the ignition, but doesn’t make a move to start it.

  Moments of silence pass.

  Then he faces me, “You’re pregnant?”

  “I don’t know.” It’s barely a whisper.

  “So you haven’t taken the test yet?”

  “No.” I start to cry. “Please, Logan. You can’t tell anybody about this. No one. Especially Jake, please.”

  “Mikayla, I wouldn’t. It’s not my story to tell.” He tries to smile but it doesn’t follow through.

  The car is quiet apart from my sobs.

  “My dad’s a doctor, I can take you to him, just to be sure. It’s all confidential. It’s the law or some shit. No-one will know. I promise”

  I nod my head once and look out the window, as he starts the car and reverses out of the spot.

  ***

  I didn’t even think about it, not for a second. Until we were at the pharmacy yesterday and Julie was asking me about the different tampon options. How could I be so stupid? I was two weeks late and I didn’t even notice. James and I were actively active the weeks leading up to ‘prom night’. I was on the pill and I was meticulous about it. Nothing scared me more than the thought of being a teen mom. The pill is only 99% accurate. Fuck. What the fuck am I going to do.

  ***

  Dr. Matthews is the complete opposite of Logan. He’s gentle and soft spoken, with a tiny build, slight combover and glasses.

  Apparently he’s heard from Logan about the situation with my family, I see the sympathy in his eyes, and I know it’s genuine.

  One urine sample and a few tests later, and I’m actually able to breath again.

  They took a blood test just to triple check, but all signs point to negative.

  Apparently, my body just kind of flaked out on me.

  Dr. Matthews says skipping cycles or being late is common when the body is under a lot of stress or trauma.

  Thank. Fuck.

  Once I’ve thanked Dr. Matthews, we get back in Logan's car. It’s then I realize how long I’ve been gone and I need to pick up Julie from her friends house. Her friend is on the other side of town from where I left the car so Logan offers to pick her up, then drive back to collect Mandy’s car.

  “Thanks so much for this, I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it. I would normally have Megan in times like this. It’s just…” I trail off.

  “You spoken to her yet?”

  “Nope, not a single word.”

  ***

  Turns out Logan's house is around the corner from Julie's friend, so he’s going to stop by to pick up his gear. He has plans to meet Jake at the cages soon.

  “Hey Julie?” Logan says, eyeing her through the rear view mirror of his Mercedes convertible, top down. “Knock Knock?”

  Julie giggles. “Who’s there?”

  “Wooden”

  “Wooden who?”

  “Wooden you like to know”

  Julie cracks up. It’s one of those jokes that’s so dumb it’s hilarious. Like, ‘why did the kid fall off the swing? Because he had no arms!’

  We’re all laughing like idiots when we pull into Logan's driveway, a familiar truck is already there.

  I look to Logan wide eyed.

  His hands go up in surrender. “I didn’t say a word. Swear it.”

  We look to the truck and see Jake step out.

  His fists balled at his side.

  Jaw tense.

  Eyes filled with rage.

  He’s pissed.

  Beyond pissed.

  “You girls stay here, okay?” Logan says, before hopping out of the car.

  ***

  *Jake*

  I’m sitting in my truck about to text Kayla to meet me at the cages, I miss the shit out of her.

  I hear a car pull up and people laughing, I turn to look and see Logan, Kayla and Julie.

  What in the actual fuck.

  I hop out of the truck, and it takes everything I have to not run up to this asshole and punch him. I could give a shit about my hand. It’s
the last fucking thing I care about.

  Logan’s walking closer to me, hands up in surrender. “What ever the fuck you’re thinking right now, Quit. It’s not what you think, not even fucking close.”

  “Then fucking start talking, asshole.” I shove him hard on the chest and he falls back a few steps.

  I hear Julie squeal in the car, but I don’t give a shit.

  “Explain to me why the fuck you’re playing family with my girl and my sister?”

  “I can’t,” he says, shaking his head and looking down.

  “What the fuck do you mean you can’t?” I’m in his face now, bending down so he’ll look me in the eye when he tells me he’s been screwing the girl I’m in love with.

  In love with. Shit.

  “I can’t dude, it’s not for me to say.”

  “What the fuck does that even mean?”

  I push him again, harder this time.

  “Quit fucking pushing me asshole! I’m two seconds from pushing the fuck back.”

  Rage consumes me. I’m so fucking pissed I don’t even know what to think. How the fuck can they do this to me? And around Julie?

  “Julie, wait!” I hear Kayla yell, and see Julie running out of the car and onto the street. She doesn’t look before she runs and a car breaks last minute, almost hitting her straight on. She screams as Kayla runs over to her and picks her up in her arms.

  “Get in the fucking truck, NOW!” I yell at them.

  Julie sobs harder. Kayla carries her over to the truck.

  “Quit yelling at her, she’s scared.” Kayla yells back.

  “I don’t give a shit, just get her in the goddamn truck!” I scream at them.

  “NO!” Julie squeals. “I don’t want to go anywhere with you, you’re an asshole.”

  She’s never spoken to me like this before, but I’ve never acted this way in front of her. In fact, I’ve never acted this way at all.

  I breath in and out a few times, eyes closed, trying to calm down. When I open them, I see Kayla crying, holding Julie in her arms, whispering soothing words in her ear.

  “I’m sorry, Ju-ju. Just please get in the truck.”

  “We get it, we’re going,” Kayla says.

  She looks to Logan for a second and tries to convey a message through her eyes.

  What the fuck ever.

  I’m done with this shit.

  Chapter 26

  *Jake*

  Julie cries the whole way home, it’s the only sound in the truck the entire ride.

  When we get home, Kayla has to carry Julie into the house and up to her room.

  I go to my room and slam the door shut. It slams so hard, frames in the hallway fall and hit the floor.

  I hear Mom at the bottom of the stairs, “What the hell…?”

  Minutes pass before my bedroom door opens, something flies in the air and hits me square in the head. I pick it up. It’s Kayla’s phone.

  I look up at her. “You better call your best friend and apologize for being an asshole, then you better go see Julie and start making it up to her big time because that little girl is a mess, and you’re the asshole that did that to her.”

  She’s fuming. I’ve never seen her this angry, not even when she caught James and Megan. Fuck.

  She turns to leave, but I jump up off my bed and run to her, grabbing her arm, forcing her to turn around.

  “WHAT?!” she growls out.

  “What the fuck is going on?!”

  “What the fuck do you think is going on, Jake?”

  “You tell me, you were the one playing happy little family with my sister. Having a good old laugh together? What were you doing? Talking about how stupid I was… Stupid Jake, has no idea what you guys are up to!”

  “That’s what you think? That we we’re fucking behind your back?”

  “That’s what it fucking looks like to me!”

  “He’s your best friend, Jake! There’s no wa-"

  “So fucking what! Megan was your best friend!”

  Her face falls instantly.

  Tears immediately pool in her eyes, she’s quick to wipe them away.

  “Call Logan,” she says, before turning and walking away from me.

  ***

  *Mikayla*

  I ended up having to Facebook message Lucy to pick me up and drive me back to the mall to get Mandy’s car. She didn’t ask questions. I didn’t tell her anything.

  When I get back to the house, I hear Jake and Julie in the back yard. When I look through the gate, I see her holding a baseball bat and him pitching balls slowly at her, encouraging her while she laughs.

  He’s trying to make up for it.

  Good. He should. He’s an asshole.

  ***

  I’m laying in bed when I hear tapping on my window.

  I get up and lift it open without saying a word and get back into bed.

  Once I’m in bed and under the covers, I feel the bed dip next to me and hear him place something on my nightstand. My phone.

  “I called Logan.”

  “Good.”

  “He didn’t tell me anything though.”

  “Good.”

  “Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

  “Have you quit being an asshole?”

  “Yes.” He tries to get me to flip over so I can look at him. When I do he rests one hand on my leg and moves the hair out of my eyes with the other.

  “I’m sorry, Kayla… for what I said about Megan, and the way I acted. I don’t know what got over me. The thought of you and Logan, of anyone else… it just-"

  “Jake, stop.” I sit up so I can see him properly. “Logan saw me buying a pregnancy test and-" Jake's eyes bug out for a second before I assure him. “I’m not.” I wave my hands in the air. “I just thought I was. I was late, and I was buying the tests, he saw me, I panicked. He took me to see his dad, he confirmed I wasn’t. I had to pick up Julie from her friends, and he took me to get her because Mandy’s car was still at the mall, Julie's friend lived a street over from his house, so he drove home to pick up his gear before he was going to drop us back off to the car. That’s where you come in and act like an asshole, asshole.”

  He’s silent. I continue.

  “He was going to meet you at the cages after he dropped us off. He was just there for me, that’s all.” I pause for a minute. “Wait, he didn’t tell you?”

  Jake’s shaking his head, taking it all in. “He said it wasn’t his story to tell and if I wanted to know I had to hear it from you.” He blows out a breath, puffing out his cheeks with the force of it. “Fuck, Kayla. I really am an asshole. I was a dick to him and to you. And Julie, shit, I scared the shit out of her. Why didn’t you tell me? Was that what last night was about?”

  “Yeah, I didn’t think about it until I was at the pharmacy with Julie, and then I wigged out and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t tell you because I wanted to be sure first. I didn’t know what I was going to do if… you know.”

  “So you’re not. For sure? Like 100%?”

  “Yeah, Jake.” I nod my head. “I’m sure.”

  He breaths out a heavy sigh and we sit in silence for a long time.

  “Can I stay with you tonight… please, Kayla?” It’s barely a whisper.

  I scoot across the bed and lift the covers. He takes his shirt off and gets in. We face each other. Holding on, not wanting to let go, not even for a second.

  We’re looking so intently into each others eyes, trying to see into each others souls.

  Talking without speaking.

  Feeling without touching.

  “Jake?”

  “Yeah?”

  “It’s just you. It’s only ever been just you. It will always only ever be just you.”

  And then he kisses me. A quick kiss on the lips. But it has the passion of a thousand kisses, and holds the power of a thousand promises.

  “So much more than a lot,” he says, before we fall asleep, the best way we can, in each others arms.


  Chapter 27

  *Jake*

  After that night of the pregnancy scare, or whatever it was, Kayla and I have been a little off. We still talk, and we're still close, but it's like, I don't know, like our planets aren't aligned or something.

  I was an asshole to her, and to Julie, and even to Logan. I apologized to him, and he gets it, but still, I feel like a dick. I should have been there for her, instead, I went all neanderthal on her and fucked it up.

  ***

  I've just finished at the gym with the guys, they're all meeting up at some club tonight. One of those ones where you can get in at 18, Dylan's cousin or something is the bouncer so we'll be able to get drinks, no problem.

  Obviously, they asked Kayla to come with. I don't know if she'll want to, but I know I'm not going without her.

  "It's open," she yells out after I knock.

  I walk into her room, she's lying in bed with her e-reader.

  "Hey,” I say shyly, not looking at her.

  It's bad enough that things have been off between us but her lying in bed like this… I don't know that I can handle it.

  "Whats up?" She hasn't taken her eyes of her book.

  Fuck, her and Lucy are book best friends, whatever the hell that means.

  I clear my throat, because truthfully, her in bed is making me nervous. "The guys are all going to this club tonight, they wanted to know if we'd come." It's said as a question.

  "Jake, I don't really feel like it, you can totally go though.” She puts her book down and looks at me.