More Than This

by Jay McLean

  Because my body hates me, and I hate me and I just need him.

  I lean into him slightly, my breasts lifting and he knows it’s an invitation. His head dips to my shoulder, his lips on the bare skin. Moving slowly, softy, so fucking slow and soft it’s painful. His tongue slips out a tiny bit and he moves higher up my neck, on my jaw, to my ear.

  “I heard you last night,” he whispers.

  Fuck.

  His mouth starts to go lower, back down my neck, to my collar bone, his body bending so he can kiss the swell of my breasts. His hands follow, and go lower down my waist, to my hips and down my thighs until they meet the bottom of my dress.

  Softly, and slowly, just like his mouth, his hands start back up, up the bare skin of my thighs under the dress. It’s so fucking erotic and I’m so fucking wet and I haven’t said a word.

  His hands move higher to cup my ass, so gently I almost cry out with need.

  He slowly moves them so his fingers are just under the material of my lace panties and he groans in response when his hands hold my bare ass.

  I’m panting like a dog, my mouth dry, my eyes closed, feeling everything at once.

  His mouth is on the swell of my breasts, slowly kissing me everywhere.

  God, I want him so fucking bad, the thought of it makes me moan out load.

  At the same time, his mouth is nipping the material of my dress and my bra, and he uses his teeth to move them down so my tits are hanging out over the dress. His eyes are filled with lust as he stares up at me.

  He groans out once and his eyes fall to the back of his head before my nipple is in his mouth and he’s grabbing my ass tighter. He’s sucking and licking like he can’t get enough and I want Him. Inside. Me.

  Then his hands on my ass move to pull down my panties until they hit the floor and I can feel the coldness of the air on my wet heat.

  His hands go to my waist and I’m being lifted onto the dryer, the whole time his mouth hasn’t left my breasts.

  His palms go to my inner thighs and he spreads my legs for him. He stands in between my legs and I can feel his hardness through his sweats. Were grinding against each other, my head thrown back, my chest lifted in the air for him to devour.

  His mouth leaves my breasts and goes lower, kissing my stomach through the material of my dress and I know what he wants to do and fuck, I want him to do it, so fucking bad, but not now, not like this. I get his head in my hands and I tell him that. His mouth goes straight back to my breasts, he pulls back and I whimper, but then his fingers are inside me.

  He’s moving, in and out, circling around, in and out, and I’m moaning and groaning and I’m so fucking close.

  I can feel the build up, I know I’m being loud, but I don’t fucking care, and he looks at me and laughs because he knows I’m a screamer. But his laugh gets cut off when my hands pull his sweats down just enough so I can grab his rock hard huge dick in my hands.

  I’m stroking up and down and he’s moving in and out and I’m so fucking wet and so fucking turned on and he knows I’m about to come because his fingers work faster and I feel him harden slightly before we both go over the edge.

  We’re breathing into each other, waiting to come down from this amazing feeling. Holding on until the buzz fades.

  We never even kissed. We have never kissed.

  And when we’re finally calm, at the exact same time, we both say, “I missed you so fucking much”.

  Chapter 41

  *Jake*

  I persuaded Kayla to come to the party with me and I’m so glad because tonight, I want her with me. I want to be able to hold her to me and let everyone know that she’s mine.

  She’s wearing a short green dress and those fucking cowboy boots and it’s hot as hell. We almost didn’t make it here. She had to keep tearing my hands off her.

  When we get to the party, there are hundreds of people already there. I have my girl under my arm and she seems happy, which makes me so fucking happy.

  We’re sitting with our friends in front of the Karaoke stage and laughing because the people that legit think they are good, suck so bad it’s hilarious.

  She’s sitting on my lap on her third or fourth beer and she’s giggling watching someone on stage. My hands are on her bare legs, her arms wrapped around my neck. My nose rubbing along her jaw, she shivers every time I do it and I love it.

  “Hi, Jake.” Oh fuck.

  I don’t even look up because I know who it is and I automatically grip Kayla tighter. She’s trying to hold back a laugh but I can feel her body shaking.

  “Hi, Lacey,” she says, her voice syrupy sweet.

  “It’s Casey,” she snaps. I flinch and Kayla feels it. She giggles again.

  My eyes are closed and I’m freaking the fuck out because this girl, Casey, she’s legit mental, and I know I’m some macho asshole but I can admit that I’m scared when she’s like, within a 5 billion yard radius.

  Kayla’s hand reaches up and starts soothing my head like a goddamn baby and it actually helps.

  My hands keep trying to creep higher and higher up her bare thigh and she keeps swatting them away.

  Casey hangs out with us for ten full minutes, pretending like we’re all best fucking friends, before she leaves and I can breath again.

  The whole time she’s here, my eyes never opened and my head never left Kayla’s neck.

  “She seemed nice.” Matt, one of Logan's frat brothers mentions.

  Everyone stifles a laugh.

  “Yeah…” Kayla says, “Her face and conversation say ‘I’m nice enough,’ but her eyes say ‘I have 8 dead bodies in the basement!’”

  Everyone cracks up and I kiss her on the temple, like I used to. I missed her so fucking much, I never want to be apart from her. Ever.

  ***

  Some guy is waving at me from across the room and I have no fucking idea who he is so I just smile. He looks at me awkwardly and then eyes Kayla on my lap.

  “You know him?” I ask Kayla.

  She looks up and I see her smile when she sees him.

  “I’ll be right back.” She gets up and walks over to him.

  He eye fucks her as she walks towards him and I’m almost standing when Logan reaches for my arm to pulls me back down.

  Who the fuck is this kid and how does he know my girl? My girl. I shake my head at the thought.

  I nudge logan with me knee. I jerk my head and Logan looks over to them.

  He smiles.

  I want to punch his smug face.

  I’m about a ten on the buzzed scale, about a five on the wasted.

  “That’s Phil, or Will… something like that,” Logan says.

  “And…?” I ask, wanting more information.

  “And that’s all you get, why? You jealous?”

  I look at him.

  “Quit being an asshole, you know I’m fucking jealous. Who is he?”

  “You’re not allowed to be jealous, from what I know, she’s not your girl, is she?”

  He asks this with his eyebrows raised, begging me to say something stupid. Declare my love for her or some shit. He’s not getting it, not today.

  “Who is he, Logan?” I’m not in the mood for this shit and he knows it now.

  He sighs. “He’s Maloney’s brother. I’ve seen him around the house a few times. He’s not a frat brother though. He’s like… higher education type shit, Junior, maybe senior. On his way to med school or something. That’s all I got.”

  Med School? I’m the high school jock and he’s med school. Great. I’m fucked.

  I stand and walk to a better position where I can watch them.

  “Don’t be an asshole, Jake,” Logan warns, but I don’t care.

  ***

  *Mikayla*

  Some girl in the corner of the room has been eye fucking Jake the whole night. I don’t know who she is but it’s pissing me off. I’m sitting on Jake's lap when she comes over to our group.

  She takes a seat on Matt’s lap. He looks st
artled for a second but then places his hand on her thigh.

  This whole time, she never takes her eyes off Jake.

  Jake doesn’t seem to notice, or he doesn’t care.

  I do. Notice I mean, and care.

  If she was a guy, I’d junk punch her, for sure.

  Thirty excruciating minutes of her trying to seduce him from across the room, I’ve fucking had enough.

  I go to stand up and leave but Jake tightens his hold on me. “Just ignore her.”

  So he has noticed.

  “You think it’s okay for her to sit there, and look at you like that? It’s making me uncomfortable, Jake.” I whisper, so only he can hear.

  “You think it’s okay to talk to some guy I don’t know about whatever the hell you guys were talking about, the whole time he’s gawking at you like he wants to eat you?” he says back quietly, anger laced in his voice.

  “Jake, he was not-"

  “I’m a guy Kayla, I know what he was thinking.”

  “Jake, who’s your friend?” Tramptits asks, interrupting us.

  I look over at her and narrow my eyes.

  Jake sighs next to me. I look at him.

  “Christy, I’m trying to have a conversation with my girl here,” he says to her, shaking his head.

  “I didn’t know you had a girl,” Tramptits coos at him.

  He ignores her and looks back to me, trying to get back to our conversation.

  “I just thanked him for being there today. He was the TA I told you about, and he told me about an apartment that was free in his building that-"

  “What?!” Jake almost yells, then softens his tone. “You mean to tell me that asshole just happened to be at your work today, and now he’s telling you about apartments near him?”

  I open my mouth to say something but Tramptits interrupts again. “Is something wrong Jake? Anything I can help with?” she coos innocently, batting her eyelashes at him.

  Thats when the rage consumes me and something I never knew existed takes over. I stand up.

  Everything around us goes quiet, waiting for what’s about to happen.

  Logan and Jake are on their feet ready. I stalk over to get in her face.

  Lucy, who I didn’t even know had arrived, is right next to me.

  “Quit eye fucking him!” I spit out, finger in her face. “I’m right fucking here. Do you know how disrespectful that is?” I fume, pointing up and down my body.

  “Yeah, you fucking slut!” Lucy yells from next to me. Cam laughs and throws his arm around her.

  “I’m so fucking sick of girls like you thinking it’s okay to want what’s not yours to have.”

  “Fucking whore!” Lucy yells, she’s drunk. I love drunk Lucy.

  “Calm down, bitch.” Bitch?

  “Bitch?” Lucy and I repeat.

  “Yeah,” Tramptits says, standing up. “I’m not the only one that looks at him, so why do you care?”

  “Because he’s fucking mine!” I growl out. “And if I so much as see you look at him again, the next thing you’ll be gawking at is my fist coming towards your face! Got it?”

  “I swear to god, Micky,” Lucy snarls at her, Cam’s pretending to hold her back, amused by her drunk state. “I’ll cut a bitch for you, just let me go, Cam. Let me go!” she yells, trying to fight his grip.

  Tramptits walks away and we all burst into laughter. I don’t know how it went from heated rage to hilarious, probably Lucy, and the fact that we’re all drunk. Jake puts his arm around my shoulders. “I’m so fucking turned on right now,” he says.

  ***

  Jake surprises everyone by getting on the karaoke stage. Mic in hand, looking down, blush creeping to his cheeks. He clears his throat and then speaks into the Mic.

  “This is umm… this is for my girlfr-" he cuts himself off when my eyes bug out, because I’m not. His girlfriend, I mean, not yet. And it’s not fair to him. Because I’m not ready, but I’m also not ready for him to move on either. “Um, I mean my Kayla. Just my Kayla. Just um, mine,” he has a little smile on his face and it’s so fricken adorable.

  And then the music starts…

  And we all laugh…

  Because it’s One Direction.

  He starts the song off and it’s so sexy because his accent is in full force and I want him. Really want him. With everything I have. And I hope one day, I can give him all of it.

  ***

  When we get home I go straight to the bathroom and start getting ready for bed. He comes up behind me and kisses the bare skin on my shoulder, so lightly, for a second I think I imagined it.

  “Kayla?” he’s looking at me through the mirror.

  I close my eyes. “Mmm?”

  He turns my body around and kisses my forehead.

  His hands go to my waist, as they lift me onto the counter, his chin leaning on my shoulder.

  He spreads my legs and stands between them, but doesn’t make a move to do anything else.

  He’s looking at me now, like, he sees me for the first time and tears begin to pool in his eyes. I have no idea what he’s thinking or feeling so I spin his cap backwards and take his face in my hands.

  “Whats going on, Jake?”

  He clears his throat and looks away from me.

  “Jake?” I ask again.

  He speaks so softly I almost don’t hear him. “Are you, I mean I know we haven’t spoken about it, and things changed, I mean, that night at the bonfire… things haven’t been the same with us,” he clears his throat again. “Are you still mine? Are you still my Kayla?”

  I don’t know what to say to him.

  I don’t know if I am.

  But I know I don’t want to be anyone else's.

  “If you still want me,” I whisper.

  He huffs out a relieved breath.

  “I more than a lot want you, so much more than a lot.”

  ***

  *Jake*

  “Sleep with me tonight?” I ask her.

  “What?” her eyes are huge.

  I chuckle. “Not like that, just sleep. I miss you in my arms. I miss it so fucking much, Kayla. I just want you near me.”

  “Okay,” she says smiling at me.

  She sits on the edge of the bed next to me.

  We’re both a little quiet now, thinking I guess.

  It will be the first time since the bonfire that we’ll be sleeping together.

  “Kayla… I uh,” I clear my throat. “I need you to do something for me.”

  “Anything,” She whispers.

  “I know that you said you wanted to move out, and you have your reasons and I respect that.” I pause and take a few breaths, because I don’t want to sound angry or pissed off when I say the next part. “I just… please… don’t move near that guy. I just… I don’t trust him, and he wants you-"

  “Jake-"

  “No Kayla, I know your naive when it comes to these things but he does, and I… I mean, you’re-"

  “Jake, stop. I’m not going to. I wouldn’t. I know how you feel and I wouldn’t do that to you. I respect your feelings and I would never do anything that would make you question mine.”

  I take her hand in mine and kiss her palm.

  How some jerk-off had her, and treated her like shit, I’ll never understand. I’m going to be the luckiest asshole in the world when she finally lets me love her.

  Chapter 42

  *Jake*

  I open the front door and she’s sitting at the dining table, shoe box and a bazillion magazines and craft stuff in front of her.

  “What are you doing? Decoupage?”

  She eyes me curiously and starts to laugh.

  “What?” I say. “Mom went through a craft phase when she was pregnant with Ju-ju. Seriously though, what are you doing?”

  I drop my gear bag near the front door and walk over to her.

  She has a bunch of teeny bopper magazines in front of her. She’s cutting pictures out of them, Justin Bieber and One Direction, some dudes form tho
se Vampire movies and the ones where kids kill each other.

  I look at her for a long moment. She just stares back.

  “You’re not going on a stalker road trip with Heidi are you?” I ask seriously.

  She laughs.

  I walk to the fridge to pull out a bottle of water and walk back to her.

  I sit on the chair next to her and she gets up and sits on me.

  We haven’t spoken about what happened the night of Logan's frat party. We haven’t made anything official and we still haven’t kissed. That kissing part, is quickly driving me crazy. Everything else, I don’t mind. We sleep in my bed every night and we more than a lot like each other, that’s enough for me for now, but not forever. Soon, we’re going to have to talk about it.

  I put my hand on her waist and she puts her arms around my neck. I kiss her temple.

  “What are your plans for tomorrow?” she whispers.

  “Spending the day with you?”

  She smiles but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

  “Whats going on, Kayla? Did something happen?”

  She removes herself from me and sits back down on her chair. She picks up the scissors and starts cutting the magazines again. She’s quiet, and I let her be.

  Because I know this side of her. She’s working up the courage to speak. So I wait.

  “It’s Emily’s Birthday tomorrow.” She says quietly, putting down the scissors then looking up at me, tears filling her eyes.

  Shit.

  I pull her chair closer to me, then lift her and cradle her like I used to.

  “We used to do this thing, as a family, like a tradition. On the 2nd of January every year we’d sit down and make ourselves these boxes.” She points to the shoebox. “We’d stick pictures on them of things that remind us of that year. Like, what we were into at the moment, guys, movies, songs, anything. We’d leave an opening at the top, kinda like a mailbox, and we stored them in the Kitchen pantry. Whenever someone did something worth remembering we’d write it on a notecard and put it in their box. It wasn’t even if it was worth remembering, just… I don’t know, anything, really. Like, if someone did something nice, or made you laugh. Those sorts of things. I remember one year I put in Emily’s that I saw her picking her nose and eating it.” She laughs a sad laugh.