by Holly Jacobs
They’d been dating for months, and things were going so well. He’d held back, not wanting to rush Hayden, but he couldn’t wait any longer. He was going to ask her to marry him for the twenty-first time. Not that he was counting, or anything.
Oh, hell, who was he kidding? Of course he’d counted. Even though it had been years since he last asked her, each of her rejections had stolen a little piece of him. After the first ten, he vowed he’d stop asking at a dozen.
He’d reached fifteen when Livie was born, and swore he was done asking.
Then he told himself he wouldn’t count the times she didn’t let him get the question completely out.
He finally stopped when he’d come home for Livie’s baptism and asked yet again. And again, Hayden had rejected him. That had been number twenty and he’d stopped.
After all, Hayden had told him that she didn’t need him, that she wanted him to stay in Los Angeles because his job was important. It had been, but he recognized her real reason for not accepting his proposals. She had valued his friendship, but hadn’t wanted him that way.
But things had changed.
At least, he’d hoped they’d changed.
Twenty times he’d asked, and twenty times she’d said no. He was hoping this time, the twenty-first time, broke the curse. That she’d finally come to realize that they belonged together.
Those other times he’d asked, she’d always said that she wouldn’t marry because she “had to.” He understood her point then. But this was different. Six years had passed by. They’d both changed, both grown. Both had relationships. His divorce was final and awful Alex had long since gone. She’d never seen the guy again after their tenuous start on Halloween.
This was their time. His and Hayden’s.
He knew with an unalterable certainty that Hayden was the one for him.
He reached into his pocket, fingering the small package like a talisman.
He sensed her before he saw her.
“Brian.” Just his name, that’s all she said, but it was enough to make him smile.
He stood and pulled out her chair.
“You don’t need to—” she started.
He cut her off with a chuckle. “I know.” He sat back in his own chair and hitched it closer to hers. “I even understand why you prefer to decline. You’re a competent, independent woman who’s more than capable of pulling out her own chair. What can I say? I’m a caveman. A throwback. But fact is, I like pulling out your chair and opening doors for you. I like…”
He stopped, simply mesmerized by the sight of her. She’d dressed for the evening, a strappy black dress with small silver earrings and the locket she frequently wore.
She was beautiful. He must have said the words out loud, because she said, “I’m not. You’re just biased.”
“Not a bit.”
The waiter, as he’d arranged, appeared with a bottle of Dom. Hayden glanced at the bottle, then at him. “Brian?”
The waiter poured their champagne and Brian raised his glass. “Enjoy. We’re celebrating.”
Hayden raised her glass and clinked it against his. “Something nice at work? Did the committee agree with your recommendations?”
Brian had dug into his new position, working with the existing children’s welfare system he’d come up with a proposal to streamline things, reducing the paperwork for the social workers and adding a layer of checks and balances. His goal was to see that no child fell through the cracks.
He nodded. “They liked it and I think it’s going to make a difference, but that’s not what we’re celebrating.”
She didn’t ask again. She simply waited, much like his mother would have. Waited for him to find the words and share the news.
“Hayden, I planned to do this after our meal, but I can’t. Uh…” He faltered, despite the fact he’d rehearsed this in his head so many times. He took a deep breath, and started again. “We’ve known each other since I was twelve and you were eight. We’ve fought for each other, and with each other. We’ve been friends, best friends. We’ve made a beautiful daughter together. These last few months, since I came home…the two of us, together. Well, it’s been special.”
He ran out of steam and tried to formulate the next words. To put them together in such a way that she’d agree—that she couldn’t resist.
She took his hand. “Six months, Bri. It’s been six months since Halloween. They’re some of the most incredible times of my life.”
“I think we should tell Mom and Livie we’ve been dating.” He braced himself for her inevitable protest and tried to prepare his strategy. He was ready for a fight.
Hayden surprised him by nodding. “I’ve been worried about what would happen, that they could be hurt, if we were dating and ended up falling apart, but yes, you’re right. We can’t keep hiding that we’re together.”
Well, that was one part down, next came the bigger challenge. “But I don’t think we should just tell them we’ve been dating. I think we should tell them…”
He groped in his pocket, pulled out the package and pushed it toward her. “Open it.”
“Bri?” She stared at the small box with a deer-in-the-headlight look—unsure what to do.
He just nudged it closer and hoped.
Her hands shook as she took the package, pulled the bow and freed the small velvet box. She opened it with agonizing slowness, stared at it a moment, then looked up at him. “Brian?”
“Mom gave me my grandmother’s ring years ago and told me I could give it to my wife if I wanted, or save it. I didn’t give it to Lisa. Maybe that says something about us, something I should have listened to right up front. I mean, I know she wanted something ostentatious, but…” He paused. “I guess it’s bad form to bring up an ex-wife when you’re proposing.”
The box clattered to the table. “You’re proposing?”
“That’s what the ring is. A proposal. I want you to marry me.”
“Bri, I’ve said that I wouldn’t marry because I ‘had’ to—”
He didn’t let her finish, couldn’t bear to hear the word no again. “Dammit, Hayden, there’s no have-to’s here. There’s you and me, and what we have…what we’ve always had.”
“You stopped me too soon. I was going to say, all the other times you asked, I said I wouldn’t marry because I had to. I wanted it all. Maybe that was selfish. I don’t know. I didn’t want a marriage of necessity for us, or for Livie. I wanted the real deal. The till-death-do-us-part sort of thing.”
“I can give you that.” It wasn’t a rash promise, easily made, easily broken. It was the complete and utter truth.
She took the ring from the box and handed it to him, then extended her ring finger. “I know you can give me that, and if you ask me properly, I can give you my answer.”
That horrible tightness in his chest loosened. He started to get out of his seat, so he could get down on one knee, but she laughed. “I don’t think the kneeling thing is necessary. You’ll wrinkle your very nice pants.”
He’d kneel. He’d sit. He’d stand.
Hell, he’d juggle flaming swords.
He’d do whatever she asked, if only this time, she’d say yes.
So because she’d asked, he stayed seated, took her hand in his left one, and slid the ring toward her finger. “Hayden MacNulty, I love you and can’t imagine my life without you in it. Will you marry me?”
“Brian Conway, I’d be honored.” She nudged her finger forward, through the ring and nestled it in place. She admired how it looked there.
Brian was thankful she was momentarily distracted because he needed a minute to collect himself, to realize she’d said yes.
Just in case he’d misunderstood, he double checked. “Yes? You did say yes, right? You know I was asking you to marry me, asking you to spend the rest of your life with me, and you said yes and agreed, right?”
She took both of his hands in hers, then leaned across the table and kissed him, full out with no reservations.
>
She kissed him until he knew beyond a doubt she’d agreed.
When they broke apart, she said the words he hadn’t realized he’d been waiting to hear.
“I love you, Bri. I love the way you make me feel. Love the way you look at me. You’re the other half of my whole.”
She laughed and looked embarrassed. “That was a bit over the top, but I guess you get the picture.”
“Got it and liked it. I know it’s the same for me.”
She smiled.
If asked, Brian wouldn’t be able to say what it was they talked about through dinner. He wasn’t even sure what he was eating. All he knew was, as he sat next to Hayden, his engagement ring flashed on her hand as she ate.
She’d said yes.
He couldn’t get over the marvel of it.
As they finished their dessert he shook himself from his happy fog and put together a real thought. “Now we’re really going to have to talk to Mom and Livie. It’s going to be a bit of a shock.”
“A good shock, I think,” Hayden said. “After all Livie’s machinations, she’ll be thrilled. They’ll both be happy for us.”
Brian agreed. He thought his mother and daughter would be thrilled, but what if they weren’t? Would that be enough to keep Hayden from saying yes? Would she change her mind?
The road they’d taken to get here had been filled with twists and turns. He didn’t want any more. They deserved a happy ending. They deserved to live with their daughter and be a family.
They were both quiet on the short drive to his mom’s house, and as they got out of the car and walked up to the front door, Hayden slipped her hand into his.
It was such a simple gesture. Brian remembered all the times Hayden had held his hand when they were younger, but after he left for college, that had stopped.
He’d missed it.
Her hand in his felt right.
How could he have not known that before?
She toyed with the locket around her neck, slipping it back and forth along its chain.
He squeezed her hand, hoping to calm her.
“Nervous?” she whispered. Before he could say anything, she added, “I am.”
He didn’t answer the question. He just said, “I don’t expect there’s going to be a problem. They’ll be surprised, of course, but they’ll be pleased.”
“I hope so. Standing here is only prolonging things. Let’s go.”
“Wait. First, let’s…” He leaned down and kissed her. Kissed her as he’d wanted to back in the restaurant. Deep. Hard. As if he wanted to imprint himself on her lips, make her remember, no matter what reaction his mother and their daughter gave them, that they belonged together.
As the kiss slowed, moving to something softer and more tender, Hayden snuggled into his chest, so close that it was hard to tell where he left off and she began.
“I love you.” Her words were muffled against his shirt.
“Pardon me? I’m not sure I heard what you said. Could you repeat it?”
She laughed. “Ah, I forgot. You’re four years older than me. Four years closer to retirement, to needing a hearing aid.” Slowly, articulating carefully with a huge grin on her face. “Brian Conway, I-love-you.”
“And I—”
The door popped open and Livie stood there. “Daddy, you brought Mommy home from her date with awful Alex.”
Hayden looked up at him, then back at Livie. “Honey, I never said I had a date with Alex. I haven’t even thought about him in months.”
Livie tugged at her mother’s hand. “But you were all dressed up?”
His mom came up behind Livie and gave him a questioning look, then reached down and took Livie’s hand. “Livie, why don’t you let your parents come in off the porch?”
They all assembled in the living room. Livie chirped about her evening with her grandmother. Something about McDonald’s, ice cream and popcorn.
Normally, Brian savored these moments. Despite his nightly phone calls, he’d missed all those years in California. Tonight, all he could do was think about telling everyone he was going to marry Hayden. Once the words had been said out loud, he knew Hayden wouldn’t back out.
“Mom, Livie, would you both have a seat? We have something we want to tell you.”
He saw the moment his mother spotted the ring on Hayden’s finger. The dawning of understanding and the quick blossoming of a smile indicated she was as pleased as he’d thought she’d be.
“Brian and I,” Hayden said, taking the lead. She looked at Livie. “Your daddy and I have been dating. We didn’t want to tell you both in case things didn’t work out.”
Both Livie and Kathleen started laughing, as if on cue.
“What?” Brian and Hayden asked in unison.
Despite her glee, his mom said, “Hayden and Brian, Livie and I are so glad that neither of you had your hearts set on being international spies because—”
Livie interrupted, bounding from her seat next to his mom and onto the couch between them. “We knew you were dating.”
“But, you just asked about Alex.”
“Awful Alex was a red bear. I know he’s gone.” Livie sounded more like an amused adult than a six-year-old.
Brian knew Hayden had to be feeling just as confused as he did. “Red bear?”
“Red herring. Something to throw you off the track,” his mom clarified. “We didn’t want you both to know we knew you were dating. We knew you wanted your privacy, and we understood that.”
“Nana ’splained it all to me. So Nana and me pretended we didn’t know, but we did. That makes us trickier than you.”
“That certainly does,” Brian assured his daughter. “But we’re still tricky enough to know something you two don’t.”
Hayden reached over and took his hand. Again, he felt the rightness of the gesture. Holding her. Touching her. How had he gone so long without her?
His mom glanced again at Hayden’s ring, then back at him, her eyes twinkling with delight.
He laughed. “Okay, so maybe your Nana’s still trickier, but your mom and I have outgunned you, Livie.”
“We hope you’re as happy about our news as we are.” Hayden turned to him and he nodded. “Livie, your dad and I are going to get married.”
Brian wasn’t the sort of man who cried. He’d learned long ago to tuck most of his feelings away and keep them to himself. He’d never shed a tear when his father left, when he moved, when his marriage failed.
But at this moment, hugging his mother, his daughter and Hayden, his emotions were closer to the surface than normal.
When his mother kissed him, she said, “I’m glad you’ve finally come to your senses.” Then she turned to Hayden, kissed her cheek and said, “Welcome home, darling. You’ve always been the daughter of my heart and I’m glad you’ll be my daughter-in-law finally.”
At that one tender gesture, Brian brushed at his eye, telling himself it was only dust, but knowing he was lying to himself, and not really caring.
He watched as the three women in his life talking, laughing, hugging each other and him. And though he could never compete with them on a conversational level—no man could—he was pretty sure he could match each and any of them in happiness.
Match them? Hell. He could win easily. Because truly, Brian couldn’t remember a happier night in his life.
Chapter 10
“Hayden, could I have a cup of tea?” Kathleen’s voice was weak, barely above a whisper. Her skin was drawn taut on her thin—way too thin—frame. She looked almost skeletal.
Hayden forced a smile. It felt sharp and unnatural, as if she needed to control the volume of it, because if it got too big, too loud, it would shatter into a million little pieces. “Sure, tea sounds lovely. I’ll go start the water.”
In the kitchen, Hayden walked to the kitchen window while she waited for the water to a boil.
This had always been her favorite room. Large and airy, it had an old farmhouse kitchen feel to it. Bright yello
w walls, checkered cushions on the chairs. She remembered sharing hot cocoa at the table with Kathleen, talking about this and that, about all minutia that seemed so important when she was young. Kathleen gave those talks all her attention, as if what Hayden had to say was the most important thing in the world.
This house, and even more specifically, this room, had always brought her a feeling of comfort.
But not today.
She stared out the window into the backyard. It was that winter sort of brown. The trees were bare. The grass was dried and looked brittle.
That’s how Hayden felt. Dried out. Brittle. As if the slightest bump would cause her to break.
Kathleen was going to die soon.
The signs were there, big and bold.
Kathleen was going to die. It wasn’t merely an occasional intrusion, but an in-Hayden’s-face, weighing on her every second, sort of thought. She couldn’t avoid facing it because each time she walked into the room and saw Kathleen, there it was.
Hayden had taken the time off work at St. Bart’s by using all her vacation and ten years of accumulated sick time. She owed Kathleen nothing less and so much more. But being here and watching her spiral downhill at such an alarming rate was hard because Hayden knew that nothing she did would stop, or even slow the eventual outcome.
The teakettle whistled, shaking Hayden from her darkness. She welcomed the business of making tea. That much, at least, hadn’t changed. She’d done it a thousand times. She carried two mugs down the hall and pasted yet another fake smile on her face. “Here you go. I put an ice cube in yours to cool it. It’s still plenty warm, but you’re not going to burn your lips on it.”