Philippa Carr - [Daughters of England 09]

by The Adulteress

  I saw her frequently, which was inevitable, our being such close neighbors. She would be at church gatherings; it was quite clear that she wished to be an accepted member of the community and wanted me to help her. I did so—half because I was sorry for her, half because I felt it would be expedient to do so, and we began to succeed. People could not go on remembering that she was her mother’s daughter forever.

  Letters came from Clavering. They were well and they were thinking it was a long time since they had seen us. They missed us very much. The estate was being perfectly run. Dickon had a flair for the work. He was so enthusiastic, and it was such fun to see him thinking up new schemes which would be so very advantageous to everyone.

  I said to Jean-Louis: “They behave towards him one moment as though he is some blessed infant and the next some towering genius.”

  “He’ll be in his element,” said Jean-Louis. “He was always longing to get his hands onto everything.”

  “Yes.” I agreed. “He’s a very acquisitive young man.”

  “We must meet at Christmas,” my mother continued. “Dear Zipporah, we can’t be separated much longer, can we? I long to see darling Lottie. Perhaps we will come to you for Christmas or you must come to us. We must be together then. … By the way, a letter came for you and Jean-Louis. I am enclosing it herewith. …”

  I looked at the letter and recognized the handwriting. We had once been very familiar with it.

  “It’s James …” I cried. “James Fenton.”

  We opened it at once and read it together. James would be staying at the Black Swan in London for a week. He wondered if we could come up and see him. He had given us good warning because he would so much like to see us. He would make the journey to Clavering but we would understand that he had no great wish to come there for fear of unpleasant encounters.

  I looked at Jean-Louis. “We must go.” I said. “Look, there is time. His week doesn’t end until next Thursday.”

  Jean-Louis looked dismayed. He did not see how he could get away on so little notice. If he had a manager it would be so different, but as it was so much depended on him. I looked at him sadly. It was not only that, I knew. The journey to London would be exhausting for him.

  “I will write to him and tell him we are here. There could be no reason why he shouldn’t come to Eversleigh.”

  I said nothing but I was going to do my best to go to London and see James Fenton.

  I went to Enderby later that day because my friendship with Isabel Forster had grown even more firmly and I made a habit of talking over my problems with her.

  She said: “To catch him you would have to go by the end of the week. It need only take two days to get to London. You could make reservations at the Black Swan.”

  “Yes,” I said, “but I can’t very well go alone.”

  Isabel said: “I don’t see why Derek and I shouldn’t come. We were going to London later on. As a matter of fact we have stayed at the Black Swan. We could bring forward our visit and make the arrangements now.”

  “Oh, Isabel,” I cried, “that would be wonderful. Jean-Louis would have no fears if I traveled with you.”

  As soon as Derek came in she put the plan to him.

  I said earnestly: “I have an idea that it is rather important for me to see James. I think he might be able to recommend someone who can help Jean-Louis. After Amos Carew he is reluctant to engage anyone.”

  “Who wouldn’t be? I daresay Amos had some good recommendations.”

  “It just occurred to me that James might know someone … well, let me tell you what is exactly in my mind. I was wondering whether I could persuade him to come to Eversleigh.”

  Jean-Louis was delighted when he heard that the Forsters were going to London for he hated to disappoint me and he knew how much I wanted to go. This seemed an admirable solution.

  The day before we were to set out I went over to Enderby to discuss last-minute preparations and found that Charles Forster was there.

  “Here’s news,” said Isabel. “You tell her, Charles.”

  “It’s about London,” he said.

  My heart sank. I thought there must be some last-minute hitch and so strongly had I convinced myself that I should see James Fenton that I found the momentary anxiety intense.

  “I wondered if you would mind my being a member of the party,” he went on.

  Floods of relief swept over me and with it pleasure. I said: “I am sure we should all like that very much.”

  “There you are, Charles,” said Derek. “I told you Zipporah would be pleased.”

  So we made our arrangements and when I went back to Eversleigh and told Jean-Louis he was delighted. “Another man in the party is all to the good,” he said.

  It was in high spirits that we set out on that June morning. There was a decided chill in the air which made us appreciate the sunshine as the morning wore on.

  “It’s the best weather for traveling,” said Charles. “I made this journey in August and it was intolerable.”

  “Do you often come to London?” I asked.

  “Occasionally. It’s necessary to get supplies of medicines and so on. … Not more often than I need, I do assure you.”

  “You are not fond of London?”

  “Oh … it’s a great city … full of vitality and interest but …” I waited, for I had the idea that he was on the verge of a confidence and I was beginning to realize that this man interested me considerably, and I wanted to know more about him. He said: “Shall we say associations … ?”

  “Something you would rather forget … ?”

  I was aware that I had gone too far. He nodded and it was as though a mask had come down over his face. His expression warned me that it was not polite to pursue a subject which was not agreeable to one’s companion. I was ashamed of myself and asked at once if he had a preference for any of the inns, as a means of changing the topic of conversation.

  He occupied my thoughts a good deal during that journey. In fact he had from the moment we had met. I felt there had been a tragedy in his life and that it had set that melancholy look on his features. I wondered why Isabel, who was a rather garrulous woman not given to harboring secrets, had said very little about her brother-in-law apart from the fact that he was a good man whom she very much admired.

  The journey was uneventful, the weather being perfect for it, and as Derek had made careful reservations and was a frequent traveler on the route we were very comfortable at the inn where we stayed the night.

  To my great delight James Fenton was already at the Black Swan and his pleasure at seeing me was great. He looked well, I thought, and when I inquired after Hetty and the children he assured me that they were in good health too. I introduced him to the Forsters and I was delighted that they seemed immediately to like each other.

  During the morning of the day after our arrival all the Forsters went out discreetly leaving me with James. Charles said he had to see about ordering supplies for the hospital; Derek had business and he took Isabel with him. James told me that he was glad we could be alone. He wanted to know how things were with us.

  He was surprised to hear that we were at Eversleigh. I explained that that was why we had been unable to let him know I would be here. The letter had had to be sent on and then it was too late to let him know.

  “Hetty will be so interested to hear that I’ve seen you,” he said. “She would have liked to come with me but there are the children, you know.”

  We discussed the children for a while and he asked after Lottie.

  I explained that we had not been so very long at Eversleigh.

  “And Jean-Louis?”

  I shook my head sadly. “He never really recovered from that accident at the fire all those years ago. He never complains so it is difficult to know how he is, but sometimes he looks so tired. I think Eversleigh is too much for him.”

  “It is bigger than Clavering, isn’t it?”

  “Much bigger. We do want a man to ac
t as manager.”

  I saw a rather wistful look in his eyes which made my heart beat faster.

  Then he said: “Shouldn’t be difficult to find someone.”

  I told him we were being rather wary and gave him a brief resume of what had happened.

  He was astounded and found my story difficult to believe. He listened avidly.

  “My goodness, Mistress Zipporah, you had a lucky escape.”

  “It was strange that the one who saved me should be … Dickon.”

  I saw his fists clench and unclench.

  “Well,” he said at length, “it turned out all right then, and you’re here. If I hear of a good man … someone I can recommend …”

  I was sinking into deeper gloom every minute. I realized now that my conviction that I must come and see James was because I had had some wild hope that I might persuade him to come back.

  “Well, how are you getting on at the farm?” I asked.

  He was silent for a few moments and that silence was significant.

  “Oh … all right,” he said. “I’d like to be on my own, of course. Two people don’t always see eye to eye.”

  “You mean it’s not working out?” Hope was springing up again. I hoped he didn’t hear the lilt in my voice.

  “Oh, it’s working all right. It’s just that … well, there are things I miss.”

  “Eversleigh is a fine estate,” I said. “You should see it. Jean-Louis often talks of you. He says you were the best man they’d ever had or were ever likely to.” I decided to plunge: “Could you come back to us, James … ? There’s a pleasant house … everything you could want.”

  He shook his head. “I won’t beat about the bush,” he said. “I’d be glad to. I often think of the good times we used to have. Jean-Louis and I always saw eye to eye. Something I don’t do with my cousin … but even at Eversleigh I might see him … Dickon.”

  “He hasn’t been over yet. It would be very rarely. We’re quite a way from each other.”

  “I wouldn’t trust myself. He could come over anytime. No … I’ll stay where I am. I’m safe there. It’s not ideal. I’ll make no bones about it. If it weren’t for him I’d be there like a shot. Well, come to think about it if it weren’t for him I’d never have gone.”

  “James,” I said, “you don’t know how badly we want you.”

  “I want to come … but no. Not with him likely to turn up at any time. It wouldn’t do. Mistress Zipporah, and that’s flat.”

  “I wish I could persuade you.”

  “Wouldn’t be any need for persuasion but for that one thing. Hetty couldn’t bear to see him either.”

  “She’s got over all that.”

  “Never will completely. But we manage. He’s right out of sight and that helps put him out of mind.”

  “Jean-Louis was so sorry he couldn’t see you. We did wonder if you knew anybody.”

  “Well, that’s something I might do. I could hear of someone. I’ll keep my ears to the ground and if I find a suitable man … I’ll have him down there in no time.”

  I saw that it was the best I could do.

  “I wish you could see Jean-Louis. He’d be so pleased. Why don’t you come and stay with us for a few days? I assure you that there would be no possibility of your meeting Dickon. They are considering coming for Christmas but that’s way ahead.”

  He hesitated and said he would think about it.

  “The journey only takes two days. … Not a lot of time really. Do think very seriously about it, James.”

  He did and at length decided that he would accompany us.

  I was delighted, although my scheme had failed. I don’t know why I had felt that I had to come to London to see James. I had been convinced that something good would come out of it, and the good must be that he would come back to us.

  The Forsters, who had taken a liking to James—and he to them—were very pleased to hear that he was going to travel back with us. “First, though,” said Isabel, “we must remember that we were having a jaunt to London and we must take advantage of the opportunity to do those things which we could not do at home.

  “Charles,” she said, “you know how you always liked the theater. What if we all went to Drury Lane?”

  Everyone agreed that that would be an excellent idea and accordingly I found myself seated in the stalls with Charles next to me, enjoying every moment, for it was a privilege to see the great Garrick perform. Charles, who had evidently been an ardent theatergoer at some time, was very knowledgeable about the stage. He told me that the best performance he had ever seen was that of Peg Woffington playing with Garrick in the Beaux’ Stratagem.

  “Alas,” he said, “she is no more, though only a few years ago she was striding across the boards full of vitality. A great actress, and she and Garrick, you know, were lovers. It was believed they would marry. It was a surprise to us all when he left Peg for that foreign dancer … Eva Maria Violetti.”

  Much of his melancholy had lifted. I had noticed that when we had driven through London. He pointed out certain landmarks to me almost with pride. I thought: This was once his home and he loved it.

  I was carried away by the play and the players and I sensed that my enthusiasm pleased him. He said: “I once knew actors … I was a great theatergoer in my young days. Mind you, it’s a hard life. They look so pleased with themselves when they can win the approval of the audience that you’d think they hadn’t a care in the world beyond that. The reality is somewhat different.”

  I said: “Surely you were never on the stage?”

  He gave a sudden laugh. “Me? Good heavens, no.” Then the mask seemed to slip over his face and his mood changed. I longed to know what had happened to him to make him so withdrawn, for I was sure something had. I was intrigued because I had at times been aware of a different man peeping out from behind the mask. I wanted to bring out that man. I was burning with curiosity to know more about Charles Forster.

  We walked back through the streets to the inn.

  “Safe,” said Derek, “because there are so many of us. There are plenty of pickpockets about after dark.”

  Charles took my arm as we walked along the narrow street, not only to assure me of his protection but to keep me free of the mud which was splashed up as the coaches rattled by.

  I felt very happy that night; even though my mission in getting James to come and act as manager had failed, I could not despair and I was delighted that he had agreed to come back with us.

  We supped on cold venison and pigeon pie with muscatel wine and it all tasted delicious. I was excited by the London life and I remembered the days of my childhood when my parents had had a house in Albemarle Street and we had spent much of our time there. My father had preferred the town life; he had spent a great deal of time at his clubs and the houses of gambling friends but he too had imbued in me a love for the metropolis. I did not realize until this moment how much I had missed it although I had paid other visits to London before.

  We discussed the play. Charles seemed to have thrown off his melancholy once more and spoke of it, criticizing certain points, praising others.

  “You are so knowledgeable,” I said.

  “Oh yes,” said Isabel, smiling at her brother-in-law. “I always enjoy going to the theater when Charles is a member of the party.”

  “I hope that is no reflection on me,” said Derek.

  “Of course not, idiot,” said Isabel. “I like the way in which Charles brings out certain things, making it more of an experience.”

  “I always thought that the best part of an evening at the theater was the aftermath—when the play and players are on trial, as it were.”

  “The inquest,” said Derek.

  “Just imagine,” pointed out Charles, “Cromwell shut down the theater. He might have known the people would never accept that.”

  “It was his first step to destruction,” put in James. “Thank goodness we’re at peace at last.”

  “There is eve
ry sign that we are not taking advantage of the peace,” said Charles. “We need Pitt. But he goes into retirement worn out by a war which could be said to have been won by his wise policies … and we’ve had years of unwise government … not helped by the king.”

  “Charles gets very fierce on the subject of the colonies,” said Isabel to me.

  I listened. I liked hearing Charles talk. He was a different man again, his eyes glowing with enthusiasm. He was passionate in his defense of Pitt; scornful in his denunciation of the policies of the government supported by the king.

  “What about the colonies, Charles?” asked Derek.

  “They’re getting restive. We shall have America up in arms against us if we don’t show a little restraint … a little common sense. But you’ll never get that from the government.”

  “I like the royal family,” said Isabel. “The king and the queen are so … homely.”

  Everybody laughed and then we were discussing our plans for departure.

  “We do have one day left to us … only one, did you realize it?” said Derek.

  “I have certain business which I must do tomorrow,” said James.

  “We have to visit the Chensons, remember?” said Isabel to Derek.

  “Oh yes … we promised we would. They don’t know you’re here, Charles, but they’ll be pleased to see you and you must come along with us, Zipporah.”

  Charles said: “I don’t think they’re expecting me and they’re certainly not expecting Zipporah. She was saying she has never been to Ranelagh. I was wondering whether I might suggest to her that we take a look at it … together.”

  I felt the color rising to my cheeks. They were all watching me, and I tried not to sound too ecstatic as I said that I had always wanted to see Ranelagh.

  That was the happiest day I had spent since that period when I had abandoned myself to the joy of being with Gerard. In a way this was similar. I was able to forget everything that had disturbed my peace of mind for years. I suppose always at the back of my mind was the fear that one day my sin would be discovered; and although I almost forgot it for long periods it was always there as a vague shadow, an apprehension. I would sometimes remember with a jolt, and my peace of mind would be in ruins.