Owning Regina: Diary of my unxpected passion for another woman

by Lorelei Elstrom

  Some other person that I didn’t know was channeling my mind and body. This has never happened to me before! I told her to kneel on the floor at the foot of the bed. She quietly sat down in a kneeling position with her back perfectly straight, a testament to her yoga practice. She looked at me with deep eyes. But it all seemed too strange. “Stay there,” I said firmly. I jumped off the bed and went to the dresser where I pulled out a black scarf. Then I came up behind her and tied it tightly around her eyes to blindfold her. She complied without a word. She wanted it. She was beyond turned on as she kneeled there with her perfectly straight back. I looked at her and suddenly all thoughts of straight vs. gay just became non-thoughts. She was an absolutely gorgeous woman and she was kneeling at my bed. As I studied her, she sat there blindfolded in silence without moving a muscle.

  Then, I had this urge to go to my closet at grab a belt to tie her hands. How was this all happening so naturally? She allowed me to strap her hands behind her back with my belt, which I tied really tightly. I lied back down on the bed and looked at her. I loved the look of her tied hands! She couldn’t see me. I was super turned on and began to slowly caress myself. But then I had to get up one more time. I went to my closet and found the same boots that I had loaned her that time. I lied back down on the bed and quietly put my boots on. As I slowly zipped them up, I sensed that she heard it. She became ultra attentive. Even a single feather touching her would have set her off.

  The room was still. After settling in, I lied back and watched her, sitting perfectly erect on her knees, blindfolded, eager, and silent. Along with the sight of her, my boots were in my field of vision as I lied on the bed, an aesthetic turn-on to the highest degree. The light was hitting her hair. I began playing with myself… slowly at first. But in a matter of a minute, I was coming. I refrained from making a peep. I really didn’t want her to hear me. It would have been embarrassing. So as difficult as it was, I climaxed in total silence. Then I relaxed for about 10 minutes. She sat obediently in giant anticipation.

  I quietly removed my boots and walked over to the closet to put them away. I could tell she was still insanely turned on. I untied her hands. Then I came around in front of her and knelt down so we were face to face. I could feel her breath on my face. And I know she could feel mine because she seemed to be enraptured with each breath that hit her. I took off her blindfold and she opened her eyes slowly as she took in the sight of my face so close. Still in a monotone voice, I dismissed her: “Thank you for doing the dishes. Your services are no longer needed. Please make your way out.”

  Processing it all, she collected herself and departed without uttering a single word. Even though there were no “goodbyes” or fuzzy hugs, I knew in my heart that she got everything she ever dreamed of. When I heard the door close downstairs as she left, I got really cocky and said to myself out loud “And you’d better do a better job cleaning next time.” Then I grabbed my vibrator and went crazy and loud for a good 15 minutes. Holy shit. That was the best climax in my life! I kept visualizing her slender neck and perfect upright posture. I kept thinking of her tied hands. I was the boss!! She did my dishes.

  --- SUNDAY MARCH 25 --- What is it?

  I woke up this morning with a new perspective. It was like that magic of an early romance. Did I say “romance”? I sure did. I felt passionately in lust. I don’t know how else to describe it. I’m not a lesbian, so it’s hard to say I’m in “love”. Then again, I might as well dispense with the labels. Whatever it was, it was fun and it was the purest energy I have felt in my life. Maybe it was my kinky side finally getting what it wanted. This could have never happened with anyone but Regina. She was a bridge to some emotions I had never felt. It was kind of scary, exciting, and magic all at the same time. It was flat out bizarre.

  After breakfast and a shower, I really wanted to check in with her. It didn’t seem finished. I felt a little ashamed and nervous for making her leave without any conversation or even salutations. I made another cup of coffee in my French press and then went out on the veranda with the phone. I really didn’t know if I should talk about what went down or if I should ignore it and talk about the weather. But I really wanted to hear her voice.

  Slowly, I dialed. I feared. I waited for the answer on the other end. She picked up! It went like this:

  REGINA

  Hello?

  ME

  Hi Regina.

  REGINA

  Hi.

  ME

  I’m smiling right now. Can you feel it?

  REGINA

  I’m smiling too.

  And there was silence. More silence. Maybe 30 seconds of silence.

  ME

  Was I too mean to you?

  REGINA

  No. I’m still smiling.

  ME

  Are you sure?

  REGINA

  I’ve never felt anything like that.

  ME

  Me neither. We weren’t our daily selves. Well, I’ll speak for myself. But it was out of this world. It was a dreamworld. It felt like playing dressup when I was a little girl.

  REGINA

  For me too. It was like a game.

  ME

  Yes, let’s call it “The Game”

  REGINA

  Ok. “The Game.” We need to play it more.

  ME

  This is all so fast and crazy.

  REGINA

  I want you to own me!!

  ME

  Own you?

  REGINA

  I know. This is all seems outrageous! I want to be your object. You can do anything to me. Boss me. Hurt me. I just want to serve you. Don’t you feel it too?

  Wow. This was really messing with my head. I don’t know how this works because there are no templates from my past. It’s scary territory. I don’t want to screw this up. I want to develop a real friendship with Regina, but I also love that she wants to wash my dishes. Is this all for real? The conversation continued:

  ME

  I do want the same thing. I want to toy with you. But I also want to explore you as a friend and develop that.

  REGINA

  Me too.

  ME

  Fuck. This is so gay!

  We both started laughing.

  REGINA

  Well, if it’s a game, we must have rules.

  ME

  Like what?

  REGINA

  Like we should have a secret code word to start it and end.

  ME

  Really, James Bond?

  REGINA

  No really. Like when you say the code, that means we are playing. And the rest of the time we are our normal selves.

  ME

  Ok. You think of the code.

  REGINA

  How about “Can you believe how blue the sky is today?”

  ME

  Mmmmmkay. What if it’s cloudy?

  REGINA

  Then it’s sarcastic.

  ME

  And how do we stop the game?

  REGINA

  We say, “That was some kind of crazy day I had”

  ME

  (Laughing, then…)

  Any more rules?

  REGINA

  Yes. Absolutely no other people ever. And we always have to use the exact sentence of the code. The exact words are “Can you believe how blue the sky is today?” and “That was some kind of crazy day”. Any other variations will not count.

  ME

  Agreed. It’s freaky enough as is. Bringing anyone else into this is beyond my comprehension. It will just be our private thing.

  REGINA

  Oh, and the most important rule— I have no limits except when it comes to Tucker. I always have to be free to be his mommy. If you use the code when I’m with him, I can just terminate by saying “That was some kind of crazy day” and you will know that I’m on mommy duty.

  ME

  This is so C.I.A. You
’re crazy.

  REGINA

  You’re crazy

  (Turns to sexy voice)

  And you own me.

  ME

  Can you believe how blue the sky is?

  REGINA

  (Flustered)

  Ok. um. Ok.

  ME

  You need to come here right now.

  REGINA

  Yes Ma’am.

  I hung up the phone and checked the clock. Sure enough, she was at my place inside of 15 minutes. She looked so cute in a super casual spaghetti strap asparagus green dress with little frill lace accents. But that wasn’t all. She wore some brand new very tall brick red boots with a 4-inch wood heel. The leather was coarse and gave the boots a casual but strong feel. They looked like a strong accent to her dress. The opposite of dominatrixy. It was a real contrast to my bare feet.

  I told her that I was impressed that she made it so quickly. The tone was serious between us. If this was a game, nobody was smiling. I took out a black scarf that I had standing by and blindfolded her. I held her face firm and the conversation went like this:

  ME

  Listen, I own you. You are my object. Do you understand?

  She nodded “yes.” Then I squeezed her face firmly:

  ME

  I didn’t hear you.

  REGINA

  (Eager to please)

  Yes, Ma’am! I’m your object!

  ME

  And from now on, you’ll address me as “Mistress”. Understood?

  REGINA

  Yes, Mistress.

  I released her face. Then took her hand and told her to follow me. I guided her along as she was blindfolded. Holding her hand was incredible. Touching her hand elicited so many emotions. Her hand was warm and she squeezed back. As small as it was, the connection of holding her hand meant more than almost any contact I had with any other human. It was real. Our game was fake. But her hand was real. I knew Regina was in there. She was playing my object, but I knew she was in there… with me.

  And maybe the game wasn’t so fake either. It was real to us. For example, if you point a fake gun at someone and say they are going to die, they would think it’s real. There would be a huge physical and emotional response from increased heart rate to shortness of breath and panic. Even though the gun is not real, the thought creates all the effects of a real event.

  I led her to the kitchen area next to a vertical support post at the edge of the room, telling her to stand there and not move. I went to the garage and got a heavy chain that my dad had left behind after working on a car once. I wrapped the chain three times about the post and her neck together. I thought she was going to orgasm as I was doing it. Then I took out a padlock and locked it firmly.

  So there she was, spaghetti strap dress, blindfolded, chained at the neck to a post in brand new, high boots. I loved looking at her like that. Remember when I wanted Boyfriend X to treat me heavy? Like the Eleni Mandell song? Well, that’s what I was doing to Regina. She’s heavy. She was starting to mean something to me. She’s beautiful… and heavy.

  But I wasn’t done with her. I quickly dashed upstairs to get my belt, then came back down and tied her hands behind her back. For some reason, that really works for me. The image makes her look so vulnerable! I grabbed a wooden spoon from the counter and some strong cotton rope (formerly a clothesline) from the junk drawer. I wedged the handle of the spoon between her lips like a bit on a horse and snugged it all the way back as far as it would go against the corners of her mouth. Then I took the rope and secured the spoon tightly by tying it to each side of the spoon handle and going around the back of her head. I cinched it tight… and there she was with a stiff gag in place. When I was pulling it tight, she was making gentle moans, like the kind when the massage therapist hits the golden spot.

  But I couldn’t take it. I tiptoed away in my bare feet so she wouldn’t know where I was. I went upstairs to take a shower. I needed to take a freezing cold shower to calm the hell down. But instead, I just let the warm water sprinkle over my face as I meditated in bliss. When I felt the urge to touch myself, I tried to shift my focus; I wasn’t ready to satisfy myself and miss what might else be coming later with Regina.

  To calm down my id, I tried to think of her as Regina… in yoga class, having coffee, pulling up on her electric Vespa. I like thinking of her as a woman who was my friend. She exudes poise and grace and charm and fun and smarts. She’s silly too. One time during yoga, she was making these crazy faces when the teacher wasn’t looking to mock how hard the poses were. It was like we were in 5th grade and doing shenanigans. One time I actually busted out with a laugh in the dead quiet yoga room. The whole class turned to me as if to say, “Shut up, we’re trying to be important here!” Isn’t it possible to do yoga and laugh at Regina’s faces at the same time? Sheeesh.

  After I calmed down with my shower, I was rubbing on some moisturizer and thinking how crazy it was that I had a beautiful woman tied up in my kitchen… just stuck there at my mercy. Was this really me? Am I really this person? Do I really want this? I guess I really am twisted. But for whatever reason, I felt true. It all felt organic and comfortable. We were two friends playing a game and having a good time. We were indulging ourselves by just letting it flow. It was warm and true. I believed it was natural and fulfilling for both of us.

  I had no idea where it was going. I still had this feeling that strong chemistry works in both directions like the “War of The Roses.” Two people can be wildly in love and then breakup and fight with an equal level of hatred. But I just had to trust and go with it. I could have never been this vulnerable with anybody else in the world except for Regina, even though it was entirely new. There was some kind of unlikely fit we had for each other. It was an impossible match. But I was self-conscious about the lesbian aspect. It just didn’t seem like me.

  That’s why I haven’t wanted to kiss her. I’m trying to get used to the gender thing and it scares me. You know when you profess to everyone your values and then have to eat your words? That’s how it felt emotionally to me. I had taken a firm stand about being straight. My straight sexuality was a form that I thought I understood and could use powerfully when I needed to. But now I am suddenly at a loss about who I am as a sexual person.

  But then again, this has only happened with Regina. I seriously doubt I could feel this free with any other human, male or female. Talk about a whirlwind. It’s some kind of crazy REM dream, all happening so fast with blinding wind whipping my hair. I feel like we are driving down the highway at a million miles an hour with the top down. Thelma and Louise. It’s a spinning rush. It is levels of my heart being awakened that I never knew were in there. It’s Regina.

  I went downstairs in my bathrobe to check on my little toy. There she was. She was struggling a bit against the chain on her neck. I think she was pretty uncomfortable and trying to adjust to relieve some tension somehow. Plus, she was stuck there in those high heels. Probably doesn’t feel so great on her feet. As I was looking at her, DING DONG, the fucking doorbell rang. I could tell we both jumped with a start and we both got instantly tense, wondering what to do. It was something I never even conceived of happening in my blind lust. I was going to ignore the door until… DING DONG… it rang again. Shit. I figured I had better answer it and get rid of the person.

  I opened the door to discover Victoria standing there. In her exuberance, she started making her way inside with “Hey, Stranger. What’s going on?” I literally had to block the door in sort of an “I Love Lucy” move. “Hi, Victoria. You can’t come in right now. I’m in the middle of something,” I told her. “Oh, really!” she brightened as she gestured to the robe I was wearing. “Good for you, Girl, ” she congratulated. “How come I never knew about this guy?” I responded, “I don’t know; It just kind of came up. I’m sorry, but you can’t be here right now.” She backed off, “I getcha. But we have to get together soon so I can hear all the details.” She heade
d out with “Don’t go too fast! And always trust your intuition.”

  I closed the door and sighed to compose myself. Then, I went over to Regina, who was really struggling in discomfort by now. To calm her, I pressed my body against hers, kind of like a hug with out using arms. I sensed that she was relishing the contact in a major way. The wooden spoon gag in her mouth was producing a lot of drool. In any other situation, it would have been hugely embarrassing to her and I’m sure she would have been very self-conscious about it. But we were going with this thing. We were all in.

  She was drooling and I was thinking she was the most beautiful creature I ever saw. I pressed my body against hers even more. But then something completely surprising happened. She started whimpering in sadness. I studied her, while continuing to press against her figure. But she got worse. Her whimpering turned in to crying. I wasn’t sure what to do. And after a moment, she was bawling severally. It really freaked me out. I quickly removed her gag and said, ” Hey, what’s wrong?” But she kept crying. I pleaded with her to tell me what was going on, but she would only cry. I rubbed her back in a motherly way and talked sweetly to her in hopes of calming her. Nothing.

  Finally, in desperation, I said, “That was some kind of crazy day I had.” Boom!! Like snapping someone out of hypnosis, her whole demeanor changed and she seemed like regular Regina. Our secret code for stopping the game had worked. Then I raced with: “Hey, what’s happening? Are you ok? Are you too uncomfortable? Please tell me what’s wrong! Are you mad at me?” Words came from deep inside her heart: “I’m so happy. I never knew it, but I wanted this my whole life. I never knew it, but I wanted you so much! I’m in heaven. I never want this to end. Please don’t leave me. I never want to lose you.”

  Needless to say, this was hitting my core. Even though it was the world’s fastest romance, she was in love with me. She radiated it. She trusted me. Even though she never said the three magic words, I knew exactly what she felt. Turning back to the practical matter at hand, I said, “Here, let me unchain you so you can relax.” But then she snapped back in a forceful tone: “Can you believe how blue the sky is today?”

  I was broadsided. What? I was never expecting this. Especially since she was just exposing every ounce of herself to me. And now she wants to play the game again? She looked like she was so uncomfortable, if not miserable. But I guessed she needed more. Sheeeesh. Fine!! We’ll play all right!! I took the wooden spoon and started swatting her bottom hard. “How dare you scare me so much. How dare you!” And I continued to hit her ass as hard as I could. It was starting to get through to her and she began agonizing with vocal moans. It seemed so sexual. But it was just a good spanking. I was thinking she would actually climax! So I stopped.